https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 20:16:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229373 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 10:56:58 +0000 .twist. 1229373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: haha you are so funny, lady. </p> <p>I am trying to figure this exact thing out right now. My problem is that I want the person to understand what they did wrong, to teach them a lesson. But sometimes you just can't do that and they just need to live their life oblivious to their mistakes. </p> <p>I try to remind myself to just not be that way and constantly take responsibility for mistakes I make. </p> <p>Accepting that they will never recognize that they did anything wrong is proving to be a very hard pill to swallow. </p> <p>I think my situation is too fresh to come to peace with, ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229341 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 10:50:35 +0000 theonewhere 1229341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it all comes down to expectations. I've had friends let me down, and it was pretty easy to adjust my expectations ("Oh, we're not as close as I thought we were") and my behaviors. </p> <p>Unfortunately, if there's the expectation that you HAVE to see someone, I don't think there's anything wrong with also having expectations about what kind of behavior you'll allow in your life. Relationships, even in families, are a two-way street. </p> <p>Maintaining your boundaries does not equal not forgiving. Forgiveness does not mean letting someone re-trample your boundaries or pretending whatever the infraction was didn't happen. Forgiveness is about choosing to not let it eat you up. Forgiveness is for you, not the person from whom you'd like an apology. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229147 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:52:37 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1229147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I like this. I've tried it, but the problem with me is I have a hard time not caring. So even when I'm in the mindset of just being there -- no frills, nothing else ... I forget and momentarily forgive. I end up putting in effort and start caring again and the person says something f-ed up again and all the stuff I sweep under the rug is in my face. Again.</p> <p>I guess I just need to come to terms with the fact that our relationship is never going to be ideal and be fine with that. It could be worse -- she could have really been cray cray. I should be thankful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229114 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:44:06 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1229114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was thinking about writing a letter to this person. But then I realized that it'll likely open-up more discussion and thoughtless comments that I'd end up having to let go.</p> <p>@nana87: DH tells me to not think of them so much - to not care about what they say. He's good at ignoring things, most of the time completely missing it. Sigh.</p> <p>@Cherrybee: I get you. That's how it is with my mom and I deal with it because at the bottom of all of it, she's my mom and love is there. We still have disagreements, but work it out eventually. But how to deal with people I don't love?! Ahhhh lol!</p> <p>@blackbird: Maybe I should see a therapist. I'd seen one years ago during my divorce and it was one of the best things I'd done for myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229072 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:34:40 +0000 cascademom 1229072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: I feel the same way about toxic individuals who I can't end the relationship with them aka inlaws. I've definitely lowered expectations with them. I've also learned to accept that I can't change their behavior, but how I react to them. I try my hardest not to fall for her baiting behavior. In terms of my relationship with my MIL, I keep it as surface as possible, so she can't hurt me emotionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229070 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:34:20 +0000 Mae 1229070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that I just revise what that person means to me. Like if they have done something that serious and never apologized, I'm not going to sit and stew about it. I'll just realize that they are a person I may need to see/interact with but I do it with a view towards making my life comfortable/easy. They aren't my good friend (or whatever) anymore. They're just a person I chat with when it is convenient to my day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229054 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:29:49 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1229054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: I :heart: that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1229039 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:24:26 +0000 pui 1229039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Makes me think of this: </p> [attach=3198/13/mwkg0q.550x550.tumblr_ma54asT4hM1rpis3bo1_1280.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228789 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 07:32:30 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1228789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had to click on the article for more context. Anger is a killjoy and honestly the other party has moved on. While you stew in anger, resentment, and hurt the other person is just living.</p> <p>What I have found helpful is acknowledging the pain and stopping the bleeding. I don't let the same person hurt me twice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228777 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 07:13:52 +0000 Cherrybee 1228777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: What a good question. How DO you forgive someone who hasn't asked for forgiveness? We all know that anger and resentment only hurts the person who holds onto it but when the person doesn't accept that they've done wrong and, maybe, even indulges in the same behaviour time and time again how do you continue to be the better person and offer that person your continual forgiveness? </p> <p>I know in my life I hold a lot of anger towards my mum. She's a very selfish person and can't see past her own wants. This led to a bad situation when I was in my teens and I do still hold some resentment about what happened. She's not sorry because she can't see that what she did was wrong and talking to her about it just upsets her (and I end up apologising - agh!). For me, I work really hard to forgive her for *not being perfect*. Not for what she did but for not living up up to my expectations.... she can't help who she is, I guess. She has never apologised for what she did and indeed she continues to act in that way.... but I forgive her because I *choose* to. It's active - it's not a one time forgive and all forgotten - I have to make that decision every time I see her. I *choose* to forgive her. </p> <p>Does that make any sense at all??</p> <p>@mrbee: How are you so wise? You always have something calm and insightful to say. Do you read a lot of books about inner wisdom or follow Deepak Chopra on Twitter?!! Actually, I tried that once - he doesn't make a lot of sense, to be honest!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228769 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 06:51:25 +0000 blackbird 1228769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have this issue with my father. He's a narcissist and says really awful things sometimes. I was simmering over something for so long, and I couldn't shake it. Seeing a therapist was really helpful in me letting things go and not letting it eat at me. I get a lot of assurance from her in dealing with him. She steels me for his actions and has done a really solid job of training me to respond appropriately. I still get mad, but it doesn't fester like an open wound. </p> <p>I read a couple books and they were helpful, too. I think, for me, a lot of confirmation about the toxic individual was helpful. Education is power, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228768 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 06:50:47 +0000 nana87 1228768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: ahhhh I just wrote a really long response out, and my internet timed out so it disappeared! booooo!!</p> <p>the short version of what I wrote is that it helps me cope to have an ally--dh knows when his parents are being ridiculous so it's easier to let it roll off my shoulders. but, it also helps to know that they mean well: it's always unintentional/unconscious. I don't know if I'd be able to accept it if it was meant with malice or mean-spirited and I didn't get an apology </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228759 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 06:34:14 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1228759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I need to mediate on this. Like, for reals.</p> <p>@nana87: "<i>accept it and quietly simmer</i>" -- that is my problem! I've been quietly simmering for a long time now and it doesn't end when every once in awhile, they keep fueling the fire :sad:</p> <p>I've dealt with toxic individuals before and have broken away from them (some harder to do than with others). But what if you can't just break away from it? It's so much more difficult to to deal with and I'd love to hear advice on how to cope. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228756 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 06:19:19 +0000 nana87 1228756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the article, but I think sometimes it's about lowering your expectations from the person? Like, people always say, you can't control others' behaivor, only how you react to it. Unfortunately, for me at least, that means that I sometimes kind of give up on the relationship, or put less of my energy/time into maintaining it. </p> <p>Like, I was really mad at someone I considered one of my best friends (my college roomate) the year after college, but when I realized she wasn't going to admit how she'd messed up, much less apologize for it, I stopped making an effort. Now we're very friendly when we see each other, but I don't keep contact regularly. </p> <p>Other times it's harder. My in-laws can be VERY defensive, they will never admit they're being inconsiderate about anything, especially not to dh. We are much easier going than they are so we just kind of accept it and quietly simmer....probably not the healthiest! But it helps a little that we just know they're going to react badly to us trying to confront them, so we choose our battles carefully and try to anticipate their reaction...but I foresee having my feelings hurt more now that there will be a baby involved! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228754 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 06:14:56 +0000 mrbee 1228754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: I try to view it less in terms of an apology, and more in terms of not letting anger eat away at me? Anger can be a poison, so I try to let go of it before it consumes me!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-accept-an-apology-you-never-got#post-1228735 Wed, 20 Nov 2013 05:19:32 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1228735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><b>“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”</b></p> <p>Taken from this inspiring article: <i>The 20 Things You Need To Let Go To Be Happy</i><br /> <a href="http://elitedaily.com/life/20s-things-you-need-to-let-go-to-live-happy-life/" rel="nofollow">http://elitedaily.com/life/20s-things-you-need-to-let-go-to-live-happy-life/</a></p> <p>But how do you do that when you have to see these people on a regular basis? </p>