https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 22:40:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198378 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 21:46:59 +0000 Honeygold89 1198378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Danizaur: you know it's funny because before it happen to me I probably would have said the same things too but I was never in that situation and when it did happen to that's when everybody started telling me their stories about their m/c that I never knew about so it was crazy. But that would be a better idea to maybe call or text rather then bring it up at the baby shower which I'm sure it's gonna be hard for her to attend </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198377 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 21:46:44 +0000 MamaMoose 1198377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Danizaur: it's so hard to know. I didn't want anyone to talk about it unless I brought it up. If I were you I would make statements rather than questions so she's not forced to respond. Say things like "I hope you're feeling ok, I'm here for you if you need anything, even just to talk". That's vague, and acknowledges that she is going through a loss without specifically mentioning it. It's also much better than "how are you holding up?" Etc which forces her to answer when she may not want to talk about it at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198363 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 21:41:56 +0000 Chastenet 1198363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People process the grief differently. Some don't want to talk about it, for me it helped to share and talk about it. I would agree with pp.'s who have said you should acknowledge the loss, tell her you heard and are so sorry and if she wants to talk about it you're there for her, if she doesn't you understand. I also agree with Mrs Koala that it might be a good idea to call her instead of bringing it up at the shower where she may be trying really hard to put on a happy face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198357 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 21:39:19 +0000 artsyfartsy 1198357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeygold89: I will definitely not say those things. Before HB I would have thought they were nice things to say but now I'm glad I know different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198353 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 21:35:22 +0000 Honeygold89 1198353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's really hard to say because with mines in march I didn't want people to keep bringing it up to me but it is always nice to check on her and ask if she's ok and if she needs anything because everyone is different but with me I hated when people said, " it'll be alright, or don't worry you'll get pregnant again, or you'll have another baby" and those were the worst cause I felt like they were saying that the baby I lost was nothing and replaceable which is crazy I know but that was just my mind frame then but as you know I'm preggo now and that and time was the only thing that eased my pain from the first lost </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198083 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:16:37 +0000 artsyfartsy 1198083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IcebergMom: Interesting to know that you wanted people to acknowledge it! That's good to keep in mind. I wasn't sure if the best thing was to just stay quiet about it and let her move on or to say something.<br /> @Arden: I want her to know that I am sorry and thinking of her in the situation and to acknowledge her hurting and the loss of her child, I'm just afraid I'll be the 100th person to acknowledge it and she will be sensitive from hearing it all day if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198081 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:16:13 +0000 lilteacherbee 1198081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks last year. Everyone is different, but for me, it hurt worse when people who were "close friends" completely ignored it. The first couple of weeks, I didn't talk to anyone because it was too new, but then after that it actually made me feel better when people would ask how I was doing. A hug and a "I'm here if you ever wanna talk or hang out" went a long way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198073 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:11:32 +0000 Arden 1198073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't been there myself so I don't know for sure, but I'd expect that it would hurt more to have someone ignore your loss than to bring it up again. I think acknowledging it would probably be appreciated. </p> <p>But I'd do it carefully so that she doesn't have to talk about it if she doesn't want to - just a hug and a "I'm thinking of you, let me know if you want someone to talk with or just hang out with on a bad day." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198072 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:11:22 +0000 LalaYes 1198072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just give her some loves, she may be feeling a little sensitive at the shower. It sounds like you are off to a great start by wanting to be kind. Some people don't understand that it's a loss, even though she was at 9 weeks, women fall in love with their babies so quickly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198058 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:00:33 +0000 chopsuey 1198058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend had a miscarriage and I gave her a hug and just told her I was sorry. I didn't bring it up and let her take the lead. When she brought it up, I listened and responded.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1198055 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 18:58:49 +0000 IcebergMom 1198055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost one last November (wow. It's been a year) and I found the most hurtful thing was people knowing and not acknowledging it in some way. As long as she knows you care. You don't need to have a conversation about it - i sure didn't want to. But even getting texts and hugs was great. She'll be happy you made an attempt -- whatever it is. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1197734 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 16:05:17 +0000 MrsKoala 1197734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd send her a text or call her (depending on how close you are) and tell her how sorry you are for her loss. Be willing to listen to her talk about and let her know that you are there for her. I wouldn't bring it up at the shower but don't walk on eggshells around her either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1197724 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 16:02:37 +0000 pui 1197724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ask her how she is and just be friendly to her. I wouldn't bring it up. If she brings it up, listen and tell her that you are there for her if she needs anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-approach-a-friend-who-just-had-a-miscarriage#post-1197719 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 16:01:22 +0000 artsyfartsy 1197719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a HS friend who just lost her baby yesterday at 9 weeks. It was her first pregnancy and she had just announced it a few days ago. I'll be seeing her at a shower next week and I'm wondering how should I approach her? This is honestly the first experience with loss I've had and I'm so sad for her.</p> <p>Should I ask her how she is? Should I mention the loss? Should I just not say anything about it as to not remind her about it? I want to be sensitive to her loss and let her know that I care but I don't want to keep bringing it up to her either, especially if I'm the 100th person to ask her how she's doing. </p>