https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 09:27:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1810635 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 21:21:00 +0000 LalaLove 1810635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>#3 makes me laugh. Didn't it always seem like in hs the girls who would say, "I'm mostly friends with guys" were the ones that flirted with everyone's boyfriends? :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1810593 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 20:55:25 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1810593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It has always confounded me how mean everyone can be. I've had the same best friend since the 3rd grade &amp; while we've had our share of tiffs, our relationship had never been dramatic. She is the beat, most wonderful, loving person &amp; I'm lucky to have her because of her I know how to be &amp; how to keep good friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1810517 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 20:09:39 +0000 Raindrop 1810517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting.</p> <p>I saw a Jennifer Lawrence quote once (tried to find it but failed), it went something like. I never hang out with a girl that has no girl friends because girls don't like to hang out with b*tches and if you have no girl friends you are probably a b*tch. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1809371 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 11:10:01 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1809371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes to 4 and 5b, though much of this seems like common sense and I have never really found it hard to be friends with other women, just hard to make/connect with new ones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1809354 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 11:04:20 +0000 .twist. 1809354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most of these seem like items you should do in any relationship, not just with women. </p> <p>I had a friend once who, when asked "How's it going?", would say "fine". I never really thought anything about it until years later into our friendship and she blew up at me saying that I never cared about her and when she said she was "FINE" she was never really "FINE". If you aren't fine, SAY SO. I don't have time for that shiz, and I'm not about to poke and prod at you to make you tell me what's REEEEEEALLY going on. When I say I'm fine, I'm fine. That's it. If I'm terrible, you'll know! </p> <p>I feel like, if we are good enough friends, I don't need you to have to dig to find out what's going on in my life. If anything, you'll be the first to know because I care about your opinion/advice/sympathy/whatever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1809252 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 10:28:18 +0000 MrsSCB 1809252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: AMEN. I always roll my eyes at the "I'm only friends with guys because I don't get along well with girls" people. I always want to ask: Does it seem more likely that every other woman ever is to blame...or you are to blame? What's the common denominator between all your relationships with women? Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1809248 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 10:25:29 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1809248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Hear, hear! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808990 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 08:52:17 +0000 blackbird 1808990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ain't nobody needs "friends" like that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808976 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 08:47:08 +0000 Anagram 1808976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I agree, but I think some people don't totally understand how not to be a dick. I mean..you know, they always feel like their personal situation trumps anything else.</p> <p>Whaaaaa, I'm stuck in a temporary crap job, please don't talk about your awesome new bonus. Don't complain about your husband to me...at least you HAVE a husband. Who cares if your MIL keeps using her emergency key to let herself into your house...I wish my mother in law cared about me!</p> <p>That type of thing, haha. ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808955 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 08:40:47 +0000 meredithNYC 1808955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: Absolutely. Drama-instigators are the ones most likely to complain about "drama". If you are really anti-drama you avoid such situations/take the high road. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808819 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 08:02:41 +0000 wonderstruck 1808819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally agree! Honestly, whenever I hear someone say the whole, "I'm only friends with guys because girls are so bitchy and so much drama!", I inwardly roll my eyes and assume said person probably actually creates drama. For some reason, the only people I know who feel the need to often state how much they hate drama are always the ones finding and creating it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808797 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 07:57:04 +0000 blackbird 1808797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This list makes the concept of making friends look like a lot of work, lol. I prefer the "don't be a dick" method :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808688 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 06:59:03 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1808688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This needs to circulate to young women so they can have lifelong happiness with good girlfriends. </p> <p>I live by #5 in all my friendships, makes #13 easier to accomplish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808679 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 06:53:27 +0000 Adira 1808679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>haha, love 6B!</p> <p>And these are great! Totally agree with all of these! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808653 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 06:39:37 +0000 Anagram 1808653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kimberlybee: yeah, the Vietnamese way is much more lyrical. But the meaning is the same! Love it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808510 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 23:55:45 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1808510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was great! I love my girlfriends. </p> <p>@Kimberlybee: that's such a great way to put it. I love that. </p> <p>This was funny (#8) &gt;&gt;&gt; "If you want to be with an asshole, get a fresh asshole of your very own. They are abundant." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808500 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 23:35:59 +0000 Katrocap 1808500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kimberlybee: What a beautiful way to put it in Vietnamese! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808481 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 23:10:06 +0000 LalaLove 1808481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808478 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 23:05:45 +0000 MoonMoon 1808478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like it...makes me appreciate and miss my friends, many of whom live far away.</p> <p>I definitely have to check my jealousy/insecurity sometimes. Good to be reminded of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808458 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 22:31:47 +0000 Kimberlybee 1808458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very good advice! The quote on #13 is so interesting because we also have a similar quote in Vietnamese. The literal translation is "If you are near ink, you can get stained with darkness. If you are near the light, you can shine bright." The verbiage is very different but the the meaning is the essentially the same, "you are whom you surround yourself with." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808329 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 20:44:21 +0000 Anagram 1808329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My faves are 5a, 5c, 6a..and of course 6b! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman#post-1808328 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 20:43:21 +0000 Anagram 1808328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic, or competitive. This myth is like heels and purses -- pretty but designed to SLOW women down.</p> <p>1A. This is not to say women aren't bitches or toxic or competitive sometimes but rather to say that these are not defining characteristics of female friendship, especially as you get older.</p> <p>1B. If you find that you are feeling bitchy, toxic, or competitive toward the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix it and/or find someone who can help you fix it.</p> <p>2. A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology.</p> <p>3. If you are the kind of woman who says, "I'm mostly friends with guys," and act like you're proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something and less of a woman as if being a woman is a bad thing, see Item 1B. It's okay if most of your friends are guys, but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul-search a little.</p> <p>3A. If you feel like it's hard to be friends with women, consider that maybe women aren't the problem. Maybe it's just you.</p> <p>3B. I used to be this kind of woman. I'm sorry to judge.</p> <p>4. Sometimes, your friends will date people you cannot stand. You can either be honest about your feelings or you can lie. There are good reasons for both. Sometimes you will be the person dating someone your friends cannot stand. If your man or woman is a scrub, just own it so you and your friends can talk about more interesting things. My go-to explanation is "I am dating an asshole because I'm lazy." You are welcome to borrow it.</p> <p>5. Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy.</p> <p>5A. If you're having a rough go of it and a friend is having the best year ever and you need to think some dark thoughts about that, do it alone, with your therapist, or in your diary so that when you actually see your friend, you can avoid the myth discussed in Item 1.</p> <p>5B. If you and your friend(s) are in the same field and you can collaborate or help each other, do this without shame. It's not your fault your friends are awesome. Men invented nepotism and practically live by it. It's okay for women to do it too.</p> <p>5C. Don't tear other women down, because even if they're not your friends, they are women and this is just as important. This is not to say you cannot criticize other women, but understand the difference between criticizing constructively and tearing down cruelly.</p> <p>5D. Everybody gossips, so if you are going to gossip about your friends, at least make it fun and interesting. As a corollary, never say "I never lie" or "I never gossip" because you are lying.</p> <p>5E. Love your friends' kids even if you don't want or like children. Just do it.</p> <p>6. Tell your friends the hard truths they need to hear. They might get pissed about it, but it's probably for their own good. Once, my best friend told me to get my love life together and demanded an action plan, and it was irritating but also useful.</p> <p>6A. Don't be totally rude about truth telling, and consider how much truth is actually needed to get the job done. Finesse goes a long way.</p> <p>6B. These conversations are more fun when preceded by an emphatic "GIRL."</p> <p>7. Surround yourself with women you can get sloppy drunk with who won't draw stupid things on your face if you pass out, and who will help you puke if you over celebrate, and who will also tell you if you get sloppy drunk too much or behave badly when you are sloppy drunk.</p> <p>8. Don't flirt, have sex, or engage in emotional affairs with your friends' significant others. This shouldn't need to be said, but it needs to be said. That significant other is an asshole, and you don't want to be involved with an asshole who's used goods. If you want to be with an asshole, get a fresh asshole of your very own. They are abundant.</p> <p>9. Don't let your friends buy ugly outfits or accessories you don't want to look at when you hang out. This is just common sense.</p> <p>10. When something is wrong and you need to talk to your friends and they ask you how you are, don't say "Fine." They know you're lying and it irritates them and a lot of time is wasted with the back-and-forth of "Are you sure?" and "Yes?" and "Really?" and "I AM FINE." Tell your lady friends the truth so you can talk it out and either sulk companionably or move on to other topics.</p> <p>11. If four people are dining, split the check evenly four ways. We are adults now. We don't need to add up what each person had anymore. If you're high rolling, just treat everyone and rotate who treats. If you're still in the broke stage, do what you have to do.</p> <p>12. If a friend sends a crazy e-mail needing reassurance about love, life, family, or work, respond accordingly and in a timely manner even if it is just to say, "GIRL, I hear you." If a friend sends you like thirty crazy e-mails needing reassurance about the same damn shit, be patient because one day that's going to be you tearing up Gmail with your drama.</p> <p>13. My mother's favorite saying is "Qui se ressemble s'assemble." Whenever she didn't approve of who I was spending time with, she'd say this ominously. It means, essentially, you are whom you surround yourself with.</p> <p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/roxane-gay-/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman_b_5595520.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/roxane-gay-/how-to-be-friends-with-another-woman_b_5595520.html</a> </p>