https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 04:23:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849362 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 00:47:14 +0000 Calibee 2849362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would wait and see what he does once you know what you’re having. He might be “joking” and not knowing how annoying his comments might be to a momma to be. I wouldn’t make waves until you know he’s really going to be a jerk about this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849350 Thu, 04 Oct 2018 22:06:49 +0000 MamaBear87 2849350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: I wanted to be team green but hubby is adamantly against so well find out. Just found out the nipt will be 100 covered so well likely know for my daughters birthday party </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849349 Thu, 04 Oct 2018 21:54:03 +0000 Amorini 2849349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: If you think he just had the “one of each” syndrome, I’d find the most humorous way to play it up and make a big deal out of how goofy he is to say that. And I’d go team green to really rub it in. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849337 Thu, 04 Oct 2018 20:13:47 +0000 annem1990 2849337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My IL's have a huge boy bias. All of the grandchildren (so far) are boys, DH only has brothers and FIL only has brothers. They are very proud of this and have lots of "Boys will be boys" type posters, picture frames etc. around their house. They boast how they only make boys. EYEROLL. DH and his brothers aren't like this. It's his parents.</p> <p>I feel like if there were to be a girl born to us or my SIL's, she would not be treated the same. They are very kind and caring people, they just wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I can tell they like being an "All boy" family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849328 Thu, 04 Oct 2018 19:49:54 +0000 MamaBear87 2849328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: he doesn't really have a true bias (he adores our daughter). I think it's more the one of each syndrome. That's terrible that your grandpa called you he once you were born. </p> <p>@pachamama: I've made a few gentle comments. It's just really starting to get under my skin </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849326 Thu, 04 Oct 2018 19:41:09 +0000 pachamama 2849326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate comments like that and I think they're really damaging. The world does not need more sexism and that's exactly what it is. So eventually I know I would have to kind of snap back "your son's jiz determines sex so blame it on him."<br /> Jk.<br /> I'd be like "you know, it's sooo crazy to imagine, but you actually have no choice regarding gender!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849121 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 23:36:15 +0000 PurplePeony 2849121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was the first girl born on both sides of the family. On one side, there were already 3 boys and my grandpa was adamant that he would only have grandsons. After I was born, he refused to recognize that I was a girl and called me “he” or “him” for months. Not as a joke, either. I know it drove my parents insane (my mom was still kind of exasperated when she told me about it 20-some years later), but my grandpa eventually came around and we ended up being quite close. I totally understand why it upsets you, but unfortunately you might just have to power through until he gets over himself...it’s an ugly thing that he has such a bias, but chances are good that once the baby is here, he will love it no matter the sex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849106 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 21:43:35 +0000 Mrsbells 2849106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: wow thats really inappropriate that he jokes about trading in a girl. If I was in your shoes I would have DH talk to him </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849059 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 17:57:17 +0000 MamaBear87 2849059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonJack: were mostly ignoring it. It's just obnoxious. </p> <p>@Ms.Mermaid: that sounds awful! His comments are nothing like that thankfully. And I think once we know sex it will be fine. It's just annoying in the meantime </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849057 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 17:50:26 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2849057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have the opposite problem in my family, in that my Dad had two girls and has a clear bias against boys, has made regular comments that boys are just dumb, blah blah blah. When we went to visit my sister after she had her baby, he was holding our daughter so I could hold the new baby and said, "that's your cousin! he's a boy! I know, all boys are morons." And I just lost it and said, "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" and he tried to play it off as a joke but he's made shitty comments like that enough that it's real, and it's persisted as my nephews have grown up. He sometimes shows a preference for my daughter and talks about how smart she is, etc. and I have told him to shove it.<br /> He's spent the last couple of days on FB talking about how horrible boys are rg sexual assault, etc. and royally pissing off my sister. He also likes to dig at my sister about how she didn't name her second son after my mom, and therefore she doesn't get the spoons that have that name engraved on them. She yelled at him about it and stormed out the last time, but it was at Thanksgiving this past year and her kid is 3. </p> <p>We are team green with our second and I think my dad thinks/hopes it is another girl and I honestly don't even know what I'm going to do either way because I can't deal with him having such a preference for my kids, but I also can't deal with how much pressure, etc. will be on my DD to meet his bizarre expectations, with her being the only girl. </p> <p>I think the answer is next time he says anything like that, you just look at him very calmly and say, "I don't know if you're joking but I don't find this funny and I want it to stop." (That is what I had to do to get my Dad to stop saying shit like, "blue eyes are clearly superior"...my DD has blue eyes and my nephews have brown eyes....) My sister also told my Dad the last time he said something that she didn't want to hear any more talk about boys not being as smart as girls and he has curbed it. I think he also knows not to say that in front of my nephews now that they are older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849041 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 16:46:19 +0000 LemonJack 2849041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would really bother me! I think I’d ignore it or just constantly correct him by saying you don’t care at all what you have.</p> <p>We have two girls and I LOVE that my girls have a sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849033 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 16:18:20 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2849033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: thanks, it is frustrating at times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849028 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:59:55 +0000 Sams Mom 2849028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: I am 1 of 3 girls, we went hunting &amp; fishing with my dad from a young age. I worked on engines with my dad &amp; uncle from the age of 8-18. He will find a way to bond/relate to your baby. I know my dad loves my son no matter what, but it was actually a learning curve for him to deal with a little boy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849012 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:25:30 +0000 MamaBear87 2849012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: haha exactly. You've got a 50 percent chance of being right :bummed: </p> <p>@Sams Mom: I'm hoping he's just looking for a way to connect with the baby and it will disappear once we know. Trying to convince hubby to do nipt but thus far were waiting for anatomy scan </p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: that would so gall me. Sorry you have to deal with it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849005 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:19:31 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2849005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: we have said things with the ruder comments but gotten "it's just a joke" crap. So we don't bother anymore, there's no changing them. ☹️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2849004 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:18:53 +0000 MrsSCB 2849004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: Oh, geez, I always roll my eyes at people who think they "know" stuff like that. Well, there aren't exactly a lot of options sooooo...not that hard to be right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848999 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:16:46 +0000 Sams Mom 2848999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: I think if they're that close, she'll always be Grandpa's girl, even if #2 is a boy. But knowing that they're attached at the hip, I would be willing to bet he says boy because everyone always naturally seems to want you to have one of each. Once you know, and you're not team green, he'll have time for it to soak in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848998 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:16:24 +0000 MamaBear87 2848998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skinnycow: i also have a slight girl preference. Mostly because I think boys are so high energy and that scares me. I also don't get why we still care about sex. Babies are just awesome! </p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: see that would make me insane. If it continues after we know sex and he keeps having a clear preference I will definitely say something less than nice </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848997 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:14:17 +0000 MamaBear87 2848997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: he adores my daughter, like they're connected at the hip whenever we visit. So I'm even more at a loss. Like if we have a boy is he going to pay less attention to my daughter? </p> <p>I think he really just doesn't get how it sounds. Hopefully once we know it will be less of a thing. We'd never cut off contact over this so that's not a valid comment from my side. Hubby is a wuss when it comes to telling his parents no/we don't like whatever so it always falls to me </p> <p>@MrsSCB: thanks for the commiseration. I hope you have more tactful family. I've said a few times that were just so happy to be having another. I don't think it helped that his buddy "who's always right" about baby sex says boy :silly: (because 50/50 odds are so hard) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848996 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:11:14 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2848996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: My dad and his side of the family was like this. We just ignored a lot of it. It's annoying, even though we did have a boy with that pregnancy. I still get jokes about too many girls, about how many we have, blah blah blah. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848994 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:09:43 +0000 skinnycow 2848994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but I'm sorry. That sucks.</p> <p>FWIW, I have a slight preference for another girl if I get pregnant and my family thinks I'm nuts (obviously I'll be happy either way though). I don't understand why people think a family of all girls or all boys is unfortunate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848993 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:06:33 +0000 MrsSCB 2848993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, this is frustrating. We have a boy, and I just know everyone will be hoping this second baby is a girl. They're tactful enough to not say anything (I think...) but even just knowing that's the case stresses me out. I'd be so much more annoyed if they were actually harping on it out loud. Can your husband say anything to get him to knock it off? Or if you want to be gentle, something like, "Well, we're just hoping for a healthy baby, we'll be happy no matter what the sex"? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848989 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:01:52 +0000 Sams Mom 2848989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think/hope a lot of it is talk and grandpa will be a big ole softy in love with another baby girl. BUT, if that is not the case, just remind him that it's his son's fault because gender is up to him. </p> <p>I kid, kind of. </p> <p>Seriously though, if he takes it too far just tell him straight up what you said here. You're happy to be having another regardless of boy or girl. If he can't be happy about it, he doesn't have to see her, or the rest of you. I would say a shock like that will straighten him out and realize that another grandbaby no matter what is fantastic. </p> <p>This might not be the best advice because I have never been gentle about anything with my FIL, but that is his personality and he doesn't even pick up on anything less than direct. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-family-boy-bias#post-2848983 Wed, 03 Oct 2018 14:55:11 +0000 MamaBear87 2848983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My fil is dead set on our second baby being a boy. He mentions it every time we talk to him. He even joked that if it's a girl maybe we should trade her in. I love my fil dearly but this is really starting to bother me. Anyone have suggestions for gentle reminders that being dead set on a specific sex is not OK? </p> <p>Hubby and I are totally on the same page. We're just grateful to have a second on the way and will be jazzed about either sex. And none of the rest of the family has mentioned anything. I just don't want to end up resenting my fil over something we don't have control over </p>