https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 18:48:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888114 Wed, 19 Jun 2019 08:58:09 +0000 graceandjoy 2888114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I hope she really understands that it's not you asking for too much; it's just wanting it to be fair to both kids. </p> <p>I totally understand why she'd rather take DS; my mom would feel like she's on vacation taking DD1 vs DD2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888112 Wed, 19 Jun 2019 08:49:24 +0000 josina 2888112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: She ended up taking DS today and promising to take DD next week; I'll have to hold her to it since she hasn't taken DD from the last time she said she would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888068 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 16:56:05 +0000 ElbieKay 2888068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not put up with this. I would institute a rule that she either takes both kids, or has a plan to take each individually on different days. If she can’t do that, then she doesn’t get to pick anyone up from daycare. Favoritism is not OK. It has the potential to damage the relationship between your two kids.</p> <p>I don’t have a lot of patience for MIL drama and I am admittedly a bit of a hard ass towards mine. I don’t trust her judgment so she doesn’t get to impose her choices and my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888065 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 14:55:46 +0000 josina 2888065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: It is, and often with her, but after a four hour message back and forth I think we got it cleared up, so at least WE are good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888064 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 14:43:57 +0000 Ajsmommy 2888064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: ugh.. too much drama for me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888058 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 13:17:42 +0000 josina 2888058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: He is 4 1/2. That was what DH said as well... that if she wants to bail on him, she should tell him, not us.<br /> @runnerd: I can get that she would only want one child at a time... which is why I suggested she take both for a shorter period and just pick them up early OR plan another day that will be DD's day. Very valid point though because she is very easily stressed out.<br /> @Mrsbells: True, my 2 year old is definitely the harder one to deal with! But the last time DS went with grandma DD cried all the way from grandma's to daycare, which breaks MY heart. Gma doesn't get to see that. </p> <p>Ugh. MIL is apparently having a breakdown and I get to bear the brunt of it right now. She's tired of her 'family' hurting her and so her answer is apparently to upset her grandchild instead of being angry at the adults in the family. And since I was the last one to see her, it's my fault I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888048 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 12:39:20 +0000 Mrsbells 2888048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I have to disagree. I have 3 children and my middle child is a 2 year old. You can easily explain things away to them or just not tell the 2 year old that the 4 year old spent the day with Grandma. I appreciate a MIL that is honest that she can only take the older child. My 2 year old is a handful and I know that can be hard for anyone to manage especially with 2 kids to keep an eye on. I would hate for her to take both but not being able to handle them.<br /> Just keep in mind that not everyone has a MIL that offers to even take one child. So that might change your perspective a bit and hopefully make you appreciate her offers even if they aren't perfectly what you want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888042 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 12:08:37 +0000 runnerd 2888042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a rough year last winter with in laws because they won’t say what they think to us and I heard some stuff second hand from SIL.</p> <p>Basically as upset as I was about it all, the realization I came to is that they WANT to be the involved grandparents but they don’t want to admit how stressful taking care of our kids is for them. They usually only take one at a time now or short outings with both.</p> <p>I had to take a step back and tell myself, regardless of what they say or what I think grandparents do (I basically lived at my grandparents as a kid bc they were so involved), they are people and they get stressed easily, and I now know their limits even if they won’t say it out loud.</p> <p>ETA: the kids ages and personalities affect their stress levels as well, so maybe your daughter is at an age that she finds makes it more stressful on her own? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888039 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 11:43:19 +0000 MaryM 2888039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How old is your DS?</p> <p>If she wants to change plans on him, I'd ask her to explain it to him directly (if he's old enough to talk to her on the phone). </p> <p>It seems like she's trying to put you in the middle and make you feel guilty, so would it help to remove yourself and have HER explain to a child why she's disappointing him? (Maybe she'll change her mind?) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888036 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 11:30:10 +0000 bakingdoodle 2888036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If she told DS she's taking him Wednesday, yes, you are right she should take him. She's making things complicated for no reason and that would stress me out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888035 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 11:26:24 +0000 josina 2888035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to tell MIL that since she told DS she was taking him Wednesday, she just needs to take him... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888033 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 11:12:25 +0000 josina 2888033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bakingdoodle: She doesn't 'have' to take care of the other grandson, they all three go to an in-home daycare, but she tends to spend a lot more time with the other grandson and my DS definitely notices it. </p> <p>Daycare is charged hourly, only if they're there, but it's not about the money, its about getting to spend time with grandma, because they all love her. I get that it's hard for her to take all 3 kids, I just wish she'd spend an equal amount of time with each one.. like if she takes DS Wednesday, then actually take DD for a full day sometime. It might be easier for me to explain to DD that DS gets to go to grandma's today, but you get to go on Friday.</p> <p>I'm not sure what the solution is, b/c this is an ongoing issue, even with the 5 older grandkids... with my stepdaughter who is 16, MIL at one point decided she wasn't going to go to ANY concerts/sports b/c it was too hard to go to ONE of each kids events. </p> <p>MIL lives with my FIL, but he's a total a$$, so I usually do feel bad for her. She has to deal with his crap constantly, and my DH can be pretty blunt about these things, I try to keep the peace. I do appreciate that she can help out sometimes, but times like this can be so frustrating! I wish my parents were closer...</p> <p>@gotkimchi: Thanks, it is tough! Their daycare is in-home so the other kids will always notice if one gets picked up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888031 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 10:54:48 +0000 gotkimchi 2888031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get this because my two kids and their cousin go to the same school and my mom picks them up a lot. If anyone is getting only one of the kids for any reason we make sure they’re in the office or we get them from a separate classroom to avoid the disruption. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888030 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 10:51:19 +0000 bakingdoodle 2888030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand your pain. You're lucky that you have an MIL who is close by! If she already has another grandson that she takes care of... then that's a lot of kids (3?) to take care of. Is she by herself? I know it's unfair but she at least told you how she felt. my DD would not bat an eye at going to daycare. It's so fun for her.<br /> I would send both kids to daycare and have her pick them up. Aren't you paying for the daycare anyway? Appreciate her (she might not do everything you want her to do... but I see it as 'not my mom' so... whatever. At least she helps when she can). My husband hates his parents so we don't see them and they are in California. My parents are in Canada so we see them a few times a year... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-my-mil#post-2888028 Tue, 18 Jun 2019 10:26:29 +0000 josina 2888028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so frustrated with my MIL right now... Sorry, this will probably be long.</p> <p>Yesterday she picked my 2 LO's up b/c daycare closed a half hour early. She tells me when I pick them up that she wants to take DS, 4, all day Wednesday, but that DD, 2 has to go to daycare. (She will pick her up at 5 b/c daycare closes early that day also).</p> <p>I told her I didn't like to do that because DD gets upset. She's just not old enough to understand why DS gets to go and she doesn't; AND MIL took DS alone a couple weeks ago and promised to take DD for a full day and has not, so DD is getting the shaft.<br /> I leave the convo. that its fine, DH will drop DS off at her house earlier, so hopefully DD doesn't get as upset.<br /> Then this morning she texts me to tell DS, sorry she can't take him, because I laid all this guilt on her and she can't deal with the heartache. I suggested she just pick them both up early from daycare so neither is upset, and she says, "If I can put a happy face on".<br /> UGH!!!</p> <p>Not to mention that her other grandson, 3, is at her house all the time, and she picks him up 3x a week while my kids cry. They all go the same daycare, and we all live next to each other.</p> <p>I'm trying to put both kids best interests in mind, and now I have to deal with her pity party on top of it.<br /> How would you deal with her? </p>