https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 11:30:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-723929 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 22:11:32 +0000 blackbird 723929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol "don't be a boob about it" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-723899 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:55:06 +0000 hummusgirl 723899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ah yes, breastfeeding-failure guilt, followed quickly by oh-my-god-I-was-starving-my-baby guilt. Good times! ;-) </p> <p>Ditto to what everyone else has said. In addition, it helped me to research what difference BF really makes in a child's overall health, and the answer (that I could find) was pretty negligible. I'll still try to BF again if I have another LO, but it will be because I want the experience, not because I really think I'd be compromising LO's health by FF (which is what I truly believed this time around, even though I was FF and am perfectly healthy). A couple resources that helped: </p> <p><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/" rel="nofollow">http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com</a></p> <p>You're doing a great job and your babies are so lucky to have you! Try not to waste this precious time wracked with guilt. You're feeding them and comforting them and loving them and that's all that matters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-723776 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:28:52 +0000 skibobrown 723776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww, it's ok!! I'm personally amazed that you're even pulling it off at all with twins. I also was not able to EBF, and I had such low supply that I only breastfed until 3 months and then switched to formula 100%. DD was getting almost all her food from formula by then anyways. I can't even describe the guilt I felt over this, but you probably understand. Once I finally got over it, I realized how happy and healthy my baby was. And I was a happier and healthier mom for not constantly stressing about supply issues. I also had so much more time to take care of DD and to take care of myself once I wasn't spending all of my time breastfeeding and then pumping. There are many perks of formula feeding, like having your husband feed the babies in the night, and not having to find time to pump when you go back to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-723683 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 19:49:44 +0000 blackbird 723683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Girl you had TWINS! Some of us, ahem, me, can't even feed ONE baby!</p> <p>I'm exclusively pumping now and making less than half of what I should. But I tell myself that formula is not poison, there are plenty of benefits to bottle feeding (DH help, I know how much she is eating, it's easier to keep on a schedule, etc), and that she will be perfectly fine in the end. She is well cared for and my sanity is more important because a happy mom can nourish her children more than an exhausted stressed out and sad mom. A few days ago, this really bothered me. Now I'm just accepting that what will be will be. She is loved and well fed. What more could you ask for? E gets formula at night and BM during the day. I'm re evaluating in a couple of weeks to see where my supply is but the formula at night is totally staying.</p> <p>You get major kudos from me for doing all you've done so far. I probably would've done formula straight from the start! You are doing a great job. Just because your body is not responding the way you want it to does NOT mean you are a bad mom. You kids will not be any worse for the wear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-723586 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 18:46:27 +0000 sarac 723586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to say that I'm so sorry you aren't able to feed your babies the way you wanted to! I think you're doing an amazing job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-722637 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 12:08:03 +0000 sunshineandsushi 722637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, do I know just exactly how you feel. This was me three months ago. I had supply issues also and really beat myself up about it for longer than I care to admit. DH and none of our family or friends judged me because of this, it all came from myself. I thought that my body was failing me and in turn, I was failing my boys because I couldn't produce enough to breastfeed them exclusively. </p> <p>But, you are absolutely not a failure. As twin mamas, our bodies are put through an amazing journey - you just grew two healthy beautiful babies at once! This is the important thing, and that's what I would try to remind myself of every day. I know it's hard, and I'll admit I wasn't good at accepting that early on either, but eventually it gets easier. </p> <p>I tried all of the supplements - More Milk Plus, fenugreek capsules, blessed thistle capsules, I ate ate lactation cookies like crazy, oatmeal, everything! And then one day I just stopped. I stopped stressing about it, I stopped beating myself up over it. And I started focusing instead on spending time with my boys and enjoying them. </p> <p>Because I had to supplement with formula from the beginning, I moved from nursing to exclusively pumping after a few weeks because in my mind it was easier to know how much formula to give them if I knew exactly how much breastmilk they were getting. And some of the positives I feel that come with EP'ing/supplementing, especially with twins, is that DH can help with feedings, especially at night! Tag teaming the feedings at night saved my sleeping sanity. Another positive I found was that I could get them on a routine earlier on and their feeding schedule became predictable, which is super helpful when you're trying to plan an outing with twins.</p> <p>I'm here if you want to talk! I promise, it gets easier and soon enough, these feelings will pale in comparison to all the wonderful things that comes with twins. </p> <p>*HUGS* </p> <p>As an aside, I really feel that the whole breastfeeding push unfairly prepared me for what was possible/realistic as a twin mama. I took a breastfeeding class while pregnant and was promised over and over, supply and demand, your body knows you had twins, etc. But the reality of what I experienced was different and I wish I had been more prepared for that before the birth. It's like lactation consultants and others (besides twin mamas who have lived it) don't want to acknowledge that there are added hurdles and challenges that accompany trying to breastfeed twins. [End of aside] </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-722235 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:25:30 +0000 swurlygurl 722235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry, I know exactly how this feels! (Although, I only have one to worry about!)</p> <p>DD is 13 weeks, and when we went to her 4 weeks appointment, she had lost 7 ounces from her birth weight - that's when I realized I wasn't making enough milk for her. The guilt consumed me for sooo long. Crying because I was starving my baby for a month, crying because I had to give her formula, crying because 'what is wrong with me this is supposed to be so natural', crying because I felt cheated out of something so beautiful and bonding... ugh.</p> <p>At 4 weeks I fed her 15 minutes each side, then gave her a bottle to fill her up, then pumped to try to build my supply - whole process took over an hour!! By 6 weeks I was EPing, and only getting 18 ounces. By 7 weeks it had dropped to 10 ounces, and I was pumping 6x a day for 40 minutes each time. Now at 13 weeks I'm back up to 18 ounces by taking an enormous amount of supplements.</p> <p>I still feel so much guilt and sadness. I don't think it will ever go away. I think I'll still be sad about it when she's an adult - I feel like it got stolen from me since I wanted to BF her soooo bad. I don't have anything against formula (I was FF, my nephew was FF and he is the best kid ever!), but it wasn't in my 'plan.'</p> <p>I'm now comfortable enough with formula (but still feel embarrassed when feeding her from a bottle in public), and happy there is something to help her - what if there was no formula?!</p> <p>If you ever feel like quitting pumping so you can enjoy your babies, don't feel bad about it! Also, don't do it rashly, if you think you might regret it. One day at a time. 1 ounce of antibodies and mother's protection is better than none. :) Set a very short term goal, and set a new one each time you make it. It's only temporary and will be over before you know it!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-722187 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:13:10 +0000 twinmama 722187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had serious serious problems with this myself. I was obsessive about building my milk supply, trying everything possible. I just never made enough. I thought eventually I'd be able to give them half of their feedings of breastmilk, but I never really even hit that, even as a stay at home mom. I had to go through a grieving process that took many months. At 9 months, I'm pretty ok with it, though I still feel a sting every time I see a woman nurse in public, or something like that. But luckily, 100% of my IRL friends and family completely understand and support me. I breastfed my kids until I was only producing drops at 7 months, and gave it my all (and sometimes more than I should have), and no one thinks I'm a failure. </p> <p>The thing is, twins are so much work on top of just the breastfeeding part. I think if a twin mom is blessed with awesome milk makers, it's work to build the supply, but you can get there. If one has less than stellar BFing boobs (like me), it's such an overwhelming task to try to EBF or anywhere close to it. When you add that in to the increased blood loss, etc from a twin birth, increased sleep loss, higher hormone crashes, and so on and so on with twins, you just have to survive. This is why some of the uber pro-BFing stuff out there bothers me so much.....that if you just work harder, you can make more milk. It's not always true, and it's not always what's best for your family. </p> <p>I took comfort in the fact that I was giving them as much as possible, for as long as possible. And I took comfort in the fact that they were growing wonderfully and are absolutely healthy and developmentally right on par. I learned to focus on the good things about my pregnancy and delivery, and the good things that I'm doing now as a mother. And eventually, I cut myself some slack. It's been a long road, but as my kids get older, it's easier to see that breastfeeding is just one part of a very big equation. There are so many things about our life that are harder because of twins, but there are so many things that are so much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-722104 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 09:40:35 +0000 regberadaisy 722104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First, a great big ((hug)) for you!</p> <p>I do know how you feel. My milk did not come in till about 3-4 days afterwards and colostrum was NOT enough for her. The whole time she was in the hospital she cried constantly until the LC suggested a SNS system and giving 1.5oz along with colostrum even though the head nurse suggested more. When we took her home she was fine for like a day. By day 4 she had cried at the top of her lungs for 6 hrs straight refusing boob, SNS, paci or bottle. At 3 am we rushed her to the ER for fear of something else. </p> <p>Turns out she was hungry. Feeling that you're starving your 4 day old baby in the middle of the night in the ER is the worst feeling ever. It was at that point that I was OK with supplementing.<br /> There's been times since when I wonder if I should have weaned her off the formula. But I think the lingering fear of "starving" her is always on the back of my mind so I can't do it.</p> <p>M turns 1 next Sunday and I will be ecstatic to say I have breastfed her for a year despite supply issues and supplementing with one bottle of formula a day. I've had notions of going till 13months to introduce cow's milk but my supply is quickly dwindling and we are giving more and more formula each day. At this point I've decided to keep up with what I can and introduce cow's milk after 12 months. I'm proud for having BF M for a year (soon!) and it helps that my husband reminds me every day and especially when I get down on myself!</p> <p>I think you should be proud of what you ARE doing. For breastfeeding TWINS, I don't know if I can do that! You are giving it your best and sometimes we just have to roll with the punches. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-722050 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 09:23:14 +0000 DillonLion 722050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: Aw, thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721974 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 09:07:58 +0000 Ginger333 721974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*hugs*</p> <p>When things don't go the way that we think they're supposed to, it can be really hard to deal. BTDT bought the T-shirt :( I was in tears reading your post, I know how it feels to want something like that so badly and not have it work out like I want it to. I'm sorry you're going through this.</p> <p>I have never had twins, I have no idea exactly what you're dealing with but mama, if there's anything I can maybe help you with (I'm a LLL leader-in-training with a ton of resources) please don't hesitate to PM me or e-mail me ... </p> <p>I can honestly tell you that I never really got over the issues I had feeding my daughter, but I have come to accept it for what it was - there was nothing more I could have done about it and there is some measure of comfort in knowing that.</p> <p>*hugs* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721899 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 08:48:38 +0000 meredithNYC 721899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry to hear you're going through this and I can totally relate. The thing that made me feel better was honestly my MIL (who would have ever thought it possible?! haha). She was with us when LO was 8-10 weeks old and I was struggling big time - both emotionally and with my supply. She was super supportive and helped me to see that I was doing the best I could for G and not only that, I was doing a great job. I really needed to hear someone "allow" me to stop beating myself up over breastfeeding because I wasn't getting that support anywhere else.</p> <p>You are doing great. Try to go easy on yourself because like all moms, you have your hands full - even double with twins! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721866 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 08:41:18 +0000 loveisstrange 721866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't able to breastfeed at all due to medical complications and I will say that yes, there was a lot of guilt and bitterness involved. C has been on formula pretty much since birth. We tried and tried to breastfeed and then I tried to exclusively pump and it just wasnt going to happen. It got to a point where the emotional strain was interfering with my bonding with her and I had to say enough is enough.</p> <p>I was angry and bitter and still kind of am a year later. I agree wholeheartedly with @artbee: breast is not best for everyone. C is healthy and gorgeous and SO smart. Formula was really the best thing for our family.</p> <p>Do what you have to do, mama. Best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721722 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 07:23:23 +0000 Smurfette 721722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, just hugs. You are doing GREAT Mom. I can't even imagine trying to feed two! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721680 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 06:55:42 +0000 matador84 721680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry! It's so much harder mentally than it seems to be. I don't have advice, but hugs for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721674 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 06:52:29 +0000 heffalump 721674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cried for days when I couldn't breastfeed. But in the end, LO was/is so so healthy! And that's what really matters. I'm a firm believer that breast isn't best for everybody, and it wasn't best for me and my LO. I did what's best for us, and I'm happy about that decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721629 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 06:13:35 +0000 looch 721629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't beat yourself up over it. I really think the world has lost its collective mind over this issue and is causing women unnecessary guilt. Formula is not evil.</p> <p>The only thing that has gotten me over it is time, the early months were rough, I won't lie, but in the end, when our kids are in kindergarten and are presenting us with other challenges, I guarantee you no one is going to blame it on not being exclusively breastfed. Try to look at the big picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721566 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 03:43:00 +0000 googly-eyes 721566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're doing great..you have TWINS!</p> <p>BFing didn't work out for me because I couldn't ever get LO to open her mouth wide enough to latch. It might be common but even when bottle feeding she could only take standard bottles well for a few months. Pumping didn't work out because the whole thing mixed in with ppd caused me to freaking lost my mind. I got over the guilt gradually. I got over it because my LO is healthy and thriving and happy! I got over it as the lessened stress helped ease the ppd. I got a lot of support here on hb and I knew I wasn't the only one whose bf plans didn't go the way they thought it would. Over time you realize it's not the be all and end all of mothering! Nutrition is spread out over a lifetime. It just gradually got to be less and less of a thing to me. Every now and then something might get to me and the guilt pops up..but it's not that often. LO still bonds during feedings (with me and dh and others!) and less time stressing over that meant more time for us to do the things that were/are working for us! Of course ffing isn't the answer for every problem and everyone, but it sure was for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721513 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 00:04:47 +0000 Kemma 721513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: you've done an amazing job with your nursing / feeding!</p> <p>@Mrs. Blue: as long as you're doing what works for YOUR family, YOUR babies and YOU then you're doing the right thing and have absolutely NO reason to feel guilty, ashamed or that you failed!!! And hey, you never know, one of these days something might just "click" and your boys will get the hang of nursing :-) to be perfectly honest it took Miss A a good eight weeks to really get the hang of it!</p> <p>Hang in there Mama, you're doing great!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721459 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:35:44 +0000 tequiero21 721459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to give u some encouragement. I never fully breastfed. I worked up to just one bottle a night. Took a few months and I probably could have skipped that bottle, but I did it for my sanity... Even if u can't breastfeed exclusively, babies will still grow up normally! I was ff and I don't think I would have been better off by being bf lol. Hugs! Keep up the good work. Btw, yeah, took me a few months to have. A full supply.... One day, I pumped 8 oz and I was like what!? When did that happen lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721438 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:17:05 +0000 DillonLion 721438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm here for you if you need to talk it out more. I never made enough for LO to be exclusively breastfed. She's always gotten about half and half. I stressed out so much in the beginning and when I realized it was negatively impacting our bonding I said enough is enough. She is almost 5 months now and ever since I decided to stop stressing and just enjoy her, things got so much better. Try to focus on the positives of combo feeding like more flexibility, able to take bottles, etc. Now that she's older and sleeping better, I am able to take time during the week to see a therapist to work through the lingering guilt issues that I had to put aside in the early days. Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721436 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:15:40 +0000 photojane 721436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: This quote by Teddy Roosevelt has been my mantra... “Comparison is the thief of joy.”</p> <p>When I look back at how fixated and upset I was about not being able to BF, I get so upset with myself. I wasted so much time during those precious first days with my sweet girl, because I was so worried about what I was "supposed" to do! It it so easy to get caught up in what other mamas are doing, but these are your boys &amp; this is your life. If you are feeding them, you are not failing them. Breast may be "best," but breast milk is not magic. Your boys will grow up to be smart, wonderful, beautiful little people regardless of what kind of milk they get - because YOU are their mama, and you love them so crazy much! Your love &amp; attention is the magic stuff they need.... not BM! Pump when you can, but don't run yourself ragged. These days with your LOs are so, so precious... feed them however you can, then savor these moments! </p> <p>My baby is exclusively formula fed, and is very healthy &amp; so freakin' happy. She is a champion sleeper, and has reached every milestone right on track. We've grown to love bottle feeding &amp; will do it with all of our subsequent LOs.</p> <p>If you ever need to talk or vent your frustration/sadness, feel free to message me. I completely understand where you're at! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721421 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:06:07 +0000 singingbee 721421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom couldn't keep up with our demands and she had singletons. She would BF whenever and then supplemented with formula. I think we turned out just fine! You are doing a great job!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721414 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:01:27 +0000 aprk 721414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. You are doing a great job with two, so make sure to give yourself a pat on the back, first of all!</p> <p>As you know, I'm exclusively pumping and it is tough. I've never gotten to breastfeed for a number of reasons, despite daily "practice." A can't latch on due to my short nipples and his high arch palate. It makes me super sad, since my hope was to breastfeed for at least a year if not two. I can't imagine pumping for that long. He is two weeks tomorrow and our struggles have definitely made bonding a little bit harder for me. I need time to grieve and be angry and sad before I could appreciate what we had. Still working on it.</p> <p>No advice really, but you are not alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721412 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:58:51 +0000 sera_87 721412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs. It's going to be okay. </p> <p>I got over not being ebf fairly quickly b/c in my heart of hearts I believe in a fed baby over an exclusively breastfed one.</p> <p>ETA: I also believe in a happy mama enjoying her baby(ies) over a stressed out, sad, resentful (etc) one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-not-being-able-to-exclusively-bf#post-721395 Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:49:40 +0000 Mrs. Blue 721395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have an under supply to feed my boys, probably for a variety of reasons. They made us supplement with formula in the NICU, and I always thought I would eventually get them weaned off and onto breast milk only. At 5 weeks old, I'm realizing that it's probably never going to happen because at least half of their food, if not more is formula. For many of the same reasons, BFing itself is presenting many challenges, and I'm at the point where I'm almost exclusively pumping and will probably need to just move to that soon. </p> <p>In my head, I know that any breast milk is better than none, that every drop counts, etc., etc., but I'm really struggling with the idea that I can't feed my boys. I feel like such a failure, and it sucks to be reminded of that failure every three hours. I know I need to get over it, but I am so fixated. </p> <p>If BFing, didn't work out like you planned, what helped you come to terms with it and helped you let go of any guilt/sense of failure? </p>