https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 08:10:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57334 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:36:27 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 57334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Immediately after my surgery (Lap for Endo and diagnosed PCOS) I almost cried every time a new friend popped up pregnant on facebook. I felt like a wreck. I just gave myself some time, but one of the BEST things I did were these things:</p> <p>1. I blogged my feelings. When I was angry, I wrote it, When I was sad, I wrote it. When I was hopeful, wrote that too. You can always set it to private. I just type faster than I write.</p> <p>2. I wrote letters. This may sound insane, but I wrote letters to my future children, as I am fully okay with adopting if we get to that point. I wrote my feelings on that, what my surgery meant, and wrote about how much I want to be a mommy. I asked my future child for forgiveness of my imperfections and I wrote about adoption too. They were pretty long. Who knows, I may burn them or I may give them to my future kids (whether natural or adopted) or whatever. I just wrote to express it. </p> <p>3. I told my closest friends and family how I was feeling. Yeah, I felt like some of my friends were walking on eggshells around me afterwards, but to me it was better than ostracizing myself. In general, people were really supportive. I'm a pretty open person, you can usually read my like an open book, so for me it was better to just get it out there.</p> <p>I know those things may not be helpful, but maybe at least part of that was.</p> <p>Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57333 Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:24:06 +0000 looch 57333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only thing I have to offer is some insight on a friendship that I have, we've been friends for 15 years and we do go through some periods of not talking. We just came out of one that lasted almost 2 years, she hasn't seen my 1 year old until yesterday via Skype. We both had some stuff going on but gave each other our space, and when we finally came back together, it's like nothing has happened.</p> <p>Good luck to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57256 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:36:18 +0000 Rubies 57256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry, I can imagine how difficult this can be. I think that your friend cares quite a bit for you to notice your distance and to inquire about it. Of course, if you don't want to tell people your situation you have every right now to. But maybe you can, as @Megwag suggested, just inform your friends that you're going through something and that with some time you can ressume your friendship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57216 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:51:20 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 57216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm still not sure whether we can have kids or not...we've been trying for over a year and a half. And recently I have started trying to picture life without kids. It's not what I want, so I'd have to figure out ways to re-envision the things I want to do in life. I recently wrote a blog entry about it. Check it out if you are interested.</p> <p>I also think you should get counseling. It's a really tough thing to deal with and it's obviously affecting your day to day life. You can't avoid everyone forever so you need to figure out how to make yourself happy at the same time.</p> <p>I'm really sorry you're going through this, but I've found a ton of awesome women through my journey. Send me a message if you'd like some more info about supportive places around the web. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57093 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:00:00 +0000 Modern Daisy 57093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Think of it this way, even if you could have kids but aren't there yet then bday parties and kiddie events understandably aren't really your thing yet. Maybe you can tell your friend that all of the talk and activities seem to be revolving around kids lately and suggest doing something different like going out to dinner (adults only) or going out for drinks. You're right that you can't avoid your friends with children forever, but maybe saying something like this in the meanwhile will give her a little hint that you're sensitive about the baby overload around you. If you feel comfortable opening up further, just tell her you need some time due to the news you received and a good friend will understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57041 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:01:47 +0000 Mrsbells 57041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think letting you close friends know that you arent able to have your own kids may help them understand your decision to keep your distance </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-57032 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:56:11 +0000 CarrieLouWho 57032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. We're still trying, but I totally know what you mean. I feel like ALL of our friends are announcing they are pregnant. DH's best friend announced at dinner last week that they were expecting in August and I almost started crying at the table. I am so happy for them, but so unhappy for us.<br /> I've been journaling and that seems to help some. We haven't told our friends either, but I am going to tell my 3 closest friends in 2 weeks when we go on a trip. I just feel so alone (we've been trying for 15 months), that I can't keep it in anymore. That's all we're telling though.</p> <p>I think if you felt like you could trust your friend, you could tell her and I'm sure she would understand. She probably just hates losing your friendship.<br /> &lt;&lt;hugs&gt;&gt;&gt; </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-54100 Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:23:59 +0000 Rescuemom10 54100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a really tough one! IMO you have every right to feel that way, and I think its totally understandable why its easier to avoid certain situations and its no doubt not because you are not happy for them its just a hard situation to put yourself through with your own personal reasons and what not. I know its one of those things where it is much easier said than done, but if people did know, then I am sure ( and hope) they would be much more understanding and would not think twice if you were "avoiding" certain events and what not. But thats something you have to be ready to tell people and when you feel the time is right you will, and even only to certain people.<br /> I have a friend who is in your "boat". However, she has known since she was very, VERY young that she was unable (was not born with everything to reproduce). I know for her it is still REALLY hard, and she has been through so many different routes as far as surrogate and now adoption (still no luck). So its a VERY hard road for anyone to travel and my thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-54099 Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:23:25 +0000 MegWag 54099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time. I'm sure it's really difficult! If you don't feel comfortable disclosing exactly why you are avoiding friends, I'd still encourage you to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry. It's not you. I have been going through some tough things and unfortunately it means that I've pulled away from some friends. I don't feel ready to talk about it, but it's nothing you've done." Or something...<br /> I think addressing things in as straight-forward a manner as you are comfortable with is always the way to go. You might find that talking about it makes it easier to deal with. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-others-when-you-dontcant-have-kids#post-54021 Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:00:49 +0000 poptarts11 54021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all! Long story short... we are a couple who can't have children. I guess adoption is one route, but I'm still sort of grieving and really am not interested in it... at this point. </p> <p>Anyhoo, I'm 32 y/o and it's really been tough especially seeing friends of mine that got married around the same time or after and girls that are younger than me have kids ... some even working on #2 and #3. So typically, I try to avoid certain situations as much as possible b/c I just can't deal. No baby showers, no birthday parties. I also try to avoid people at church and work. </p> <p>Well one girl started to notice that I'm avoiding her. It has nothing to do with her, but you know... She was a little upset (sad) that I hadn't been talking to her and wanted to know if there was something that she had done wrong. I did all that I could to reassure her that everything was cool w/o blurting out..."i'm jealous and sad you're a mom and i'm not... </p> <p>i love avoiding the topic ...out of sight, out of mind... but people do not know that DH and I can't have kids... and i don't want them to.... and eventually, I will have to interact with folks... can't hide forever as much as I'd love to. so... how do i deal?<br /> do i just put on that fake smile and give it a good cry later? </p>