https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 23:47:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-970911 Sun, 28 Jul 2013 18:44:32 +0000 FaithFertility 970911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have to share this, was at a party for a co worker of my DH and was getting all the usual when are you guys having babies questions...I know they dont know and are only asking because they care, but some A** says to my husband I'll give you some tips on how to get the job done since you seem to be lacking, I knew he was only kidding, but I had to walk away because he was about to get the wrath of all my IF emotions! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956721 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 14:03:41 +0000 Mrs.Someone 956721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alie: I actually gave my dad a mean one after that too. He emailed me something inappropriate in relation to having kids. So I had my mom suggest that maybe we're having trouble and he should leave me alone. It was WAY before we were TTC, but unfortunately its now true :P I'm very glad I got it to stop before it really hurt though! Some people just don't realize it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956704 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 14:00:52 +0000 fairefaire 956704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: Ha! I like that :) I'll have to keep it in mind if my dad ever starts asking again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956686 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:56:14 +0000 pui 956686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone for your advice... my SIL recently found out she is pregnant so the pressure on us is much less... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956683 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:55:30 +0000 Mrs.Someone 956683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alie: I had to tell my parents several years ago that every time they asked me about it, it would add a year on to the wait! That shut them up for the most part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956672 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:52:31 +0000 fairefaire 956672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: My dad used to CONSTANTLY ask about babies or drop hints, etc., and it was driving me insane. One day I just told him point blank to please stop asking me about it, and if and when the time came, I would let him know. He hasn't said anything since. I didn't have to go into any reasoning, I simply politely asked him to stop and he did. </p> <p>Some people of course ignore even polite requests, and to them I either just change the topic of conversation or ignore their question completely. Or I just say "it'll happen eventually" and leave it at that. For most people, it's absolutely none of their business, whether you are having difficulties or not, so don't feel bad about not telling someone the full story if you don't want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956664 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:48:12 +0000 Mrs.Someone 956664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the longest time, we have kept it private. We told DH's parents a little bit, since a situation came up and we felt it was the right thing to do. Now after 2 m/cs, DH's parents and sisters have been told, and I'll tell my mom at least soon. I'm considering telling a close friend who is a new mom, since she likes to talk about it a lot and it makes me uncomfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956657 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:45:10 +0000 pui 956657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: Since posting this I have told my mom and dad about our troubles but I am still holding off on telling DH's parents. I know that if I tell his parents, the entirety of his side of the family will know about it in 3 days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956650 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:43:36 +0000 LuLu Mom 956650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly I would probably tell them the situation (since it is close family) and be like TTC hasn't been an easy route for us and we are getting test done, but your never ending comments are hurtful as we also want children, so please just ease up. It would get them to back up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-956583 Tue, 23 Jul 2013 13:30:41 +0000 littleredhairedgrl 956583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my dh and i are pretty private about ttc and the issues we've had (besides my closest friends and some of my family) after almost a year of trying and now moving on to an RE, i lately have been getting asked a lot -- mostly by people who i wouldn't even tell if i was pregnant :P</p> <p>my best friend who got her bfn after only 1 month off bcp keeps asking me when we will get pregnant and then saying to "just keep doing it".. and i no longer bring up ttc to her.. </p> <p>and now that we've reached the point of going to see an RE and starting our first IUI this cycle (hopefully), dh told me last night he wanted to tell his mother.. my mil is a typical italian mother who worries about everything and throws guilt around like none other! so of course i was worried when he said this. but he told her that we've been having some trouble and went to see a specialist and to please not ask about it or bring it up and that we'd be sure to update her when we feel the time is right and/or when we get our bfp.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-946767 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:04:10 +0000 ElbieKay 946767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would just be curt, shut the conversation down and make it clear that it's not an appropriate topic. I would not worry about being rude, since they are the ones who were rude in the first place. I have had two experiences relating to this topic in the past several months, and that approach worked since there were no repeat offenses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-946597 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:10:25 +0000 Sunshine1810 946597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I just finished our 2nd year of TTC and we have finally broke down and told our parents and hinted at it to a few people in my extended family. The questions at family gatherings are starting to get to me a little more, and I decided that letting people know we were having trouble was less stressful than worrying about the questions every time we got together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-946591 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:08:05 +0000 LindsayInNY 946591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justdarling: I really like your response and how you approached things! My in-laws know we're trying (my family doesn't) and yet they still comment... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-945724 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 10:55:22 +0000 alohaorchid 945724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and my sister are on our case constantly about it... all I hear about is how much they want a grandchild/niece/nephew and how it's "all on me". They constantly remind me about my fiancé's age (and mine too) and how we shouldn't wait much longer.</p> <p>So far I've been able to control them by saying that we're not even married yet (3.5 months away!) and we're not even thinking about it. But, I'm not sure how to deal with them after the wedding since I will NOT be telling them about our IF struggles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807906 Fri, 24 May 2013 16:03:54 +0000 justdarling 807906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get asked about babies a lot! I usually just reply back "it's a lot harder than you would think to have one of those!" and that usually shuts people up pretty quickly. They usually don't want to ask any follow up questions and don't know how to respond. </p> <p>Even though we didn't want to tell people about our struggles, we finally did share it with our parents at the 1 year mark of TTC. We just told them that we have been having some issues and are getting medical help and they will be the first to know when we do get pregnant, but in the mean time to stop the questions. Now all pestering about the grandchildren have stopped. Sometimes it's just better to be a little more open. This journey is an extreme emotional roller coaster and you don't need the additional pressure.</p> <p>I am sorry that they are asking so much! It really sucks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807889 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:56:05 +0000 mrs. bird 807889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>honest answer.... i find a quiet place &amp; cry. my GMIL is the worst, she speaks little english, but enough to get across her disappointment. she grabs my stomach and asks, 'why you empty?' and then goes on and on about how i disappoint her by not making a great grandchild. thanks lady, 'cause ya know the past two years have been stellar for me too. at our last family dinner at my ILs house, they all prayed for us to make them a LO (some might find that to be kind, i'm an atheist so i have no interest in their conversations with god over my womb and find them discussing our reproductive plans publicly to be inappropriate and hurtful). </p> <p>i won't tell them about my CPs or that we've been trying. that would just make it worse. i may ask DH to tell them to back off soon because it's to the point where i avoid them now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807877 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:50:33 +0000 pui 807877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: Exactly!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807876 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:50:13 +0000 Mrs.Someone 807876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: Yep, people need to learn to STFU :) And I agree, I don't want everyone knowing, it would just change the TTC questions, not stop them... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807871 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:48:31 +0000 pui 807871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. 64: *sigh* they don't know and I would rather keep it that way. I don't want them to feel sorry for me and start asking me how it's going and stuff... I feel that that is between myself and my husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807866 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:46:33 +0000 mrs. 64 807866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do they know you are trying? Not that you have to tell anyone, but if they know and are still bugging you then that's not cool! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807864 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:46:00 +0000 TheReelDeal 807864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have PCOS too so I understand what you're going through. I'm sorry people are being insensitive. Have you explained to those you are close to why you can't just wish yourself pregnant? I know doing that helped some in my family to not say silly things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807862 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:45:03 +0000 pui 807862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: It's like people don't even know infertility exists.</p> <p>I have another friend who asked me about another couple we know. She was like "How long have they been married?" I said around 5 years and she responded with "Wow, and they don't have kids yet? What are they waiting for!?"</p> <p>People really should be more careful with what they say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807858 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:41:11 +0000 Mrs.Someone 807858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've struggled with this a lot! Last weekend, my elderly aunt told me "we're waiting for a niece or nephew!" I calmly asked her to not ever say that to me, its not very nice.</p> <p>Also, before we were even trying (or married!) my parents would constantly bring it up. I got mad at them every time, and jokingly threatened to add a year to the wait every time they said something. It mostly stopped, but one final time my dad felt the need to send me an email mentioning it (even though my mom told him not to). I told my mom to tell him that maybe we were trying and were having a hard time, and/or a m/c (it wasn't true at that time, but unfortunately is now). That really shut him up.</p> <p>Overall, I think it depends on who asks. Other family members have asked and I usually tell them that they should never ask a woman that because they never know what she is going through. But when more casual friends or acquaintances ask I usually lie and say "not yet", or ignore it completely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807844 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:34:36 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 807844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know its none of people's business, but eventually, it got to the point where I just had to say "Its not as easy as you'd think." or "We're working on it, thanks."<br /> Not sure if you have that type of relationship with them or not, or if you want them to know that you're struggling. Just my two cents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-deal-with-people-who-are-expecting-you-to-have-babies#post-807839 Fri, 24 May 2013 15:30:47 +0000 pui 807839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Long story short, I probably have PCOS (I'm getting tests done to confirm it, but my doctor is fairly sure that is the cause of my very long irregular cycles and lack of ovulation). My DH would love to be pregnant right now, but it's not happening.</p> <p>Both my dad and my MIL are driving me nuts.</p> <p>My MIL literally talks about NOTHING any more except grandchildren. I can't complain about being tired or sick without her immediately asking if I am pregnant. She is constantly saying she expects those grandchildren soon! We've been trying, OK?</p> <p>My father too keeps mentioning babies. I posted about my new puppy on Facebook the other day and he commented "Not a new puppy! Have a baby!!!!" Oh gee thanks dad. If only it was that simple and easy.</p> <p>Do you have people in your life that are <i>expecting</i> you to have babies? How do you deal with these people? </p>