https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 15:22:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193877 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 12:38:53 +0000 T.H.O.U. 193877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A big one for us is trying to find time to shower together. We grab the monitor and jump in and can just talk and relax. I dont' have to look at the dishes/laundry waiting to be done and he doesn't try to watch tv. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193806 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:57:09 +0000 kgbee 193806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Making out, snuggling, and lots of casual affection got us through. I also noticed that simple things like sitting next to each other got us to hold hands or curl up on one another, but staying on separate chairs/couches meant that wasn't possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193780 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:46:32 +0000 chopsuey 193780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't been in the mood my 1st trimester so we just spend a couple hours together on our computers or watch a movie after the baby goes down. Before bed we'll cuddle for a few mins then chat for about 20 mins before we sleep.<br /> When DH travels we Skype at night.<br /> I was the same way when I was pregnant with Lo. Things started picking up in my 2nd and 3rd though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193770 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:37:20 +0000 lovehoneybee 193770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like edelweiss and mamamoose every night before bed, we spend some time (usually about half an hour, sometimes up to an hour) just talking. Sometimes we cuddle while we talk, but that's not so much with the comfort anymore. </p> <p>It's a tradition we started years ago...we lay down and think about and share the best parts of our day, although sometimes it leads to conversations about other things. Even if we were together when they happened we like to remind each other of all the good things that happened--even if it's small like a particularly good cup of coffee--because I'm convinced that reminding/being reminded of even the small things helps us remember them long-term. And the other benefit of it is that I go to sleep with with happy thoughts and memories on my mind instead of stresses. </p> <p>Other things we do include taking a nightly walk together, even if it's only 20 minutes, foot and back rubs (usually for me, but sometimes for him), and reading--he'll read to me before bed, or he'll sit in the bathroom while I'm in the tub and read. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193757 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:29:24 +0000 MamaMoose 193757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pillow talk is big for us. At night we like to lay on our side looking at each other and just talk about how our day went and what we have coming up for the next day. It always feels super intimate. We also say I love you A LOT. I'm big on knowing that if God forbid something every happened to one of us, that would be the last thing we said to each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193744 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:21:45 +0000 edelweiss 193744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we hold hands a lot, although you probably have your hands full with your toddler! we also say "i love you" all the friggin' time. it sounds silly but it helps. also, i really like to have at least 15 minutes right before we go to bed without tv or a computer to just pillow talk or read side by side. for some reason, reading side by side as opposed to surfing the internet side by side (which happens a lot in this household!) is more meaningful to me. don't ask me to explain why. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193714 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:00:42 +0000 LuLu Mom 193714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have not been feeling very sexy at all lately and my poor husband is feeling the affects of that. I still try to show him affection with kisses, cuddles, and hugs but the thought of sex is the furthest thing from my mind. When I'm home I want to rest. I know I need to work harder at it, but when naked all I see is my big old belly and it's not a turn on for me! My DH says he understands but I feel bad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193712 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 10:58:17 +0000 twinmama 193712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're trying to go out on lots of date nights. Not anything fancy, just like a short walk and a jamba juice, or out to pho or something. Backrubs, holding hands, lots of hugs, and a little bit of making out are good too ;) It's hard though, because even snuggling on the couch to watch a movie is too uncomfortable most of the time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193524 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 09:14:02 +0000 Sammyfab 193524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"can we just be friends?" -too funny!!!!</p> <p>I know you asked for non-physical ways but I think a good hug always works! I think I heard about the 30-second hug (coined by Dr. Oz?) here on hellobee. It's just a nice way to decompress and be comfortable in your partner's arms with just the right amount of intimacy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193511 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 09:09:39 +0000 looch 193511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through/are going through this now, but mostly because we're just so darn tired all of the time. So, we had a long talk about it and we decided to do a few things...two nights a week we don't even go near our computers after dinner. Instead, we read a book together (on our separate kindles) and talk about it. He picked the first one and he gets to pick the second one from my Amazon list. This has helped us tremendously.</p> <p>We've also done massage nights and showers during nap time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193501 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 09:06:31 +0000 Rubies 193501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get where you're coming from. Hubs and I are "just friends" right now! LOL!!! We're both just soooo tired! I know hubs is always ready to go but I'm just so exhausted at the end of the day that we both just end up passing out.</p> <p>However, to maintain some level of closeness, we hold hands when we're lounging on the couch watching TV. Or, give a back rub/back scratch. Sometimes when I'm being a giant biatch, hubs will say, "Alright, let's just hug it out. C'mon, hug it out" and I'll stand with my arms tightly by my side, so stiff, and the hubs will hug me and pretend I'm being all lovable and cute. Then he'll say, "See? Hugging is good..." then he gets the eyeroll from me. LOL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-establish-intimacy-when-youre-not-being-intimate#post-193487 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 09:00:34 +0000 mrs. wagon 193487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I remember being intimate regularly with my first pregnancy, but this time around, it stopped being fun for me around the middle of the second trimester, and as little as we were doing it before that, we've completely stopped now. I've had a lot of pain and physical scares this pregnancy as well, and I want to avoid any chance of early labor, so I'm pretty sure we won't be intimate again until past the 6 week postpartum mark. This is a very long dry spell for us!!! Easily 5x longer than the longest we've ever had.</p> <p>Honestly Wagon Sr. is ok with it because he knows the reasons, but it makes it difficult to maintain the emotional intimacy between us. We find ourselves being less patient with each other, snapping at each other, and not touching each other at all. Add an active toddler into the mix and it makes for a very sterile relationship. The other day we tried to cuddle and I was so uncomfortable, I just blurted out "can we just be friends?" haha. </p> <p>I know that we'll start again after the baby is born and I'm physically able again, but any suggestions on how to keep that intimate, lover-to-lover feeling alive between us without being physically intimate? </p>