https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 10:40:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2141488 Sun, 12 Apr 2015 21:37:41 +0000 Synchronicity 2141488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsF: I'm so sorry for your loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2141447 Sun, 12 Apr 2015 20:33:59 +0000 MrsF 2141447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AprilFool: thank you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2141357 Sun, 12 Apr 2015 19:06:09 +0000 AprilFool 2141357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsF: So sorry for your loss </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2141356 Sun, 12 Apr 2015 19:03:36 +0000 MrsF 2141356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: @maddyz: Thank you both for those. My LO is a bookworm and a sesame street fanatic - so that might be particularly helpful. </p> <p>My dear grandmother died peacefully in her home this morning, so I'm glad to have been thinking these things through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140982 Sat, 11 Apr 2015 23:50:23 +0000 maddyz 2140982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sesame st episode might be helpful. I think there is also info about talking to young children about death related to this episode out there somewhere.</p> <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NjFbz6vGU8" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NjFbz6vGU8</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140957 Sat, 11 Apr 2015 22:31:43 +0000 youboots 2140957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I bookmarked this on Amazon, I think I saw it here <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0553344021/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&#038;colid=RWNJ30IGH0TM&#038;coliid=I1BYFGX536RAQY" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/dp/0553344021/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&#038;colid=RWNJ30IGH0TM&#038;coliid=I1BYFGX536RAQY</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140895 Sat, 11 Apr 2015 20:46:41 +0000 FaithFertility 2140895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsF: First I am sorry!!!<br /> I really don't have advice, but know you will know exactly what to say when the time comes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140889 Sat, 11 Apr 2015 20:40:51 +0000 MrsF 2140889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: @MamaG: @sarac: Thanks so much for your advice, ladies. It's been really helpful for me to think about this a little bit ahead of time. I appreciate it and I'm so sorry for the losses you have had :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140389 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 21:59:30 +0000 sarac 2140389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My father died right before my daughter turned one, so she was not able to understand it. She did really seem to notice my feelings, though, so I limited my grieving around her. About a year later she got very interested in her Opa, and I had to explain that he'd died. She went through a long period of wanting to talk about it, often mentioning it out of no where. It was hard for me, but she clearly needed to do her own grieving process.</p> <p>We talk about death not infrequently, now. I've explained that after you live a long, full life, you die. That's the end of everyone person and every animal's life. And it's sad, because we'll miss that person, but that it's a natural part of life. </p> <p>Be prepared for your kid to have her own process, and know that it might not be easy for you. She'll probably want to talk about it over and over. It might be really hard to handle while you're grieving, but do your best to let her get it all out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140385 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 21:47:26 +0000 MamaG 2140385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad MsMini linked the baby center article. One very similar was what I had found at the time that we were dealing with this. Honestly, I think it was best that I didn't "prepare" for the conversation and just had a good heart to heart. Taking pause to think about what would make sense and not scare her caused me to choose my words carefully and be to the point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140372 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 21:25:00 +0000 catomd00 2140372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sadly my friend just had to tell her 3 year old her father passed. She was direct, honest and to the point. She ended up saying daddy was sick and sometimes when people are sick they can't get better and they die and we cant see them anymore. She said ok that makes me sad and then went and played. She had a few questions over the next few days about when she or mommy would die. She did get a little scared that any time someone gets sick they will die and wishes she had left the sickness part out somehow. You are fortunate in a way since she is older you won't nexessarily have to talk about sickness. So sorry for your impeding loss. It's so hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140360 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 21:03:10 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2140360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsF: I'm glad you were able to find it. I hope there were some helpful comments in it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140349 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:44:58 +0000 MrsF 2140349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: thank you! I just read through it. Not sure why that thread didn't come up in my first search. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140345 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:42:12 +0000 MrsF 2140345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMini: Thank you!! both of those links are really helpful. I'm going to send them to my husband as well. </p> <p>@QueensBee: Those are really good reminders! M is very verbally advanced and I think we, and others, sometimes talk to her with words that she understands but concepts that are over her head. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140337 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:37:33 +0000 MrsF 2140337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Thanks for reminding me that I don't have to have an answer for everything. I'm so sorry that you're going through something similar :heart: </p> <p>@loveisstrange: Thank you. Love to your family as well :heart: It's a little awkward because my husband's brother died when M was a newborn and I'm sure that their side of the family will say that uncle R is in heaven because that is what they are comfortable with. I'm sure I'm overthinking this to think that she would notice the difference though. </p> <p>@Jess1483: I really like those ideas! Thank you so much. It's really helpful to have some things in my mind and those are very age-appropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140335 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:37:29 +0000 QueensBee 2140335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I once went to a professional development workshop (I'm a teacher) that discussed how to handle difficult situations, like death, with young students. Similar to the information that @MsMini: linked, the speaker encouraged us to be honest, and to use matter-of-fact and simple terms. It may sound harsh to our adult ears, but she suggested saying something like, "Grandma died. Her body was old and it stopped working. I am sad and going to miss her." And of course to answer any questions as honestly as possible. The speaker said that it can be confusing and scary for kids, who are so literal, to hear things like, "She went to heaven" or "she's in a better place."</p> <p>Sorry that your family is going through this. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140332 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:32:58 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2140332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a thread about this not too long ago. I think it was called "talking about death when non-religious". There was lots of good advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140315 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:21:50 +0000 MsMini 2140315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This barycentre article has some good advice. <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-talk-to-your-preschooler-about-death_65688.bc?page=2" rel="nofollow">http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-talk-to-your-preschooler-about-death_65688.bc?page=2</a></p> <p>Edited to add another resource: <a href="https://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html" rel="nofollow">https://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140310 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:20:17 +0000 Jess1483 2140310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. I'd try something like:</p> <p>"Granny died last night. That means we won't be able to see her or play with her anymore, but we can still love her. Sometimes when someone dies, it makes people very sad. I have a couple of things I like to do when I'm sad. I like to draw pictures, and I like to talk to them, even if they can't talk back. Does either of those things sound like something you'd like to do? Or is there something else you'd like to do?" And also "It made me very sad when Granny died. It also made a lot of other people (like...) sad. When people are sad, sometimes they cry. That's ok. We can give them a hug if we want and tell them we love them."</p> <p>Obviously, I wouldn't blurt all that out at once. I'd pause and ask if she has questions or how she's feeling. Honestly, I don't think you have to do a lot of explaining about death. At this age, it's more about how things affect the child (they can't think much beyond that). I'd focus on concrete actions they can take. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140295 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:11:11 +0000 loveisstrange 2140295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: @MrsF: :heart: My grandma is in her final weeks now also, fighting pancreatic cancer. Much love to both of your families.</p> <p>As for telling the kiddo (who is 3).... I havent decided what Im going to say yet. She loves her "Granny" and she will definitely notice that she is gone. We're not religious either and Im also not going to tell her about heaven.</p> <p>ETA: I just talked to DH about this (it wasn't something I had even thought about). We're just going to tell her the truth, if she asks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140289 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:06:46 +0000 Mae 2140289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsF: maybe you could just say you don't know? Tell her no one really knows what happens when you die but you do know that grandma isn't in any pain and she's happy now...? I'm sorry :( My grandma is in her final weeks of life as well and while I'm so so sad that my daughter won't remember her, I'm grateful I won't have to deal with this issue with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140284 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:04:12 +0000 MrsF 2140284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: Thanks for sharing :heart: I'm glad that you were able to distract her pretty well. I'll make sure to have lots of snacks on hand :happy: </p> <p> I guess I'm just picturing this moment where I have to tell her that great grandma died and she's going to want to know what that means... I'm not sure what's developmentally appropriate for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140272 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 19:56:54 +0000 MamaG 2140272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO was 3 when my MIL passed last fall. At the funeral I mostly kept her distracted so she didn't see a lot of the emotion. I was just honest with her. I did tell her that she can always talk to nana and while she won't answer she would hear. Explaining through tears why we couldn't open the casket was hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-explain-a-family-death-to-a-25yo-non-religious#post-2140255 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 19:39:48 +0000 MrsF 2140255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandmother is 98 years old and receiving hospice care in her home. I just talked to my dad and I think that she will probably die fairly soon. I'm worried about how DD will react. She is 2.5 years old but very verbal and extremely perceptive &amp; empathetic. She gets very upset when she sees someone else who is sad, or when she can tell that we are angry or arguing. We've been visiting my grandma frequently and she knows that great grandma stays in her bed and that she naps a lot. I'm just worried about how she will react to seeing all of her extended family crying and upset. </p> <p>I'm not sure if I believe in heaven and I'm pretty uncomfortable with telling her that great grandma went to heaven if I don't believe it myself. If I just say that she died, M will have no idea what I'm talking about and will ask me to elaborate. I'm struggling with wording. </p> <p>Any thoughts? </p>