https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 01 Jun 2026 03:24:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2333049 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 15:43:30 +0000 daniellemybelle 2333049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some of this is gross guy stuff within the range of normal - except no teeth brushing. I think twice a day is optimal but once per day is okay. Any less than once per day is really concerning just from a health standpoint! I would try to get him to the dentist for a stern talking to. My DH has been more diligent about teeth brushing (always twice per day) since recent dental work.</p> <p>My DH does the thing with the same stinky gym shorts for a few days though. I just tell him when he needs to wash them. He doesn't use shampoo every day but he also has ethnic hair so it doesn't need it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2333044 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 15:36:02 +0000 PawPrints 2333044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: @Anagram: I'm pretty surprised by this, none of the guys I know are especially picky about taking care of their appearance but they all use shampoo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332969 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 12:52:07 +0000 SweetiePie 2332969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Ok that makes sense! Of course falling asleep without brushing teeth happens. And I'm definitely guilty of not brushing my teeth until noon some days (oops). I thought some were saying what the OP's husband does isn't weird or alarming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332964 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 12:41:25 +0000 Anagram 2332964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: not "little to no" teeth brushing, but with an infant and a 2 year old, I end up falling asleep alll the time without brushing my teeth, and I know my husband does the same. We always brush before we leave the house though. I totally take my tooth health for granted though, because I've never had a cavity or gum issues or anything else.</p> <p>And I've known tons of guys that used like, bar soap on their hair and didn't even own shampoo. They all had really short haircuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332962 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 12:36:51 +0000 Tanjowen 2332962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anon1981: The shampoo thing is puzzling but I'd just throw out a , "Hey, when's the last time you washed your hair?" comment and keep going. </p> <p>The teeth thing...I wonder if his mom's recent teeth removal has anything to do with it? I have terrible genetic gum loss and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and over it that I don't want to do any dental basic care. I still do the basic care, but at times it's hard because it feels pointless. Maybe not his issue but throwing it out there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332911 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 10:43:58 +0000 SweetiePie 2332911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really am surprised that some think no shampoo and little to no teeth brushing is normal! I've never heard of that! Especially no shampoo because hair is short? When I wash my hair I barely worry about the ends, I worry about the scalp, which gets dirty and greasy and smelly. If you have short hair you still have a scalp...not trying to sound snarky just really don't understand the short hair logic. </p> <p>@Anon1981: I think the bigger issue isn't whether people think it's normal or not. The bigger issue is that you know it's not normal for HIM. The fact that the habits you mentioned are a departure from his normal habits are what concern me. Have there been an tragedies or big life changes lately? A death in the family, job loss, even birth of a child (not sure how old LO is). Large weight gain? It seems like something would have triggered him to be depressed or stop caring. While I would try to find ways to encourage him to brush, floss, and wash his hair, I would also try to figure out if something happened around the time his habits changed. </p> <p>As for the gym clothes? I'd just buy some new lounge clothes and toss the old ones. He can be mad at me if he wants, but that's the one thing you mentioned that you have total control over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332900 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 10:17:45 +0000 Mrs Panda 2332900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anon1981: one other thought - and this may not be your style or may feel too passive aggressive - but does he have a friend or brother you could enlist to say something? Sort of a "hey, man, what's going on with your breath?" Sometimes people need to hear it from someone other than their spouse....? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332894 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 10:11:30 +0000 catomd00 2332894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry but this is a grown man with kids. I can't get on board with beating around the bush. I'd straight up tell him he was smelly and gross, and that I expect him to take care of himself like the adult he is and set a proper example for his kids. I mean for the guys who don't brush before work, aren't they embarrassed to be talking to their coworkers or clients with stank breath?! Yuck! Unless there is a deeper mental health issue here, there's no excuse for poor hygiene. It's just being lazy. If there is an underlying issue than that obviously needs to be addressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332882 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 09:35:04 +0000 macintosh 2332882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do agree with others that perhaps he has some underlying depression going on. Did this change coincide with any other life changes? Job change? After you got pregnant?</p> <p>I do have a lot of experience helping my husband with his hygiene, but that is directly due to his disability. I am responsible for him as if he was a kid. I'm used to it now (it's been almost 3 years) but he definitely asserts his own opinions when he wants to. My approach is just to be really blunt with him. </p> <p>When he doesn't want to brush his teeth, I ask him if he'd rather have dentures when he's 50. Once (this was before his accident) I told him that my dentist said flossing can help you live longer, and he started flossing on his own!</p> <p>For the old gross workout clothes, can you pick him up some new stuff from Target? I feel like sometimes guys are lazy about clothes cause they are too lazy to buy them. I've dated more than one guy who only had like 2 pairs of pants. My DH was one of them and I find it so weird.</p> <p>For the hair issue, I've never known a guy who didn't shampoo. I myself have short hair and I wash it more often now because it gets oily if I don't. Could you get him a new shampoo and tell him you really like the scent of it?</p> <p>I hope you get some good advice from others. I know my DH would have been very resistant to change his habits prior to becoming disabled.</p> <p>ETA: can you try reminding him that he needs to set a good example for your son? I do that to DH all the time, especially with dental care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332860 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 08:41:04 +0000 Chuckles 2332860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally sympathize with you! My DH doesn't take great care of his teeth either. He almost always brushes his teeth before bed, but almost never does before going to work in the morning. When he kisses me goodbye, I just think - ick. It's such a sensitive thing though. I've been totally using our LO to deal with it. Before DH leaves for work, I'll be like, can you help S brush his teeth while I get ready? And then I know S will demand that daddy brush his teeth too.<br /> I think guys just don't think about this stuff. My DH also washes his whole body with shampoo and had since I've known him. I think he just thinks it's more efficient. I've tried talking about it with him, but he didn't see the issue so I dropped it. But he doesn't have any body odor issues so it was easier to let go.<br /> But since your SO is having some bigger issues and it's a change, I would try talking to him in case there is an underlying problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332839 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 07:45:24 +0000 Anagram 2332839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some of those behaviors are pretty normal to me....most men I know don't use shampoo on their hair...I dont think I've dated a single guy that did unless they had to use dandruff shampoo.</p> <p>Never brushing teeth at all is alarming but just forgetting before bed is pretty normal. And my husband also changes afyer work into comfy gym shorts w no undies but I've never noticed a smell so perhaps your dh just needs a few new pair of comfy shorts and shirts and you can throw the old ones out.</p> <p>Flossing, neither of us remember to do it too often! I don't think either my husband or I have bad hygiene, so is it possible that the two of you just have different acceptable levels of personal hygiene?</p> <p>Like my husband brushes his teeth and washes his face immediately upon wake up. I don't...i prefer to drink my coffee and eat breakfast before brushing (then I can brush the coffee off). He was thinks its gross not to brush first and I think its gross not to brush after, but neither of us thinks the other has bad hygiene because we do it differently.</p> <p>So first I would analyze and choose your battles carefully. Pick a couple of things...maybe the smelly gym shorts and focus on a solution for those and ignore what you can. O guess i kind of feel like if a guy were writing this post saying his wife isnt doing her hair and makeup every day and has gained weight or only washes her hair every other day and wears yoga pants constantly 50% of the women here would be in the same boat and would tell him its pretty normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332792 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 03:41:15 +0000 Greentea 2332792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't find this entirely abnormal. I know I myself have felt this way with certain aspects, and that many other women have, that's just my experience! I think it is a fine line of treating someone with respect and also having your own needs met (like if stinky breath is bothering you). I personally leave DH alone on his teeth hygiene, unless he is offensive somehow. He is a man, he has a lot going on, and his self is his responsibility (is how I think personally). At least he has a great dental plan he is utilizing!</p> <p>It does sound like stress or depression might be behind this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332777 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 01:29:40 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2332777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first thought was also that maybe there's something going on that is triggering this. I don't know what else you could do but to just be honest and have the awkward talk with him. It's hard when you have a baby, and maybe he's busy really tired? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332762 Sun, 25 Oct 2015 00:25:53 +0000 Anon1981 2332762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SimplyFelicity: yes, it's very frustrating. Thank you for understanding. I am also the primary parent, due to DH's work schedule, and shoulder most of the burden at home. I don't like feeling like I have to take care of him too. It may come down to me telling him that I find him less attractive now. Sometimes the raw truth makes people snap out of it, right? I also like your suggestion of buying new clothes. He has a birthday, as well ad Christmas, coming up. </p> <p>@RoseGold ugh, good luck to you. I hate hate hate the smell of smoke myself. I don't want DH to feel like I am punishing him by not getting close to him. But I have started to ask him to brush his teeth when he goes to kiss me and his breath is bad. I feel so bad about it though, because it is a total mood killer. :sad: </p> <p>@Mrs Panda: I have some thoughts on what could be contributing to this. He has dealt with some PTSD from some previous military service from before we were married. It mostly just manifests itself with him feeling stressed out and unable to deal with stressful situations. He also really hates being late. We do have a baby under 1, so I don't know if that has been causing things to be worse. His weight has fluctuated a bit over the last few years, and I know that has bothered him. </p> <p>I should also say that the rest if his hygiene is really good. He smells really nice overall, and always uses deodorant. And while he doesn't always use shampoo, because he thinks he doesn't need to with short hair, he always soaps up. I feel dumb pointing out those things, but it's really only the points listed above that are the issues. He also wears nice clothes outside the house. It's all clean, well-tailored and good quality. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332759 Sat, 24 Oct 2015 23:57:25 +0000 Mrs Panda 2332759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since he hasn't always been like this, do you have any sense of what is triggering this lapse in hygiene? Just wondering if there's potentially some underlying stress or depression or unhappiness that's causing him to sort of let himself go....? Maybe there's some larger issue that needs to be addressed? No idea, just a thought. </p> <p>Sounds like a tough situation, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332758 Sat, 24 Oct 2015 23:56:06 +0000 rosegold 2332758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>gross! i'm in the process of trying to get dh to quit smoking and a big help has been the fact that I won't let him touch me if he smells like smoke. no kiss or hugs from me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332754 Sat, 24 Oct 2015 23:50:26 +0000 simplyfelicity 2332754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are dealing with this...sounds frustrating when you want a partner, not someone else to take care of. The only thing I can think of for the whole hair/teeth issue is for you to be honest and tell him that you find him much more attractive when he takes care of himself. As for the clothes, throw them away and buy him new lounge clothes. Pose it as a gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-get-dh-to-develop-proper-dental-and-other-hygiene#post-2332751 Sat, 24 Oct 2015 23:32:26 +0000 Anon1981 2332751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am posting under an anonymous name, because I am just too embarrassed to post under my regular handle. I am hoping that HB has some advice for how to handle this delicate situation. Thanks in advance, and sorry for the novel! </p> <p>I feel like DH doesn't take care of himself anymore, and because I love and care about him, I am reminding him to do simple tasks that I feel I shouldn't have to tell a man in his 30s to do. I don't want to treat him like a child, but I feel like if I don't remind him he just won't do these things. </p> <p>To be more precise, he rarely will brush his teeth and never flosses. His dentist has already gotten on his case about his receding gumline. He also doesn't use shampoo very often, only after a workout, which hasn't been much lately. His breath is getting bad, and I have noticed that his hair has looked greasy on occasion. </p> <p>I talked to him about both of these things only a couple of days ago. It was an extremely uncomfortable conversation for us both. He was embarrassed, and I didn't want to come across as a nag. I want him to demonstrate good, healthy lifestyle choices not only for himself, but also for our son. To make matters worse, I think maybe his parents didn't enforce these points with him. His mother just had her from teeth removed and replaced with a plate, due to poor gums. Anyway, tonight he didn't brush his teeth before going to bed, and I didn't remind him, because I was in the next room putting DS to bed. I almost feel like waking him up to tell him to go wash up, like I would with a kid!</p> <p>The last point, that we have dealt with a bit, is his habit of changing into ratty shorts and old t-shirts when he comes home from work. They are old workout gear that often have pit stains and smells baked into them. The shorts especially are bad, since he will remove his underwear when he puts them on for comfort, so they get stinky/sweaty fast just hanging around the house. When I was pregnant, I would ask him to change/wash them frequently, as my nose was so sensitive. Now that I'm not, it's not quite as bad. He still does it, just washes them more, maybe every couple of days. </p> <p>How do I get him to change his habits without coming across as a nag? These things really affect how attractive I am finding him lately, and I just can't get past them. I feel he is putting me in a bad position by having to act as the adult in the relationship and this makes me feel resentful. I really don't know how this happened, as he wasn't like this while we were dating or the first few years we were married. Someone please help me save our marriage! </p>