https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 05:35:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671931 Fri, 30 Dec 2016 10:21:36 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2671931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your MIL would annoy me to no end. It's one thing to buy the same exact gift, but half the time she's buying a substitute. Several companies make stacker toys, but you may want your kid to have the Grimm one instead of Melissa &amp; Doug's or Ikea's version. </p> <p>Agree with others to stop telling her and if she continues her gift stays at her house or gets donated because it's a duplicate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671902 Fri, 30 Dec 2016 09:58:05 +0000 azjax 2671902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your MIL sounds difficult! I agree about keeping mum on the details of gifts that others have given or intend to give your LO. As for the unwanted duplicates and inappropriate stuff, donate it! My favorite places to donate are our local women's shelter and Ronald McDonald house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671818 Fri, 30 Dec 2016 07:15:11 +0000 looch 2671818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Astro Bee: That's really difficult, if you give her ideas for other stuff and she ignores it. I feel like the gardening thing is a good compromise, people tend to buy up rather than down when it comes to age, I've found.</p> <p>I am kind of out of ideas for you to try, other than to just accept and donate what doesn't work. It's her money, not yours, so I wouldn't feel badly about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671699 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 21:42:37 +0000 Astro Bee 2671699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alphagam84: I know, isn't it?!? I think going forward, I will be calling her out on the double gift BS. I got the go-ahead from DH yesterday that we would be giving her a bunch of duplicates that she'd bought to leave at her house for when the kids visit. When it comes to his parents I like to run things by him to make sure we are on the same page, since there is almost always an issue we are dealing with with them, along with the possibility of hurt feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671616 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 20:17:46 +0000 alphagam84 2671616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's so weird. I don't know why anyone would go buy a gift when they knew someone had already purchased it. I would definitely call my MIL out like others have mentioned by saying " we already told you we bought this, why did you buy it?" and tell her to return it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671152 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 20:04:45 +0000 Astro Bee 2671152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: That's really annoying. But good to hear you have a positive attitude about it. I used to, but it's just been too much, and I've lost all humour WRT my MIL. My mom and I were just talking about this. Her twin sister does the same thing, too, although not to the extent and regularity that my MIL does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671151 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 20:01:07 +0000 Astro Bee 2671151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: That's what I can't figure out, wouldn't you be happy to buy something unique? Before DS was born, she used to do the same with gifts for me that my mom had bought. She still does, or actually buys me stuff she bought me the year before, or clothes that don't fit, or are in her style. Never a gift receipt in sight.</p> <p>@catomd00: Glad to hear someone else never provides a gift receipt! She only lives 2 hours away, but the couple of times I sent it back for her to exchange, she came back with the wrong size again, or it was months later. I started to donate them, and have stopped getting clothes for myself. Maybe she noticed I never wore them. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671149 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 19:57:58 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2671149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So annoying!! I think you handled it well. I would probably resort to just buying what I wanted and using her's as back up...I don't know if that's right or wrong. My MIL's habit is to ask what the kids want for birthdays, etc., and if I tell her about the big gift we're getting them, she goes and gets it and acts like it was always "her" gift to give. It's kind of annoying, but then it works out because I don't have to spend as much! Ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671147 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 19:52:16 +0000 Astro Bee 2671147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I'll also see if there is a way to do this. Her big hobby is gardening, but it's also something that my mom and I do, so... She did get him a gardening gift set this year, aimed at 4-5 year olds. </p> <p>Aside from the double gifts, most of the rest weren't age appropriate. How is this possible, when ages are stamped all over things? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671145 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 19:48:39 +0000 Mrsbells 2671145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Astro Bee: so she just deliberately prefers to buy duplicates? So odd! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671144 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 19:46:47 +0000 Astro Bee 2671144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @Mrsbells: @BadgerMom: @yoursilverlining: @Iced Tea: @bubblegum: @kiddosc: Unfortunately, we have started suggested things to her, and it hasn't worked. For example, we will be starting potty training soon and have the potty for on the toilet but not the floor one. DH specifically said, hey can you buy this for him? She didn't. </p> <p>I keep thinking of all these other times it's happened. Last Chrstmas we said we were buying a wooden Hape walker, so she bought a FP one. What kid needs two walkers? So it's not just with my mom, she does this with everyone. I don't blame her for buying a double set of play food and dishes for his new kitchen (if it was an isolated incident), since you can always use a variety of them, but we had already bought some, and so had SIL. </p> <p>@Iced Tea: Maybe she does have some mental illness. I don't know. It could be drug related. They only do pot now (a lot of it), and I don't know if they did other stuff before. DH doesn't want to know, and it's not our scene, so we don't share confidences. </p> <p>Thanks for the feedback everyone. I think I will just be more forthright in the future about the double gifts, and not tell her what we are getting. I'll also be mentioning that we donated the pillow and other stuff, since it didn't work for me. Cause she will notice the new one. I will also offload more stuff to her house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671072 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 16:35:27 +0000 caterw 2671072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: What is up with the no gift receipt thing?? Especially for people who don't see LOs on an extremely regular basis- you never know what they already have! My MIL tends to buy clothes, rip the tags off, and not give a gift receipt and then they don't fit (or are a style I would absolutely not ever put my kids in, like sparkly character dresses with brightly colored ruffles). She will buy the same items again if she doesn't see DD in them.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671071 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 16:35:13 +0000 mediagirl 2671071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>this is incredibly frustrating. I like @looch's ideas and I would ask my mom to respond in the same way. Obviously it is not just hurting your feelings but your mom's, as well. Maybe you can work with her to come up with a common response to these questions. Instead of saying what you are getting, offer suggestions on what she can buy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2671044 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 16:19:14 +0000 Mrsbells 2671044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Astro Bee: think she genuinely doesnt know what to buy, maybe you can give her suggestions for things you actually need.<br /> i would have DH talk to her and say we already have it but thanks. altermatively i would just take it and return it for stire credit. I definitely wouldnt ever tell her anything about what you are planning to buy since that seems to be her thing<br /> I </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670943 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 14:47:23 +0000 Mama Bird 2670943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, that's so passive aggressively nasty. Leave the stuff at her house, or hand it back up her if she brings it over, and let her deal with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670901 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 13:04:23 +0000 BadgerMom 2670901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you handled it well. I think in the future I would play coy and when she asks what you're getting, tell her, "We haven't gotten anything yet, but I'm thinking about getting xyz." XYZ being things you don't actually intend to buy but you think LO would like. Then hopefully she'll go out and buy xyz and it won't duplicate anything you buy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670891 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 12:48:43 +0000 catomd00 2670891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom does it and I have gotten over the politeness with it and have no shame just saying thanks but we have this already, can you return it for me? Because she never gives a gift receipt. If it's something she mails us (she lives far away) I am just like thanks we have this already like i told you we did, but made a nice donation to *insert charity name here* ain't nobody got time or space for her antics! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670890 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 12:46:53 +0000 Meowkers 2670890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow this totally sounds like something my MIL would try. If it's toys I would say leave them at her house (just like you've been doing.)</p> <p>If the items are to be used at your house, like a nursing pillow or other baby care items, I would just say "thank you" and then put them away and not use them. Eventually I would donate them (if I couldn't return them). She doesn't need to know that you're not using the nursing pillow she purchased (just as an example).</p> <p>My MIL has a tendency to buy reach cheap stuff for my DD Cheap in quality, not just price. Most of it is junk. I just say thank you and put it away in the back of the closet, where it sits for a while until it gets donated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670873 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 11:18:56 +0000 yoursilverlining 2670873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How passive aggressive and petty!! Yikes! </p> <p>Definitely stop telling her what you or others actually bought; and instead just tell her what you want to receive. If she makes a stink about not being able to steal anyone's thunder anymore, mention (or have your husband mention, since it's his mom) the pattern you noticed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670858 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 10:44:40 +0000 Iced Tea 2670858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first thought when I read this was, "Wow, this MIL sounds mentally ill." I'm amazed that more than one of you has experienced this. Sounds super strange to me! I like the suggestions here to instead just tell her what you'd love her to buy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670854 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 10:28:48 +0000 kiddosc 2670854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would just call her out if this was my MIL. I wouldn't be nasty about it, and would probably kind of laugh as I said it, but would say "Susan, I just told you I bought one of these, why did you get another?" </p> <p>Otherwise, if she asks what you got, I would redirect and ask her if she needs gift ideas. Then give her ideas for things you can use. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670838 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 09:37:00 +0000 bubblegum 2670838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My one MIL had a serious problem with doing this all the time. So when she would address me about what to buy I always told her things that I needed and didn't want to buy. That way she feels like she's winning by buying stuff and I win by getting useful things :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670806 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 06:50:41 +0000 looch 2670806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What if you redirected her, and instead of telling her what your mom bought, tell her that you think XYZ would make a great addition? </p> <p>From what you've written, it sounds like there are some jealously or competition issues on your MIL's side of things, so I'd try the inclusion route and see if that bears any fruit. That's what I do with my MIL, I play up her strong suit and enlist her in things that she enjoys, such as knitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670801 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 06:40:25 +0000 Pancakes 2670801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Astro Bee: I think you're handling it the best you can, which is to avoid telling her about things you've already bought and letting her keep duplicates at her house. If she asks what you're getting for DS's birthday, maybe you could tell her you haven't decided, or say, "It's a surprise!" Tell your mom that this is the new game plan (whatever you decide to do) so that she won't tell MIL what she's bought either. Sorry you're dealing with this :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670760 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 22:22:53 +0000 Mrs. Oreo 2670760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Astro Bee: Aaah, gotcha! I do feel for your mom though. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670759 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 22:19:19 +0000 Astro Bee 2670759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@madisonbee: I am buying the nursing pillow I want for this baby and donating the one she bought me that I rarely used. Same goes for a few other items that she's given us that I didn't make a big deal of at the time. </p> <p>I don't make a big deal of this with my DH since she has other behaviour issues that I'd rather focus on, which is the reason she has never been alone in their house with our child. The couple of times I have mentioned the double-gifting he's said it's not a big deal. And I guess compared to the other stuff, it's not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670748 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 21:41:08 +0000 Mrs. Oreo 2670748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What the....really? I agree with @caterw about leaving them at her house. You have definitely handled it way better than I would if that happened to me. I would've kept my nursing pillow and use it when she's not around.</p> <p>What does DH think about her behavior? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670747 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 21:38:49 +0000 Astro Bee 2670747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It mostly bothers me when she buys things that other people, like my mom have already bought and excitedly told her about. Cause then their excitement at giving is diminished. My mom is particularly sensitive to this, and it's happened to her multiple times, even before baby came along. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670745 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 21:35:56 +0000 Astro Bee 2670745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: Thanks. I think so, too. In an effort to not upset her, I used to end up with duplicates in my house, or would try to exchange things on my own. It was exhausting and I do not have the time or energy for that anymore, being pregnant and having a toddler. So now I just leave/bring duplicates to her house, and try not to get pissed. I'm really not sure if she does it on purpose or if she's really forgetful and thinks we still need/want those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-it-when-family-buys-gifts-that-you-had-already-bought-which-they-already-knew-about#post-2670742 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 21:29:33 +0000 caterw 2670742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that leaving them at her house/ making her take them home is the best course of action. You can't control what people are going to buy, but you don't need to let her gift stuff you don't want or already purchased for you or your kids. </p>