https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 18:03:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2356033 Fri, 13 Nov 2015 17:47:58 +0000 hilsy85 2356033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tidybee: going to listen to them in the car on our way out of town tonight! thanks!</p> <p>@daniellemybelle: he actually refuses to watch DT, lol. so bizarre I know!! but thanks :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2356029 Fri, 13 Nov 2015 17:44:14 +0000 hummusgirl 2356029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tidybee: Thank you for recommending the podcast! I listened to one 8-minute episode so far and it rocked my parenting world. Now to put it into practice... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2355089 Fri, 13 Nov 2015 03:22:42 +0000 Tidybee 2355089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I'd suggest listening to the Lansbury podcasts too. I just got the jist of the subject much better when I heard it discussed rather than reading the article. It's called unruffled or something like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2355071 Fri, 13 Nov 2015 00:51:56 +0000 daniellemybelle 2355071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my LO is only 2 - different than 3 for sure - but we have had a lot of success with good ol' Daniel Tiger, "When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four," as well as, "Give a squeeze nice and slow, take a deep breath, and let it go." Maybe not helpful at all but if he's a Daniel Tiger fan, maybe try those episodes and see if revisiting the strategies when it starts as Daniel's idea helps? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2354156 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 13:32:45 +0000 hilsy85 2354156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@QueensBee: thanks! will definitely read through them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2353590 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 09:50:46 +0000 QueensBee 2353590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds so tough! Sorry you are dealing with this. It seems like you've gotten a lot of good advice and I hope you're able to find a strategy that works with your LO.</p> <p>We recently worked through a hitting phase but haven't yet had the transition to a new sibling (coming in January!), so I'm sure that adds a major element on all sides! I have a feeling I'll be referring to this thread for new tips and tricks soon...</p> <p>In our experience, it took a bit of time to work through this hitting phase, probably 3-4 weeks. It felt like forever but it did pass! Time outs also were a bust for us and just made him angrier. We generally followed Janet Lansbury's advice (a pp linked her site already): stay calm (use your calm CEO voice), block his hands or walk away, and provide language that doesn't judge his big feelings. </p> <p>Here are some of the Janet Lansbury articles that were helpful for us:<br /> <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/08/in-times-of-transition-our-children-need-to-feel-our-love-6-ways-to-help/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/08/in-times-of-transition-our-children-need-to-feel-our-love-6-ways-to-help/</a><br /> <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/07/my-preschooler-is-hitting-me/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/07/my-preschooler-is-hitting-me/</a><br /> <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/01/the-most-important-thing-to-know-about-your-childs-aggression/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/01/the-most-important-thing-to-know-about-your-childs-aggression/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline/page/2#post-2353491 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 09:12:58 +0000 BandDmommy 2353491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: in my personal experience, time outs made him even more mad. So we just stopped them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353490 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 09:10:17 +0000 hilsy85 2353490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I wish! I think that would be great for my sanity, lol. Unfortunately his school is only part time--2.5 hours a day, 4 days a week. It's private preschool not daycare. No way to increase hours!</p> <p>@BandDmommy: I don't do time outs for tantrums, I do time outs for behaviors, and then the time out causes the tantrum! I do generally just ignore the tantrum if he starts getting upset over not getting what he wants, for example. But the time out has not been working in decreasing the behaviors. </p> <p>@Ms maths: thanks! we definitely want to try to re-label time outs as "calm down time" or something because we don't like the negativity. I just don't know how I would get him to stay in something like that without physically holding him there, and I can't always be in there with him due to DD. but I will think about it and talk to DH, thanks for the ideas. ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353481 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 09:02:32 +0000 Ms maths 2353481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our oldest is only 2, so his ability to have a tantrum hasn't fully developed :bummed: But we recently went to a discipline education night at his daycare and got some ideas. I don't know that these will be helpful for you, but I figure it's better to share!<br /> -Rather than having a "time-out" spot, have something like a "calm-down" spot: a place where he can choose to go to calm down. At the school, there is a play tent in the director's office with a few toys. If a child is too worked up to safely stay in the classroom, they sometimes visit the director and she asks them if they would like to stay in the tent. There are a few quiet toys in the tent and they can stay as long as they like. She suggested at home, you might do something like have a sheet draped off a bookcase, with a few special books and toys.<br /> -Have a "bag of tricks" to help pull him back from "reptile" brain. When they are in the middle of a tantrum, they are going to have trouble listening and understanding what's going on. The teacher literally has a bag with some things that help pull kids back from "reptile" brain (the only thing I can remember right now is a feather for tickling) and the bag only comes out in situations like a tantrum.<br /> -For parents: try not to label the child's behavior (as mean or defiant or whatever) as it makes it harder for us to empathize. (So hard! But when I manage to do it, I do think it helps me deal with the situation.)</p> <p>Good luck!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353434 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 08:25:24 +0000 BandDmommy 2353434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: time outs didn't work. I find it easier to walk away until they calm down and talk through their emotions. He doesn't tend to have tantrums but he will get over excited and play rough and I have to calm him down. He hasn't done this in months though. My guess is your LO is going through a stage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353426 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 08:15:44 +0000 Modern Daisy 2353426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is putting him in school/daycare full time a possibility? it might give you all a break and I've found that our daycare is great about reinforcing discipline. I know it's not free.. But maybe it could just be for a few months while you all adjust? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353410 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 07:34:50 +0000 hilsy85 2353410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Baby Boy Mom: yep, no naps here either. I haven't noticed a difference with his diet, but can' hurt to try. </p> <p>@HLK208: thanks mama! I am going to try for more positivity and less negativity for sure. </p> <p>@JennyD: we actually started doing this before, because he doesn't nap 4 out of 7 days at least due to his school schedule. He goes to bed between 6:30 and 7 and sleeps 11-12 hours. No way we can do an earlier bedtime than that unfortunately! I don't know if it helps his behavior but at least it makes the difficult evenings shorter! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353397 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 07:14:08 +0000 cam 2353397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If the worst of it seems to be while you're feeding the baby, maybe there could be a couple special toys that he only gets to play with at feeding times, or a small immediate reward if he plays by himself at that time like a smartie or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353350 Thu, 12 Nov 2015 00:09:52 +0000 JennyD 2353350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Try putting him to bed half an hour earlier. </p> <p>Changed our lives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353317 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 23:07:25 +0000 HLK208 2353317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man. Hugs. That defiance sounds so familiar :silly: </p> <p>DS turned 3 right before DD was born and he was really tough for a good 6 months. Looking back, I would have just hugged him through it. When three year olds lash out, they need love. Obviously decipline immediately after the bad behavior but any other time during the day, I should have given extra cuddles and one on one time (easier said than done when you have a new baby). That's just my experience! :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353309 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 22:57:43 +0000 MrsSRS 2353309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How about a "your choices box" (or choose your own name)? Put a clear box out of reach but within clear sight. When the unwanted behavior happens, calmly take a favorite toy and place it in the box. Then carry on with your day. If he needs to be removed for safety put him in his room saying that he needs time to calm his body and make good choices and walk away. Go back when he is calm and move on with your day. Rinse and repeat. At the end of the day remind LO that he needs to make kind choices. If he doesn't make kind choices he will lose the privilege of using his favorite things. Then put the toys back where they belong and assure him that you know he will make kinder choices tomorrow and start it all over the next day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353296 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 22:44:26 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2353296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oy we had this behavior on and off for like a year...It was so frustrating! The only thing that helped was trying to make sure he was well fed (highly limited sugar), well rested (so hard because he decided to stop napping, but when he did nap his behavior was so good!), limited screen time (always more incidents after watching a show) and just busy. In terms of discipline we tried various things and I can't think of anything that was really a magic bullet. :/ being out of the house was good- but that is hard with a baby and the weather getting cooler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353270 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 22:12:20 +0000 Nutella 2353270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I'm sorry I have no advice but interested in the replies so far. I can empathise, my previously chillaxed 21mo LO seems to have just discovered his screaming lungs &amp; he has just started throwing and biting himself (!!?) and banging his head on the walls... Drives me bonkers as he will just scream even if I haven't said no, it's crazy! I'm praying it's just a phase! I've been giving him more 'quiet time' in his cot and he's a lot better after he's rested..but I don't know what your lo's naps are like. Sounds pretty common after the arrival of a sibling though...good luck anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2353088 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 19:44:51 +0000 hilsy85 2353088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: I think I am going to try that when we're alone at home (rather than around other friends) instead of time out. I love that book too, and that's a good idea as well!</p> <p>@Rockies11: yes madness for sure! thanks :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352970 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 17:14:37 +0000 Rockies11 2352970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: if she doesn't respond to it, I just let her have the tantrum, and repeat the phrase. She can tantrum for as long as she likes, if she feels like it. I also say "I will be right here if you need me" and move out of the way. With redirecting for behaviour, I just repeat, repeat, repeat, reinforce, reinforce, reinforce. I make sure I don't get hurt by moving out of the way if she's hitting, repeat what I want to go through her mind when she gets it eventually.</p> <p>I don't know that I think any behaviour is curable by anything other than consistency and the fullness of time. I just experiment and try and find things that work to keep me positive and not feeling in conflict and are congruent with the way that I would want to learn. I always think of the line "the purpose of discipline is to teach self-control", and then make sure that I feel like what I am doing is assisting her in reaching that end. </p> <p>It's really hard to be postpartum and dealing with lots of behaviour! It was madness over here for a long time after our new baby was born. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352937 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:47:11 +0000 hummusgirl 2352937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I had the answer because our (formerly angelic) 3 year old is pulling similar hijinks. We try for "natural consequences" when possible, so in your example, if you're around someone who's hitting, you would walk away and not play with them (for a few minutes). And stay calm and if he follows you, you say "I don't like to be around people who hurt me." </p> <p>Also, something I got from the "How to Listen" book was - when they're calm - try sitting down and talking to them about the problem. Come up with a list of ideas together for things you could do to get along better. Basically try to involve them in the solution. Write down all of his ideas and then decide which ones you want to try the next time it happens. </p> <p>I feel totally unqualified to answer this but those are a couple things that have (sort of) worked for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352926 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:38:57 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2352926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I'm saying ignore the initial small kick/poke, because you are saying it escalates. And move so there isn't a second. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352922 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:32:20 +0000 hilsy85 2352922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: how would you suggest I take him out of the situation if he is hitting without doing a time out? like just moving him to a different part of the room? or a different room with me? And I DO try to spend plenty of time playing with him one on one while DD is sleeping, which she does a lot--I feel like he gets a lot of attention actually, altough I'm sure it feels like less to him. The poking a prodding is usually when I am holding her and feeding her, but I can still and do still talk to him while I'm doing that so it's not like he's getting ignored. WOuld really love to hear any other suggestions, not trying to be difficult and shoot down what you're saying!</p> <p>I do think we need to stop/tone down the time outs because they are not working and starting to feel bad to me--like too isolative for him and having a negative effect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352913 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:27:31 +0000 ShootingStar 2352913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When he starts poking and prodding you before hitting, is he trying to get your attention? I'm just spit-balling, but I wonder if you tried to give him some more attention and ways to expend energy, then maybe he'd be less likely to tantrum? </p> <p>I know that's easier said than done. But maybe even just a few minutes of time while baby's in the swing or napping, you guys could read a book or do something else that he likes. </p> <p>Another idea is to stop the time outs. You could either ignore the behavior as much as possible and talk to him after he's calmed down, or take him out of the situation (calmly) and talk to him then about why we don't hit.</p> <p>Those are just some ideas from an foster/adoption class we took, because lots of foster kids don't respond well to time outs or to taking things away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352906 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:24:47 +0000 hilsy85 2352906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: will check it out!!! and don't be too impressed, we do it a lot of days--it's just not a given, because when he expects it his behavior gets even worse. DH gave him an hour this morning before I had even gotten out of bed with the baby though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352905 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:23:57 +0000 hilsy85 2352905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: so perfect example of his defiance--DD is napping and we just read books in my bed together. it was so nice and then we got up to get more books. He asked for milk and water, I got his water and was on my way to get his milk and said "Let's pick more books now" and he said, "NO! I don't want to read anything!". Major pout face. WTF!?!?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352896 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:20:21 +0000 hellobeeboston 2352896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: and, I'm impressed you don't do screen time every day with a newborn at home. HOW???? We've been so bad with the baby at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352894 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:19:37 +0000 hellobeeboston 2352894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you heard of the cotton ball (or whatever) rewards jars?<br /> <a href="http://www.yourmodernfamily.com/reward-system-for-children/" rel="nofollow">http://www.yourmodernfamily.com/reward-system-for-children/</a></p> <p>My friend is doing this with her twin 3-year olds and it's working really well for them. They get either an experience or object or favorite food if they fill their jar. She said there are some tantrums around "losing a cotton ball" but it seems to be working out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352890 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:18:12 +0000 hilsy85 2352890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: yes I seriously doubt myself as a parent all the time now. This is so hard! I guess we were in a honeymoon period with the baby before now... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-toddler-discipline#post-2352884 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:15:55 +0000 Freckles 2352884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I understand - i haven't dealt with hitting so i don't know how hard it is to hold them when they are doing that! I would think that walking away is a consequence because you're not letting him get a rise out of you, and you're not giving him the attention he is probably trying to get? </p>