https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 05:27:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2075111 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:58:15 +0000 Aria 2075111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a great article. My parents are coming at the end of this week for a whole week and the day my parents leave the inlaws are coming for a whole week. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of everyone being in my tiny apartment for hours on end every day. I really wish I could send them this article without seriously offending someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2075068 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:34:35 +0000 Astro Bee 2075068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Worried about this. My parents are flying in a week before my EDD, because my mom doesn't want to miss the birth. Not sure what she thinks she's going to be doing, because she is not coming into L&amp;D with me! Also, if I have to labour at home for awhile, I plan to seclude myself in our bedroom with just DH. But I digress...</p> <p>I'm sure my mom will be a big help with cleaning and cooking, but it's the first grandchild on both sides, and I'm afraid her and MIL will be grabby with him. Our dads are pretty laid back, but don't do cooking/cleaning in their own homes. Not sure how long my parents are planning to stay, but it sounds like my in-laws expect to stay for several days. They only live 2 hrs drive away, to my parents' 5 hr flight. My MIL said that she plans to jump in the car as soon as she finds out I'm in labour, and she asked that we have the spare bed in the basement set up for them. </p> <p>So it sounds like it's going to be a full house, which could mean lots of help, or lots of interference. To make matters worse, one's asked my preferences on the matter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2075018 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:03:46 +0000 Ash 2075018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great read! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2074981 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 10:49:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2074981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was seen as an absolute dictator when I had my son (I allowed my mom to fly in when my water broke but only allowed DH at the hospital until after the baby was born. We ended up with an emergency c-section 36 hours later so my family didn't see the baby until a full day after DS was born. I did that because I am an introvert and get stressed out and even without my family I had a meltdown twice at the hospital because there were so many nurses and people harassing me. After baby we had no visitors for a long time other than my mom who stayed 3 weeks to help and I didn't let anyone touch him but my parents and my brother for several weeks. My inlaws came at 6 weeks and I had two friends who were nurses who got to hold him but otherwise that was it. For like 2 months. </p> <p>I was like this because I was on high alert for PPD/PPA (which I ended up getting diagnosed for at 10 weeks postpartum) and I have no regrets because my son was a colicky refluxed hot mess for a solid 11 weeks and I wanted to die. If I had people up in my grill during that time I would have gone insane. </p> <p>The absolute best way people loved on us was just by praying for us and sending encouraging check in text messages. My SIL said to me in one text: YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE. ITS SO HARD BUT YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. I will never forget that message. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2074914 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 10:17:09 +0000 Orchid 2074914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love this article! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2074907 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 10:13:16 +0000 blackbird 2074907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I wish I had, too, and that's one of my goals this time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073909 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:57:53 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2073909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: </p> <p>I wish I had spoken up more about my needs as a first time mom. I still remember a lot of things like how people would overstay their welcome for hours on end, and me thinking in the back of my mind, "please leave... I'm so tired.. so so tired." - I haven't forgotten! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073854 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:37:05 +0000 Mrs. Twine 2073854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The whole idea that a baby is somehow communal property just pisses me off no end. And the idea that as their parent, I am just supposed to hand them to whoever to hold and snuggle because "everyone loves a baby?" Don't get it. I love babies. I really do. But if someone wants me to hold theirs, they will offer. This was a great read, and definitely something I wish more people would keep in mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073827 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:21:42 +0000 Torchwood 2073827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Posted to FB! My family is definitely in the "come over and visit and hold baby for hours" camp, whereas I'm an introvert and extremely stressed by people in my house. I emphasized the "Bringing a new family food is a wonderful gesture. Leaving the food on the doorstep with a kind and supportive note, is an even kinder gesture. I know you want to see that baby. Babies are so wonderful to see. But again, this isn’t about you," on my post. Hopefully they'll at least think first before making assumptions about who we're letting visit and for how long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073811 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:15:50 +0000 blackbird 2073811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I hope so and that is what i'm really banking on!!!! I feel like "new mom" just puts just neon lights over your head or something when it comes to this stuff :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073807 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:15:16 +0000 lamariniere 2073807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is great! I feel like my hospital experience with my 2nd LO was very much in line with this article (unlike my 1st!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073793 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:05:58 +0000 Adira 2073793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Hopefully it'll be easier for you the second time around. It was for me. The hormonal meltdown didn't hit me this time around and I felt much more confident in myself as a mother, so things didn't bother me as much this time around. Plus I think my confidence was apparent to others - there hasn't been nearly as much of people trying to "help" me! And it helps having a toddler around for people to interact with when I want my baby back! I hope things go smoother for you this time around too. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073775 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:57:41 +0000 blackbird 2073775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: I totally posted it to FB and moms have been sharing it, liking it, and messaging me privately about how great of an article it is :) I just added a generic caption: "love for all the mamas" so it wasn't obviously "HEY TALKING TO YOU ABOUT OUR BABY" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073771 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:56:25 +0000 travelgirl1 2073771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love this! Especially the bit about giving the baby back to mum! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073768 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:54:41 +0000 Mae 2073768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So much yes. But mostly the last bit. Seriously everyone just go away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073758 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:50:23 +0000 LuLu Mom 2073758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is great, I'm trying to decide if I want to post to FB! haha I don't' want to ruffle any feathers, but I'm 30 days out and it might be a nice reminder to people like "hey this is our baby (as in my and my husbands) it's not a community baby. </p> <p>I hated when people took my crying baby from me like they could do it better or "doing me a favor." I'm the mother let me handle her and if I get overwhelmed then I'll ask you to take over so I can get a breather (I had a reflux baby so she cried a lot, sometimes I needed a break, but let me ask for it!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073744 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:42:45 +0000 Alivoo01 2073744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073723 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:36:48 +0000 illumina 2073723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><i>"How you treat a new mom matters. It matters for a long time. She will remember those that are kind to her. She will remember those that are not."</i></p> <p>This is SO true! I've never been a person to hold grudges, apart from after LO was born and I'll never forget how certain people acted towards me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073717 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:35:13 +0000 sera_87 2073717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL needs to read the "don't judge" part. And she "asks" but her tone is not helpful in the slightest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073674 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 14:14:56 +0000 jedeve 2073674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG YES on the hand baby back to mom part. </p> <p>No one would ever do that for me and I felt too awkward saying no. I literally, on multiple occasions, had someone take the crying baby out of my arms. It made me feel like a shit mom and I really, really struggled with that feeling for my baby's whole first year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073558 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:22:40 +0000 blackbird 2073558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Nope, you do NOT forget. It's all pretty fresh in my mind while I think about how i want to handle it again, BEFORE i turn into a super hormonal mess. I'm rational now, ya know? </p> <p>But yes, the watch mom part is so key here. And i think a lot of people DO have good intentions but just...don't think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073546 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:17:06 +0000 MenagerieMama 2073546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I could have printed the "watch mom" part for my maternity leave! I got so upset when people would steal LO though I'm sure they meant well. The first time I cried postpartum was when my mom wouldn't give up holding LO and told me to heat up leftovers for dinner instead (she had bought things to cook that night). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073516 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:09:19 +0000 Adira 2073516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Fantastic article!! I just posted it on FB. I have a friend about to have her first baby, so this is a good reminder to me, even though I've been there myself.</p> <p>@blackbird: I had the same thing happen to me, although not in those words. I told my ILs I wasn't up for a visit when I was in the middle of the 2 week growth spurt and I was dealing with the baby blues, and they basically implied I was being selfish and that they had a right to see their new grandson. It made me feel like shit when I already felt terrible and I will probably never forget that they made me feel that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073515 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:08:53 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2073515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Loved this! Especially the first section where it talks about how she'll remember who is kind to her and a cute baby isn't an excuse for you to act like a jerk. My mom needs to read that whole article! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073510 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:07:05 +0000 MrsBrewer 2073510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow that is a great article!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073505 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:06:04 +0000 Tanjowen 2073505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great post. I loved the advice about watching Mom's cues. I hated when everyone would take the baby and try to make me go nap. I wanted my baby and it just worsened my anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073473 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 12:52:18 +0000 autumnlove 2073473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073392 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 12:17:20 +0000 loki 2073392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>wow i need to send this to my mom! thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073389 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 12:15:55 +0000 Mrs. Deer 2073389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What a wonderful post! So so true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-love-mom#post-2073383 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 12:12:16 +0000 blackbird 2073383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read this article yesterday and thought it was lovely. Autumnlove's post on having PP help (or "help") reminded me of it as I think about the influx of visitors and how I want DH and I to handle it in about 3 months. Mostly, I just don't want a repeat of feeling like my needs and wants were steamrolled. I even had someone tell me, "it's not about you, it's about the baby" when I said I didn't want visitors right away. </p> <p>So:</p> <p><a href="http://homecomingdoula.com/2015/02/how-to-love-mom-two-words/" rel="nofollow">http://homecomingdoula.com/2015/02/how-to-love-mom-two-words/</a></p> <p> :heart: </p>