Hellobee Boards Topic: How to "Not Try?"

Hellobee Boards Topic: How to "Not Try?" https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 12:59:40 +0000 jocole on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-444737 Wed, 12 Dec 2012 11:48:02 +0000 jocole 444737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @runnerd: Thanks! Great suggestions. I can easily see myself spending loads of time on those sites. :-) I think I'm gonna try to stay away for a few weeks and see how that goes. But not to worry HB - I'll be back! :-) Happy Holidays! mlm2934 on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-443895 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 20:37:23 +0000 mlm2934 443895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @jocole: hmmm I could think of a million... gawker, thoughtcatolog, younghouselove. What kind of blogs you like (home, style, fitness?) and I can throw some more ideas out. And of course I Pinterest stalk all day jocole on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-443886 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 20:30:39 +0000 jocole 443886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @alayaya: @runnerd: Glad to hear I'm not the only one who completely internalizes every one elses posts! I guess I'm going to try to stay away for a little while... it's going to be so hard! Especially since I just started a new job and while they figure out what to do with me I've been having A LOT of downtime in front of the computer. Any suggestions of non-baby related sites to surf?? mlm2934 on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-443319 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 15:13:05 +0000 mlm2934 443319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @jocole: HB definitely makes it worse for me bc I constantly think of questions and start researching on HB and google. I'm worries about 100x things that could be wrong with me based on one or two comments or articles, every time I have an odd pain or cramp. But I can't stop reading!!!! alayaya on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-443246 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 14:42:38 +0000 alayaya 443246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @jocole: I've started to stay away from HB and Baby Center recently, since we've gone back to NTNP. I feel like it just sort of bums me out but also makes me feel a bit more stressed (like you were describing). Staying away from these sites helps me to keep my mind off of baby making. jocole on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-443130 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 13:36:30 +0000 jocole 443130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Again, so much good stuff. Thanks all. Here's another question to go along with this topic - Could trolling around HB be not helping? I love to read all the POAS threads and see how everyone is doing, but I do notice that as I go through them, I start to tense up and get anxious along with all the other ladies in their TWW - even when I'm not in mine yet! I also love to look at the Baby Bump thread - I want it to be inspiration that maybe someday soon I'll be able to post on there too! But maybe it's just making me feel bummed that I'm not on there already. So, what do you think? If I'm going to "not try" or at least try to chill out about it a little bit, should I try to ween myself from HB for a while? red_seattle on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-442485 Tue, 11 Dec 2012 02:11:20 +0000 red_seattle 442485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's the attitude, not what you do, I think. We were using FAM to prevent pregnancy, and decided to NTNP. We were in no rush and were just ok with getting pregnant sometime, eventually, in the next couple of years. We conceived the first month. I had kept taking my temps more bc my cycle length varies and it was awesome knowing when my period would start... so I knew I was ovulating the day we conceived, but we didn't go out of our way to have sex either. Baby-making wasn't the goal, it just would've been a happy bonus. So you can still chart while NTNP, you just have to approach it with a relaxed attitude. mizjl on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-441963 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 18:46:25 +0000 mizjl 441963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Some might disagree with me but I actually found charting and temping relaxing. It gave me relief when I confirm O based on temps. The hardest part for me was not to spot symptoms, because every cramp in the TWW would be "oh, is that implantation?" I guess this doesn't really help you much but I really don't think you can "not try" because you still want the same result regardless - a baby! And that's okay! I honestly found it more stressful when people asked me when I'm having a baby... and this was when they didn't even know we were trying! Try to give yourself a window when you have sex just to have sex, and not have sex to have a baby. I found that to be fun when I know I wasn't even in my fertile week. Alivoo01 on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-440881 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 10:43:53 +0000 Alivoo01 440881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ For me, this meant, not waking up every morning and be like "must.pee.for.o.p.k", then sit there and wait to see if it was positive or not. Then when we BD, I quit tensing up and commanding myself, "butt up/elevated, clench cheeks to prevent ooze, etc". And I quit stressing about if there's a baby in there and symptom spotting like crazy. Every time I felt myself stressing or tensing up, I'd tell myself to relax and just breathe. While the thought never fully goes away, not stressing 24/7 really did help! tororojo on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-440837 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 10:30:12 +0000 tororojo 440837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We quit charting and paying attention to temps. The bad thing is that I have no idea when I ovulated (it was an unusually long cycle) so my due date is based solely off of an early ultrasound. I'm interested to see if it's accurate! Grace on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-440614 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 07:45:57 +0000 Grace 440614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @jocole: I think we successfully went back to NTNP this month. Like you, we're up to a year of trying and I'm so sick of "trying". I'm tired of the waiting, tired of fussing, tired of stressing. For me, I think the key was that we were ok if we "missed the egg". In past months, I'd be very aware of doing everything "right" around O time (be on the bottom, lay down for 20 minutes, scheduling sex, etc.). It's not that I didn't know when I was going to ovulate this time (like other's have said, you can't unlearn your body's clues), I just didn't worry about having sex at a specific time in a specific way. It was much more a psychological mindset than anything else. Oh, and I did keep charting because my cycles can be wonky and I stress out less if I know where I am in my cycle. But I skipped days when I wanted to sleep in etc. And thank goodness I did keep it up because I ended up having a freak 44 day cycle. jocole on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-440384 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 21:05:57 +0000 jocole 440384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @BabyLove: @Anagram: @Rainbow Sprinkles: @ladyfingers: @sarac: @alayaya: @FriedBabyMama: Thank you all so much for your comments! This far, all I've really done is OPKs. I haven't done any temping and charting. This last month we did the lie down with your legs up for 20 minutes thing every time. But based on all of your comments, it sounds like the key to NTNP is really to stop focusing on baby making, and start just focusing on each other a little bit more. After all, the reason I want to have a baby is because I love him so much that I just want more of him in the world! :-) @chibee: I know exactly what you are saying - We all know too much! Thank you for the warning. I should be aware that not knowing exactly which day to POAS and have an answer could also drive me a little bit crazy. Mrs. Confetti on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-440319 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 20:22:44 +0000 Mrs. Confetti 440319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We pulled the goalie and started out NTNP, but after a few months, I got really high strung with the temping and charting. Finally, about 10 months later, my husband had to travel for work for a bit, and I relaxed some because I assumed we wouldn't be able to be together at the "right times". Around then, we got a puppy (which was a crazy distraction and probably relaxed me a bit), and then we had some increased intimate time after the travel-related time apart, and voila - BFP. So I'd say...don't let it run your life, make sure you make time or the things that made you happy before you became so focused on baby baby baby, and maybe the happy hormones will help! Good luck!! alayaya on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-440308 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 20:08:52 +0000 alayaya 440308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Last cycle I didn't calculate my o day or the day my af was supposed to start. I considered myself NTNP since I was trying pretty hard not to pay attention to any symptoms. Our sex life was definitely better this month though, since it was more spontaneous and less focused on the "goal" so to speak. "Not Trying" didn't work for us though. I'm still not pregnant. chibee on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439562 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:44:37 +0000 chibee 439562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had posted almost the same exact question about a month ago. after trying i wanted to try something different, but it's hard to go from actively TTC to NTNP - it was basically impossible for me. I had known too much, it was too hard for me to turn my brain off - and my personality is such that it was too difficult for me to pretend to not care when i wanted it so, so badly. I failed pretty badly at NTNP this cycle - it's been actually more stressful for me to try to not try if that makes sense. and my cycle has gone completely wacko. so for me, NTNP didn't work - it didn't reduce any stress, because i simply don't know how to stop! I hope that you can achieve what you are trying to achieve but beware, it might be more stressful to try to not care and not try haha sarac on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439418 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 19:57:26 +0000 sarac 439418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yeah, it's impossible to not care. I got pregnant the month that I stopped having sex every single day, stopped laying there with my knees up, stopped only doing the 'best' positions. We just had sex on the good days when we felt like it, and then went about our business. Done. Right now, not trying means not specifically noting when I'm fertile. We'd like to be pregnant, but we're so enjoying this 'not trying' phase. So, we're making an effort to go to bed before we're exhausted and just instantly fall asleep. We're making an effort to specifically spend time together while the baby is asleep instead of running around cleaning or something. Lots of stuff like that which will hopefully add up to plenty of sex, but in a positive no stress way. ladyfingers on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439406 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 19:41:29 +0000 ladyfingers 439406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ To me, the line between trying and not trying was that when we "weren't trying," I wasn't charting or temping or paying attention to cervical mucous or trying to time sex at a particular time of the month. I wasn't freaking out if we didn't do it at week 2 in my cycle, etc. I think it's hard not to mentally wish for it, but you can take some of the pressure off by taking away the other stuff. Rainbow Sprinkles on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439390 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 19:25:07 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 439390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband and I are currently NTNP. (We actually got pregnant when we were NTNP, but that's a different story!) However, m,y situation is a little bit different than yours because we already have a baby. I know the pressure to get pregnant drops a lot when you are trying for your second. That being said, I don't chart. I don't temp. I am simply planing on watching out for EWCM and then making sure we are having sex when I have it (even if I get it twice in one cycle, which I occasionally do). I usually get it for three days, and we will have sex every one of those days. Are you temping? Do you know if EWCM is a good predictor of ovulation for you? I personally feel that the act of taking a temperature DAILY, messing with a finnicky chart and other daily tasks that go into actively TTC can be a big stressor for a woman. I think taking that stress away is what makes NTNP different from TTC. I know that isn't the great advice, because nothing is going to change how badly you want a baby. Hang in there. Enjoy your husband. Thinking of you! Anagram on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439385 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 19:12:57 +0000 Anagram 439385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm not at all qualified to give you advice, but I'll you some of my own experiences. My husband and I had one month of NTNP, which meant (to me) that we stopped using prevention methods, but I wasn't charting or temping and to be honest, didn't even use an online calculator to figure out when I might be ovulating. I don't have exact 28 day cycles, so I honestly had no idea when I might be ovulating. But because of hurricane Sandy, my husband and I both couldn't go to work for 5 week days, so we were basically in the house together for 9 days total (2 weekends and the week between), without a lot to do, and we did it pretty much every day, once twice a day. And we got pregnant. So, although we weren't "trying", we obviously gave ourselves a lot of opportunity for it to happen. -I had a friend who tried for a year to get pregnant, and didn't...through periods of NTNP, charting and temping, and back to NTNP. They finally went to a fertility specialist and found out there was an issue that (thankfully) could be helped with various methods, and a year after that, they conceived. So if there's an issue, all the NTNP in the world isn't going to work. -one of my other best friends was "trying" for over a year to conceive and didn't. She and her husband went to a doctor and they found nothing medically wrong. A year or so later (after 8 years of marriage) she got a divorce. One of the reasons (among many) was that her husband had a v. low sex drive and she would have to cajole him into having sex mayyyybe twice a month if she was lucky. She didn't share that with us until she was divorced. That was the "real reason" they didn't conceive. She got remarried 3 years later and got pregnant within 6 months. So....it's different for everyone and there are different reasons behind how long everyone takes, and people aren't always comfortable sharing what's going on in their sex lives so it's hard for the rest of us to get "tips", you know? In any case....Good luck. There are many paths to having a baby, and hopefully, one of them will work out for you! =) In the meantime, keep working on having fun with your husband. Enjoy the time you have to just have sex without interruption! BabyLove on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439364 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 18:35:31 +0000 BabyLove 439364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it might be impossible to completely stop trying. The idea, I assume, is to just have sex for the sake of having sex and enjoying the act. But there will always be the hope, even if it's in the back of your mind, that you conceive. I do think though, that it's important to try to just enjoy each other. It will work :) jocole on "How to "Not Try?"" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-not-try#post-439357 Sat, 08 Dec 2012 18:29:33 +0000 jocole 439357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ So we all know how it goes, "The month I got pregnant was when I finally stopped trying!". My question to you is... what does this really mean? The hubs and I have been ttc for almost a year now. I had a chemical pregnancy after a few months, so I feel pretty ok about our chances of eventually conceiving. At this point, I'm pretty sure that my anxiety and over-thinking everything in the TWW is a factor in our lack of success. I know that it's simply part of my personality to be hyper-analytical, so I've given up trying to shut that part of my brain down. I'm guess I'm just looking for words of wisdom about how to retrain my brain to take a chill pill and let go of how badly we want to be pregnant. What does NTNP mean to you? What changed for you when you decided to "Not Try"?