https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 20:43:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-425568 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 16:11:16 +0000 jennylynn 425568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: I'm scared to bring it up to him because I don't think that he sees it as a "problem". She's coddled him his entire life so it's "normal" to him. It's what's expected, and the last thing I want to do is offend him, or start a fight between the 2 of us. He tends to be very defensive when it comes to his mom since she is *SOOOOO* sensitive, and there has already been a few episodes where she took things way too personally. I'm trying to wait for a good time to bring it up. I hate dealing with MIL situations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-425466 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 15:39:35 +0000 SugarplumsMom 425466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would hint about the book <i>Bringing Up Bébé</i> and try to get her to read it. It's not about MILs (so it won't be obvious) but I think it does a good job pointing out that children *need* to learn to live their own lives in order to have a successful relationships. </p> <p>I have an issue with mothers that need to snip their apron stings and let their full-grown sons live their OWN lives. Children are not entertainment and they need to learn to deal with the fact that life won't always revolve around them. Ok, end of my own rant =P</p> <p>But I agree with Mr. Bee, get DH to deal with it if you can, especially since she's sensitive - you don't wanna deal with drama on top of all that smothering! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-425431 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 15:19:33 +0000 heffalump 425431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it would probably be easier to talk to your DH. My rule when dealing with my in laws is always his family, he has to deal with it. I know it sounds like he doesn't want to because he gets a good deal with his mom always coming around and helping.... but hopefully if you tell him how much and why it bothers you he will understand and ask her to back off a little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-425421 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 15:16:01 +0000 banana 425421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennylynn: The frequent visits drives me nuts. But I just take a deep breath and just manage my temper as much as possible. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-425415 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 15:14:47 +0000 jennylynn 425415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: So annoying isn't it?! Then I feel guilty for being annoyed by her help. Ugh. I totally get what you mean though about it just being us. I get he's her baby and she loves him, but she needs to give us space as a family too. </p> <p>I have to say, I don't think I could handle it if she was at our house that much like your MIL! So major kuddos to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-425242 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 14:08:27 +0000 banana 425242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennylynn: OMG, do we have the same husband and MIL??</p> <p>It's crazy how similar your situation is to mine! I love my MIL to pieces but she oversteps her boundaries way too often. My DH is an only child so she coddles him to no end. And of course he loves it. Why wouldn't he? His mama does everything for him. My MIL comes over 2-3 times a week, every week. On Saturdays, she stays with us basically all day. The only days we get to spend together as a family are Saturdays/Sundays because my DH and I both work full time. But she still insists on coming over. Most of the time, we take the kids out to the park or to run errands and she just sits in the back of the car and follows us around from place to place. When my DH is left alone with the baby, even just for an hour, she insists on coming over to help him out. What's really annoying to me is when she comes over to our house and it's just her and my DH, she cooks this huge elaborate dinner for him. I know she means well (she really does!) but it's almost like she's thinking "Ok finally my poor son can eat a decent meal!". Almost like she's criticizing my cooking? I dunno. </p> <p>I can TOTALLY see the only child thing in my DH, which is why I told him we will not have only one child. One of my friends is an only child and she's not like this at all. So I know it's not "only' the only child thing. I think it's a combination of only child + MIL's personality.</p> <p>Anyhow...sorry to go off topic. What helped me was talking to my DH. I had a heart to heart talk with him a few months ago and told him how I felt. I chose my words verrrrrry carefully though because I didn't want to offend him in any way. I just told him that I LOVE my MIL and consider her to be my second mom. And that I love having her around and truly appreciate her help. But sometimes I just want us to be us and that I want to experience parenting (ups and downs) together, just the two of us. At first I think he was a little offended (but not too much so). And he said he would think about it. I agree with PPs. I wouldn't talk to her to directly and would go through your husband instead. You don't want to cause any weird feelings between you and your MIL, especially since she means well and isn't trying to impose or bug you. My MIL is super sensitive too. So I told my DH to be very gentle with her and not make it seem like I was the one that was complaining, because I know that she wouldn't take that very well. He eventually had a chat with her and she started coming over a little less frequently. But she's still definitely around. </p> <p>At the end of the day, I decided to just try and ignore it as much as possible. Because deep down, I know she totally means well and does everything for him/me/the kids out of love and concern. And I can't really blame her for that. I hear so many MIL horror stories and am grateful that she's not one of "those" MILs! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-424920 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:22:18 +0000 prettylizy 424920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with mrbee, you should address your issues with him as gently as possible and he can deal with his mother. We have a pretty strict "I deal with mine you deal with yours" policy when it comes to parental issues. It saves a lot of face for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-424912 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:19:03 +0000 mrbee 424912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Might be easier if you talk to him instead? He can always ask for the space himself... plus, he could stop complaining to her!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-politely-tell-mil-to-back-off-a-little#post-424903 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:16:22 +0000 jennylynn 424903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love my MIL. She is super sweet, and always willing to help, and it's nice to know we have that support. But with that being said, sometimes she's just too much. </p> <p>Sometimes I just feel like she kinda oversteps her boundaries. Not on purpose, and I know she only means well, so I can't really be *mad*, it just irritates me. DH is her only child, so needless to say, he's her baby. They have a very close relationship and that's awesome, but sometimes I just want to tell her to *let him grow up* and stop babying him. He has LO by himself 3 days a week from 10-3, and anytime he has the slightest complaint, she offers to rush home from work to help him, or take LO. It doesn't matter what it is-if he's sleepy, if his throat hurts, if he's got a headache. It annoys me to no end. He had a tooth pulled yesterday morning, and she told me several times that she could come home early if he needed her today. And he's totally fine. He was totally fine last night. I know it sucks to be home with a baby when you're sleepy or not feeling 100%, but sometimes you just have to man up and stick it out. And she doesn't let him do that. He doesn't understand why I don't do the same, or why I think it's important for him to have his alone time with LO, and why I have to stay at work sometimes.</p> <p>I feel like she kind of steps on my toes a little too, because while I understand he's her baby, he's my husband now. I want to be able to rely on each other, and not have his mom swoop in save him everytime he sneezes. I've left work early before when I felt he genuinely needed me to be there, but I think sometimes he can be a little dramatic (like most men) and she def. doesn't help the situation.</p> <p>I just want to tell her to back off a little, and let us breath. I can take care of my family and I want to be the one to do so. And if we need her help, we have no issue asking for it. I love her to death, and I don't mean to sound unappreciative, but it's suffocating sometimes. </p> <p>She's sooooo sensitive and gets her feelings hurt super easily, so talking to her about it isn't really an option. I guess this was just more to vent, than hoping for an easy solution.... :) </p>