Hellobee Boards Topic: How to raise girls with a good self image?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How to raise girls with a good self image? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 04:44:28 +0000 anandam on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image/page/2#post-1527085 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 16:58:08 +0000 anandam 1527085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ As you said I think the biggest thing we can do is have a good self/body image ourselves and make sure our partners echo admiration of our female body/self. Pretty sure my issues can all be traced to Mom's comments about herself (and others) or to the way my Dad talked about her. MrsStormy on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image/page/2#post-1527054 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 16:38:59 +0000 MrsStormy 1527054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm a little late to this party but I agree with a lot of what has been said. I really believe in modeling healthy attitudes about my self to my children, I believe its important to not just avoid criticizing myself in front of my daughter but show her I take care of myself (which I am totally still working on, having a baby killed my self care motivation), by eating healthy more often than not, putting on clothes that make me feel good about myself. I think it is important to genuinely help myself get to a place where I feel good about myself whether that takes extra effort getting dressed, putting on make up or just mentally re framing my perspective of myself. I also think its important to balance telling my daughter she is lovely and beautiful with telling her she is smart, she is kind, she is talented, or whatever. Even now at only 6 months old she gets told all the time how beautiful she is, I always make a point of telling her (and whoever else) that while yes she is beautiful, she is more beautiful on the inside than she is on the outside because she is sweet, kind, and fun. It is so important to instill self worth in our daughers and I think to have that they need to feel good about the way they look, they need to know that we think they are beautiful, but even more important they need to know they are worth SO MUCH MORE than just their physical appearance, which is also something I think we can help them with by modeling, through how we treat others, how we interact with friends, how we invest our time outside of our family and within out family. Mrs. High Heels on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image/page/2#post-1526226 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:10:52 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1526226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think modeling is huge. I am very conscious about never criticizing myself or other women. I don't assign "good" or "bad" foods - she's allowed to eat everything within moderation. I try to set an example by living a healthy lifestyle.. sometimes I even do home workouts with her right next to me so she's just jumping up and down while I exercise. I want our focus as a family to be about health, wellness, and strength… not about a number on a scale or the size of your clothes. @blackbird: Agree! MsLipGloss on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526224 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:10:05 +0000 MsLipGloss 1526224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @gingerbebe: I agree with that . . . I was hardly ever told that I was pretty, and that, combined with a couple of other things, created life-long insecurity issues for me. gingerbebe on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526208 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:07:08 +0000 gingerbebe 1526208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm not really convinced that avoiding the issue of beauty is all that helpful. I've had girlfriends who were raised by parents who were very gender neutral and stressed how competent, how smart, how independent they were, but never told them they were beautiful or pretty. Most of them ended up with a complex about it because they never saw themselves as attractive - and they were smoking hot! I think for me, I want to tell my daughters they are precious and beautiful regardless of what they look like or what society's measure of beauty is. I want them to know that they are beautiful whether they like frilly pink dresses or want to dress in overalls and play in the mud. immabeetoo on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526137 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:54:57 +0000 immabeetoo 1526137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Oh and keep all those women's magazines out of the house and gossip/celebrity shows off the tv! I'm so lucky my mom didn't have that crap around. Beyond2 on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526126 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:53:35 +0000 Beyond2 1526126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have a daughter but this is my biggest fear! I lost a very good friend of mine to bulimia/ depression. She couldn't see past her view of herself and took her own life two years ago. I really hope that if I have daughters I can impart good self esteem and a solid self image. It was heartbreaking to watch my friend struggle in and out of therapy and in the end lose the battle. MrsH on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526124 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:53:29 +0000 MrsH 1526124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lawbee11: ugh - so sad about the little girls. I agree that it starts with how you portray your own body image and starting to outwardly show confidence. I also agree that all things are ok in moderation. Already instead of focusing on how cute she is we try and talk about how smart she is, how nice she is, etc. immabeetoo on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526121 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:53:19 +0000 immabeetoo 1526121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @blackbird said a lot of my thoughts. There's a good article about telling girls they're something other than beautiful- that you're not implicitly reinforcing that their looks matter above all. Ill try to find it. hilsy85 on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526040 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:42:55 +0000 hilsy85 1526040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @blackbird: I agree with that re: involving therapy. My sister and I both dealt with EDs for many years, and I think a big part of it was that our parents just kind of turned a blind eye...there was a big veil around the issues we were obviously having, and no one wanted to discuss them or confront us about it. At the time, I didn't want to be confronted, but looking back, I can't imagine seeing my child like that and NOT intervening. SO I think being really open and having good communication with my kids is really important. (in addition to modeling healthy eating/healthty habits/healthy exercise habits, etc etc). yoursilverlining on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526021 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:40:24 +0000 yoursilverlining 1526021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @septca: My mom made a similar comment to me - "I was never over 115 pounds until I was pregnant with you!". I was skinny all my life, so it never hit home until I was pregnant, and well over 115 pounds. I thought about what she said a lot. Like most parenting topics – I think modeling healthy behavior and a healthy relationship with food is most important. I’m not totally happy with my body right now, which is okay, and I’m working on it. When I talk about working out or accomplishments, I try to frame it that I’m doing this to get *healthier* and stronger, not to get skinnier (even if I do want to get skinner!). I also have a healthy relationship with food and want that for my daughter as well – food should be enjoyed, it isn’t just something you have to do to survive. I don’t want food to be used as a control device, as it so often is. Also, absolutely no beauty pageants and similar activities – because those at their core are about focusing on looks, with the direct message being clear that beauty is most important and if you don’t win, you were not pretty enough. You can study harder to get smarter, you can try harder to be better at a sport but man….telling little girls they simply are not pretty enough? That’s freaking harsh. I praise LO a lot for being smart in specific way, or being caring – I want those qualities to be the ones she seeks validation for from others, not whether she is pretty or not. Of course, how do I deal with pop culture and everything else? Oh man, I don't know. gingerbebe on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1526015 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:39:27 +0000 gingerbebe 1526015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I was always tall and healthy sized as a child - not fat, I just matured really early - but my parents flipped out and my entire extended family always criticized me for being too big. (I come from a line of wispy thin Asians). So I was put on diets or told to watch my weight from the time I was like 8 or 9. That of course made me WANT to eat more, and I did become a bit larger in middle school, which led to eating disorders and crash diets through high school and college, which my parents generally encouraged. I am admittedly overweight now in my 30s and I could definitely benefit from a little more exercise and a little more portion control, but I'm very comfortable in my own skin compared to when I was in my 20s because I just decided I was tired of yo-yo dieting and wanted to love myself as-is. Working on my self esteem and DH being constantly supportive and complimentary certainly added to that comfort level, and so I just want to work on my health, rather than my size. In light of all this, I've thought a lot about how to address the body image issue with any children I may have in the future, because I've seen other moms like me go too far the other way. I know another mom with a similar life experience who refuses to talk about weight or nutrition because of how her parents treated her and won't make any foods off-limits for her kids. Now her kids are all overweight. Trying to curb a kid's diet AFTER the pediatrician tells them they are obese is so hard, so I want to avoid that too. One thing my parents always did well was stress the importance of nutrition over medication and the need to eat lots of fruits and vegetables. We rarely ate out and mom made a variety of homemade, nutrient dense food for us to eat. So I ended up with a very broad palate and a good sense of nutrition, which I want to pass on to my children. However, my folks never really stressed sports or exercise because they wanted us to study and do well in school. So my brother and I were a little more sedentary than I think I would like for my kids to be. DH's family was the opposite - kids were always in sports and were super active, but their nutrition was poor. So I think what we want to do is stress good nutrition and portion control, expose our children to a variety of good homemade food, follow their natural hunger cues (no need to clean your plate), keep them active, and tell them they are wonderful and beautiful just the way they are. blackbird on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525945 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:29:17 +0000 blackbird 1525945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I know, i totally agree. This particular friend's father had just passed from cancer...i do think it was likely the only way she could "control" what was going on. The first sniff of stuff that I feel is out of my control, I'm involving a therapist. Our parents' generation doesn't seem as pro-therapy as ours and I hope it would help stop anything before it gets too big. Smurfette on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525936 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:26:20 +0000 Smurfette 1525936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @blackbird: but 12 should be too young. kids grow way to fast these days blackbird on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525924 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:24:40 +0000 blackbird 1525924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @smurfette, it's all too uncommon, unfortunately. A childhood friend of mine used to disappear for "being sick" often. I found out much, much, later on that it was due to eating disorders and being in rehab facilities. 12 is too young, it seems, but it's really not. Synchronicity on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525888 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:16:20 +0000 Synchronicity 1525888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @septca: I agree with all of the points that you made. Very well said! Silva on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525865 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 12:10:54 +0000 Silva 1525865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. For some reason this was one of my biggest fears about having a girl. I've always had a pretty healthy body image/relationship with food, but I know that is uncommon. I feel unprepared for helping my daughter achieve the same. Both of her paternal aunts have disordered eating and terrible self esteems. catlady on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525775 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:52:58 +0000 catlady 1525775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is something that I need to really pay attention to. I grew up in super good shape (was an athlete all through high school) but I always felt like I was fat. I realized much later on in life that my mother would always comment about her own weight and how fat she was (even though she was probably fine based on BMI). Over the past few years, I have worked really hard at being healthier in general and I think my body image has really improved. But I want to make sure that my daughter gets off to a better start. Smurfette on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525722 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:43:37 +0000 Smurfette 1525722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @locavore_mama: Yeah. It just breaks my heart. She wasn't even overweight. Peer pressure regberadaisy on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525707 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:41:36 +0000 regberadaisy 1525707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Smurfette: at twelve?! That is so sad. :( My brother is so horrible about this. My niece is ten and he used to constantly chastise her for eating too much. Every time I see it I yell at him and ask if he wants her to become aneroxic or bulimic! Drives me so mad. I try to reaffirm to my niece all the time that she is smart and beautiful because of how negative my brother can be. lawbee11 on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525690 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:38:55 +0000 lawbee11 1525690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @MsLipGloss: Totally agree. @Smurfette: Ugh that's so sad :( regberadaisy on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525682 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:37:15 +0000 regberadaisy 1525682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Just two points to add to everyone else. DH and I joke a lot about our bodies. And we are making a very conscious effort to stop in front of her. I'm afraid she will be too young to understand we're joking. Or start teasing others in the same manner. My other point is I want her to have a good self image. But I do not want her to have an ego. I know little girls who have had a over blown ego since they were four because all their parent would say is how beautiful, smart absolutely perfect they are. It really drives me bonkers that a seven year old is conceited and can't be humble. Smurfette on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525670 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:35:48 +0000 Smurfette 1525670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lawbee11: That breaks my heart. This started because my friend's 12 yr old niece is in the hospital for anorexia. She is on a feeding tube, anti depressants, and will be going to an in home treatment center in another state cause our state doesn't have one. blackbird on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525625 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:27:30 +0000 blackbird 1525625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Someone made a comment the other day that it was good that E was petite because then she wouldn’t be heavy growing up. And it just made me so sad that someone felt the need to comment on my 11 month old’s body in that manner. I worry about this a lot and I worry about others projecting this onto my kids. Outfits I put on her are “flattering”, not just a cute baby outfit. And I’m like, SHE’S A BABY. 1) Model it 2) Don’t objectify their/your body 3) Focus on healthy and moderation. You’re not avoiding a cupcake because “it’s going to make me fat”, it’s because “too much sugar is bad and I’ve had enough this week”. 4) Let your kids control stuff. I remember being forced on diets and it always backfired. I’m really big on letting my daughter eat what she wants and us not pushing more on her. I offer a variety and don’t bribe or trick her into eating more. 5) Not treat bad moods with food. 6) Like @Septca, emphasize smarts/etc. Yes a compliment is nice once in awhile, but if all you hear is “you’re so pretty”, it’s not ok. I make a conscious effort to say E is smart/clever/whatever. I’ve changed a lot of my own mindsets over the last few years and I’m hoping it rubs off on her. Even while I’ve been in the process of losing weight, it’s because I DID have too much fat on my body, which was unhealthy, and I want to be in the healthy but strong range. It is ok to acknowledge if you aren’t in a “good spot” but then you show by actions that you are taking the right steps to get there. MsLipGloss on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525600 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:20:09 +0000 MsLipGloss 1525600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lawbee11: The best thing she can do is to BE their role model through good self-care . . . eating good, nourishing foods and taking care of herself, both inside and out. I don't understand how parents expect their children to model behavior that is not modeled to them (or is not reflected/represented by the person who should be modeling the behavior). lawbee11 on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525587 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:16:58 +0000 lawbee11 1525587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @MsLipGloss: That's true...definitely already unhealthy. Their mom is overweight and I think that plays into it--she doesn't want them to turn out like her. But she doesn't seem to be going about it the right way. MsLipGloss on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525567 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:10:36 +0000 MsLipGloss 1525567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lawbee11: Their habits are already unhealthy . . . that's really sad. LovelyPlum on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525563 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:09:08 +0000 LovelyPlum 1525563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've always been heavy, and I am somewhat self-conscious. But from a very early age, my mother focused on little things with us: good posture, maintaining eye contact, not fidgeting, twirling our hair, etc. These are skills that I really value now, and I hope to instill in my children, boys or girls. septca on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525507 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 10:56:32 +0000 septca 1525507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is a really interesting question and I am not sure what the answer is, if there even is one. My mother has serious body image and control issues (EDs are generally much more about control than about weight). She is constantly on a diet although she is very thin, hard on herself about what she eats, etc. When I finally weighed 110 lbs in high school and was so excited because it meant I could participate in our school blood drive, my mom said, "Oh, wow. I have never weighed 110 lbs. in my life, maybe not even when I was pregnant," I will never forget that comment or the way it made me feel. Despite that, I have a very healthy body image. I enjoy yoga and hiking and healthy foods, but I don't stress about my weight. I have never felt better or healthier than I did when I was pregnant. My sister, however, has struggled with an ED for entire life and has been to rehab. My mom has gotten a lot better since the family counseling we went to in association with my sister's rehab, but the reality is that my mom's attitude is only part of the problem. My sister's issues with food and control also stem from depression, unaddressed childhood issues, and a tendency towards addiction (EDs are an addiction, too). Based on what I have seen in my own life and what I learned through the rehab program, I will: - pay close attention to the ways my children develop their mental health and make sure that they get all the help they need if they show signs of depression, addiction issues, or bipolar disorder (all of which run in my family). - be careful to emphasize exercise for fun, stress management, family togetherness, and health, and eating well for taking care of your body and living a long healthy life rather than focusing on exercise as a chore and dieting. I will always offer healthy foods and treats, and there will be no guilt associated with treats. My emphasis will be on balance. - We will include exercise as part of our family activities, whether it's hiking or going on a long walk or swimming... whatever. - I will not offer food as reward, but I will try to instill in my kids an appreciation for food, cooking, and fine dining (I LOVE food and I think knowing how to behave and order in a fancy restaurant is an important life skill). - We will emphasize inner beauty and brain power along with physical beauty. We will also teach our children that we will love them NO MATTER WHAT and that our love is not based on beauty or brains. - I will let myself be unclothed in front of her often - I want her to see what a healthy body looks like, even one that has a few extra squishy spots and postpartum flab. I will celebrate my body for what it can do, not pick at it for what it can't. This gives me incentive to stay fit and strong as that is the example I want to set for my daughter. I also let her explore my body, even the gooey parts. autumnlove on "How to raise girls with a good self image?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-raise-girls-with-a-good-self-image#post-1525496 Thu, 27 Mar 2014 10:53:42 +0000 autumnlove 1525496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lawbee11: Awww! :-(