https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 13:38:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163457 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 12:17:46 +0000 anonysquire 1163457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This year the choice was made for us. We were going to visit dhs family in California and then dhs stepmom threw a fit about something not related to anything and it left a bad taste in our mouth so we will be with my family! It makes it easy that we share a back fence. Dh still hasn't told his family so I have no help there. Of course since I will be 30 weeks pregnant that is a good enough excuse! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163378 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 11:51:04 +0000 Smurfette 1163378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are changing this year so we are home on Christmas, just the 3 of us. We don't want to spend the 4 hours in the car on Christmas any more. We haven't told the IL's that we won't be there till the day after Christmas yet. I figure that is DH's job. But I just told my Mom, that despite being in town, we will be staying home. I said that I would rather come to their house but we don't think it is fair to see my family and not DH's. She was super bummed, but I think it helped telling her straight up and she has time to adjust to the change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163370 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 11:47:38 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1163370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: I feel ya. DH's sisters are a senior in high school and a sophomore in college so I always have a little extra guilt about them not having a "normal" holiday every other year when they are still young. They're sweet about it, but I still feel bad. I just hope they'll get it someday when they are doing their own holiday juggling. :-/ One year, I had some flowers and little surprise delivered as close to the holiday as I could so they knew we were thinking of them still, but since you'll be there right before Christmas that probably wouldn't work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163366 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 11:46:13 +0000 regberadaisy 1163366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's hard and there certainly is a lot of guilt tripping from my mom but we are both close to our family so the only fair way is to split all holidays. We've been alternating thanksgiving and Christmas for as long as I remember.<br /> Last year for Los first Christmas we started staying home for Christmas because we want her to experience Christmas the way we want her to. My family is pretty lax about Christmas. So for the foreseeable future thanksgiving will be with my family and Christmas with his at our home. </p> <p>It Sucks because I hate missing Christmas with my niece and nephews. But they also know they have a standing invitation to travel to us as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163322 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 11:36:13 +0000 LindsayInNY 1163322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: That's likely what will happen... I need to just put my big girl pants on and tell me. I remember the first Thanksgiving with DH (when he was a bf!), I was so fearful of telling them I was going to meet his parents for the holiday and not be at home. Surprisingly, they were okay with it! Christmas is another story though... I think it's tough too because my younger sister is single and will be home for the holidays so it kinda screws things up for all of them. I hate that I'm the cause for everything having to change (silly, I know). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163192 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:57:21 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1163192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: Ughh...holidays are so hard. Our families are too far apart to see both of them during the holidays, so we just alternate. I would just talk to your parents and mention that you have to be at ILs on the 28th and that you're planning on driving down the 24th since they haven't actually had you with them on Christmas. Hopefully, your family will understand that DH's family would like you on Christmas now and then, too. As for gifts, maybe you could just exchange and open the gifts that are to or from you and DH while you're with your family and they could open the remaining presents on Christmas Day. Good luck! I know it's challenging to keep everyone happy and figure out how to logistically manage splitting holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163133 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:40:31 +0000 ElbieKay 1163133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate to this! The logistics aren't even that complicated because everyone is within an hour or two of each other. We both have small families -- it's really a total of 8-10 "core" people -- so we can include everyone at whomever's house. But my mother reeeeeeally wants to host every year. So does my MIL. And so does my husband. My mother tries to "claim" Thanksgiving every year even though I have tried to make it clear that we will have to rotate now that I am married. </p> <p>I don't especially like holidays because I find them sort of stressful. Everyone has all these silly expectations attached. Blegh.</p> <p>This year, I have solved the problem by telling my husband that I want to the two us to go away, by ourselves, for Thanksgiving weekend. This is my last 4-day weekend before our baby is due in late February. I am trying to hoard my vacation time at work so I can use it for maternity leave. I think I have sold him on the idea even though everyone else will be disappointed. It's just not worth it to me to deal with everyone's agendas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163092 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:20:31 +0000 LovelyPlum 1163092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: so we've had to come to the understanding that we will spend the holidays with each family, but the holiday may not be on the actual DAY, and that's going to have to be OK. The first few years were rough, but both of our parents (well, my parents and my MIL) have been great about realizing that we have to balance our nuclear family plus two other families as well. </p> <p>We try to hit one side around Christmas, or in the days after, and the other side for a few days leading up to New Year's. Then, we do the big dinner and gifts a few days late. My parents and sisters still open some gifts on Christmas Day, but they save some for when we get there a few days later. They do a big dinner on Christmas, but we'll have another one all together, etc. We always Skype with families who we're not with on the holiday. </p> <p>Last year, we started a new thing, which worked really well for us. We spent Christmas Eve by ourselves, attended our church service, and made a big dinner. Then, on Christmas morning, we got up, I made cinnamon rolls and coffee, and we got in the car to drive to my parents', who live 3 hours away. We got there around 12:00 p.m. and opened gifts with them while having brunch. Later in the day, we went to my grandma's.</p> <p>It sounds stressful, but it was actually really nice. It's a very easy drive, weather permitting, and it gave everyone the chance to go their own ways for a while. We drove to my MIL's on December 28 (they live another 4 hours from my parents), and we came home on January 2. We're going to try to do the same thing next year with LO, open a few presents at home in the morning, then head to my parents for the rest of the day. Of course, if it gets really crappy weather-wise, we will have to go the next day, and that will have to be OK.</p> <p>I know that we're lucky because we are on a school schedule and can take the whole week off. It's hard having both families out of town (and in different directions, to boot). I think we've found something that works for us, though. This year, we are going to my parents for a few days, then coming home. My MIL and SIL are going to drive up the week after New Year's, and we will celebrate the holidays then. That way, no one is stressed out over travel, and we get to see everyone.</p> <p>I hope that you can get your parents to understand that they can't always expect you to be there for Christmas morning...you have other family and your own to balance as well! It's rough to break the news, but it's worth it in the end. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163080 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:15:41 +0000 LindsayInNY 1163080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: It's tough because they're so far apart that we can't easily do Christmas Eve with one and Christmas Day with the other. We usually drive to DH's family so we can bring the dog. Makes it cheaper than flying and boarding him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163065 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:10:20 +0000 PinkElephant 1163065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's such a tough thing! I think everyone can commiserate with you a bit, even people with flexible families. Someone is always bound to fel a little hurt or left out.</p> <p>We have tried to alternate years for who gets the "actual" holiday and who we see before/after. We also give consideration to who it might be more important to be with for various reasons (ie, it can be tricky to open gifts early at Christmas if one side has little nieces and nephews involved who don't understand why it is Christmas early, or one side is hosting Thanksgiving for the entire extended family that year). What about making up for missing "the day" by coming to your parents house a few days early to spend extra time with them, so they can see that they're getting some special treatment too?</p> <p>I also really commend you on being fair with the way you divide time even though your hubby's family is more flexible. My family is very flexible and sometimes it is all too easy to give them the short end of the stick because I know they'd never in a million years complain. In the end, everyone is usually just so happy we are there that any complaints floating around in the planning stages dissipate immediately once we arrive! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163028 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:58:51 +0000 yellowbird 1163028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate this so much. We always end up traveling nonstop around the holidays and it's just so exausting. This will be LOs second christmas and we're spending it with my family, we'll do my DHs family the weekend after christmas.</p> <p>Next year I plan on staying put in our home and inviting anyone who wants to come to spend it with us.. Not sure how DH will feel about it though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1163022 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:57:40 +0000 luckypenny 1163022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's parents are divorced (and both remarried) so we have three families that always want us to be with them. Luckily we have a good system down. </p> <p>We live close to MIL &amp; her wife so we just do a Xmas brunch before we leave to visit my family for Xmas on the east coast. We spend thanksgiving with FIL and his wife on the east coast. Luckily FIL is Jewish so Xmas isn't a big thing for them. </p> <p>Now that LO #2 is on the way, we will probably so this for another year or two but then start spending Xmas at our own house. My mom will just come stay with us then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162998 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:51:19 +0000 LindsayInNY 1162998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loopedd: Good for you!!! We did that for Thanksgiving once. We had used all of my vacation time for our honeymoon and I was super stressed. So we took Thanksgiving as a long weekend trip to Puerto Rico. My parents seemed to adapt to that. And we nixed Easter a while back since it's usually too much work for just a weekend. I think once there's a LO it might be easier to use him/her as the reason/excuse. But until then... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162983 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:47:11 +0000 loopedd 1162983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: Just here to commiserate! Holidays are SUPER complicated for us and there aren't any LOs in the family, anywhere. Just lots of divorces and distance to contend with.</p> <p>I like what @adira: said about just opening gifts separately... we're doing that that this year. We have spent a lot of miserable Christmases up and down the Jersey Turnpike -- Xmas Eve at his parents in NJ, Xmas morning driving down to my mom's in MD, Xmas day night with my dad's extended fam, Dec 26 with dad and stepmom and stepsibs... it takes all the fun out of the holidays for me.</p> <p>This year, we decided to be very selfish and go away just the two of us since DH gets so little time off work and it could be our last holiday without LOs! We are celebrating with his parents and my mom on Sat, Dec 21 and opening gifts with them then, going to Miami just the two of us Dec 23-27, and then seeing my dad and stepmom around the New Year. We're trying to get away from lots of gifts anyway since everyone was so generous to us this year for our wedding.</p> <p>To be honest, the moms took some getting used to the idea of us not being with them on Christmas, but I'm trying to sell them on quality time versus the importance of a particular day (esp since we're not religious). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162962 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:37:15 +0000 LindsayInNY 1162962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@char54: DH's family came here for Christmas our first year out here. They called dibs on coming out next year too because they're hoping there will be a grandkid for them to visit ;) My parents are closer and haven't even spent a Christmas with us... It's seriously tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162949 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:33:07 +0000 Charm54 1162949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We split Christmas Day, but now that we have a LO I don't know what to do. Technically it's DHs familys year, butI want to stay put even though LO will only be 3 months. It's our first Chrismad in our new home...I want to start our own traditions and finally put up our own tree!</p> <p>The problem is my family is local so I hope it doesn't look like I'm choosing my family. I'm hoping DHs family will come up here and we can do a big combined Christmas. Our families get along really well and spend the other holidays (thanksgiving, Easter) together so fx it's not a big deal.</p> <p>Ugh -I know I'm no help - the holidays are always so stressful!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162924 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:17:57 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1162924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm, if they bought you gifts they probably want to see you open them. I'd let them know this year you are splitting up the holiday season this way. Then let them decide when your gifts only should be opened. Christmas Eve or after the holidays at your ILs or after you return home. Send lots of pics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162923 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:17:39 +0000 Adira 1162923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: Couldn't your sister and parents open presents between the three of them on Christmas day, and then you and them will open presents between you and them whenever you get together with them? That's what we do in my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162919 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:16:08 +0000 LindsayInNY 1162919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I actually thought about Skype... Having my family open the gifts from us when we're there before, taking their gifts with us and opening them via Skype. That might work... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162914 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:13:29 +0000 looch 1162914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: I don't know what else you can try, honestly. For some people, like an ex's mother, the important thing is that you are there to open presents on Christmas morning. Nothing else is acceptable.</p> <p>This may be totally ridiculous and impractical, but what about a skype session to open the gifts together? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162907 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:09:32 +0000 Mae 1162907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were in a similar situation before we got married. I always went to my parents house and my husband usually did as well (but one time he did go to his mom's house alone). When we got married we just told my parents we were going to start alternating. Last year was the first year we went to DH's mom's house for Christmas and honestly-- it was weird! But I think the first time you're away from home it always will be. My parents took it okay. They talked to my brother/sister in law (who travel to my parents' house) and gave them the option of coming home for christmas day as usual vs. coming up on the 29th when we would be seeing my family for Christmas. They opted to come up on the 29th and so we just made that our family Christmas and acted like it was Christmas day. </p> <p>I think my parents were definitely a little bummed because it was their first Christmas EVER without their kids there at all, but they weren't upset because this is sort of just the reality of having adult children and they were happy we all got to be together later in the week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162906 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:08:39 +0000 Adira 1162906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between my and Hubs' family. This year we'll have Thanksgiving with Hubs' family and Christmas with mine.</p> <p>For Thanksgiving, sometimes we'll get together the weekend after with the family that didn't have us that day, but not always. It just depends on if we're invited to something, but if we're not, we don't go out of our way to see them.</p> <p>For Christmas, we'll usually get together with the family the weekend before or after Christmas (and sometimes a couple weeks later, depending on people's schedules). We just told people "It's not feasible for us to see everyone for every holiday, so this is the schedule. Yes, we won't see you on Christmas this year, but we will next year!"</p> <p>My brother is still single, so he spends all holidays with my parents. If we're not there, the three of them just celebrate without us! Last year we weren't at Christmas with my family, so the three of them got together and opened presents between the three of them! Then when we got together with them the following weekend, we did gifts that were to and from us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162901 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:05:43 +0000 mediagirl 1162901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: it's so hard, I know. My parents think the same thing. I would wait for gifts until you see them! Do them when you celebrate your Christmas with them. I prefer to do it before Christmas because afterwards always feels slightly like a letdown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162900 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:04:56 +0000 LindsayInNY 1162900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: Once there's a LO, I refuse to bring all the gifts and make up a Santa story just to be at my parents. Christmas will be at our place then and before/after time can be spent elsewhere. The gift issue is more so about my parents and the ones they give. When do I/we open those? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162898 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:03:34 +0000 LindsayInNY 1162898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: His parents are a lot more understanding than mine. Mine seem to think it's a given that we'll be there. I just don't know what to do about gifts... Give ours ahead of time? Open theirs and ours ahead of time? What happens Christmas morning with their gifts and my sister's?</p> <p>@looch: See above comment for some of the issue... My parents are just not that understanding. I don't know why or what it is. We've been able to tell them no easter or thanksgiving in the past without much of a problem. They seem to think those are important holidays too... My parents just don't seem to get that DH and I are a family too. The two of us. Whether there's any LOs or not yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162894 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 09:01:52 +0000 Lindsay05 1162894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been through this my whole life. My parents split up when I was 3 so every year it has been a battle of the parents to get us on xmas morning. Since DH and LO came in the picture, I basically told them that we wont be able to please everyone every year so they will just have to accept it. It was very stressful always trying to please everyone. From now on, whoever gives us the invite first gets first dibs. But in the end we make the final decision. I am sorry you have to make the call and feel bummed for your family. As far as gifts go, maybe buy a few smaller gifts to spread it out to both sides? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162880 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 08:58:00 +0000 looch 1162880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't have to really tell our parents anything, they kind of figured it was going to be alternating years considering my family is stateside and his is not.</p> <p>With my ILs, we only do gifts on the years we are there now, it's just not practical otherwise (gift swap). We send stuff to my husband's godson, though.</p> <p>With my immediate family, it's kind of the same. We don't really do gifts anymore, we're all paring down, so instead, my parents give us all cash. We do a handmade gift from our son to my parents and we also give a gift to my nephew. That happens whether we are there or not as well.</p> <p>I would just be honest and matter of fact about it. They will probably be fine with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162879 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 08:57:57 +0000 mediagirl 1162879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did Christmas with my parents the weekend before Christmas last year. Someone is always going to lose when parents are far away, it's just the way it is, unfortunately. Your parents and his parents will understand afterwards but it will be tough to tell them.</p> <p>I would just plan a weekend either before or after Christmas that you can go and celebrate with your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162875 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 08:55:57 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 1162875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>no idea but following along because our Christmas day is a trainwreck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-split-holidays-with-families-and-tell-them#post-1162867 Mon, 21 Oct 2013 08:53:53 +0000 LindsayInNY 1162867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mrs. Jump Rope's post made me think of this...</p> <p>As long as DH and I have been together, we have spent Christmas with my family or apart. (Yes, there was one year when we were married that we spent it apart from one another. Never again.) My family is about 3 1/2 to 4 hours from where we live. DH's family is about a 10-12 hour drive or a plane ride. With Christmas, we've spent the days leading up to and Christmas with my family and then driven out to see his until New Years. We figured we'd suck it up until there's a LO. Well, there's no LO yet and this year it has to change. We have to be in DH's home state the Saturday after Christmas (28th). Since we drive, we want to make it worth our while and stay long enough so it is. We figured we'd go to my family Saturday December 21 and drive out to his on the 24th.</p> <p>I don't know how to tell my parents that we won't be there for Christmas. And then how do you celebrate? What should we do about gifts? I don't want to open all of them there ahead of time because that's not fair to my sister. I feel weird bringing them to DH's family's house too (my parents gift a lot and his family doesn't really gift). So I'm trying to figure out both of these... How to tell my family and what to do about gifts. Any suggestions? </p>