https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 02:11:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2853044 Wed, 24 Oct 2018 14:34:23 +0000 Mrsbells 2853044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@woodentulip: I think it will help to find a diplomatic way to let her know how it makes you feel atleast to some extent. I find that if you hide your feelings completely it eats at you and undermines the friendship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852866 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 14:06:31 +0000 Ajsmommy 2852866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see you have already commented but I just wanted to say that I was also in this situation and I was totally shocked and disgusted when I found out about my friends transgressions.. I guess mostly bc I thought she had a pretty good thing with her DH and she should have been happy. I basically bit back my initial reaction and listened to her and her entire story and she explained some things to me about the whole situation that made me at least able to see it from her perspective a little. </p> <p>She knew I didn't condone it but by being indifferent and letting her talk it out she confided in me and I was able to help her. She had already decided to cut it off and work with her DH. It was hard for her and she was working through all of it and what it meant and why she had done it. There were a LOT of contributing factors but in the end she owned what she did and she was working to fix the issues and end the affair. </p> <p>We are still very close friends and her and her Dh are doing great... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852864 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 13:40:19 +0000 woodentulip 2852864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your thoughtful answers. I know that she and I both value our friendship a *lot*. I can't imagine being ok with abandoning her when she is in need of a friend, an ear and maybe a shoulder. </p> <p>Thanks again for being a sounding board. I needed to reach out but couldn't to anyone in my real life without breaking the trust we have and I would never have done that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852805 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 10:03:25 +0000 erinbaderin 2852805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in a little bit of a similar situation to you, although not exactly. The question I would ask is: are you friends with the husband too? Because if so, she's putting you in a bit of a difficult situation and I don't think you'd be totally out of line telling her that your loyalties are a bit split and you'd rather she confide in somebody else. If not, I think you just have to do as the others have suggested - try to separate your personal feelings, do a lot of listening, and ask the hard questions but non-judgementally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852788 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 09:23:58 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2852788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with above. I would vent your anger at her to yourself, maybe your partner if you’re comfortable with telling them. </p> <p>The opposite happened to myself with a friend who’s partner had the affair. My friend chose to leave the marriage and they are separated now with shared custody of children. It was SO easy to feel rage towards the person having the affair, for ruining their life together and putting their family through absolute hell. I at times questioned if it was the best decision to separate for them but I did not pass judgement and let them talk it out and vent about it. I asked how they were doing pretty much daily and let them tell me what they wished and left it open ended. It was difficult so I imagine it being even harder in your situation.</p> <p>I should also add that it might help to think that she knows what she did was wrong and she is hurting for it. She’s passing enough judgement on herself that it’s not helpful likely for you to add to that. Ask her when she’s ready what her plan is and go from there. If she chooses to hide it, that might get tricky since you know the family but wait to see what she wants to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852786 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 09:13:09 +0000 anonymous11 2852786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Posting as anonymous for this but I have been that friend.<br /> I had an emotional/physical affair a couple years ago. It was a complicated situation and I confided in only 2 friends with varying degrees of information each.</p> <p>My best advice is to listen, try as hard as you can to take the advice of @Sams Mom to not take it personally, and be there for her to support her. The path forward she chooses to take is up to her and you can continue to make decisions on how you support her (or if you don't!) based on those actions. Does she want to stay and end the affair? Will she tell her husband or keep this from him? Does she intend to end her marriage and pursue a relationship with her affair partner? Things like that. Supporting her now while she figures things out does not mean you have to support every decision she makes.</p> <p>I wanted to end my affair, repair my marriage and stay with my family. I am thankful everyday for the grace and forgiveness of my husband and the friends who he confided in to support him, as well as the support of the friends who I chose to tell and who helped me through that difficult time. It is incredibly hard to be vulnerable with people, to be honest knowing you will be severely judged by them no matter how close you are, and to admit to something that has or will hurt someone else they care about equally as much as you in the process... but it was the first step for me in ending my affair. If I had kept it all to myself the whole time I do not know that it would have ended the same way. Good luck to you both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852781 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 08:58:01 +0000 Sams Mom 2852781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have kind of been in this position before (a strong [moral] reaction to someone else's choice). The easiest thing I have found is tell yourself it was her choice to make, you did not make the choice, you wouldn't have made that choice, but be there for her. That doesn't mean that you have to condone her actions, but you don't have to persecute her either. Be her devil's advocate, make her work through the hard stuff. If she is that close of a friend, don't ghost her now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852769 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 08:13:43 +0000 woodentulip 2852769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Without going into too many details, a friend confided in me that she has been having an affair. Our families are very close (emotionally and actually live nearby!), and she is one of my closest friends. The affair has been emotional in nature for a long time, but only recently physical. I am surprised by my incredible anger regarding this. I am mad for a variety of reasons, but as a result have found myself pulling away from her when I know she needs me to support her through navigating her actions in the past and going forward. </p> <p>I guess I am just wondering if anyone has advice about this kind of situation--how to separate my emotional response to a situation I am not actually involved in, and how to support her moving forward, whatever that looks like. </p>