https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 00:35:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2315973 Sun, 11 Oct 2015 14:40:50 +0000 daniellemybelle 2315973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: Haha! I mean, I think these kinds of books can end up cheesy no matter what... and even the most recent version is over 10 years old and written by two old dudes. So, a few chuckles is probably par for the course. But, I'm just not finding their advice to be very practical. They keep talking about Love &amp; Logic Parents who have this magical way of never getting frustrated with their kids and I'm pretty confused by how to get from A to B with their techniques. Like, just be nonchalant and your kid will eventually listen to you... and hope they don't get hit by a car or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2315757 Sat, 10 Oct 2015 20:46:23 +0000 Rockies11 2315757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: my husband and I found the "empathy" statements so hilarious that probably once a day we make something up and use an L and L "empathy" statement from the book. "Honey, we have to put the dog down". Response: "how sad". "Honey, I have been diagnosed with an incurable disease". Response: "bummer". "Honey I got fired". Response: "ohhhhhh". </p> <p>Another technique in the book that made me lol was where you cook up some harsh response to a problem that as a parent you could actually help with but are choosing not too (because, logic?) like "oh your bike got stolen. Bummer. I am sure you'll enjoy riding your new bike that you bought with your allowance money". Then when your kid is like "what the hell mom?" you shut them down completely with a one liner that you say repeatedly like "I love you too much to argue". Not only is the parent's response totally illogical (how about "let's learn how to file a police report/post an add/check craigslist/check pawnshops") but also one would assume that a book that had logic in the title wouldn't caution against having a logical conversation with you kids if they question your decision making. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2315667 Sat, 10 Oct 2015 17:18:01 +0000 daniellemybelle 2315667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And I'm sorry, but some of this is so impractical. Put your kid in time out by the "canned vegetables" at the grocery store and walk away? I would be paying for all of those vegetables and someone would probably call the police on me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2315665 Sat, 10 Oct 2015 17:08:31 +0000 daniellemybelle 2315665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, for those of you interested: I don't think Love &amp; Logic For Early Childhood is really a great fit for us. I am not even halfway so I am going to finish it and give it a chance. </p> <p>There are definitely some good tidbits in there but overall, I disagree with their philosophy about misbehavior. They see pretty much all misbehavior as testing boundaries rather than learning how to deal with emotions and difficult situations. For example, they recommend either ignoring temper tantrums or "putting a bored look on your face and say, 'Nice tantrum, but I've seen you do better. Come on, show me how it's done.'" I know that the idea is to be lighthearted and diffuse the situation but to me that seems like taunting your child when they may be legitimately upset.</p> <p>I tried some of the techniques today (again, haven't finished it so I'm probably missing something). Basically giving lots of choices, explaining when something isn't a choice, showing kind of reserved empathy when she threw a fit and reminding her of the limit and the choices she does have. It didn't work at all. </p> <p>Finally, I resorted to our good friend Daniel Tiger and the "When you feel so mad that you want to roar..." song worked so well, I'm wondering why I haven't used it before. 2 minutes later she said, "I feel better! I feel happy!" (I'm sure re-enacting the show more than anything but hey, it still worked.)</p> <p>So... yeah. All that to say, I'm going to finish this book and hope it gets better but I'm guessing I'll be returning DH's audiobook and trying 1-2-3 Magic next.</p> <p>@Rockies11: You don't have to say, "I told you so." :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2311986 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 16:02:56 +0000 daniellemybelle 2311986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: Oh, I would have a hard copy we could use for that. Good point though!</p> <p>@californiadreams: It definitely sounds like a book we should read! Hopefully your DH will go for listening to it on Audible! :)</p> <p>@Rockies11: Thanks for this great explanation! I think I want to read all three eventually but I am really leaning toward starting with 123 Magic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2311548 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 09:14:27 +0000 birdofafeather 2311548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I don't think anyone has pointed this out yet but a problem I see with listening to how to talk is that there are cartoons and "homework" that you can't do or relate to in audiobook. I downloaded it as an audiobook from the library and realized it wasn't going to be a good "listen" because of this. I did really enjoy their other book siblings without rivalry though so I'm going to get the actual copy of the book! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2311536 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 09:06:55 +0000 californiadreams 2311536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don't have other suggestions, but i love How to Talk. When i did my internship in a child psychology clinic, we gave parent workshops based on that book, that's how i discovered it. I've always wanted DH to read it so thank you for pointing it out that it is on audible - he may actually go for that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2311533 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 09:03:23 +0000 Rockies11 2311533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I definitely think 1, 2, 3 Magic is worth the effort - it's really simple and easy to apply if you want something concrete. It's also easy to do consistently between you two, so you can see pretty quickly whether it's something that works. for you.</p> <p>As far as the differences go, 1, 2, 3 Magic is basically just telling the behaviour you expect, counting to 3 and if you don't get it then you use time out or consequence. </p> <p>How to Talk so Kids will Listen advocates treating children like autonomous human beings, making sure they feel heard and understood through active listening, and working towards cooperative and respectful solutions. </p> <p>Love and Logic is a couple of techniques but basically it's set unbendable limits, offer no-choice choices, offer "empathy" (I put it in quotes because some of the empathic statements are things like "bummer"), and when kids screw things then cook up some type of consequence that is fitting but drag it out for awhile. Essentially I guess a good summary is that you're teaching your kids your word is "golden" or unchanging. So that's why I would put I at the opposite end of the spectrum as How to Talk, which advocates talking about behaviour, gaining understanding, and working cooperatively and flexibly with your kids. But that said, I don't like Love and Logic for a number or reasons (such as tone, I think many of the techniques are manipulative, and I read the original edition which advocated starving the family dog and then giving it away without warning) so I might not be doing the technique justice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2311341 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 00:37:16 +0000 daniellemybelle 2311341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. :/ I'm sure it would be good for us to read but we're wanting to read something "actionable" for us right now.</p> <p>@mrbee: Re-reading your blog helped me even today! I have to always remind myself that I am like LO's "tour guide" to her own emotions.</p> <p>@gracecat: Thanks! I think I will definitely read it but I'm wondering if it is THE book for DH &amp; I to read together first.</p> <p>@Rockies11: We totally want 2 year old ready techniques. 123 Magic does seem right up our alley but the only audiobook is CDs. I guess DH could upload them to iTunes and put them on his phone (how he listens to books). You think it is worth it?</p> <p>As for philosophy - I didn't realize How To Talk and Love &amp; Logic were on such opposite ends. I feel like they are always recommended in the same breath. I though they were both about respecting your child, learning to them sort through feelings while setting limits, all of that. In a nutshell, how are they so different? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310597 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 08:48:03 +0000 Rockies11 2310597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I really love this book! It's up there in my top 3. I think it depends on what you're looking for. I think the philosophy is applicable and some modified concepts, like teaching feeling words, giving them feeling words during tantrums, treating them with respect and thinking about what's motivating to them, but the actual role played type techniques in the book would be advanced at least for my two year old. I think that if you're looking for a 2 year old ready technique 1, 2, 3 Magic has that type of thing. I guess the other question is philosophical - like what type of approach do you want to take? "How to Talk" and "Love and Logic" are pretty much the opposite ends of the spectrum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310561 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 08:18:51 +0000 gracecat 2310561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I think it depends on the child, as far as how they respond, but I've been using a lot of the pointers in the book since before she turned 2 and I realized she could understand some of what I was saying. Of course it's a lot of facial expressions and intonation in my voice too, but I'd like to think it helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310556 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 08:16:16 +0000 hilsy85 2310556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually think that it's better for older kids, because a lot of the exercises and examples are with conversations between parent and child, that a 2 year old is not really capable of. I do think it's still a good read though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310553 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 08:11:43 +0000 mrbee 2310553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: The "big idea" in the book (for me) was that kids are people too, and that we should consider treating them like we'd like to be treated! I guess I had thought of kids as little aliens that were impossible to predict, but once I realized that I should listen to them, give them control over little things in their life, etc. - wow, it was a big change! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310552 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 08:08:36 +0000 daniellemybelle 2310552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gracecat: Oh good! I have heard great things (I know Mr Bee blogged about it) but I always got the impression that it was for older kids. My daughter is very verbal but she is still a baby in many ways! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310473 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 00:39:55 +0000 gracecat 2310473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely this is one of the best that I've read! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-book-good-for-2-year-old#post-2310446 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 22:43:57 +0000 daniellemybelle 2310446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our LO is a precocious 2 year old. I would say she's typical - but after watching her interact with other kids her age and getting comments from other moms about how "spunky," "spirited," and "full of personality" she is, I wouldn't say she's totally typical. Though still within the range of normal, challenging toddler behavior.</p> <p>DH &amp; I want to put some better parenting tools on our tool belt. The best way for him &amp; I to work together on this would be for him to listen to an audio book and for me to read a hard copy.</p> <p>Of all the typical books (Love &amp; Logic, 1-2-3 Magic, etc.) How To Talk So Kids Will Listen is the only one on Audible which is how DH listens to audio books. I'm not reading a lot of reviews about 2 year olds though.</p> <p>Anyone read this book and been able to apply it to a 2 year old? Or any other books that are on Audible you can recommend? </p>