https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 09:46:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1730019 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:56:18 +0000 irene 1730019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: Thank you! Yes I feel the same as you do. I want him to be able to get up and not run to me every time. Of course I will intervene when something very serious happened. </p> <p>So this is what I did. At lunch, we were at a restaurant and watched some World Cup together on TV. I showed him how some players got tripped down and fell, but they got up and played and didn't run back to their mommies (duh). I just felt that this didn't deal with the situation that someone did push him though. But @MamaCate: and @yoursilverlining: 's suggestions to bring it up afterwards to a coach answered my question, which I didn't think of doing at the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1730016 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:54:50 +0000 yoursilverlining 1730016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: it's so hard to watch them struggle!!! I totally know what you mean about making your LO feel empowered; I just think at this age we have to step in too. Not every time; but if it's a pattern of behavior. It's so frustrating as parents sometimes! Good luck with your situation, I hope the next game is better :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1730010 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:50:18 +0000 irene 1730010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: You are right. As @MamaCate: have suggested, I will bring it up to the coach if it happens again next time. I just really didn't want to be the parent that stepped into the field at that very moment. And I wasn't witty enough to think that I should bring it up to the coach AFTER the game. That was the reason why I asked for advice here on what I could have done. Thanks for your advice!</p> <p>I am not asking the toddlers to deal with their problems on their own, I am not. I just wanted him to feel empowered when something like that happened, not so much as a 100% victim. Like you said, it probably doesn't work and the other party would ignore you and continue with that unwanted behavior, but when it happens, I wanted him to be able to do something instead of just crying. Does that make sense?</p> <p>At daycare, there was this boy, Peter, (I am using a fake name, he is same age but much bigger) that has took away LO's ball when I went to pick him up one day. When I arrived, both of them were crying and the teacher put the other boy on time out and asked him to apologize to LO. LO kept crying. We talked about the incident when we got into the car. I told LO that if this happens again, if Peter took away his toy or whatever, firmly and loudly say, "No Peter! Share!" LO practiced a few times saying that, and he felt better afterwards. Now of course I have no idea if he would say that if a similar thing happens again, and the other boy probably would ignore him like you said (especially when LO says "share" as "chair"!), but I wanted to give him something so he wouldn't be 100% a victim. Maybe I am wrong, but that's just the way I see it.</p> <p>And I am really thinking for the future too - that one day, he will be able to resolve an issue on his own. What do I teach him now that will be consistent to what he can use in the future? </p> <p>Lastly I am so sorry your LO went through that... and I am so happy that it is resolved... ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729999 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:39:11 +0000 Lindsay05 1729999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww so sad to see your child be so helpless :( For us, even at 2 years old, we teach her that there will be bigger and older kids and that you may be pushed down, but very important to get back up and try again. We do not want her to come running up to us everytime they get 'beat'. I know its young but behaviours are learned very young and running to parents for help will not always be an option so better to stand up to it. If it got out of hand then obviously there needs to be intervention with teachers, coaches, parents, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729998 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:36:16 +0000 yoursilverlining 1729998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I still think he (and the "bullies") are all too young to deal with it on their own; it *is* appropriate for you, and other parents, to step in at this age. I don't think it's appropriate to expect toddlers to handle either side of complex social interactions on their own.</p> <p>FWIW, we are dealing with a sort of similar situation and my LO does speak extremely clearly. At daycare, there is a little boy (both LOs are just over 2 years old, so roughly the same age as your LO) and he is very fixated on my daughter. Every morning he rushes over to her and will not leave her alone - - he yanks the pacifier out right out of her mouth, takes away whatever toy from home she is holding and sometimes pushes or hits her. He doesn't do this with any other child; only my LO and he is relentless about it. She tells him, CLEARLY, to "stop" and holds up her hand when he approaches. She says "no, thank you!" and "no!" and "stop!" when he is prying the pacifier out of her mouth. She is verbally extremely clear with him - - it makes no difference. Because he is also a young child. He isn't going to respond and reason to her words like an adult; he is a *child*. I have also told him "no" etc. and it doesn't phase him - which doesn't surprise me; that's a young child. I don't expect my LO to handle this on her own - and I don't expect him (the little boy) to listen to her and reason out a response because he is a child as well. </p> <p>It is my responsibility to step in at this age; and in our situation I went to the administration of our daycare. LO's teachers are great and respond when they see this behavior (and they say it only happens at dropoff when I am there; who knows), but sometimes there was only 1 teacher at dropoff, and 2 were needed to watch this one boy and his interactions with my daughter. So I complained to the administration and now there are always 2 teachers at dropoff; and 1 redirects him at dropoff until he is fully engaged in other activities. A week of having 1:1 redirection and he is already much better.</p> <p>Bottom line is I just don't think this is the age at which to expect your son to "defend" himself and deal with things on his own. He's a toddler. The "bullies" you're dealing with are only slightly older toddlers; none of them reason and react like adults, because they aren't adults. They aren't even children, they are toddlers. I don't think you should put this on your son, it isn't appropriate to expect toddlers to defend themselves or protect themselves more than what their basic instincts tell them to do - - which often times is to bite or yell. At this age, regardless of how clearly he speaks, it is your responsibility to be his voice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729985 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:28:49 +0000 irene 1729985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: Very very good point. I will definitely bring it up to the coach if it happens again next time. Thanks! And good idea about the llama books - love them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729975 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:24:33 +0000 MamaCate 1729975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At the library today I noticed a llama llama book about bullying. I haven't read it but that might be a way to help your son understand what happened. I also agree that you need to be the grown up in some way. If you didn't want to make a scene at the moment, you could explain to the coach afterwards that you saw some aggressive behavior by this other child toward your child and ask them to keep an eye on it. I would also ask them hoe they want you to respond if it happens again so that you are all on the sane page. I would also suggest not using the word "bullying" but talk specifically about the behaviors. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729946 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:10:50 +0000 irene 1729946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: No, seriously he doesn't bite. That's just not in him. But of course you won't believe me, which is ok. I am not asking for pity or judgement on if he was bullied today or did he bite anyone.... I just wanted to seek advice on what to teach him in dealing with bullies that are older + bigger in size, so he can protect himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729940 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:08:05 +0000 MsLipGloss 1729940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pushing doesn't automatically mean bullying. Young toddlers are physical. And every child has the potential to be a biter, especially younger children who can't express their emotions or control a situation. I am sorry this happened to your son. But one incident doesn't mean he was being bullied. And it is possible he could have bitten the child who pushed him (or another child). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729937 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:04:13 +0000 pinkcupcake 1729937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Awh, so sad :( I think 2.5 is way too young to handle anything like this on their own. My daughter is a couple months shy of 2.5 and if someone pushed/shoved/was otherwise mean to her, she would probably just fall over and cry... and she definitely cannot speak well enough to explain what happened. I think at this age, parents (or caregivers, in the daycare scenario) just have to be vigilant about watching them and step in as necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729935 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:02:10 +0000 irene 1729935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: If he could speak very clearly, I would have taught him to say something like, "no pushing!", "no bullying, that's not nice!", or at least say something to coach. </p> <p>@cmomma17: I agree, but there are bound to be situations in the future that I couldn't step in, eg. in daycare. I want to equip him with something that he can use, so he can be empowered instead of just crying.</p> <p>For today, I really didn't want to step in because today was the first time (2nd class) that he didn't hung onto daddy asking to be held and/or kept running back to me. He acted like a big boy. If I stepped in, he would just go back to be the mama's boy.... which you may disagree.</p> <p>A friend of mine has just suggested that I should teach him to stay away from this boy, run away from him and follow coach. I think that's a good point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729927 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 20:57:20 +0000 cmomma17 1729927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I agree! Even the big kids in that scenario are all so little! They all could benefit from adult guidance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729924 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 20:55:34 +0000 yoursilverlining 1729924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your son is way too young to deal with bullies on his own. I don't think it's an issue of him "talking clearly" - what do you think he should have been able to say? </p> <p>I would step in as the grownup; they are all very young children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-teach-your-child-on-dealing-with-reacting-to-bullies#post-1729911 Sat, 28 Jun 2014 20:49:43 +0000 irene 1729911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to hear your thoughts and advice on dealing with bully situations.</p> <p>So DS is 2 years 5 months old. We recently signed up for a summer soccer class for a total of 5 sessions. He was the youngest and the smallest in the class. The class was for 2.5-3.5 years old, I was told. We weren't even supposed to be in this class, but the young 2 year old class was all sold out and we were placed in this group. </p> <p>DS wasn't able to follow instructions as closely as the older kids were, and I suppose the older/bigger boys think he's weird. Toward the middle of the class when they were doing a soccer match, a big boy pushed DS down and he fell on the ground crying. Coaches didn't see what happened and no one did anything. DS was doing so well the entire class until that point. He ran back to us crying, and wouldn't return until much later. Then after he finally returned, this same boy went to the coach and accused DS that he bit another boy! (I didn't personally hear him but husband claimed he did). DS wouldn't bite anyone, that's just something that he doesn't do. I mean come on, he was the freaking smallest in the class he was scared/confused half the time how would he even bite anyone?</p> <p>Personally I didn't want to step in as the "grown up" in all of these situations (and today we really couldn't, they were in the middle of a match but both coaches didn't see what happened. I didn't want to create a scene). I want to teach DS how to deal with these situations on his own. Unfortunately DS still couldn't really talk clearly so he couldn't really talk back to these bigger boys yet. But this is probably going to happen again in the future. Not just with this class, but with other older, bigger kids in other scenarios.</p> <p>What would you do? What works for you? I just wish he could talk clearly and I would have had more options. </p>