https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 04 Jun 2026 08:20:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2532572 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 19:54:26 +0000 Mrs D 2532572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I got pregnant w DD2 my three closest local girlfriends were all struggling with getting pregnant. The one who I knew had been through the roughest stuff I told over email (we work in the same building) - I explained that I knew what she had been through and understood if she had a range of reactions to my news - hence why I wanted her to have the privacy to react however she needed to. But that when she was ready I would love to talk to her about it in person.</p> <p>She came down to my floor shortly there after and said she had had a good cry in the bathroom but was so excited for us. I think she appreciated the space to have her own private reaction to the news... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2532557 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 19:34:32 +0000 Mrsbells 2532557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that in person would be harder on her. A text would allow her to respond at her own pace and time and not have to worry about you seeing her facial reaction to it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2532508 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 18:24:46 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2532508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted to be treated like everyone else, so I preferred to be told however you would tell me if I wasn't infertile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2532473 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 17:05:38 +0000 BSB 2532473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely email or text. Especially since you say you aren't super close. Plus, it seems like you two are very comfortable texting each other.</p> <p>Yeah, a family member told me she was having her third and I had to fake being happy for her. Overall, I was happy for her but I was a bit blindsided and had to work really hard with keeping a cool head. Afterwards, when I found some alone time, I didn't cry or anything. I just had to breath and remind myself that some people are just fertile. I didn't want to cause drama so I had calm myself down on my own. </p> <p>I had to do the same when I went to a different family member's baby shower. It took a lot to prepare myself for her upcoming shower.</p> <p>This was while we were struggling with IF with repeated IUI failures. The baby shower I went to we were in the beginning stages of preparing for IVF (retrieval was done but transfer was not), so we still had the chance that IVF would not work for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2532462 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 16:39:53 +0000 Zbug 2532462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely email or text. A friend told me about her pregnancy in person while going through one of my losses. I am sure she felt that was the best way to do it, but I then spent the next hour she would just leave so I could cry alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2532452 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 16:28:07 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2532452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: sorry I missed your question--I certainly wasn't avoiding answering! :happy: </p> <p>I'm AMA &amp; took 10 cycles to conceive my daughter with a MC in the process &amp; then getting the initial workup at the RE where they found I have 1 blocked tube &amp; 1 pointing away from my ovary. We were planning 1 iui while we worked on prep for ivf when I conceived my DD. So, technically, no, I have not been diagnosed with infertility, but I feel like between my experience of getting pregnant &amp; the fact that I have several friends who have been through long infertility struggles, that I am a very empathetic semi-fertile woman. Lol. </p> <p>Eta: I want to clarify that I do not mean to sound as though my process was as "painful" as infertility, mind you. I could not fully understand what it is like, so please don't anyone take my comments as flippant or disrespectful to the pain of infertility. Rather, I have a very soft place in my heart for you all &amp; wish babies for all of you aching for them. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526760 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 14:18:36 +0000 erinbaderin 2526760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@GoGoSnoGirl: Just out of curiosity, have you dealt personally with infertility? I'm always interested to see the responses on questions like this and how advice differs between people who have been through it and who haven't (not that anybody's opinion is invalid!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526743 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 13:07:38 +0000 cam 2526743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also prefer text or email. My SIL told us they were pregnant at a family dinner during my 2ww after ivf and it was really tough to put on a happy face, even though of course I was happy for them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526738 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 12:24:49 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2526738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm always the outlier who actually thinks a considerate in-person conversation is best. If one of your every-other week's get together with LOs is coming up, I'd use that opportunity to ask her how things are going for them. Be there for her, and then you can delicately share your news, letting her know you are sensitive to the fact that you wanted her to know, but appreciate it may be difficult for her to hear. Also, perhaps sharing your own nervousness after your losses may help her recognize your vulnerability, too. Congrats &amp; good luck. :goodluck: :heart: :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526717 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 11:08:48 +0000 bloved 2526717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I would prefer text or email. My best friend got pregnant right after I found out (like the day after) that one of my fet's was a failure. I so appreciated that she emailed me to give me time to process/respond and that she told me before she told any of our mutual friends (and even then, she told our<br /> Mutual friends in our private Facebook group versus our monthly meetup which saved me another awkward face-to-face). Not that everyone has to go that far to care about someone else's feelings, but it really impacted me how much she tried to think about how to make it easiest on me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526658 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 09:14:17 +0000 Mrs. Pinata 2526658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: if they haven't started Ivf yet, your timing is probably ok unless it's right after they find out the Iui didn't work or something (but you probably don't know the exact timing so it's not like you can really do that).<br /> All the advice you got above is so good. You are definitely a good friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526649 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 09:04:12 +0000 YogiRunner 2526649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed that email or text is probably ideal. And she might withdraw for a while, know that it is probably not at all personal. Just really tough to deal with conflicting emotions about being excited for friends but so very sad for yourself. But considering you've been through losses (so sorry to hear that), I'm sure you'll be super sensitive and you "get it". You don't assume getting pregnant is easy and fun for everyone, which was the one thing that really upset me when I was going through IVF! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526634 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 08:42:56 +0000 MrsKRB 2526634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have preferred text so that I can deal with my emotions in private. Just be sure to be somewhat sensitive in your text (which I'm sure you will be), I had a friend who knew what we were going through and kept going on and on about how they were pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526611 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 08:02:42 +0000 winniebee 2526611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pinata: I'm not totally sure. They haven't done an IVF cycle yet. A few weeks ago she told me that they had to do an IUI cycle first and were doing that, but she was almost certain it would be a waste of time. I'm guessing they are in the middle or at the end of that? Thanks for weighing in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526596 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 07:06:33 +0000 Mrs. Pinata 2526596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tricky, but I preferred when people emailed me. In person is the hardest for me because the emotions can be so mixed and youre having to react in public. If you also mention you weren't sure the best way to let her know, but thought text/email might be best that would be good. It helps to know intention. What point is she in the IVF process? Telling her at a big point in the process could make timing hard too I think (like right before the day of big test or procedure). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-ivf-friend-that-im-pregnant#post-2526579 Sat, 16 Apr 2016 06:33:48 +0000 winniebee 2526579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My neighbor has a 2.5 year old daughter and is now doing IVF for her second. She has a rough history prior to her daughter, including an 18w loss. We've talked a little about it, and she knows that I had a bunch of losses, and also that I had been referred to her fertility doctor (I never ended up going because I got and stayed pregnant). We aren't super close, but text probably every week and see each other with the kids every other week. </p> <p>Now that I'm just about 12 weeks pregnant and know that my genetic testing was fine, we are telling friends etc. How should I go about telling her? Text? In person? I want to be sensitive. </p>