https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 03:17:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870402 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 20:18:36 +0000 Mrsbells 2870402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: I never masteree breastfeeding in public either. The cover nevrr worked for me and my first two would randomly unlatch because I had a forceful let down and milk would be spraying everywhere so I can relate with wanting privacy to breast feed. I would just tell her I feel awkward talking about it or I would get DH to tell her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870396 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 19:34:05 +0000 LCTBQE 2870396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: my mil does the same. Exact. Thing. And it makes me so uncomfortable too. Actually I don’t know, more like... disgusted and appalled. She has asked me if and when my milk lets down when I’m away from the baby, if my babies grab my boobs and squeeze to get milk out, i forget what else but other questions that feel totally personal and unwelcome. I always shut it down by tersely answering “no.”, not looking at her when I say that, and promptly changing the subject. I think she thinks it’s girl talk but I just think it’s crass and inappropriate. Chock it up to cultural differences. I have never been like, “MIL, this is kind of uncomfortable, please let’s talk about the news instead” because she’s touchy as hell and honestly even the here are my boundaries talk isn’t something I want to indulge her in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870246 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 20:05:24 +0000 periwinklebee 2870246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since it's MIL, I would have your DH bring it up... and sorry, sounds really annoying... I don't quite have that issue with my MIL, but she is not pro-bf and every time we see her says disapprovingly, "you're STILL bf." ugh... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870241 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 16:07:18 +0000 crazydoglady 2870241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Thank you! I told my husband that it makes me uncomfortable and he agreed that her questions are weird. I asked if he would be willing to say it's just a "crazy dog lady quirk" privately next time, and he was fine with that. I can just imagine her asking if I am still bf everytime I see her when DD is over a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870231 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 14:33:17 +0000 SweetiePie 2870231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would phrase it as a “it’s not you it’s me” thing. “You aren’t doing anything wrong by asking, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable to talk about it. It’s just me and my personality/feelings and I can’t change it. I’d really rather not talk about it”. </p> <p>Also, the tried and true method of “make dh mention it”. It’s his mom. I’d make sure he doesn’t say “crazydoglady asked me to tell you”. But more along the lines of “I know you don’t mean anything by it, but she’s mentioned that in general she feels uncomfortable talking about BF in front of other people. That’s why she leaves the room to do it, for example. So I know you have good intentions but let’s just respect her privacy”. I mean I’m sure it can be softened and crafted further, but that’s the gist of what I’d say. When my husband has to relay a message to my MIL I tell him I don’t even care if, to keep the peace, he blames me or calls it weird. As long as he doesn’t say that I told him to say it. Like “I know it seems silly, but this is her personality/one of her quirks and since it doesn’t hurt anyone to respect it, let’s just respect it. Everyone has something that triggers or bothers them and this is it for her”. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870228 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 12:47:20 +0000 Foodnerd81 2870228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: btw I’m really comfortable talking about breastfeeding in general but would also feel weird discussing in front of my younger BILs. It’s not just you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870227 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 12:42:00 +0000 crazydoglady 2870227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Good point! Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870226 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 12:39:19 +0000 Foodnerd81 2870226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: I was also going to suggest pinning more on the in front of others part. It seems clear she won’t get a subtle hint but I think you have to be really tone deaf to not understand “would you mind not talking about breastfeeding in front of everyone? I feel weird talking about it in front of people like Bil.” She night still ask questions in private but hopefully it would be less overall. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870225 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 12:34:06 +0000 crazydoglady 2870225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: That's probably it. Tho she never asks anyone "did you have to pee?"😂</p> <p>If I am being perfectly honest, all bf questions make me uncomfortable especially since she and I aren't close. Maybe if I bring it up and emphasize in front of others, she will just drop the questions all together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870223 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 12:23:12 +0000 DesertDreams88 2870223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seems like MIL awkwardly trying to connect and/or explain your temporary absence.</p> <p> I agree with the suggestion about saying something privately, and pinning more on the part about "in front of other people." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870219 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 12:18:28 +0000 gotkimchi 2870219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: yes exactly. And I don’t think a simple statement is mean at all - just like hey it makes me feel weird. But I def would have said something if we saw them all the time. One time we were over for brunch and I had a cinnamon roll and they said oh little one will be eating that soon in your milk. And it’s just like eww gross </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870217 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 11:48:48 +0000 crazydoglady 2870217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: She lives a mile from me, so we see her all the time. You are right, I should probably just say something privately next time it happens. I'm nervous about straining our relationship because she is really sensitive and holds a grudge *forever*but I can't control that, ya know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870216 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 11:46:28 +0000 gotkimchi 2870216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just tell her privately hey I don’t want to talk about breastfeeding in front of everyone.</p> <p>Honestly I feel the same way and my mil was similar. I just dealt with it because I don’t see them often but honestly it made me cringe. So if she’s someone you see a lot I would just tell her </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-that-bf-s-make-me-uncomfortable#post-2870214 Sun, 03 Feb 2019 11:41:38 +0000 crazydoglady 2870214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Alright, let me preface this by saying I'm not asking if this would make other people uncomfortable, but how to address this. </p> <p>I'm pretty private about breastfeeding. If I am at a friend/relatives house and the baby gets hungry, I feed her in another room. I have never mastered the cover, so this works best for both of us. </p> <p>Anyway, my MIL is constantly asking me questions about bf and they make me uncomfortable. For example, I take the baby into a back room to feed the baby at holiday gatherings and (without fail,) she always asks if the baby was hungry in front of everyone when I return. It's like "no, I was rearranging your bookshelves. 🙄.) I've tried ignoring her to see if she gets the hint, but she just asks again. She asks if the baby eats a lot or if I am pumping for work and these are questions that all around make me uncomfortable more or less in front of my childless BIL.<br /> She bf both kids, so it's not like it's about bf education and there might be a slight BEC factor there. I'm sure she's just trying to make conversation, but I wish it were about topics that didn't involve my boobs.<br /> I realize this might make me an outlier and I am ok with that. so how do I approach this politely? She does a lot for our family (by her initiative) and I dont want to seem ungrateful. </p>