https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 22:52:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165675 Tue, 22 May 2012 19:42:28 +0000 heffalump 165675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your MIL would hate me. I spoil my LO like crazy. She doesn't even hold her own sippy cup yet because she can't tilt it back, so I do it for her. </p> <p>But if I were you I'd try to let it go and kill her with kindness, and if it gets to be too much tell DH to do something about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165284 Tue, 22 May 2012 12:17:12 +0000 BoogieBea 165284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I completely understand what you're dealing with. My MIL is overbearing and oversteps boundaries as well. But over the years I've come to terms with it so now I just smile and nod for most things and politely disagree with her at times when I feel I need to say something. The silver lining is that hopefully I can learn to be a more laid back mil when the time comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165264 Tue, 22 May 2012 12:07:03 +0000 Modern Daisy 165264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not going to be able to change her, so as long as she's not actually disrespecting you outright I would just ignore it or act like what she's saying is meant to be a joke and laugh. If she says something outright disrespectful you can say "Well I'm going to disagree with you on that" or "That was disrespectful" and change the subject. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165163 Tue, 22 May 2012 10:34:21 +0000 oliviaoblivia 165163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no advice, I'm just sorry you have to deal with MIL bullcrap.</p> <p>I make DH handle his mama drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165156 Tue, 22 May 2012 10:24:35 +0000 autumnlove 165156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have the same MIL! :-) I usually ignore or I have DH talk to her when she is being super ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165145 Tue, 22 May 2012 10:11:08 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 165145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's really annoying, especially that comment about your parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165142 Tue, 22 May 2012 10:06:22 +0000 LivsMama 165142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im in the same situation as you, and I can tell you that I used to keep my mouth shut, It allll bottled up and one day I went BALLISTIC on her. I just flat out told her "If we want your opinion or input, it will be solicited. Otherwise, keep it to yourself." Got my point across though lol. Now I give it back to her so she knows I am the boss of my child-not her. Honestly, in the first situation, Id tell her that you will feed your child as you see fit, and giving her water will not spoil her. As for 2, Id say somehting like "wow, thats kind of inapproporaite that you are excited that she would actually forget my parents" but thats just me. I dont think you can really do much to assuage that kind of thinking (same goes for #3.) My MIL does the same stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165141 Tue, 22 May 2012 10:04:26 +0000 chopsuey 165141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your hubs needs to tell his mom to chillz. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165135 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:59:33 +0000 Andrea 165135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, seeing as I have a crazy Chinese mother, I have to say that they will never change the things that they say. You can really only pipe up every once in a while to make yourself feel better for having defended your position. But they will just keep saying what they want to say, unfortunately! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165113 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:27:15 +0000 Crisark 165113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd personally say something.<br /> I still deal with this with my EX MIL...Yes after being divorced almost 7 years I have to deal with this crap.<br /> It's been a hate/hate relationship with the woman since I was 17yrs old. I've been a mom for 9 years but as far as she's concerned I don't know much.<br /> I've tried smiling along but it made me insane so now I give it right back to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165111 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:24:42 +0000 obxwife 165111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With number 1- I would have gently said "Giving her water will not spoil her, thank you but I've got this one." or something along those lines. With 2 and 3 - I would probably fume but let them slide. With in laws, I think we have to pick and choose our battles with them. I'm going through my own daycare dilemma and have realized that we are lucky to have in laws that care and love our babies although they can be a little overbearing sometimes. Speak up when you feel like you should and when you know your better half won't! </p> <p>@krsmall: OH MY GOSH! I need this grandparenting class for my MIL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165108 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:23:02 +0000 Rubies 165108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, you guys. 99% of the time, I just grin and bear it. But the other 1% of the time when I'm feeling insecure of my mothering abilities, my MIL seems to just swoop in and make me feel like a big craparoo!</p> <p>I REALLY hope I don't end up being an annoying MIL one day. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165104 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:19:23 +0000 littlek 165104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's kinda funny that this topic is coming up because at my childbirth class the nurse told us about a grandparenting class that they offer and pretty much their advice to new grandparents is "keep your mouth closed unless you are asked your opinion, you need to let your son/daughter learn to be a parent." Another thing that they discuss is helping the parents by cooking and cleaning. It seems like a really good idea for a class because parents/parents-in-law want to be helpful but may not know what they are doing is just irritating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165099 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:15:27 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 165099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Geez.... </p> <p>I don't have any advice because I'm in a very similar situation w/ my MIL. I just tell DH to talk to her because she doesn't want to hear anything from me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165097 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:13:46 +0000 mrs. wagon 165097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sigh. I know how you feel, girl. I do love my MIL but sometimes our differences in personality make for situations like this. Thankfully enough time has gone by now where I can just sigh and let things roll over me. When the situation is a little more serious I let her know how I feel and address it with Wagon Sr. so that he can take her aside and talk to her about it later. She almost always is apologetic by that time, too. But for the most part, for the harmless* stuff, I just smile and nod (or coldly ignore) and let it go.</p> <p>*harmless meaning not necessarily harmless, but well, you know, not worth the battle. sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165093 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:08:09 +0000 Maysprout 165093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm trying to figure out how to handle MIL situations with LO too and so far I don't feel like I've been doing it well. I've been trying the ignore it/let husband handle it but me and her really need to be able to communicate because I feel like it's getting out of control. I don't appreciate being pushed around in any aspect of my life but especially not when LO is involved so right now I'm at the attitude of being direct. Not sure how that's going to go but I was going to lose it if I just kept smiling politely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165089 Tue, 22 May 2012 09:03:52 +0000 littlek 165089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sadly, I think all you can do is just ignore it and tell DH and have him deal with it. My MIL drives me nuts too, at first DH didn't see it but now he gets it and he's been much more helpful in stopping some of my MIL comments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165077 Tue, 22 May 2012 08:54:46 +0000 SugarplumsMom 165077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, I would say something - only because I've smiled and nodded for so long that I can't bare it any longer! There has also been a traumatic incident that stepped way over my line that made me change my attitude completely. So now, if MIL were to say those things I would:</p> <p>1) Yank my hand away and say, "thank you but I've got this."<br /> 2) Ignore it, I've be too embarrassed for her say anything worthwhile.<br /> 3) Sigh. Although I swear I'm all hostile now, I honestly wouldn't be able to respond to that comment. Most likely, I'd stand there like an idiot and feel shocked ;(</p> <p>I should also add that once I started responding to her/defending myself, her comments are less frequent. At least your hubs knows his mom's crazy ... unlike ... *rolls eyes* </p> <p>;D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165075 Tue, 22 May 2012 08:52:39 +0000 mediagirl 165075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah girl...let your husband handle it. I'm not sure if you're like this but when I get frustrated with my in-laws, it bubbles up until I know if I DO say something, it will come off really mean or snarky. GAWD she is obnoxious. Can you stop spending so much time with her?? (I know, I know....you wish, right?) :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165074 Tue, 22 May 2012 08:51:10 +0000 T.H.O.U. 165074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've gotten to the point with my MIL to just let these things roll off my back and let her talk "crazy". My husband is picking up on it more and more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165066 Tue, 22 May 2012 08:42:27 +0000 mamimami 165066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ignore and/or let your husband handle it. It sucks but I think it's the best strategy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-tell-mil-to-chill-out#post-165061 Tue, 22 May 2012 08:39:33 +0000 Rubies 165061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always preface all my MIL posts by saying that my MIL is a great person and is loving, etc. *but* she is opinionated, lacks sensitivity, and always thinks she's right. I've learned to just smile and nod but now I'm ready to bust my gut over her.</p> <p>What would you do/say if you were me in any of these situations:</p> <p>1) During lunch out with their family friends, LO was eating a cracker and I could tell it was getting a bit dry in her mouth and that she would gag very soon, so I brought her straw cup to her lips for her to take a drink of water. MIL put her hand on mine, told me to put it down and let LO do it herself or else I would be teaching her to be spoiled. (What?)</p> <p>2) My parents have been away on vacation for 5 weeks and are coming back tomorrow. In that time, LO has learned a bunch of new things. Over the weekend my MIL says to me, "I'm so glad your parents were gone for so long...Now LO recognizes ME and has probably forgotten them!" (Note: She said this because she's happy for herself, not because she has anything against my parents).</p> <p>3) She says, "LO is so cute. So smart. She's just like her dad."</p> <p>Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.</p> <p>The thing is, she doesn't hate me or anything. She's just a know-it-all, outspoken, Chinese MIL. </p> <p>Should I just keep my mouth shut and ignore her? Or, actually say something?</p> <p>NOTE: Whenever MIL does these things, the hubs sees the smoke coming out of my ears and thinks it's hilarious in that he knows his mother is crazy. He always asks if he needs to say something and if I say yes, he does. Most of the time, I just let it go. </p>