https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 22:05:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2545265 Tue, 10 May 2016 12:38:11 +0000 PinkElephant 2545265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: Yay! Glad it ended up being easier than anticipated :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2544996 Tue, 10 May 2016 07:36:28 +0000 SweetiePie 2544996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: That's great! Never underestimate the power of a good bribe :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2544898 Mon, 09 May 2016 21:45:37 +0000 autumnlove 2544898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: awesome! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2544897 Mon, 09 May 2016 21:43:16 +0000 winniebee 2544897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Finfan: we talked a lot about why he was nervous this week and so I had a handle on that. And we got there 10 mins early and just talked and scoped things out. Thanks :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2544874 Mon, 09 May 2016 21:05:48 +0000 Finfan 2544874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you did the right thing. I would also next time say "I know you can do this and I believe in you." That's the phrase I use to coax my LO into trying something when she's scared.</p> <p>ETA: just saw that updated. I'm glad it went well this time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2544815 Mon, 09 May 2016 19:06:38 +0000 Miss Ariel 2544815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: yeah! That's great to hear! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2544785 Mon, 09 May 2016 18:14:14 +0000 winniebee 2544785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update: I talked about swimming a lot this week. We talked about the fact that I would take a video of him swimming during class that he could watch. We also went to Target and scoped out pool toys and floats for our pool. I told him that if he participated in the lesson, he could pick out diving toys or a pool float. Guess what? He went in today and did awesome. He was enthusiastic about it and listened and had a great time. After it was over he said he wanted to do it again....and also that he is going to choose the Flounder diving toy. He was actually one of the better "swimmers" in the class! So, I guess for my kid.....bribery is the answer. :grin: Thanks for all of your help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2542380 Thu, 05 May 2016 15:36:57 +0000 keiki_mama 2542380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There was a child at my son's class that refused to get in the pool for five weeks straight. His mom and dad would try and convince him and he wanted nothing to do with it. He would walk around the pool and play with the toys but he never got in. Finally, they tried pulling him into the pool and mom and dad left. The child cried for fifteen minutes but eventually calmed down somewhat. He cried again at the end of class when his parents came back to pick him up. Not sure if that's a route you're willing to try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2540374 Wed, 04 May 2016 01:12:51 +0000 gingerbebe 2540374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @SweetiePie (when do we not agree girlfriend??) that private lessons sound like the way to go. If you KNOW this kid is gonna get in the pool this summer and you have a pool at your house 24/7, the safety aspect of swim lessons is a total non-negotiable. Its going to be hot soon (if its not hot already) and you're going to need him to know those skills for peace of mind. </p> <p>Whether its the Y, the instructor coming to the house, or its one-on-one at the swimming center, I think you have to let your kid know that one way or another he's getting lessons because its your job as mom to keep him safe and you cannot let him use the pool without the lessons. So he can pick what setting he wants, but he has to take lessons and he has to get in the water. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539960 Tue, 03 May 2016 14:33:24 +0000 brady80 2539960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This happened to us. My daughter loves the water but refused to get in for her lesson. We used rewards and it worked. She got a small reward for the first three lessons, after that she picked a snack from the snack bar. By the second month she wasn't asking for anything. She was also able to articulate what scared her about the lesson. She's more clingy with me, so my husband went with her to the second lesson and that worked well </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539939 Tue, 03 May 2016 14:13:47 +0000 caterw 2539939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is like this too- she hates all new activities for the first few times. I just let her hang back and watch the other kids have fun. She eventually starts to warm up even if it takes a week or two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539917 Tue, 03 May 2016 13:54:31 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2539917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: if this were me (and only because the lessons are free with membership), I'd wait it out until he was ready. I would take him to every lesson &amp; stay in an area where he could see me, but not interact with him. Like, "I'm going to watch from over here until the lesson is over. You may sit and watch the class from the deck or get in and try, it's your choice." If he didn't want to get in, I wouldn't push it beyond insisting he stay for the whole class and pay attention to what the kids were doing. Then I'd try things with him in our own pool. Id hope that eventually he'd be comfortable enough to get in on his own. I'd worry about a negative association, too, if I forced it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539742 Tue, 03 May 2016 12:26:40 +0000 honeybear 2539742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go for individual lessons, no question. LO had one-on-one lessons and he made a lot of progress in a short period of time. Either do them yourself if money is really an issue (and then maybe go back when he's just a bit older to try the group lessons and get reassurance that you've covered everything), or hire someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539716 Tue, 03 May 2016 12:02:55 +0000 SweetiePie 2539716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Granted, my son is only 20-ish months, but we tried a group class....even with me getting in...and he screamed the whole time. It was really stimulating with all of the simultaneous classes and splashing and screaming. He just didn't like it. We tried 3 classes and it was miserable. I hated wasting money but we switched to a private lesson in our apartment's pool and he never cried once. I think that a group environment in a pool can just be overwhelming. But I get the whole idea of not wanting to spend extra when it's included! Maybe after a couple more lessons, resign and do personal lessons since it is a safety issue. </p> <p>Also, I would agree that maybe it would help if you weren't there. My son often throws a fit when I'm around and won't want to leave me. He does much better in church drop off than he does in a mommy and me class. Not sure if it's the age he is or if that is pretty consistent throughout childhood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539715 Tue, 03 May 2016 12:02:52 +0000 KayKay 2539715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I would just try again. I would spend this week talking it up, and how special he is that, as a big kid, he gets to go to a lesson all by himself and learn to swim all by himself, etc etc. Maybe you just caught him on an off week when he was being especially clingy. </p> <p>Having the nanny take him, if that's an option, might work too. </p> <p>I also like just going and watching with him. I'm not generally a fan of forcing my kid to do something (unless it's 100% necessary, like daycare drop-off) especially if, in this case, being upset may also affect their safety in the class. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539707 Tue, 03 May 2016 11:51:33 +0000 mediagirl 2539707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I would leave him with the instructor. My daughter had the same type of issues when we first started lessons (but this was 2 years ago) and the instructor suggested I sit on the other side of the pool where I can watch but not be involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539683 Tue, 03 May 2016 11:20:55 +0000 808love 2539683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO absolutely loves the water (laughing and playing since birth) but refuses to take swim lessons anymore because she doesn't want to take out her earrings (policy). She says it hurts and she doesn't want an infection. (Watched a scary ear cleaning video.) She starts screaming if I go near her ears to practice and show her it is not a big deal. Needless to say, she does not want swim lessons, only me to teach her in the pool. After a year, she is still the same so I was thinking I would watch a bunch of DIY videos on YouTube to teach her how. I have a willing student but only under her terms! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539672 Tue, 03 May 2016 11:12:33 +0000 Foodnerd81 2539672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I totally understand pushing this. We did a parent and tot class last fall with the idea being she would go in with daddy (I was very very pregnant at the time, she was 2). She just cried and cried through the first three lessons (out of 6). Finally I started getting in instead of DH and it was better but she didn't love it. Anything else I may have called it quits but it was important that she get comfortable with the water. Not sure when we will do lessons without a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539647 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:42:44 +0000 winniebee 2539647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: thanks for your perspective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity/page/2#post-2539636 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:31:15 +0000 catomd00 2539636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I agree it's super important to learn to swim since you have a pool. I just don't think the method is important. If he can learn in a mommy and me class then the goal is accomplished. 4 is still young, though to me. I'm mostly responding as someone who was forced to swim when she didn't want to and wasn't comfortable in the class and I have always hated the water. I learned to swim enough to save myself, but never really enjoyed it and still don't as an adult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539627 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:19:43 +0000 winniebee 2539627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: maybe you are right! He's not fearful of the water though. Just fearful of the group setting /teacher thing, I think. I hate to scare him, but it's also not like he's 2. I'm typically not a tiger mom but I feel like this is so important! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539621 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:10:26 +0000 catomd00 2539621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I'd at least ask and try it for the first few minutes. Otherwise, I would personally switch to a mommy and me class. It may be age appropriate for him, but there's a lot more that goes into comfort level and readiness for a class like that than just age. Pushing him might make him even more fearful of the water and the ultimate goal is getting him comfortable and learning to be safe. It doesn't really matter if that happens in a mommy and me class or a solo one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539614 Tue, 03 May 2016 10:07:37 +0000 Ms maths 2539614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't remember how old she was, but my sister sat on the bench and never got in the pool for the entire first set of swims lessons she went to. I think it was 10 weeks. My parents never forced her to get in, but she had to go every week. Then they signed her up for another session.</p> <p>The second session, she got in the pool. She ended up loving swimming, joined a swim team when she was like 9 years old, and swam through high school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539604 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:46:37 +0000 Smurfette 2539604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I would try it once and see if he does better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539603 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:45:37 +0000 winniebee 2539603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: @Smurfette: I suppose, but she usually only works til 5 on the day I scheduled his lesson (of course I scheduled for when I could take him!!) She probably would agree to stay late and take him though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539601 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:44:19 +0000 Smurfette 2539601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: that is my suggestion. Could the nanny take him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539592 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:34:18 +0000 autumnlove 2539592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had an instructor come to our house last summer and LO 1 wanted nothing to swimming for most of the first class. She wanted Mommy, Daddy, to get out, etc but her instructor just remained calm and somehow got her to cooperate. LO did great for the next 9 classes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539582 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:28:16 +0000 Foodnerd81 2539582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could your nanny bring him? I know my LO definitely is clingy and doesn't listen as well when I'm there, although she is only 2.5 so who knows how she will be at 4. But maybe if someone he is a little less attached to brought him he would resist less? I also agree with just leaving if you can and seeing how it goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539573 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:22:56 +0000 chopsuey 2539573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We started group swim lessons a month ago and my 3y4month old didn't wanna swim either. He cried and resisted. We handed him over to the swim instructor, told him we'd be over by the kiddie pool area and for him to have fun.<br /> A few minutes later he was having a great time, following instruction and doing very well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-4-year-old-refusing-to-participate-in-scheduled-activity#post-2539571 Tue, 03 May 2016 09:21:47 +0000 Chuckles 2539571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I would have done the same thing. It was only the first lesson, right? If he's still unwilling to get in after watching a few lessons, I would think he might need just a couple of one on one sessions without you to get comfortable, but since it was the first time, I would give him some more opportunities to watch before deciding it wouldn't work. </p>