https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 22:12:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2690107 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 23:34:25 +0000 hummusgirl 2690107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes 4 year olds, ugh! </p> <p>I would talk to the teacher about giving his behavior less attention. Can she make the consequence more natural and immediate, like "After you pick up the blocks, we'll go out on the playground." Just something that needs to get done so they can move on to the next thing. </p> <p>I would stop with the chart and try to build up his intrinsic motivation to do the right thing just for the sake of it, instead of trying to get an external reward. </p> <p>I would talk to him about our family's values and that it feels good to be helpful, respectful, etc. That mommy and daddy treat each other and him with respect, and that we expect him to do the same with us and his teachers and friends. </p> <p>I would ask him if he has any ideas for ways you or his teachers can help him remember how to behave respectfully at school, and see what he has to say. </p> <p>None of this will work as fast as a bribe/chart but we're playing the long game. :-) I've found with my 4.5 year old that this boundary testing comes and goes, and it's been improving as we're getting a better handle on natural consequences and keeping our calm. The Janet Lansbury podcast has helped me a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2690040 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 19:50:40 +0000 JennyD 2690040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For something that was really out of character I would have a serious but not angry talk with her. Like, almost as if you're concerned about him. </p> <p>My daughter does not care at all about rewards, especially if they're not immediate. She responds better to being told what the expected behaviour is. We also minimize a lot of things like whining and baby talk with a simple and calm "I can't understand you when you use that voice". </p> <p>Also, generally, we talk a lot about why we do things and what the expectations are. Like "when we get to Grammy's house we can't run around and be loud we need to play quietly" etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2689972 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 17:01:33 +0000 littlejoy 2689972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems like natural boundary testing. I would ignore or say, "Ok then." and move on. </p> <p>Maybe your child isn't overly motivated by obscure rewards ... like, it's up to you if they get their stars (not based on very specific behaviors - like a star for eating dinner, a star for picking up toys, but rather if he's "good" for the entire evening). </p> <p>In bribing kids with rewards, we have to be ok with them choosing the other option ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2689955 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 16:40:46 +0000 Chuckles 2689955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @aprilfool: that I would ignore it because he's testing limits. Or, depending on how you've had the same reward structure going on, maybe it's time to switch things up just a bit to keep his interest? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2689954 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 16:39:16 +0000 AprilFool 2689954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do a bed time reward chart and sometimes she says she doesn't want her stars and so she doesn't have to go to bed but in the end she just loses her stars, which upsets her. She does it when refusing to pick up as well. </p> <p>I just see it as testing boundaries and seeing if they can get you to give in. I pretend I don't care as well and move on with what we are doing. </p> <p>In this case I would just let the natural consequence play out. You said you didn't want marshmallows so no marshmallows, even at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2689629 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 11:25:17 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2689629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds a lot like what my mom says she experienced with my brother. He just didn't care about punishments. If she grounded him or took toys away, he just was more ornery but didn't care. </p> <p>I already see some of this in my 2 year old son too. We were on a trail walk and he was messing with the stroller and putting on the foot break. He wasn't listening when I told him to stop. He got upset that I told him no and sat down and wouldn't walk. We just kept walking and he didn't care at all that we "left" him there. He just played in that spot (we could see him around the bend). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-handle-this-behavior#post-2689624 Tue, 31 Jan 2017 11:19:25 +0000 littlebug 2689624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>D just turned 4 a couple of weeks ago. 3 was definitely the year he found his voice - challenging us by saying no, more whining, etc. So far, 4 is more of the same. After some particularly bad days at daycare, we took TV away and instituted a behavior chart at home. If he has a good report at the end of the day, he gets a star at home. If he makes the Rock Star Wall at school, he gets 2 stars. If he has a bad report or a particularly bad night with us, he loses a star. If he has 5 stars by Friday, he gets a movie night. So far, it's been working well and seems to have helped with his attitude.</p> <p>But yesterday, when I picked him up, his teacher told me that he had an overall good day, but he still needs to work on his listening. She asked him to do something and he said no and she said "Don't you want to get stars at home?" He told her he didn't care if he got stars at home. Then she asked him about the Rock Star Wall and reminded him that she'd give him a marshmallow if he makes the Rock Star Wall, and he said, "I don't care. My mommy buys me marshmallows anyway." :shocked: Like...really, dude?! He doesn't ever say things like that at home, so I don't understand where this is coming from. And I really don't know how to address it. Other than throwing away the marshmallows and taking away all treats. </p>