https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 12:07:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1779075 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 14:05:29 +0000 Maysprout 1779075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I feel like 1 year old interactions are different in a lot of ways than adult interactions. </p> <p>Kids learn from interacting with each other. That age is hard, there's a lot of awkward interactions. I tried to step in when there was something aggressive going on - hitting, throwing, (a hug could be aggressive if too long/going to knock down). But I think it's good to let kids explore their own interactions somewhat. So if someone took a toy from my LO - not going to step in right away. If someone gets her attention by poking her a little too hard - not going to step in right away, if someone gives her a hug - not going to step in . Some of it is her learning to voice her wants and dislikes. </p> <p>I think it is somewhat cultural - we just moved too and everyones a stranger and the kids here have been a lot more affectionate towards one another than where we used to live. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1779029 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:49:34 +0000 looch 1779029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: It could be cultural, I think it's also partly work influenced. I would never dream of hugging a new person on their first day, but I do hug collegues when I haven't seen them in a long time (as I did this morning).</p> <p>A lot of people have different comfort levels with their personal space. It's not about germs, it's about having someone come in and put there arms around you and that you didn't initiate. Would you be okay with a stranger doing that to you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1779008 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:45:30 +0000 Arden 1779008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: You know, you may have just set off a light bulb for me. Maybe it's cultural. Because yeah, actually, I do think it's normal to hug people the first time you meet them. A lot of my life I did a "hug/kiss on each cheek" greeting when I met someone for the first time.<br /> Maybe I'm just assuming it's normal to hug people (when they are also comfortable with a hug) but it's actually not here. So that could explain why it felt more personal, like they had something against my kid, when in reality these people just don't really hug and found it weird.</p> <p>I have to figure out a way to communicate that to her in a way she'll understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1779003 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:44:48 +0000 hilsy85 1779003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Assuming that you, your DH, and any other adults that you know continue to hug her, I think the message would still get across that friends hug each other, but strangers/kids we don't know well give each other space. And maybe one of those kids she goes up to at the playground will become a friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778991 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:41:01 +0000 Arden 1778991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Well that's the thing, she doesn't have any "friends". We just moved a couple of months ago and will be moving again in November, so... every kid is kind of a stranger. Those are her only real interactions with other kids. We have no local playgroups (even at the library, I checked). :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778986 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:39:50 +0000 immabeetoo 1778986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I don't know; I personally don't see it that way. I would guess that you would discourage her from hugging strangers who were adults, right? Assuming you do, she still probably happily hugs you and family members without thinking hugging is wrong, I would think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778984 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:39:05 +0000 looch 1778984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: But hugging is inappropriate, sorry, when you are strangers, regardless of your age. I think it's fine when you have established the acceptable boundaries with a person, but I don't walk into my office and hug everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778976 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:37:18 +0000 hilsy85 1778976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I don't think that's necessarily true. If you have friends and know other kids that you KNOW are comfortable with her affection, and she hugs them without a problem, then I think it just sends the message that THIS person is our friend, we can hug them. THAT child we don't know very well so we're going to give them some space until we know them a little better. And I don't think you have to pull her away--maybe crouch down with her, gently put your arm around her so she can't just go up to the other child, and model the behavior--wave or give a high five to the other kid yourself. </p> <p>I personally also don't ascribe to the philosophy that EVERYONE /EVERY other baby is a "Friend"--maybe they all have that potential, but I Think it's important to distinguish strangers. And while she may be too young to grasp the concept now, it' snot too early to start introducing it, you know? Laying the groundwork. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778962 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:32:45 +0000 Arden 1778962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: @scg00387: I guess my concern is this: if I'm constantly saying "Let's just wave and say hi, ok?" and pulling her away from other kids, she is likely to internalize a message that hugging is wrong or inappropriate in general.<br /> She's quite young to really explain the difference between friends and strangers (she thinks every other baby is her friend), so I'm not sure the message would really translate accurately to her.</p> <p>I don't want her to think that hugging is inappropriate (I can just see her then starting to push other kids away because she thinks she's not supposed to hug), but I don't want to make other parents uncomfortable, so I feel like it's a catch 22. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778827 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:00:07 +0000 immabeetoo 1778827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: yeah, I agree! Dirty looks are never appropriate... At least around kids who might imitate me :P my comment was also directed at other PP who seemed to infer that the parents were just being dicks.</p> <p>I agree in that it's a teachable moment for both kids @hilsy85: I wouldn't expect a 16 month old to get it immediately but i would expect or hope a parent would be trying.</p> <p>Andddd I'm way too invested in this thread bc I want any excuse to take a break from unpacking :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778742 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:40:48 +0000 deerylou 1778742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: For sure. I've worked with a great deal of immunosuppressed and aggression-prone children in the past, so I totally understand. I don't think there's anything wrong with parents being vocal about their child's particular needs, or family preferences. Communication is important, and never in poor taste. I just wish the dirty looks weren't necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778728 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:39:22 +0000 hilsy85 1778728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: agree with this!</p> <p>I also think it would be extreme to avoid playgrounds/other kids in the meantime, and that would take away the opportunity to have a teachable moment with your LO. Even at 16 months, I know my LO could understand, "Let's give a wave first, or a high five", so I bet Vi could too! It's also possible that if the kids were older, the parents were worried that they would hurt her, not that she would hurt/bother them--but either way, I think it's just a case of learning boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778709 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:33:52 +0000 immabeetoo 1778709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: that seems extreme to me to just avoid playgrounds! Maybe a playgroup would be a good place for her to see the same kids regularly and be able to read who is into her hugs and who isn't? </p> <p>@deerylou: who knows what the parents reasons were- maybe their kids are working out aggression issues and they were nervous their kid was going to hit. Or they're immunosuppressed. I wouldn't give someone the stink eye over it and it would obviously be preferable for folks to just be direct, but I don't think it's necessarily just a helicopter parent reaction </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778668 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:23:40 +0000 deerylou 1778668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I hear you. If Vi had approached my daughter at the park for a hug sesh, and she was comfortable and enthusiastic about the affection, I wouldn't think twice. </p> <p>As a SAHM, I love for my daughter to have opportunities to engage and socialize with other children. I think it's important she creates her own boundaries, and learns to pick up on the social cues of others, but I also want her to understand and celebrate community, kindness, and love. Life is too short.</p> <p>I think it's unfortunate that the overall reaction to Vi's affection was negative, especially when the children weren't bothered by it. I've noticed a trend in knee-jerk reactions in regards to kids getting too close; it's almost seems like the fabled "cooties" are back in full swing. </p> <p>In my opinion, if you're quick to jump in, and respect the integrity of other children regardless of their reaction, I would simply let your kid be the jolly hugger she is. If you get another dirty look from a parent, I'd just offer, "Please let me know if you're at all uncomfortable, and I'll prompt her to move along." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778605 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:07:23 +0000 Arden 1778605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I absolutely 100% agree with you that children are pushed into accepting affection and that's inappropriate. I don't allow people to hold or kiss Vi if she's pushing them away or saying no. Period. I also won't allow grandparents to insist on receiving kisses if she's not into it. It's her body, it's her choice who she allows in her space.</p> <p>That said, I also don't assume she DOESNT want hugs. If someone hugs her and she acts cool with it, great! I'm not going to snatch her away if she's fine. She's learning about social interaction and she's comfortable, so great. :)</p> <p>I guess the reason I was taken aback by the reactions of the parents at the park was because their kids were older/bigger than Vi and they seemed completely comfortable with her (one even patted her head and said she was cute). It was like an instant "Ahh someone is touching my child!!" kind of knee jerk reaction, which surprised me. I would think that sort of reaction would instill fear in the kids, not independence or bodily integrity. </p> <p>If the kid was pushing her away or saying no or showing any discomfort I would have grabbed her away instantly, but I really didn't think she was bothering them. I came here to ask about it because I was surprised that SEVERAL moms at the park reacted that way, and now I've learned that apparently a lot of people are bothered by it. I guess I'll have to try to keep her away from other toddlers until she is old enough to understand personal space. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778580 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:59:16 +0000 deerylou 1778580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs are absolutely wonderful, as long as my daughter is okay with it. I think along the same lines as @scg00387: I feel that babies and young toddlers are often forced to accept affection and engage in physical touch without much consideration for their preferences. At one, my daughter is very social and quite cuddly. But if she's focused on an activity or simply needing her space, she's probably not a great candidate for a random embrace - from an adult or a child. </p> <p>I have a few friends with slightly older children that are constantly wanting to capture these Kodak moments, instructing their child to "give the baby a big kiss!" While my daughter will often return the gesture (she's in a smooching phase), it makes me feel like the bad guy when I do have to redirect, or if my kid wants nothing to do with affection, at the time.</p> <p>Overall, I wouldn't be bothered by a playground hug, but would hope the parent of said hugger wouldn't make snap judgements about me or my child if she wasn't into it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778462 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:21:13 +0000 immabeetoo 1778462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: I agree with everything you said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778455 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:20:38 +0000 immabeetoo 1778455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: there have been several folks who said they know their kid was uncomfortable with it but might not show it too- I guess I just don't think it's fair to assume that the kid is until proven otherwise. I am surprised by how many folks think it's not an issue/ just cute. I guess I'm glad we haven't run into the issue too often! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778173 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:17:08 +0000 pinkcupcake 1778173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kid's really reserved and doesn't like to be touched/hugged by people she doesn't know (neither do I). While I would never give a dirty look to a young child who approached and hugged my kid, I do appreciate the parents that redirect their children and teach them that they should use their words to say hi rather than touch. Most parents react that way, but there are a few that just look at me and smile like, "Oh isn't my child so cute??" while their kid is chasing around mine, trying to touch her, and it's up to me to keep them apart. </p> <p>Also, it's not easy sometimes to tell if a child is upset. My daughter doesn't push or cry or shove- she just looks uncomfortable and to people who don't know her, they might not be able to tell that she's not liking it. </p> <p>I understand that young toddlers won't grasp the concept immediately, but I think it's worthwhile for parents to gently teach their children that not everyone wants to be touched and they should keep their hands to themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778069 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:45:30 +0000 pui 1778069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If my kid didn't seem upset by it, I wouldn't mind at all. If my child looked annoyed or uncomfortable with it, I would intervene.</p> <p>If it was my kid doing the hugging, I would try and teach her to not so much hug randomly, but to at least say "Hi, can I give you a hug?" and respect the other child if they say no. I wouldn't expect her to understand this concept right away, but I would at least try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1778060 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:43:12 +0000 birdofafeather 1778060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: oh, that's absolutely when I would intervene! And again, with younger kids, I think pushing goes with the territory but is obviously a sign of distress! Not a bad kid at all. I was referring to Arden's example of the kids being hugged NOT being upset, but maybe the parents being more uncomfortable with it? Sorry I made it sound like every kid should be okay with it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/3#post-1777769 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 08:21:39 +0000 immabeetoo 1777769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: my son does say no- but obviously the other kids are young too and rarely pAy any attention to what he says. His instinct is to then shove, and then he is "the bad kid". I don't think it's fair to assume every little kid wants to be hugged by a stranger unless they indicate otherwise. My son is very affectionate with kids he knows and family but gets upset if anyone of any age that he's not familiar with tries to touch him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777681 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:55:57 +0000 Trailmix 1777681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would think it was adorable and it would not bother me at all! Little kids' conception of personal space is a lot different from adults', mine are like puppies, always on top of one another, etc...I think it's nice, touch is a way to bond with someone :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777594 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:17:03 +0000 swedishfish 1777594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: agreed, I also thought of the times others have said how upset they were when a random adult touched their baby at a store. Why, then, is it alright for a random, younger person to touch your baby? I think it's never too early to start teaching appropriate boundaries and respect for other people's personal space. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777576 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 06:58:38 +0000 littlek 1777576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son likes his personal space and probably would not want to be hugged by a stranger. I'd probably intervene because be would start saying "no thank you" and if that didn't work pushing the hugger away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777546 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 05:58:11 +0000 looch 1777546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right, hugs are better than hitting, but if my son reacts to the hugging by pushing, what would be appropriate? Would you all be fine if I just shrugged it off, or would you give my son and I the side eye? Be honest!</p> <p>I think also we tend to look at it from our perspective as adults, with interactions with children. Is it appropriate for a random adult to come up to you and hug you?</p> <p>And one last point is that, yes, I tell my son to verbalized what he is comfortable with. What makes people think that your kid, who doesn't understand hugging everyone isn't okay, would understand no from my son? I am all for letting kids work it out themselves, but under the age if 5, they might need some help especially when you have children of differing ages, abilities, even spoken language! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777471 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 23:54:11 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1777471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 18mo crawls up to people and nudges them with his head like a dog...for a little perspective. </p> <p>I doubt she can really understand at this point, but I'd probably start with "hugs are nice, but we don't hug people we don't know, we wave." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777466 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 23:48:30 +0000 birdofafeather 1777466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Row is an agressive hugger and unless the other kid doesn't like it or seems upset, i let her hug. she's 1.5 years old, not a 5 year old! she had another (random) kiddo come up to her and hug her at the store and she was running away and a stranger commented, oh, she doesn't like it. and i said, oh, she's a pretty aggressive hugger herself. and she literally turned around and started hugging the other kid. she knows how to say no (oh dear, she says no to everything!) so unless she's saying no, then i really try to hang back and let the kids work it out. i think there's something to be said for parents who don't want their kids to be hugged telling them to say no to those hugs, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777392 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 22:19:17 +0000 Anagram 1777392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: I agree with you. How sad that hugging from a toddler needs discipline. Meh. We have interesting cultural norms.....I feel like playgrounds are made for kids to socialize and then parents come and muck it all up with our own quirks and issues.</p> <p>I put my baby on a baby swing the other day and the baby at the next swing was kind of shouting (happily) at her, so my LO started shouting back. They were doing baby communication and it was so cute. But then the mom was like, "Oh sorry, he's screeching a lot lately". But I was just like.....but we're outside. At a playground. Made for babies. Why would that need an apology!?! And I don't think she really MEANT it, I think she just felt like she had to say it, lest I think her baby was a "bad baby" or something?</p> <p>Meh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-react-to-this/page/2#post-1777361 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 21:57:23 +0000 irene 1777361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in the minority as well..... If a random child hugs my child, while I may squeeze a smile, observe if her parents are "normal-looking", but deep down I would feel quite awkward and uncomfortable about it.</p> <p>I am a germophobe and I read too many articles about strange scams out there. (eg. The latest I read was don't help take photos of strangers on the streets of Shanghai or they may have something on the camera that drugs you and then they'll snatch your child lol) </p>