https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 22:01:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1766746 Fri, 18 Jul 2014 00:05:46 +0000 banana 1766746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Helllllz no. I'd be pissed for sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764462 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 10:32:43 +0000 edelweiss 1764462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm not saying that your husband meant all the things you perceive in his comments, but considering your body image issues he should be more sensitive. however i know a lot of guys are not as thoughtful about those things, so for just the comments i would try to give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him about it--he may not realize the message that he seems to be sending with those comments, which seem pretty insensitive.</p> <p>however, combined with the request for the massage, which you specifically asked him not to do, he is out of line. way out of line.</p> <p>ETA: just reread and realized that you had asked him not to make that comment. not cool that he did it a second time--that was *him* looking to make conflict.</p> <p>but, also saw your update and so glad you guys had a good talk about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764346 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 10:02:25 +0000 babynumber1 1764346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At 8 weeks PP my hormones were still crazy. I probably would have flipped out and cried. Not kidding. And they were both out of line. Your husband was being a jerk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764302 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 09:52:45 +0000 JennyD 1764302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: I'm glad :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764300 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 09:52:14 +0000 MrsTiz 1764300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hoooolly crap. First comment, eh.. men are men and sometimes don't filter properly</p> <p>Second comment and asking for a massage??!? WHAT. WHAT.</p> <p>Did she actually give him one?!</p> <p>I think your sister sounds like bit of a boundaries-breaker, but you already knew that.. so can you be mad at her for being herself? She's disrespected your rules and she knows that you are uncomfortable with her giving him massages, so if she gave him one.. aw hell naw. If she didn't give him one, and was just dressed in her normal clothes and her normal flirty-ness..well, at least she's true to herself! </p> <p>Your DH.. oh man. That's not an "oops! I'm sorry I said that" thing, that is a full-blown "screw you I want a massage from your hot sister regardless of what you have directly asked me not to do". </p> <p>I would be angry. So, so deeply angry -- add being 8 weeks PP to that and I'd be on the next episode of Snapped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764296 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 09:51:40 +0000 snowjewelz 1764296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be livid! First at his comment. But if you said he's been very very supportive and positive, then a slip up I guess you'd have to let go after a while.</p> <p>BUT, in conjunction with this whole sister thing, he should know better than to irk you even more by going out with her! And she obviously isn't being considerate of you either. I am so sorry you have to deal with this! Would your parent(s) be able to say something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764246 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 09:40:57 +0000 aegie 1764246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be upset at my husband if he said that. Because post partum IS especially hard. </p> <p>But I wouldn't solely put the blame on his insensitivity. I think as your SISTER, she should have also known where she needs to draw the line. Like if she knows how much it bothers you, she should have said .... yeah I didn't have a kid, but your wife gave you a beautiful healthy baby so she's awesome! AND she should have said that she doesn't do massages with family members bc that's just awkward. </p> <p>I know if my sister felt awkward I would have said those things and she would have said the same. That would remind the husband he's out of line. I think because BOTH are participating in this makes it harder for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764097 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 09:12:03 +0000 MrsSCB 1764097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes. I think his first comment could have been one of those foot-in-mouth statements that he didn't really think how it would sound, but then he should have just said he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Asking for a massage after you said it makes you uncomfortable? That just seems deliberate, like he was trying to get back at you. Talk about looking for a conflict! Not cool. I'm glad you had a good talk, and I think counseling is always a great idea for marriage "maintenance." Sometimes you just need an impartial third party to talk things out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1764069 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 09:05:12 +0000 anandam 1764069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you, all! For honesty and support and clearheadedness and even for some male opinions!</p> <p>DH and I managed a very productive conversation about it all and the underlying issues/insecurities, and made some progress. We both agree it's due time to return to counseling, too, which has been good for us in the past. </p> <p>Love this community! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763759 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 07:46:34 +0000 MsMamaBear 1763759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: Exactly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763705 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 07:21:32 +0000 mrsjyw 1763705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the first comment was whatever, probably a little insensitive but just a stupid man comment, honest.</p> <p>When he repeated and then asked her for a massage is when he f'ed up in my book.</p> <p>As far as your sister, I don't think she's innocent as far as what she decides to wear and what she decides to flaunt around you/DH, but in this case I agree with those that say it is your DH at fault. Asking her to leave isn't going to fix the deeper issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763696 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 07:13:27 +0000 Happygal 1763696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could see where the first time he said it, he was not referring to your postpartum body, but looking like someone who has gotten sleep, isn't frazzled, etc. </p> <p>But here's the thing--you asked him not to repeat it, and he did. Then he asked for a massage when you requested him not to, and he did. That is maddening and disrespectful. Unless he's normally totally oblivious, I would think that he is dealing with some issues right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763670 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 06:55:39 +0000 Anagram 1763670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: well your sister working shifts for you at the coop is actually really nice, and it's definitely a good reason of her and your DH to be there at the same time. </p> <p>But your husband asking for a massage from her after you asked him to is still yucks. I don't think legit massage therapy is sexual at all and one of my best girl friends is a massage therapist--but my husband has refused to ever go to her for a massage, he thinks it's weird. So my husband asking for a massage from a sister who doesn't dress appropriately (massage therapists do not show skin at all---my friend wears scrubs so it's not sending the wrong message to new clients) would rub me the wrong way.</p> <p>Also, I have a sister who is mentally ill and she often wears clothes that are just completely inappropriate for public. At my LO's afternoon family backyard BBQ, where shorts and a t-shirt would have been fine, she came outside with a tiny minidress that was backless, had cutouts in the mid section, was low cut, and if course, she was not wearing a bra (and she has very large breasts). I just told her straight up it wasn't appropriate for a backyard BBQ and asked her to change and she did. But there have been many times where we just let her wear whatever if her mood has been off lately and calling her out on it will make the whole day worse. So I have been where you are on that front and understand that you have to pick your battles. </p> <p>Hope you guys get it all worked out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763655 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 06:45:47 +0000 kml636 1763655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>um, I would be seriously pissed. If this is stressing you out, tell your sister you need some time alone too. I would be livid about him commenting after you said something AND asking about the massage. Of course you are sensitive, you just had a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763629 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 06:15:11 +0000 looch 1763629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh wow, he asked for a massage after being told explicitly not to? He would be in the doghouse for that.</p> <p>The bigger issue to me, though, is that he even needs to be told. I don't have a sister but come on, that is inappropriate on so many levels. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763619 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 06:08:03 +0000 avivoca 1763619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: When I said that, I was thinking about how I would feel at 8 weeks pp, with my sister not really respecting my wishes on dress code at my house AND given the fact that she felt that the relationship between the two of them was a bit inappropriate. It's just not something that I would want to deal with, so I would say "straighten up or leave," to the sister. Her husband was definitely out of line and I would have words for him too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763601 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:45:19 +0000 illumina 1763601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That comment in isolation would probably be OK with me, but given what you've said about your Sister and her interaction with DH it would bother me. Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel about he and your Sister spending time together? Maybe if he knew how you felt he may be more sensitive? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763583 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:02:29 +0000 wonderstruck 1763583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>WOW. I really want to junk punch your husband for you. First comment could have just been thoughtless, although it still would have stung for me also at 8 weeks postpartum. Not caring that you were upset by the comment, REPEATING the comment again at dinner, and then asking your sis for a massage when you had already asked him not to? Total asshole move, in my opinion. Whether or not he thinks you're being too sensitive (and hello, find me a postpartum woman who ISN'T sensitive, they're rare) neither of your requests were difficult to follow. He's not acting like your feelings are important to him at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh/page/2#post-1763545 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 02:00:43 +0000 gracecat 1763545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh hell no!! I don't think you're overreacting and even if others think so your loved ones should be supporting you. After you bore a child your husband should just be saying "yes dear!" I would be so pissed... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763540 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 01:55:28 +0000 Raindrop 1763540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm back :) </p> <p>I read this story out loud to my DH. He did not see anything too wrong with most of it EXCEPT that you clearly told your husband what made you uncomfortable and even to him (he is a little dense and he will admit that) he would remember and respect what you told him about that and not do something that you are very uncomfortable with. So he definitely thinks that what your husband did was wrong in regards of asking your sis for a message.</p> <p>Just wanted to give you another guys point of view. </p> <p>I hope things settle down for you. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763537 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 01:41:49 +0000 night cheese 1763537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with @MamaMoose and @ScarletBegonia in that I'm disappointed that people seem to be blaming your sister. This is on your husband, regardless of how your sister dresses or how promiscuous you said she is. Because even if you don't trust her, if you don't trust your husband, that's the bigger issue IMO. </p> <p>That said, I think you're being pretty sensitive, although it's mostly justified since you're postpartum, hormonal, and already had eating disorder and body image issues. The first comment he said could be chalked up to boneheadedness, but his reaction was unfair and repeating it again after you'd specifically called him out on it was NOT cool, even if he didn't mean anything by it. </p> <p>In general, I agree with PP that getting back to counseling might do you and your husband a world of good. Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763506 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 00:09:37 +0000 cyndistar3 1763506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Your comment echos my thoughts exactly! </p> <p>I think the overall relationship just doesn't seem right and I wouldn't want her there like that :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763499 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 23:55:21 +0000 Sapphiresun 1763499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you're being sensitive.</p> <p>HOWEVER... Rightly so. You just had a baby. Emotions are high, hormones are out of whack, sleep is probably elusive. You can't help being even more sensitive than you might usually be about these kinds of things. And his job as a loving partner is to tread lightly, and make you feel good about yourself. So I also think he's out of line. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763496 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 23:35:39 +0000 googly-eyes 1763496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think he was acting out of line, particularly because you asked him to stop and he didn't. Not ok, imo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763488 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 23:10:06 +0000 JennyD 1763488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: kudos for identifying yourself as the minority! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763480 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 22:57:24 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1763480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Panda: yeah, I personally would never give my sister's husband a massage....or anyone's husband who I was visiting postpartum. But yeah...some people are different.<br /> Either way, OP, you TOLD DH not to let her do it, so he needed to respect that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763478 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 22:56:03 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1763478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You know....I do think it's all totally harmless.<br /> At 20months postpartum, it's easy for me to say: it wasn't that bad.<br /> But I KNOOOOOOOOW at 8w pp, this would have caused me to sob and cry for a week straight and attempt to kill my husband:)<br /> You need to explain to him ever so clearly how you have been hurt and how absurd his comments were. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763477 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 22:55:17 +0000 Mrs.Panda 1763477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: @ScarletBegonia: I felt that the sister was also wrong because OP said she is flirtatious even after knowing it's not appreciated from past experiences. Maybe I read into it wrong. But especially after your sister has a baby, you need to be there for her, not flirting with her husband and he demurely needs to not be saying inappropriate things. But you're right, husband is way worse in this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763474 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 22:52:01 +0000 Boheme 1763474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: That was super insensitive of your husband. I hope he can understand that he's wrong and that you can draw some firm boundaries that he respects. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-take-this-statement-from-dh#post-1763473 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 22:50:31 +0000 JennyD 1763473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I just think if @anandam already had a discussion with her sister about her clothes, she's not likely being a helpful and supportive sister. I did assume that she was encouraging the husband's behaviour, which isn't explicitly stated in her post.</p> <p>In my experience, his behaviour wouldn't have continued if the sister was behaving appropriately and respectfully. Also, since she is clearly a source of conflict and stress, she should go.. </p>