https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 11:52:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2488161 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 22:02:55 +0000 erinpye 2488161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I am SO happy to hear this! And so very touched you replied to let me, and everyone who might be struggling like we both have, know, that it does get better. Huge hugs, my friend! :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2488156 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 21:57:50 +0000 SweetiePie 2488156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: I know this is pretty old at this point, but I wanted to come back and tell you, since you were such an inspiration to me, that we are FINALLY back up to an 8/9. When I first voted our son was 9-ish months and things were just starting to improve a little. Now at 18 months into this parenting thing, we are "us" again. We love being together, alone or as a family. We rarely fight and when we do its not a knock down drag out battle to the death like it was before. It's just normal married bickering.<br /> We laugh and hug as much as we did before. We find time to hang out together instead of separate rooms. He helps out way more. And I have learned what my flaws are and I'm really working on them.<br /> I'm still not sure if I had PPD in the first year - I never got a true diagnosis (actually got conflicting ones from two therapists). But now I know that if I feel some of what I felt the first time (if we have another) it's best to talk to someone right away - that way if it is PPD I can get the help I need and hopefully avoid the whole disaster that was our first year of parenting.<br /> Anyway, just felt really strongly about giving an update in case anyone else is struggling with parenting/marriage. It can get better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2197071 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 17:54:09 +0000 erinpye 2197071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: it really does get better-- hang in there :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2196184 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 09:29:54 +0000 mrsrain 2196184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I said 7 and DH said 9, so I voted 8! Things are pretty good overall, but it's been a stressful year (good things, but still stressful) and lately we've been sniping a lot. We're working on it, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2196177 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 09:25:07 +0000 mrscobee 2196177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: I totally agree with your assessment. I voted 10, but my idea of a 10 is not that far fetched... We are happy, laugh together, do a good job of communicating, and just genuinely like to be together during the good times and the hard times. We go through rough times and bicker, but that generally blows over quickly. I am in some moments it's a 4, and in other moments it's a 10, but overall a 10, but that's easier to say when expectations are pretty basic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2196173 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 09:21:25 +0000 Greentea 2196173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: I'm sorry to hear that. We have had times like that! DH is not good under stress either. I bet that is really hard on him not to be employed, it can really do a number on everybody. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/3#post-2196101 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 08:41:03 +0000 ValentineMommy 2196101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll be honest and say I voted a 4. </p> <p>I love my husband, but he is not good at all in times of stress. I am 31 weeks with DS2, and he has not been a great help this time around at all, and he's unemployed right now (for like the 80th time). So, I'm stretched really thin, doing most of the housework, all of the finances/working, and still the "default parent", while being super pregnant. It's not fun to bear all the responsibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2196094 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 08:35:23 +0000 Anagram 2196094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say 6-7...and I don't anticipate that changing any time soon since we have another baby coming soon.</p> <p>I'm a terrible pregnant person--still nauseous every day, still not "myself" and this has been going on for the past 6 months now. So I have way less patience in general and am just less happy in general (hard to be happy when you feel miserable every day), and DH has to do way more at home on top of his stressful job.</p> <p>I think what's great about our relationship is that we don't really fight (who has the energy?) and I think we both see this as just a rough season in our lives. Our relationship is just kind of on the backburner right now, which is fine by me--I don't have the energy for much else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2196090 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 08:27:15 +0000 Greentea 2196090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: I found that to be an adjustment- at first it was survival, with the baby... but then it doesn't stop... and I remember hoping at a year old things would magically get better. I remember my OB saying that "it is a marathon," in regard to labor, and now we joke that she meant the rest of our lives! I am glad about your DH's job. Hopefully the unideal location is just a temporary. We don't live in our ideal spot either, I feel like life is about weighing which sacrifice I can handle!</p> <p>@Baby Boy Mom: I could have written that myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2196045 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 07:58:25 +0000 LovelyPlum 2196045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lulabee: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195939 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 00:35:23 +0000 simplyfelicity 2195939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: This. My husband and I have never been like that (intense passion etc) it's just not our style and I don't believe people are "soul mates." Rather, we compliment each other and he is, genuinely, a wonderful person. We communicate very well and the other person's feelings mean more than our own pride. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195933 Tue, 02 Jun 2015 00:13:02 +0000 StbHisMrs 2195933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted 8, if you ask me a year ago I would've voted a 1 so there has been a major improvement. </p> <p>He just got back from a 14 month deployment, but has to have shoulder surgery and is stationed 2.5 hours away and only home in the weekends. </p> <p>Kids definitely put a strain on our marriage, both our step children and bio children. We're working through it though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195930 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 23:46:26 +0000 birdofafeather 2195930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm going to say 6-7. about 8 months ago, it was a 4-5, so that's improvement. i would have said we were a 9-10 through pregnancy and infancy. we were really in sync and then money troubles and not having time for each other, and the real life day to day of parenting, instead of just keeping the baby alive hit us hard. we talked about a lot of stuff, DH got his dream job and even though it's not in our dream location and i feel dissatisfied with life a little, we're in a much better place in our marriage because we're communicating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195923 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 23:33:17 +0000 anonysquire 2195923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe a 3-4. But I'd say my life is a 10. And that's all that matters to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195871 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 21:55:19 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2195871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: Thanks. I hope so…some days it is just pure survival mode, and it's hard to feel like we're in it together when we are almost living in a parallel universe, but I try to focus on all the things we have to be grateful for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195843 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 21:34:58 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2195843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say we're anywhere between a 5-8 on any given day. We had some old issues from when we were dating/engaged that have faded and it's a huge relief. At the same time, new issues are cropping up in terms of the amount of time we make for each other, "me time" for both of us, and division of duties with our son and in the house. I guess the difference is, we are mature enough now to talk through these issues rather than them turning into a massive drama filled fight every time. Sex is an issue at the moment - I was sick, then he was sick, then I was sick again so neither of us (well, at least not I) have felt like it in about 3 weeks, which is long for us, and it has an impact on how we relate to each other. I'm hoping that I rally soon and we can have some alone time. Generally I would say we are "good" - not bad but probably not great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195818 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 21:11:07 +0000 dc yoga bee 2195818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>7. Our first child is one week old, and sometimes we both just look at her in awe that we made her. Pregnancy was rough, and now that she is here, we are definitely closer. There are things we both could work on, and for me a lot of it has been my short fuse. I need to be more patient for sure. Intimacy is more important to DH than me, and with my hyperemesis we only DTD once at 18 weeks. That is something I definitely want to work on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195816 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 21:08:47 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2195816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love how honest this thread is. I think we're at a 7-8. The stress of TTC definitely has been tough, but the hardest part has been wondering if she's 100% on board with it. I know she wouldn't have agreed to start trying if she didn't want a kid, but she's worried about money, time, etc and that makes me worry that we aren't on the same page. In the last couple of weeks, I think she has worked most of those worries out in her head. Suddenly I get the feeling we're in this together (more than before) and so we're good right now. So now I just need to get pregnant and we'll be golden! Until the kid comes along, then we'll see how hard that is. I'm not too worried, although I could be deluding myself. I just feel like I'm a baby person and I can do it, even the hard parts. She's pretty scared of the baby stage. Maybe she's more realistic! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195808 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 20:59:35 +0000 travellingbee 2195808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe part of it is one's perception of what a 10 should be. I don't want or need crazy passion and drama and that isn't my idea of a 10. A perfect relationship for me is one in which we enjoy and love and respect each other and we are communicating our needs and wants and getting them filled. So maybe we're a 9 because I don't need exciting dates and flowers and romance to feel like our relationship is solid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195799 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 20:52:55 +0000 keepcalmcarrie 2195799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: @Mamasig: my mom and dad have been together for 41 years, married 31 years (and they're only 57 and 61, so they've been together since they were super young) - and my mom is the same. Very independent, finds it hard to answer to someone. I know for sure she would say having three young kids was easier than maintaining a good relationship with my dad. And my dad is a wonderful guy, and my parents seem to have (from my intimate but still outside their twosome perspective) a rock-solid, loving relationship. I think two people can be great life mates and partners without feeling all swoony in love all the time, often, or even ever. </p> <p>Sorry for the tangent, but I think how you both feel about your marriages is much more common than people are willing to discuss.</p> <p>AFM, I rated us a 7. We have a 4 month old and a 26 month old, and I am someone who absolutely does suffer from a lack of sleep and general absence of "me time," so our kids (dearly though we love them) definitely negatively impact our relationship right now. Intimacy is, um, scarce right now. We bicker about stupid stuff. Things could be better. </p> <p>On the other hand, he is a great dad and a loving partner. If these really are the hardest years, I'm very optimistic about our relationship, because things still feel generally good. I love him very much and can't imagine my life without him, even if I occasionally need him to get out of my sight ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195787 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 20:36:45 +0000 Mamasig 2195787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: glad I am not the only one. I never thought of myself as the wife or mother type. I really thought I would be single forever. And yes, to me having a husband is infinitely harder than kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195781 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 20:28:53 +0000 Greentea 2195781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamasig: I relate to a lot of what you are saying, and for me- having a husband is infinitely harder than having kids. I nannied in college and the mother felt the same way. I am also very independent and lived alone for a long time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195588 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 16:06:30 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2195588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted 10. We're in a great place right now. I nervous about how having a baby is going to change our relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195587 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 16:06:14 +0000 Corduroy 2195587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted an 8. We're in a good spot right now. I'm on maternity leave about to pop out #2. It's been great to have extra time with him alone while DD is at daycare and he works from home. However, I feel like we're about to plunge off a cliff any day now when LO2 arrives. I hope it isn't as bad as newborn days with LO1. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195584 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:58:42 +0000 Mamasig 2195584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would probably vote 7, which I think is a nice normal number. But honestly having kids has nothing to do with how I feel with my marriage. Even in the newborn sleep deprived days, they didn't make a difference in how I felt. I think my struggle will always be that I was single for a long time, living by myself, with no one to "answer" to but myself. For me, just having a husband is hard. I love him, but I often miss being single. I've never been one to feel like my husband has contributed so much to my life. He gave me my kids for which I am forever thankful (the kids are the easy part). But I was at exactly the same place I am now before him - same job, in a condo instead of a house, etc. We've been together five years and will celebrate our 4 year anniversary this year. Maybe that feeling will fade over time. The other day we were watching something where the person commented on how hard marriage is. I agreed. My husband said he thought it was really easy. Just two different ways to think about a relationship! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195578 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:51:29 +0000 Greentea 2195578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bushelandapeck: I know, right? There is only so much to go around... if only I could invent liquid sleep so we didn't have to.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195553 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:25:41 +0000 bushelandapeck 2195553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Today I would say a 7-8. Most days, lately, it's been more like a 6. Having two kids (one who still wakes 3x/night) has been really hard for us to manage as a couple. We both have pretty stressful jobs and it's been hard to figure out how to make time for each other when it feels like the kids always need so much. I know we need to make our marriage more of a priority but sometimes (more often than not) I just don't have the energy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195550 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:22:52 +0000 Greentea 2195550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: Phew! These early years are rough, and so far we only have one!!!!!! Good to hear things are in a good place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195548 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:20:44 +0000 Greentea 2195548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Baby Boy Mom: Good for you. I think sometimes that is the glory of marriage, even with the tough times... getting through it together! A mate through life's rocky trails. Boy, have we had some hard times! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hows-your-marriage/page/2#post-2195543 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:17:15 +0000 Anya 2195543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Probably a 6, which I don't feel is a bad number.. Just the normal adjusting to life with a newborn and not having much 1:1 time but when we do see each other we're happy. </p>