https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:57:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910722 Tue, 25 Feb 2020 18:09:43 +0000 LadyDi 2910722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: me too! Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910714 Tue, 25 Feb 2020 15:49:49 +0000 hellobeeboston 2910714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Funny side note: I thought this post was going to be about your husband having tantrums and I was excited to read more. :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: </p> <p>LOLOLOLOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910670 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 17:12:45 +0000 BadgerMom 2910670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: We are the same way. DH is 100% the chosen one for us too. But what I’ve found with this method is that my relationship with DS has actually gotten better! He doesn’t act up for me as much as with DH because my expectations and consequences are clear and I’m not the bad guy anymore when he acts up with DH. I think me swooping in and so obviously having the play disciplinarian was doing more damage to our relationship than it was helping with his overall behavior. Now if it’s something super serious I still intervene. But I try an pick my battles much more carefully now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910669 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:59:39 +0000 Tionn3 2910669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BadgerMom: Yeah. The "you've made your bed now lie in it" approach is probably going to be my best bet. </p> <p>I guess I've had a hard time embracing that method because my son clearly prefers my husband over me. He's a daddy's boy, 100%. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910667 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:42:47 +0000 BadgerMom 2910667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm another voice in just staying out of it. This kind of stuff was causing major stress in my relationship with DH. Eventually I've decided I will give my husband all my tips and tricks and things I've learned but after that I can't make him use them. Now I look at it as taking a "natural consequences" approach with DH. He is welcome to handle the situation however he sees fit, but I am not going to swoop in and rescue him by being the "bad guy." He gets to deal with whatever behavior his method gets him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910666 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:37:02 +0000 Tionn3 2910666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alexandra603: Yeah, it is causing a lot of discord. It's hard when you don't feel like a united front. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910665 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:27:12 +0000 nwm 2910665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>this is me and my DH with bedtime. i need to get work done after bedtime so i am really rigid with the routine and totally unsympathetic to pleas to sleep in our bed/have someone stay with him/read another book, etc. i'm firm and loving and usually tell him i'll come and check on him and then do, and it works well and he no longer fights me that often. meanwhile, my husband will read extra books and then falls asleep in his bed every. time. as a result my son always will pick my husband to be the bedtime parent. i fought him on it for a while, because i felt we were just overall failing at bedtime, and eventually i just let go of it. i'm able to go back to work so if he wants to fall asleep in my son's bedroom every night, or does not have the energy to fight doing so, that's on him. occasionally when we're discussing routines and parenting i will make gentle suggests why i think it will be better for my DH to not do it that way and work to establish better boundaries, but otherwise i just let it go and don't comment. based on your DH's responses, i do think better to not raise it in the moment, but i also am not sure how the responsibility for him during tantrums is allocated. like if it's happening in the morning, is one or the other of you responsible, vs. in the evening? maybe just having a set split would help so he doesn't try to jump in all the time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910662 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:05:53 +0000 Jess1483 2910662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely think I am more consistent and clear with expectations than my husband. And he absolutely does things that drive me nuts. BUT there are a lot of things I admire about his parenting, too. And while it's not how I would do it, I learn other things from his approach (diffusing with humor is one he excels at, and while it sometimes irks me, it usually works and sometimes is the appropriate response). I wonder if he'd be more open to feedback on his parenting choices if you told him the things you admire about his approach? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910661 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:02:42 +0000 Alexandra603 2910661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get this frustration but I think the discord and disconnection this is causing between you and your husband is ultimately more problematic then the tantrums themselves. I have come to realize that I can't make my spouse parent how I parent and that there is value in them having their own approach and relationships with the kids. If he asks for advice I happily give it or I sometimes share what is working well that I'm excited about but beyond that I try not to control my partners' parenting. Letting go of control is so hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910660 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 15:53:47 +0000 Tionn3 2910660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: I can try, but this has not worked in the past. The perpetual " I work from home and have no time" excuse is always thrown at me any time I even suggest he read something I've read. =[ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910659 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 15:34:02 +0000 MrsSRS 2910659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would it be helpful if the advice was coming from a third party? Like some evening when you haven't struggled with that, show him some copied pages from a parenting book detailing your method of tantrum management with a "I've been using this method and it's been working well, so I thought you might like to educate yourself and try it" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910658 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 15:11:11 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2910658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: 100% on team my way is better and it's so annoying DH does not see this! Ha! I really struggle letting him do it his own way but agree that it's the right thing to do in this situation...as @Tionn3: sits in the next room smugly smiling knowing her way is better. It's the little things, right mamas? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910657 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 15:07:16 +0000 Tionn3 2910657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: I hope my husband eventually gets it =/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910656 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 15:03:56 +0000 Tionn3 2910656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: Yeah, it's definitely a work in progress. Sometimes we come to a compromise when we talk at the end of the day. Sometimes we don't. I honestly think my husband does what he does because he is clueless. He's never worked with children before, and I have. I'm coming from a completely different perspective than he is. Maybe staying out of it when he is in the thick of it is the best course for now... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910655 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 15:00:03 +0000 gotkimchi 2910655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: I would say my husband and I had/have a similar dynamic and it just took him time. Now our kids are 3 and 6 and he sees how he plays into their behavior. He still isn’t as firm as me buts just his personality. It just took him time to “get it” and finally be like why are the kids like this with me? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910654 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 14:54:02 +0000 crazydoglady 2910654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: This is me and my husband, but the roles are reversed. He is more of a disciplinarian with our son (baby girl is still young )and I tend to be more nurturing/flexible about things. It's not about me seeing his side and doing it his way or vice versa, but about us sitting down, having some really hard talks and compromising, stepping up, and stepping down when needed. I have learned to not get my husband to help me because it turns him into the bad guy, and he has learned to stop sweating the small stuff, that not everything is a hill to die on. We are absolutely a work in progress and we have to work on this every single day, but we are trying to be a united front on our compromise. When "correcting" parental behavior, my DH and I usually wait until the moment has passed and will say something like "I noticed you were having issues with x,y,z...I've found it's more successful to do _____" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910653 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 14:53:20 +0000 Tionn3 2910653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: @gotkimchi: That's really interesting. I was kind of doing this, but I felt like my husband was getting resentful of me. Which then it's like...ok you don't like him tantruming, then fix your parenting method and it won't be so bad. I guess it is kind of a "not my problem" thing. When I have my son, just the two of us, he's actually really well behaved (and if there is a tantrum it blows over fairly quickly), and I feel like it's because I've made my boundaries and expectations with him crystal clear, whereas he has my husband wrapped around his cute little finger. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910652 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 14:35:59 +0000 gotkimchi 2910652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: totally agree. I jus ignore stuff like this, husband included. Particularly if he’s the one dropping him off. I’d just get myself ready and hide in the bathroom or leave for work. I’d only be annoyed by this if I had to take my kids to school and my husband was giving them to me all wound up and screaming </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910651 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 14:32:53 +0000 erinbaderin 2910651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried removing yourself from the situation and just letting your husband handle it? Obviously not in your shoes, but this just seems like two ways to handle something, not a right way and a wrong way. I’m speaking from experience as a person who firmly believes that everybody’s life would be easier if they’d just do things my way because my way is right, but as long as your husband is handling the tantrum I’d suggest not trying to manage how he handles it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-and-tantrums#post-2910644 Mon, 24 Feb 2020 11:37:11 +0000 Tionn3 2910644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband has a hard time dealing with my 2 year old's tantrums. My husband is also the preferred. It goes something like this. My son will wake up in the morning and immediately have a tantrum, usually because he has asked for a breakfast item that we are not making that morning. My husband will then proceed to try to get my son to stop crying by asking him questions, and trying to offer him other food, toys, or activities. It just snow balls into my son saying that he wants something and then freaking out when it is given to him. I have told my husband repeatedly, that the way to deal with that kind of behavior is to either sit with our son in his room until he calms down, or to just ignore him and go about making his breakfast. If he eats great, if he doesn't pack up the breakfast and have him eat it in the car before daycare. </p> <p>I follow my own advice when my son has a tantrum, and it definitely works. I'm a firm believer of consistency. It shortens tantrums for sure, and decreases their frequency. I don't understand why I'm getting so much push back from my husband. It is making things so much worse, and I have definitely noticed and increase in my son's tantrums. I have tried talking about it with him in private. I've tried catching him when I see him giving in by calmly saying " you're the parent, you make the rules". Nothing is getting through to him, and I often get a response "I'm just trying to survive" which makes me even more mad, because it's a cop out for not parenting. I'm at my wits end. At this point, it's easier to parent my son without my husband around. I don't know what to do. Any advice on this? I'm tired of always being the bad guy, but at this point it's like I'm the only one being a parent. </p>