https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 17:24:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2164639 Sat, 02 May 2015 05:06:34 +0000 regberadaisy 2164639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear about your childhood. I think just the fact that you are so concerned about how it will affect you as a other shows you will be an amazing mother!</p> <p>Maybe you guys can reach a compromise on the house front. Maybe instead of 50% cash and 50 mortgage you can do like 20-25% cash. It's still more than what most people put down but less than 50%. </p> <p>If "you" are not ready yet then it's not the time yet for a baby. You both need to be ready, especially you because you will be carrying this baby. Your husband sounds amazing; you and your future baby are very lucky!! :heart: </p> <p>I'm Chinese and my husband is Caucasian. There are some cultural differences obviously but nothing that greatly hinders parenting. If anything it adds to our children's upbringing to have the benefits of our different cultures!</p> <p>I would personally move out of that neighborhood before TTC whether you buy or not. You don't have to own a house before having a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2164611 Fri, 01 May 2015 23:21:59 +0000 aphelila 2164611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You will never have enough money or time. 29 isn't young to be a dad at all, but don't do it if YOU'RE not ready. Just don't let bills and plans stop you. I kept saying we'd pay off something before.. Then something else... Then something else.. Then one more a vacation and can't be pregnant on it so can't ttc anytime close to it. They were all excused because I wasn't ready. Now we have been married 5 years and I am ready, but we've been trying without luck for over a year. That's irony for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2163323 Fri, 01 May 2015 03:15:12 +0000 thepaperbutterfly 2163323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a self-hater with an emotionally abusive mother and emotionally and verbally abusive father. My father snapped and tried to kill me once, but other than that he wasn't really violent. I was scared of him most of my life because he had a big temper. I walked on eggshells because I was always anticipating a blow-up. Last year he told me he resented me for most of my life because I was conceived out of wedlock and he felt he had to marry my mother. I guess the sad part is that he didn't have to tell me because I already knew. In the past two years he has actually changed a lot (or is trying to) and is trying to make up for his failures as a parent. So, I've kind of forgiven him. My mom has apologized for nothing and never will, so the cycle of abuse will continue. </p> <p>I have had multiple episodes of anorexia dating back to when I was 11 years old. I am also a self-hater and have a chronic illness, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I realized only about a year ago that I didn't need their approval anymore. I spent my whole life trying to live up to their expectations, but then I realized that I never would and that it doesn't matter. I have very supportive friends that have helped me cope for the past few years. I also saw a therapist about the anorexia because I had a relapse six years ago when I tore my hip labrum and became disabled. My own mother told me I had turned into a monster because of my health issues, and I already hated myself so much I was starving myself. She thought I was making up my injuries, and only after my recent diagnosis of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a rare connective tissue disorder) and multiple hip surgeries has she come to terms with the fact I wasn't making up illnesses for attention. </p> <p>But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't talk to them much right now. I don't wish them ill. I just don't enjoy breaking down emotionally, which tends to happen when we are together. The last time we got together at Thanksgiving my mother said something cruel to me and I got hysterical. That's when I realized I had enough. I didn't have to prove myself to them or anyone else. The only person I have to prove something to is myself. Shame it took me so long to realize it. </p> <p>30 isn't too old to have a baby. The risk of certain birth defects does increase at 30, but there's an even greater increase at 35. I'm 30 and trying to get pregnant. Lots of women in their 30s have healthy pregnancies, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. I wanted to get pregnant at 26 but I've had multiple hip preservation surgeries, so I couldn't even try to have a baby till now. It is what it is. There are some things in life you can't control. </p> <p>My husband is a Japanese citizen and I'm an American. We have different religions, but he likes Christianity and has agreed to raise the kids with that religion. We've been married for 8 years and have had our share of culture clashes. Things are pretty ok for the most part now. </p> <p>I agree that if you don't want to have a baby right now then you shouldn't. Having a house isn't a necessity. I've been listening to Dave Ramsey about financial matters, and he recommends paying off all your debt before buying a house. I would do at least 20% downpayment and the monthly mortgage shouldn't be more than 1/3 of your take-home pay (I believe?). If this is wrong, someone feel free to correct me XD I would get a 15 year loan and just commit to paying the house off in like 5 years. I mean you can wait, but if housing prices are increasing where you live, it might be more expensive to wait for that 50% downpayment. </p> <p>About your parents, you should take a firm stance. If they are going to continue to be mean to you tell them to go f*** off. You don't have to say it like that, but if they are a negative influence in your life it is better to live without them. You owe them nothing. I agree that you should see a therapist if you can afford it. I actually worked out a lot of my feelings with the support and encouragement of friends. </p> <p>Dr. Laura used to say something like we get two-chances for a mother-daughter relationship in our lifetime. One we can't choose, but the other we can. This means that you can't change what happened between you and your parents, but you can work hard at being a good parent for you children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2160565 Wed, 29 Apr 2015 08:23:46 +0000 thestairs 2160565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with 'simplyfelicity', it does seem like I'm looking at this at an "all or nothing approach".<br /> I mentioned above that we both have perfect Credit scores. None of us have any kind of debt. None of us have any Credit-card debt. This does make us happy, specially me.<br /> Here in USA, ALOT of people are in Credit-card debt. I'm so happy that we Debt-free. And I want to remain that way, so I like to pay things off immediately as much as I can.</p> <p>Perhaps I'm using the pay the house 'half in cash" as an excuse to buy time. Or perhaps the childhood experienced of my abusive mother is making me scare of become a mommy. I don't know, but I'm just so not ready to become a mommy right now.</p> <p>He is an awesome husband, and I feel like I'm giving him a hard time over this 50% house down-payment. And he let me have things my way, if I insit on 50% down-payment then he will do everything he can to make it happen for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2159083 Tue, 28 Apr 2015 01:40:43 +0000 thestairs 2159083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>THANK YOU 'missariel, radish, simplyfelicity, anagram, lamariniere, snowjewelz 谢谢您, gonosnogirl, 78h2o' thank you so much for the advice, it very helpful and imformative. Noted and appreciated, and will follow the advice given to me.</p> <p>Thank you 'anagram' for sharing your story. It give me hopes regarding to the cultural difference.<br /> I'm Chinese-American but I born in Shanghai and I immgrant with my parent to U.S when I was 12 year olds.<br /> My husband is African-American and he born here in U.S<br /> Pretty much we both grow up in the western culture, but I'm conservative and seem like I still hang on to my traditional Chinese culture.</p> <p>The person that keep on insist aim at 50% down-payment is me. I always have the thinking that larger down-payment will give us smaller mortgage monthly.<br /> And we're not buying a big house so we should pay in cash as much as we can. So we don't have to worry many many years of paying monthly mortgage. Is this wrong thinking?</p> <p>But even a small house here in the state where we live California is not cheap. Unless we move to like Texas to buy a house there. There many nice houses in Texas at a chaep price. But none of us have any intention to move to Texas.</p> <p>I have talk with my husband more about this, and he said he go with what I want. Part of the problem is that he always go along with what I want so I can be happy.<br /> When I said I prefer to pay the house half in Cash; he doesn't even talk back. He said 'Alright, anything you want', and he went find a second job. Working his butt off 2 jobs everyday to fulfill my prefer "pay house half in cash"</p> <p>Well, he did promise that after we married he will listen to what his wife say. But then he dotes on his wife, and spoil his future children rotten, this is not good. He did said he will spoil his kids.</p> <p>He said after I became his wife, first thing I said is I aim to pay the house half in Cash. And he said as a husband he will make it happen for me even if that means he have to work 3 jobs.<br /> But I said No! I don't want him to that much because I don't think we can spend time with each others if he working 3 jobs.</p> <p>Right now he is working 2 jobs and I can tell he's tired. He works for a local Truck company, he drives the local Truck. And he works at the Warehouse. Both his jobs are Physical labor jobs.<br /> His Warehouse job, everyday he loading, unloading, stacking, lifting, carrying heavy boxes and stuff all day. </p> <p>He sure is physically tired he is when he get home. There are days when he have to work overnight too. I'm sure he stress out at his jobs, but never once he raise his voice on me.<br /> He said if he stress from from work, he will sit in his car to think. He will not bring stress of work to home, he leave it outside as soon as he get out of the car.</p> <p>My husband plan is aim for 20% down-payment. He continue to work 2 jobs till 2016, then 2016 combine our saving to pay for the house down-payment. We not buying a big house so mortgage should be okay.<br /> Then he will be back to work 1 job, and we TTC have our baby. He does want to spend time with the baby. This is first marriage and first baby for both so he really excited to be a father.</p> <p>Or if we go by my plan aim for 50% down-payment, for sure we will not have enough money by 2016, so if I get pregnant then we will have to move to a more safe neighborhood to Rent.<br /> And we continue to saving up money to pay for the house half in Cash that I aim for. We just have to buy our house later when we have enough money for the 50% down-payment I want.</p> <p>Financially we doing okay, we are far far from rich. We are poor but not like we dirt poor.<br /> Good thing is both of us have perfect Credit scores. None of us have any kind of debt. None of us have any Credit-card debt. Our whole life so far, we are Debt-free. This does make us happy.</p> <p>I’m a College dropped out so No school debt for me. We both work; he works 2 jobs, I work 1 job. And what ever money we have left each month, goes right straight into our own Saving accounts.</p> <p>I mentioned we both live in this cheap rent neighborhood, that was how we met, dated and married. Our distance is very close too, his apartment is like 5 minutes within walking distance to my apartment. So we do see each others everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't see his face.<br /> I guess I'm just used to his presence so much. I don't think I can handle it now if he working 3 jobs, and I don't get to see him as often anymore.</p> <p>To be frank, we living in the hood right now, so it not a safe neighborhood area. Here have gangs/drugs, and crimes. Heck, there was a gang shooting right in this neighborhood couple months ago. But we are 2 grown Adults, we know what is right and wrong, and we don't have a baby yet.<br /> We choose to continue to live here because the Rent here is cheap, it does help us alot in saving up more money each month.<br /> Is this the right decision to continue live here so we can save up more money each month from the cheap rent?</p> <p>None of us are big spender, and we have the obsession with saving money.<br /> I guess since we both poor and both independent since young age. Nobody take care of us except ourselves. So we have no choice but to learn how to save up money for survival when it come to emergency and rainy days.</p> <p>That pretty much is our Financial circumstances right now. Perhaps if I just stick with the 20% down-payment that my husband aim for, then problem will be solve.<br /> But I keep have the thinking that the best option is to pay the house half in Cash, so I keep aim for 50% down-payment, Arg!!<br /> Am I giving this poor husband of mine a hard time when I keep on insist for pay the house half in Cash?</p> <p>Oh, may I ask. Has anyone here use the rod implant in arm for birth control? I heard it more effective than BCP right? If anyone here have use it, can you please share your experience? Is there any big side effects to it?</p> <p>Sexually I only have one guy that is my husband, so please excuse me for my ignorance in sex. I'm still new to BCP, let alone the rod implant. I heard people praise the rod implant alot. BUT then I heard it not for you if you never have a baby before and first time try to get pregnant.</p> <p>I don't know what to do with this husband of mine anymore. I want to spend another year with him as a couple before we TTC, but he sooo ready for a baby. BUT I'm sooo not ready to TTC this year.<br /> If TTC next year in 2016, I will be 31 year olds. I hope that not too late. Heard everybody keep saying after 30, it very hard to get pregnant.<br /> But husband is super confident that he can get me pregnant at the age 30, he said it be nice if we can have a soccer team of kids, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2157170 Sun, 26 Apr 2015 09:03:11 +0000 78h2o 2157170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't recommend putting down more than 20%. Mortgage rates are still pretty low, and that remaining money would probably be better spent on other investments that yield more or in avoiding interest on other purchases (cars, etc.)...especially because your husband wants a family sooner rather than later. I think 20% and maybe a less expensive home in a safe area would be a good compromise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156835 Sat, 25 Apr 2015 12:09:39 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2156835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jasmine: bless you for the hard childhood you have faced. I agree that speaking with a counselor/therapist would probably help you work through those deep-seated feelings you have toward your mother &amp; childhood. This experience shouldn't deter you from living the happiest &amp; healthiest life you can, putting those memories further behind you. You DO deserve to love &amp; be loved. :heart: </p> <p>There's absolutely no right answer to the housing question, either. Living in a safe, comfortable &amp; hopefully stable environment is much more important than owning, but if you are going to buy, I agree that looking at having at least 20% down payment seems like a great goal so you don't have to pay PMI &amp; can often get a better interest rate, too. </p> <p>I married at 39, &amp; while quite a bit later in life than I'd have expected to, that was just when it happened for me. We were open about discussing all things around TTC as early as our 1st conversations (on some level) &amp; soon as we felt like we had some financial details checked off after marrying, we started TTC. We got pregnant within 5 months (though m/c'd), &amp; then again 4 months later with our baby due next month. All that meaning, in my opinion, you still have many years in which you can "get ready" for all that you &amp; your husband BOTH feel you need to have ready before baby. But do talk about it with him a LOT &amp; make sure you are both ready. Wishing you so much luck! :goodluck: :heart: :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156747 Sat, 25 Apr 2015 09:18:33 +0000 snowjewelz 2156747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's great also that you are taking the time to think it through. Although we can never be 100% ready, so don't best yourself up for not meeting every single "requirement" before you can TTC. I think you guys need to sit down and realistic map out what life will be like with a baby and how you can be partners through it. Either way it's hard! And go for it once you feel more comfortable! Def don't so it JUST bc he has baby fever. You are the mom so you need to be on board too! Good luck and hope you can find strength in this community here! I can read Chinese if you ever need to vent just wall me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156731 Sat, 25 Apr 2015 08:53:55 +0000 lamariniere 2156731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Welcome to our little community!</p> <p>I think it's great that you are thinking about all of these things before having a baby! But like others have said, there is never a 100% perfect time to start a family, something will always come up. </p> <p>As for your issues with your mom, I think therapy is an excellent idea. It could really help you work through the feelings you have about your mom and give you a better idea about what kind of mom you want to be.</p> <p>As for housing, it's hard to say. We rent and have absolutely no plans to buy anytime soon, but we also live in a nice, safe area. You don't have to be a homeowner to have children!</p> <p>As for expenses with children, there are definitely things to consider like childcare and healthcare, but month to month expenses don't have to be huge. </p> <p>As for culture, there may be some differences, but there are going to be different parenting philosophies even among parents from the same culture. My parents were from different cultures and my husband and I are from different cultures and, at least in my experience, that hasn't been a deterrent at all for raising a family. </p> <p>It sounds like you have a wonderful loving husband and that you are both ready to work towards the family you want, you just have to figure out the right road for you! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156634 Sat, 25 Apr 2015 06:35:07 +0000 Anagram 2156634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jasmine: it's a good sign that you are thinking about all of this BEFORE having a baby.</p> <p>1) your issues with your mom growing up. Before having a baby, I agree you should see a therapist and do some emotional housekeeping. You will be a much better mother after understanding how your childhood affects you now</p> <p>2) house. I don't know where you live, but I think it's a great goal to put down as much as possible. This will help you live within your means later when you have children and are paying for everything for them. But you have to weigh the pros and cons of waiting until you have 50%--how long will it take to reach this goal? If it's a year or two of your husband working two jobs, maybe this can work. If it's 10 years of this, he will get burned out and it will take a toll on your marriage. So weigh that against putting a smaller amount like 25% down and getting a cheaper house.</p> <p>3) kids being expensive. I don't think having a kid is that much more expensive on a monthly basis-- the expensive things can be healthcare (depending in what your jobs provide in the way of family plans) and daycare/nanny or classes if you end up SAH. Have you discussed with yor husband child care? Would you quit work or continue work and find child care for the baby? How much does child care cost where you live? This is something you should know and consider before TTC.</p> <p>4)cultural differences. What do you anticipate being a problem here? My husband and I are two different cultures. I'm white American and he 's south Asian (didn't move to US until 22 ). We have very few things we disagree on, and the bumps we encounter are things neither of us would have thought to discuss before having kids (small things like when to use bottles and philosophies about feeding kids). </p> <p>Otherwise, it sounds like you have a great marriage and husband--it might be nice to take a year to just enjoy being married while you work out the above.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156569 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 22:07:36 +0000 simplyfelicity 2156569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I am so sorry to hear about the abusive childhood you have suffered through. You have survived a lot and I am sure you will be a great mother due to not wanting to repeat the same mistakes.<br /> I feel like you are looking at this with an "all or nothing approach." You either put 50% on a house OR you want to keep renting and forget it. I agree that getting out of a neighborhood where you don't feel safe is very important. Especially before you have a baby. Have you talked to a loan officer? They can run the numbers with different examples of down payments and show you the difference it makes with interest, taxes, etc included. You may see that it is or isn't worth it.<br /> There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your husband for a while before adding children to the mix! And, no, 29 is not too young to become a father or 30 too old to become a mother. I didn't meet my husband until I was nearly 28 and we are expecting our first child in July (I am also 30.) I have been very fortunate to not have trouble getting pregnant (staying pregnant is a different story.)<br /> I can't help but wonder, do you really want to save for a house or are you just putting off being a mother? Neither are wrong! Nothing says you have to be a mother or that it has to happen right now.<br /> My honest advice is to seek counseling (coming from a person who sees a therapist) and to be very honest with your husband.<br /> It ultimately boils down to this: what do you really want? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156568 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 22:05:48 +0000 Radish 2156568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is never a perfect time to have a baby, but there might be a better time in your case. If you don't feel ready and if he won't be around a lot when the baby would be born it might lead to a lot of resentment on your part which is not a healthy environment for you or the baby. You don't have to decide today exactly when. Just keep an open dialogue with your husband and let him know your concerns and troubleshoot them together.</p> <p>My understanding that 20% is a good goal to put down on a new house since that is the point where you don't have PMI (mortgage insurance) and anything above that is just bonus, but I'm no expert. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156561 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 21:46:55 +0000 Miss Ariel 2156561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First I think if you're not ready to have a baby that you shouldn't feel pressured to have one. But I don't think 30 is to young to have a baby especially since I has mine two months after I turned 30. As for a house, while it would be nice to have one before kids I don't think it's a requirement. On that same note while putting 50% down on a house would be a great idea, I don't think there's anything wrong with doing less. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-have-baby-fever-but-kindda-complicated-siatution-please-advice#post-2156557 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 21:30:45 +0000 thestairs 2156557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello, sorry for the long post. Please help advice me on what would you do if you in my situation. It seem like I have multiple layers of concerns. So many things going on at once, and I don't know how which is the best solution to all this.. And I apologize for my bad English grammars, English is my third language.</p> <p>I had a cold childhood, my mother was abusive her children. Both me and my brother have move out away from her for more than a decade already but she still trying to control us, dictating us who we should married. She is a very controlling mom.</p> <p>Throughout my whole childhood I hear she belittle me, put me down everyday and being verbally/emotionally abusive to me. So it does take a toll on my self-worth. In my mom in her eyes, I'm worth less than a dog on the street.<br /> I don't know if this bad childhood experienced of mine is making me scare of becoming a mommy or not.</p> <p>Subconsciously seem like my childhood experienced still haunt me. Now as an adult, I still do feel like I'm not worth it to be love at all. It also does make me feel awkward and overwhelmed when I get alot of affections from my husband. Like I feel ridiculously awkward when my husband kiss my butt cheek. </p> <p>I'm Asian (Chinese), and my husband is Black (African), so we do have a huge cultural difference between us. We know each others 4 years. Met him when I was 26 and were friends prior to dating. After his long chase, we dated when I was 28 and we got married three months ago, I'm 30 this year. It was me that drag this relationship too long, we should have got married earlier instead of wait till I'm 30</p> <p>This whole relationship was alot of hardship because of my mother disapproval. But her disapproval doesn't matter anymore because we married now.. Finally we can be together, I do want some 'couple time' alone with him before I bring a baby into the picture. </p> <p>I know when I choose to married my husband, my mom will disown me and she already did disown me. But I have zero regrets, he is an awesome husband. If I can turn back the hand of time, I will choose him again, it always be him. </p> <p>We both poor, we both live in the same cheap rent neighborhood, that was how we met, dated and married.. We both agree on continue living in this cheap rent bad area neighborhood after marriage, because the rent here is cheap. So it does help us alot with saving up money every month. </p> <p>When we date he work 1 job, now we married he working 2 jobs so we can have enough money to buy a house. I told him we should try to pay our house half in Cash, half in Mortgage. This is one of the reason why he working his butt off right now.</p> <p>I always think it better to try to pay the house as much as we can in Cash, and the remain we pay in Mortgage. Am I thinking wrong? Perhaps we should just pay less down-payment instead of aim for 50%</p> <p>We both have been working for more than a decade so we do have an okay amount of money in our own Saving accounts.. BUT I keep want to aim at paying the house half in Cash and this is hard since houses at the state where we live at is expensive. Maybe we should move to another state to buy a cheap house?</p> <p>I'm also working, but I work 1 job. And it a hourly pay job with little commission, so I don't make much. We both are Financially independent. We both have our own saving account.</p> <p>Situation is that I promise him we will TTC next year in 2016, but now I want to hold it off few more years. The reason is I think my husband won't have time for the baby. Because right now everyday he working 2 jobs, everyday 12-14 hours. So if now I'm pregnant, he won't be able to spend much time with the baby.</p> <p>When my husband get off work, all he have time for is shower, eat and sleep and next day work long hours again.. And baby cries alot, if baby cries all night and we both have to keep wake up. Then it will disrupt his sleep, how he going to have enough sleep to work 12-14 hours next day? Hope this make sense.</p> <p>Eversince we married, my husband keep having baby fever. This month I'm late on my cycle, and he happy that I'm late. He be THRILLED if I'm pregnant!!<br /> When he left to work, he kiss my stomach. He said take the pregnancy test and when I’m pregnant, he wants to kiss my stomach EVERYDAY for 9 Months until the baby born.</p> <p>I can already tell our future baby will be spoil, still in stomach not even born yet and already have daddy kisses everyday. And with the way he is I can tell that he will spoil his kids rotten.</p> <p>We probably have cultural clashes when we raise our kids. I know I will be very strict to my kids. And him the Dad that will spoil his kids. The kids will always run to daddy daddy for everything because daddy spoil them.</p> <p>I had take the pregnancy test, I'm not pregnant. It just I'm newlywed and my body still trying to get used to BCP, and I take my BCP everyday on time so I know I'm 99% safe.<br /> It is too SELFISH of me that I want to hold back baby plan for the next few years? So that we can have a solid financial ground, and then we have a baby?</p> <p>His plan is after we buy our house, he wants to go back working 1 job. And we have our baby, he wants to be around the baby. I'm not even pregnant yet and he already have this much baby fever.<br /> BUT my worried is when we have our house, we have to pay Mortgage and Bills, and with a baby will cost more money.</p> <p>We both don't spend much, but we do want the best for the baby. Baby do cost ALOT right? If baby cost alot then he have to go back to work 2 jobs, then he won't be able to spend time with the baby. This is what I'm woried about.</p> <p>And he is only 29 year olds, isn't it kindda young to be a father? But he soooo ready.<br /> When I see him so ready to be a father and all his baby fever. Sometimes I do feel like I want to just get off BCP, and TTC naturally, whatever happens will happens. I'm just so confused right now.</p> <p>It also seems like I do have multiple layers of issues. From cultural difference, to my abusive childhood, to worried about my husband not have enough time to be with the baby when he working 2 jobs long hours everyday.</p> <p>I don't care for a house. Heck, perhaps I should told my husband that we just go Rent at a better environment neighborhood, and stop the pressure over this House issue. BUT he thinks it better to have a house, for our future and our baby future too.<br /> He grow up in a bad environment area so he understand it very well. He doesn't want his children grow up in the same type of environment that he grew up in.</p> <p>My husband would rather pay more mortgage so we can have our baby and spend time as family.<br /> But I insist try to pay for the house half in Cash, so we have less Mortgage. He said alright, anything I want. He let me have it my way so I can be happy, so he go pick up another job. He have been working long hours 2 jobs everyday.</p> <p>Any tips? Baby advice? What would you do if you in my situation? Is a house a must have before have a baby? This year I'm 30 year olds, and heard that at my age it is not easy to get pregnant.<br /> I know he is a doting husband. If I say I want to wait few more years before TTC, he probably will just go along with it just for me. BUT then I know deep down inside he probably not happy, I can tell how much he wants a baby to complete our family. </p>