https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 18:02:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style/page/2#post-2435721 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 07:39:04 +0000 ElbieKay 2435721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would have no patience for this. I would simultaneously try to understand the core issue while shutting down the parts of the discussion that make me feel bad about my appearance. I'd be happy to help him work through his issue, but not at my own expense.</p> <p>This is a little different, but my husband hates when I wear makeup. I barely wear any, but I essentially tell him to f*** off when he complains about it or comments on it. And I don't change my behavior. (By the way, we are taking about a little concealer, bronzing powder and eye liner. He just hates makeup.)</p> <p>I would consider retiring clothes from my wardrobe that he doesn't like if he explained why in a polite and caring way. But if he's going to buy clothes that you don't like, then he needs to listen to why you dislike them and modify his choices accordingly.</p> <p>I would also give him a deadline to return stuff I don't like. After that it would get donated.</p> <p>And I would definitely balk at complaints about how I look at drop off compared to the other moms. It's one thing for him to want to fee attracted to you. But who cares how I compare to other people? At that point in the conversation I would tell him to go marry one of those women, then. (My husband is pretty feminist, though, and would probably think that is a funny retort.)</p> <p>I look like crap now compared to a few years ago. I need to lose about 15 lbs. My breasts are not as perky, I have muffin top, and my stomach is covered in stretch marks. I know these things. I hate them. I am trying to small things to address them. But I have a full time job and a toddler, so it's hard to prioritize vanity. I am hard enough on myself about these issues. I don't need anyone else piling into that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style/page/2#post-2435598 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 22:09:12 +0000 irene 2435598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry for my delayed reply but between the "blizzard" we had and the weekends I didn't have the time. I read every post and I want to say thank you again! I apologize I can't reply individually... so many good thoughts! Just some short reply to a few :</p> <p>@travellingbee: Yes I am with you... he's just trying to tell me that he is really not geling with my looks, he's a guy and doesn't know how to do it well. Is that nice and sensitive? No. But he's just being a (idiotic) man.</p> <p>@youboots: You know, I think if I dress like you he would be fine! He is basically upset I was not wearing something that is form flattering from head to toe. If I wear a sweater with leggings he'd be fine. I think. For dress I actually am not sure about his criteria. And we don't have time or budget for date nights for now :(</p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: Those are such great suggestions! And yes. yours and @looch: pointed out something I haven't thought about. Maybe he is just trying to convey to me that my look is dated but he didn't know that that's what he is trying to tell me. Since I don't really look at the mirror anymore before heading out (sad but true) and he is always seeing me and maybe that's part of what's bothering him. Thank you so much!! This made so much sense.</p> <p>@JoJoGirl: Hehe, thank you for sharing your recent episode :) </p> <p>@edelweiss: please no worries my dear! xoxo</p> <p>@ShootingStar: Thanks for sharing your thoughts! We just seriously no longer have time to go shopping anymore with a really high energy preschooler.... and I don't feel like hiring a baby sitter just so we can go to nordstrom and get a personal shopper... ah! Sometimes I wish we had family around.</p> <p>@catomd00: I agree with the double standard! If a wife/girlfriend complain about the man's style it seems to be a lot more socially acceptable than when it happens the other way around. That's why I really want to try to step it up.. And well, no he didn't "force" me to dress in what he buys, just that it builds up and he gets really really upset at one point if I haven't been wearing what he bought (which are supposed to be nicer than what I bought for myself, in his perspective). </p> <p>@looch: You can get your body back too! I didn't think I could do it but it was months of convincing myself that it can be done. I do slip on the "watching what I eat" part every weekend though. Argh. And thanks again for the "dated" point!! Very good point.</p> <p>@gingerbebe: Yes he is going through midlife crisis...! I know what he's going through which I did list some on my first reply and then more that I just can't type it all out here... and no one would care anyway :)</p> <p>@LibbyLou: Thanks for the adice! Good point about wedge boot ! And thanks :)</p> <p>@Anagram: Oh boy, I wouldn't spend that much money for a pair of flats (or honestly, any shoes to be honest!!) hehe! But wow, good to know they actually make flats!</p> <p>And to answer your question. NO HE DOES NOT HAVE A ROCKING BODY hahahaha. He is no brad pitt or Ryan Gosling! Both of us look more like we are in our 30s rather than pass 40, that's for sure. So I would say we look good for our age.</p> <p>@Pumpkin Pie: Thank you for your notes! No he's not "aggressive", just that he's upset. I guess you could say passive aggressive. He is upset that I am not dressed up more when I still can (before we are really all old and wrinkly)</p> <p>Thank you all again! Funny to say, out of the 3 skinny jeans he bought me, after I posted here and hearing everyone's thoughts and remembering what my shrink said (not gonna elaborate), I decided to keep one and return two of them. I picked one that I am going to keep and put it on and went outside. I actually saw myself in the mirror and I actually do look very good lol. And I did pay more attention to other women wearing them, and it is not as weird as I thought (you know how there are always these facebook posts saying how women wear super tight leggings and pretend they were pants, turns out it looked like they didn't wear any pants at all. I was so fearful I'd look like them, but in reality not everyone looks like that). So OK. Maybe I should be more open to skinny jeans/leggings even though I hate how tight they are...</p> <p>Thank you thank you ! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style/page/2#post-2431570 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 17:04:28 +0000 daniellemybelle 2431570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: &lt;&lt;It sounds like your husband is going through a mid-life crisis and projecting the discontent he feels about his own life on you. We often say that our spouse/partner is a reflection of who we are and so it sounds like he's projecting what he wants for himself onto you as his public reflection. Having a hot, cool wife means he's a hot, cool husband. Or whatever.&gt;&gt;</p> <p>Yep. This. I think this is a "him issue" and NOT a "you issue" whatsoever. But it's still really not fair how he's acting.</p> <p>Do you think he would be open to seeing a couples counselor? I think that might help you communicate about what is really going on. I don't think he means anything bad by what he is doing but it is hurtful.</p> <p>Communication in a relationship is really hard. I have learned that sometimes it is better to just "shelve" something until you can get with your counselor and parse it out constructively. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style/page/2#post-2431558 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 16:58:21 +0000 littlejoy 2431558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You requested no bashing, so know this is coming from a good place:</p> <p>First of all ... any issues with your appearance and how it's being perceived are not your problem. It sounds like your husband has issues with control ... borderline verbal abuse. I think it's unacceptable for him to expect these things from you ... You're a working mom. That's not to say that you can't ever dress up (if you want to), but all of that just sits so poorly with me. I think he has some major issues that need to be addressed. I think couples counseling would be the first step.</p> <p>I am a graphic designer &amp; brand consultant too, and run my business from my home. I also don't get dressed up very often ... let alone put makeup on. Yet, my husband has never expressed a desire for me to "try harder" or get dressed up. Anytime I do put in effort, it's definitely noticed, but it's also done on my own accord. </p> <p>You &amp; I are not married to the same person, so it's hard to give advice ... This situation sounds like a nightmare, and I'm hoping that you have access to counseling. Maybe he has some identity issues he needs to work through (like the fact that he's buying you all of these feminine clothes ... projecting *something*).</p> <p>Anything you do, I hope you do it for yourself ... not for him. Be a good mom, and work hard for yourself. We create our own happiness, and it's not fair that he's making you feel less than. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style/page/2#post-2431426 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 16:02:46 +0000 Mrs Spoon 2431426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A couple things I would think about:</p> <p>In regards to appearance, I like the ideas other have posted on a personal shopper, pinning looks you like and asking your husband if the style is appealing to him. You could also look into services like Stitch Fix or Le Tote to have a personal shopping experience without having to go to the store. Also, rent the runway would be a great option if you want to try a fancy look for a date night without having to break the bank or commit long term. For your glasses situation, have you looked into LASIK? That way you could have reading glasses just for when you need them. </p> <p>In regards to the more emotional impact I would be concerned about that this is having on you, your family and your marriage, I would consider:</p> <p>1. Be very frank about how this is hurtful to you. Not that my husband would say these types of things, but when he really hurts me verbally (often unintentionally) if I directly tell him that, he gets it and feels bad. He's a guy after all and his delivery is often not on point.<br /> 2. I'm really concerned when you say you think this stems from his resentment over having a kid. Not ok and he needs to get to the bottom of that. He is a Dad now and he needs to come to terms with that. The damage that resentment could cause to your marriage and ultimately to your son's relationship with his father and overall well being is scary. I can't imaging anything worse than thinking one my parents didn't want me and resented my presence in their life. I think therapy solo and couples would be a good move for your marriage. </p> <p>Marriage and parenting are both hard so hopefully you will be able to work through this tough time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style/page/2#post-2431376 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 15:41:58 +0000 Kimberlybee 2431376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @gingerbebe: that he is going through some internal struggles and projecting his issues onto you also. He has no right to make you feel inferior if you are currently happy and comfortable. However, it sounds like for the sake of your marriage you should meet him halfway and he should also meet you halfway. (I honestly think he needs therapy or counseling but that's off topic to be discussed elsewhere.) You are a grown woman, his partner, and he needs to respect your decisions. </p> <p>There must be a style that is flattering on you as well as comfortable that he will be happy with. Good luck and hope you find a middle ground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431301 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 15:09:37 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2431301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read any of the comments, so some things may be repetitive. I've seen similar situations, so I don't think it is uncommon. How aggressive your DH is in wanting these things may be a different issue. </p> <p>I think men want to feel proud of their family, and how it reflects on them. They are also more visual. They are also more prideful. If you would like to step up in the fashion category, I think having an honest discussion might be helpful. Let your DH know that you'll be doing some shopping, but it has to be within your own comfort and style. </p> <p>I feel like a frump since having LO and stopping breast feeding. I've been trying to look a bit nicer with some make-up and comfortable yet better looking clothes. I wear a lot of leggings + tunics/dresses, and boots (feminine but comfortable). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431260 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 14:56:41 +0000 Anagram 2431260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: There are Louboutin flats! <a href="http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/body-strass-flat.html" rel="nofollow">http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/body-strass-flat.html</a></p> <p>You can both have your way, haha. On a slightly more serious note: Does your DH have a super rockin body, go to the gym all the time, wear super trendy clothes? I guess I've known a few couples in my time where one spouse was very fit and image conscious and the other wasn't and I guess that can be a problem in a relationship just because the hobbies and eating and priorities are all different. So wondering if it's that type of thing.</p> <p>If it isn't...and your husband looks like a typical 40 year old dad dude, then I think this is a lot more about him and less about you and what you wear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431257 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 14:54:56 +0000 LibbyLou 2431257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really good advice and points brought up from previous posters. My DH and I also have different styles when it comes to female fashion. He likes the polished mom look and I like the slightly sexy look. I know how backwards. I would wear cutoffs and croptops by choice (and I do) and he likes nice sweater with knee length shorts. So honestly I just wear both. I make sure that it's my style but I know when he would appreciate a more conservative look and I wear a "his" outfit. He comments how nice I look wearing it more than the sexy looks that I like!<br /> (I'm also ttc so not exactly your position so not saying I won't change).<br /> As for high heels- you don't need $600loubs. They are uncomfortable anyway. Have him show you what he thinks is sexy and find a pair that mimics it with less a heel, less fringe, etc. Wear it to a date night and deal with hurting feet. (Of course only if you want. It sounds like you want to please him.). Comprise for a wedge boot, a stylish flat bootie. Ask what he specifically likes about the tops or jeans he's buying. You can find slim jeans not Jeggings that meet the middle ground perhaps. </p> <p>I think it's great of you for wanting to keep the spice in your marriage but it does go both ways! Good luck.</p> <p>Eta: if money isn't an issue, what about getting weekly blowouts? That will make YOU feel great and will look nice and put-together to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431246 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 14:51:53 +0000 JerricaBenton 2431246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oof this would upset me a great deal...buuuuttt ithe sounds like you agree on some level that you'd like to change the way you dress. Firstly I would talk to your husband and say that while you understand what he's saying, the method is hurting your feelings. Then I'd make a personal stylist appointment and buy some things that you like, you can make compromises like form fitting but comfortable, wedge heels or something etc. Then maybe you can make a plan with your husband to have a 'date' (even coffee or anything just the two of you) a week where you'll dress up (in what's comfortable to you and hopefully pleasing to him.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431230 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 14:39:26 +0000 lamariniere 2431230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read all the responses, but your initial post actually didn't sound completely negative to me. It sounds like you don't really mind the idea of dressing up (a little) more, and I kind of get the impression that your DH enjoys shopping for you. What if you went on a shopping date together so that maybe he could give some opinions, but then you would be able to try things on and decide for yourself if YOU like them? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431213 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 14:31:49 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2431213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: first paragraph... That's a bingo! </p> <p>OP, remember he is choosing to be with ypu., stay with you, etc. It is always his choice, even when he expresses regrets or frustration. You're not on the hook for his choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431199 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 14:27:28 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2431199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand that you are being sensitive to his issues (midlife crisis), but I feel you are being too sensitive to them. His issues are his own and should not be played out on your body. You can't solve his midlife crisis. He can accept and modify his life to make himself happier or not, and that could even mean that your appearance is a deal breaker for him. But he cannot fix his life by trying to change you. </p> <p>When you have a problem you can really only do one of four things: accept, adapt, change, or abandon. So you have to decide which you want to do. Can you accept his clothes? Come to a compromise? Or will you stop wearing them? Complaining about the clothes while still wearing them sends mixed messages.</p> <p>I would tell him that you don't feel sexy in clothes that he picks out and that you will not wear them under any circumstances. Then I would tell him to go out on Saturday or whatever he needs to do to recapture that youthful rush. Then I would pick out clothes I like and enjoy them. Being away from you will increase his interest in you, and your new look will give you more confidence= problem solved. If you both work on your side of the problem you may find the problem between you solves itself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431042 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 13:28:13 +0000 psw27 2431042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think most other posters have covered what I would have said. I just want to say that I'm sorry that you are going through this. It can't be doing much to help your self esteem or make your home life a happy place sometimes. I know this has to be very hurtful and scary. If it were me, I would be very sad that my husband was so unhappy with his current life that he was projecting it onto me as some sort of midlife crisis relief. (sorry if that sounds harsh, but it seems to be what is going on here.) I just want you to know that I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope DH will see a counselor and get some help so he can figure out what his problem is, because its not what you are wearing that is the true issue. xoxox. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2431021 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 13:12:22 +0000 gingerbebe 2431021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like your husband is going through a mid-life crisis and projecting the discontent he feels about his own life on you. We often say that our spouse/partner is a reflection of who we are and so it sounds like he's projecting what he wants for himself onto you as his public reflection. Having a hot, cool wife means he's a hot, cool husband. Or whatever.</p> <p>I think its healthy to want to look good for yourself and I think its totally acceptable and sweet to want to wear things or dress in a way that will make your husband smile, but I think what he's doing has more to do with him than you. He has to figure out a way to accept and be content with his reality - he IS a dad, he DOES have a kid, you ARE a mom in addition to a wife and lover. Wanting you to look/dress like motherhood never happened is just...odd. Like, that's something a Real Housewife would try to do and not an average person. </p> <p>I would just tell him that you DO want to look nice, both for yourself and for him, but that the way he's going about it makes you feel like there are larger issues at play with him that go beyond you appearance and engage him in a discussion about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430913 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:26:32 +0000 deerylou 2430913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First off, I am very sorry you are going through this. It sounds immensely hurtful and overwhelming. </p> <p>I think there's a difference between suggesting and dictating, encouraging and deflating. I definitely don't think your husband is going about expressing his feelings in a kind, loving way. Quite the opposite, really. I'd even agree with @Silva: and gently warn you that his behavior actually seems a bit emotionally abusive. But I see you've already read up and understand that, so I will stop there.</p> <p>It sounds like dressing provocatively was never your thing, before or after motherhood. You didn't go from burlesque dancer to frump city. You said you liked your style; felt you looked good. I would be concerned that your husband was attempting to fashion you into something that doesn't ring true to you, as a person. It is also incredibly hurtful that he is comparing you to women he clearly finds more desirable. Not cool, and certainly not doing much to raise you up and make you feel like his first choice - the way a spouse realistically should feel. </p> <p>While diet and exercise can do wonders, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding can evoke permanent changes, in a woman's body. You really should not be forced to feel shame to such a degree. You also shouldn't feel pressured to wear stripper heels while chasing after a curious, high energy preschooler. That's just crazy.</p> <p>Personally, I'd get to the root of this issue. I am not sure it is entirely based on clothing choices. I don't want to make wild assumptions, but some of the info provided here has lead me to believe that there is some real resentment and disappointment over your son's presence in your lives. I understand and relate to the shock of new parenthood, but your son is four years old and your husband is still talking about how he never envisioned his life, with a kid. His greatest fear is that you'll start to look like a "mom," like there's something inherently wrong with that. That's really something you need to talk about, together. Circumstances change after children, and they effect every flippin' aspect of our lives - our bodies, our style, our finances, our priorities and our pleasures. I definitely think that element should be explored, because it sounds like it plays a major role, here.</p> <p>Wishing you luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430900 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:15:08 +0000 looch 2430900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey, congrats on getting your body back! That's no small feat at 40, I am still on the other side of your accomplishment but I wonder if what your husband is reacting to is that you look dated.</p> <p>I recently went shopping with my mom and got a bunch of dresses for work. I came home and I tried them on with my current blazers and she was like umm, those are dated. I didn't like to hear it, but she was right and I am changing things up a bit. It's so easy to fall into the easy rut, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430897 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:14:05 +0000 sarac 2430897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Firstly, you are a mom, so maybe it could be ok to look like who you are? Secondly, why does he get to move the goalposts of his expectations of you? It would be one thing to hear 'I miss you dressing and looking like you used to look' - but to hear that all of the sudden he wishes you looked an entirely new way - what is that? How is that ok? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430886 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:09:31 +0000 .twist. 2430886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: Did you read her other comments? The fact that she isn't wearing the clothing he picks out for her is causing major arguments. That sounds pretty forceful to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430884 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:08:28 +0000 catomd00 2430884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: don't get the vibe from the original post he's forcing her. Sounds like she's still wearing her old clothes... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430882 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:06:39 +0000 .twist. 2430882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I mean, there is a difference between suggestions and forcing someone to wear shit they don't want to wear, the latter is what this situation is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430874 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:01:28 +0000 catomd00 2430874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Idk honestly, I don't really see anything inherently wrong with him Kindly voicing his opinion. I understand it might hurt to hear, but I feel like there's a double standard here. Too often when women complain about their husbands style, the top advice isn't deal with it, it's buy him clothes you like. But when it comes from a man its wrong and I can't get on board with that. </p> <p>I think there's middle ground here. Maybe you can try and put a little more effort into your appearance without going over the top in things you're uncomfortable with. You can look cute in yoga pants and a matching top vs ratty sweats.</p> <p>Lastly, speak up! If you don't like what he buys say thanks for thinking of me but I'm not comfortable in this.</p> <p>I think it's really important to not let yourself go for multiple reasons - health, your own mental and physical well being, but also for your relationship. It doesn't sound like he's being completely unreasonable in his requests. </p> <p>I didn't straighten my hair or wear eyeliner for a while after baby, but even those two little things that take 5 minutes make a world of difference in how I look and feel and DH notices, too. It's a win for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430866 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:57:20 +0000 Raindrop 2430866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am guessing if DH is so concerned with your style... He should have a Daddy day with LO!!!</p> <p>You can use that time to meet up with a personal shopper at maybe Nordstrom and shop shop shop. Hopefully you can find somethings that feel comfortable and DH will like.</p> <p>This sounds tough!! I would also talk to him and see if there is anything else going on. He might be taking out other stresses on you if he is not normally like this. *big hugs* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430846 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:50:00 +0000 ShootingStar 2430846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I don't like the way your husband is handling it. I think he's being really forceful and not respectful of your wishes or your feelings. </p> <p>With that said, I can kind of sort of maybe identify with how he's feeling on some small level. My husband has gotten in a rut of wearing the same exact thing every single weekend day. As in, he has this favorite sweatshirt and he puts it on when he gets up early in the morning and never changes. Both Saturday and Sunday. I started semi joking with him that I was going to burn it. He was also doing this weird thing where he was putting too much gel in his hair and he was just looking...not sexy. Just greasy, and not sexy.</p> <p>On the weekends I don't go crazy, but I try to have cute-ish stuff I can wear even if we're just running errands. I don't expect him to go all out, but I told him I'd like it if he just had more variety and took the tiniest bit more effort.</p> <p>So my suggestions for you are to have your DH go shopping with you. Go to Nordstrom, get a personal shopper, and try to find some stuff that he feels makes you look good, but you feel comfortable in too. You should be able to veto anything you don't like, like jeggings that are too tight and heels that impractical. Get some regular every day stuff that your husband and you can appreciate. And then maybe get a couple date night outfits and a pair of shoes he thinks are sexy - maybe a pair of wedge boots as a compromise? With the understanding that those things are for dressing up/special occasions and you're not going to wear heels to do school pick up.</p> <p>If he can't respect your feelings on not wanting to wear certain things, then I think maybe he has a bigger problem that needs to be addressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430838 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:45:49 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2430838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband hates my personal style too and voices concerns over my weight/ health. I definitely think they are two separate issues and both can be handled sensitively. I'll just share what works for us on the style front.</p> <p>First, neither of us picks out each other's clothing. When he shops he often askes me to come and solicits my opinion when tries on things. He doesn't shop with me, but I try my stuff on at home and solicit his opinion. I still purchase what I like and he gets a little say in what I wear too. His role is my mirror and helps me with making sure something fits and flatters my body.</p> <p>There are times when an outfit just screems "me" and DH will acknowledge it's trendy and stylish and I look great, but he's really just not into it. That's okay. I'm the one wearing the clothes not him.</p> <p>Once I became pregnant I exclusively wear form fitting clothes that embrace not just my bump, but my body too. He likes my pregnancy style. When the bump goes away though I'm not going to wear such body conscious clothes. </p> <p>I would say put more effort into your overall appearance that's still within the constructs of your personal style. You don't like heels- ok! Is there a comfortable stylish shoe you can wear instead? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430831 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:43:26 +0000 edelweiss 2430831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: many hugs. thanks for being open and honest with us. i didn't mean to bash, but looking back i realize i said some things you already knew so it sounded like bashing--my bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430814 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:33:53 +0000 runnerd 2430814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you have gotten good advice about the personal shopper based on your budget - maybe since your DH doesn't like your picks, you could go to personal shopper together, and she could brainstorm compromise pieces that will make you both happy, while you feel confident in them.</p> <p>That said - I have to say, in other aspects of your relationship, does your DH lift you up? I would be concerned with that level of expressed discontent about my appearance from my DH, and it would raise questions about how can we improve our life and his happiness outside of that criticism. It seems like he has picked one area to focus on and knick pick over, and would just move on to other topic if you get this one "right"; are there other ways you can spice up your life in general like mini adventures and dates without kids that can remind him that you are still the same couple as before kids despite "muffin top" or wearing glasses? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430810 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:30:38 +0000 JoJoGirl 2430810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Okay, so we did have a smaller version of this - I had fallen into a pattern of putting on my PJs after work every single day and after a few weeks, my DH said something like "I like it when you wear nice clothes....". I got the message that yes, we may be married and have a kid, but taking care of myself is still important to him. </p> <p>Maybe you can offer to meet him halfway? Say "I recognize you care about how I look and I will do my best within the boundaries of what's comfortable for me". Beyond that, he needs to get over it. If my DH asked me to wear heels, I'd laugh. But I do 'try harder' now than I used to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430805 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:27:21 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2430805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dont think this is worth bashing your husband but you guys need to talk and find ways you can increase your style while still meeting your comfort levels. Maybe start a pintrest board with some style ideas and outfits you like. Sit down and review with him. Explain to him why you dont like some of the things he wants. For example, high heels are unpractical to wear while chasing a kid, but a nice pair of low wedges might be a compromise. Sometimes guys just see things and they like them without knowing the work that women go through to wear them (like a thin spaghetti strap dress, I just can't wear a strapless bra). </p> <p>You said you are still wearing the same clothes from before your son. Your body and clothes styles have probably changed a ton in 4 years! So even though he liked how you looked in them 4 years ago, they may not look good/stylish on you now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-i-and-body-image-looks-style#post-2430804 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 11:26:22 +0000 youboots 2430804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are two issues here: Your expressed desire to step it up a bit and your husbands behavior.</p> <p>Let me just say, if you want new clothes go for it! But even if you did start to dress like Jennifer Lopez I believe he would still exhibit this behavior in other ways. I don't think you buying a few new garments is going to fix the issue. The one line that concerns me is that he gets very upset if you wear something unflattering. I hope you don't take this as bashing, just my .02</p> <p>No joke- I live in black chuck taylors (or rain boots), leggings, and some kind of oversized sweatshirt or oversized button up. All the time. I've asked M if he cares- nope- if he did I would make more of an effort. I feel good about myself and think I look good. Who cares if I look "like a Mom" I am one and I'm proud of that. A few times a year for weddings or other big events like family photos I get my makeup done (sometimes hair too) sometimes I rent a dress from Rent The Runway. I absolutely love getting all dolled up. </p> <p>Perhaps getting your hair and makeup done and a new dress and a night out on the town would be fun? </p>