https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 14 Jun 2026 12:41:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-41284 Sun, 25 Dec 2011 11:52:16 +0000 daniellemybelle 41284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your MIL, being a woman, will understand if you would be uncomfortable with her being there. Some women of older generations are actually uncomfortable with it themselves - has he actually talked her about it? Her not wanting to be there could make the situation easier! </p> <p>I don't get the idea of needing to be "fair." Your mother birthed you, raised you and has a different bond with you than your MIL. Of course it's different! While of course this is a super important day for your DH, I think your preferences and comfort level usurp his desires. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-41047 Sat, 24 Dec 2011 08:02:27 +0000 Clementine 41047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't feel guilty just be honest and tell him, you changed your mind. You have EVERY RIGHT to be selfish and assertive when it comes to this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40963 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:52:11 +0000 mrs. wagon 40963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>HELLZ TO THE NO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40901 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:55:16 +0000 MH.Abroad 40901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I couldn't handle that. I don't even want MY mom in the room, much less his. Stand up for yourself... nicely. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40892 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:16:17 +0000 heffalump 40892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: sorry if I offended you! I didn't mean that dad's aren't important. Like I said, I wouldn't have my lo if it weren't for her daddy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40891 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:09:34 +0000 mrbee 40891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: I don't disagree! Was more specifically referring to that particular way of putting it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40890 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 19:59:44 +0000 heffalump 40890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I understand that dad's are super important, we couldn't have babies without them! But labor is traumatic enough, I shouldn't be expected to let anybody that I'm not comfortable with there watching me. And I shouldn't be made to feel guilty if I don't want my mil in the room. It's just too personal of an experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40877 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 19:15:30 +0000 mrbee 40877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: Just for the record, when I was an up and coming dad, I would sometimes hear people give similar reminders that dads don't deliver the baby and therefore shouldn't have much of a say.</p> <p>I found it pretty alienating as a dad to hear stuff like that... it just bums you out and makes you feel like you're not an important part of the experience. I'm sure that's not what you meant, but just thought I'd share a male perspective on this one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40847 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 18:16:15 +0000 ecogirl 40847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Justlikeheaven I think if you haven't discussed it with her yet than it is fine to change your mind. If your husband gives you any grief over it you can tell him that you will allow it as long as your mother can watch him do something equally naked and painful. Haha :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40845 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 18:13:05 +0000 cupcakemama 40845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't get the whole thing of having your mum in the room to start with. I figure I am an adult, I should cut the apron strings. Dh and I are a team, he is all the support I could ever need.</p> <p>Having said that, if you do want your mum there I think this is one of the few times when it is fine to distinguish between your mum and mil. I sure as $hit don't want mil seeing my lady bits! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40829 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 17:27:29 +0000 DpeachLu 40829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I am strongly considering it just being my hubs and I now. &amp; My mother in law never heard that she would be in the room, it was just something my husband and I talked about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40808 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 16:50:44 +0000 Rubies 40808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You do what YOU want. BUT, if you're concerned about hurt feelings then I would have just your hubs there. It's a nice moment to share with your husband when your LO is placed on your chest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40807 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 16:50:39 +0000 Rubies 40807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You do what YOU want. BUT, if you're concerned about hurt feelings then I would have just your hubs there. It's a nice moment to share with your husband when your LO is placed on your chest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40780 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:46:15 +0000 ecogirl 40780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is a difficult decision. Since you already told his mother yes she may be really looking forward to it. It is possible that she may be hurt by your new decision. Do you think you could lay some ground rules down? No looking below the belt and no judgements? haha :) My MIL wanted nothing to do with the delivery room thankfully. My mother was stressing me out though so I sent her away! She still does not let me live that down :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40775 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:43:33 +0000 autumnlove 40775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just tell her or have DH tell her. I am only having DH in the delivery room and I told my mom she couldn't be in there. She was a bit hurt but respectsmy decision....My mom stresses me out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40757 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:11:47 +0000 T.H.O.U. 40757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To be fair I said that neither mom was in the room. They did come in for a bit to say hi while things were calm but weren't in there for any of the delivery portion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40724 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 14:30:40 +0000 HabesBabe 40724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does hubs wants his mom in there just to be "fair" or does he really want her support? I think everyone else's suggestions have been spot on so far. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40721 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 14:28:25 +0000 heffalump 40721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think what you said is perfect, and I'm sure your husband and mil will understand. I didn't even let my mom in.</p> <p>If he wants his mom there, he can birth the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40629 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:01:23 +0000 BabyLove 40629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This exact scenario happened to us. At first I just thought I'd have my MIL in the room because it's what my husband wanted. But when you approach your due date things become more real. I knew that I didn't know how things would be in the room and I didn't want his mother there. I was nervous to have the conversation but I did. And I said pretty much what you wrote. He was totally ok with it. I think our guys kinda understand that this is something we should really have a bit more control over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40613 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 12:42:52 +0000 Rosie Girl 40613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would tell him how you feel, but in a nice way :) Just say that you really love his mom, but don't feel comfortable with having her in the delivery room when you don't know how you will be handling or reacting to labor, and with your parts on display! Tell him that while you are labor, you may change your mind and want her there, but for now you would like to plan on just the 3 of you (you, DH, and your mom).</p> <p>You just need to be nice and firm, like Mrs Yoyo said. It is your decision, and you need to feel comfortable while you are in labor. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40592 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 12:05:05 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 40592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just be nice but firm. You may hurt some feelings, yes, but this is not a negotiation. It is one of the most beautiful but vulnerable times of your life, and it is absolutely your right to limit the spectators. DH was the only one with me, and it was never up for discussion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40577 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:35:04 +0000 mediagirl 40577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, it's your body and your birth plan. If this were me, I would let my husband know that I changed my mind and may not want anyone in the labor room except him. As your husband, he should be willing to go with what you decide, even if it means you changed your mind and you might hurt his mom's feelings. I think it's completely normal for you to feel this way. Maybe bring it up at dinner one night, during normal conversation. That way, it will be just another chat and you won't feel like you are sitting down to have a huge discussion over it. </p> <p>Think of this, though, if you ask your MIL not to come into that labor room, I bet as soon as you put that sweet little baby in her arms, she'll forget all about not being invited in. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40567 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:25:23 +0000 Miss Adia 40567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always like to think how I would feel if I were the other person. If I had a son and his wife was giving birth, would I be hurt if I weren't invited to watch? I don't think I would be.<br /> You might have issues because you already said yes and you now saying you don't want her too may offend her. </p> <p>However, I think about it more and I wouldn't want my MIL in the room either. His step mom is okay, but his bio mom...no way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40566 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:23:14 +0000 polkadots 40566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that it should always be the moms choice who she wants in there... You will be the one doing the work and its your body. I would just explain to DH how you feel and hopefully he respects that. I also think that your MIL will understand if you don't want an audience... since shes a woman and has been through the process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40564 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:21:37 +0000 prettylizy 40564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say whatever you feel most comfortable with is what you need to go with. If you guys are uncomfortable with a crowd, have one of the nurses ask/tell everyone that only daddy and mom-of-mom are allowed in the delivery room. No on can argue with a nurse in labor and delivery! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40563 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:21:36 +0000 venice4504 40563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To me, it's your call. I would never in a million years want my MIL in the room with me and we ultimately decided that it was just going to be the two of us and we didn't even allow people to come visit until about 6 hours after our son was born. It was a great bonding experience and since my total amount of time in the hospital before I ended up with an emergency c-section was well over 24 hours I'm really glad no one else was there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40562 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:17:52 +0000 chopsuey 40562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just want my mom and dh in the room. I love my mil and wouldn't mind having her in the room if she wanted to be there though--especially if she doesn't have a daughter.<br /> I think if I had a son, I'd want to be there with him..<br /> Your MIL's been through labor so I'm sure she won't judge or her opinion of you won't change if you're mean, etc.<br /> I think if you lay down ground rules first.. like no talking, etc. HAHA you'll be fine.<br /> Do what makes you comfortable though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-wants-mil-in-delivery-room#post-40556 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:05:57 +0000 DpeachLu 40556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Okay sooo originally I had told my husband I wanted him and my mom in the delivery room. He then asked "well what about my mom" so feeling guilty I said her too. However as the time gets closer I really regret not saying "I just want the people I am 100% comfortable with to be in there" I mean its my body, my private parts and If I feel like giving an attitude or get grumpy I know my mom can handle it - as well as my husband, (although I don't plan on that)<br /> How do I tell my husband how I really feel without hurting his feelings? I kind of just feel like bringing it up and saying<br /> "I think I changed my mind and only want you and my mom in the room - not because I don't love your mom but this is a very scary time and I am really scared and anxious and I feel I just want the people who have seen me at my worst - in there"</p> <p>I just don't want all these extra opinions nor suggestions flying around.</p> <p>it may even be that I decide it only be my husband and I in the end.</p> <p>what would you say/do!? </p>