https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 02:51:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-419228 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 13:09:01 +0000 spaniellove 419228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I have a lot of friends who for one reason or another can/will never have children, so I can understand somewhat where your friend is coming from. It makes me sad that I'll never be able to talk about baby stuff with them. I know they won't be able to fake any interest in it and it's not because they're mean, bitter people. I don't want them to think that I'm leaving them and our friendship behind for a life that may never be an option to them, especially when for so long I thought this wasn't open to me either. Maybe there's a way for you to keep in touch with your friend in a way that focuses on the two of you as friends and not your transition to motherhood? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-419042 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:38:47 +0000 ladyfingers 419042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. That's a bit rude. I get not being a baby person and not wanting to hear about it, but there's a thing called "being polite." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418897 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:56:14 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 418897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, that sounds intense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418859 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:45:42 +0000 Rock n Roll 418859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. Some people are just really immature. There's nothing wrong with not wanting or liking kids, but I just think it's completely childish and self-centered to not want to hear about something that's important to someone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418772 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:22:46 +0000 Alivoo01 418772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um. Wow!!! I have a couple friends who don't want babies, and aren't really baby people, but they'll hang out with the kids and buy them presents for birthday/Christmas. But this... Wow. haha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418769 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:21:41 +0000 sera_87 418769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>the rant was a bit much, I agree, but her feelings are perfectly okay. I actually think it's nice that she inquired after the mom, not the baby - I'm in the camp that my child is not me &amp; I am my own damn person, thank you. A lot of people forget that once a baby is in the picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418711 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:06:44 +0000 Pink Champagne 418711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even if she's not a baby person, that's a rude way to respond. Talk about being overly dramatic. She could have said, "I asked about my friend, not about her baby," and left it at that. No need to immature ranting and raving about how you can't stand babies. I have co workers like her- when I brought my baby in to visit, they stood there with their arms crossed and acted like I'd offered them poison when I asked if they wanted to hold him. Rude, rude, rude. There are more mature/polite ways to act.<br /> I would have been offended... I don't care if you don't like babies, but you don't need to be so rude about your distaste. I don't like talking about football, but I don't sit there with my arms crossed, giving people the stink eye while they're talking about it either.<br /> She sounds like a treat... hopefully, she will feel better now that she's unloaded her feelings on the subject (maybe they were pent up?) and will be able to handle the baby subject better going forth. She's going to lose a lot of friends if she just stops talking to her friends once they have babies because pregnancy and babies "freak her out". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418688 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:01:42 +0000 autumnlove 418688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I have some friends like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418662 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:49:54 +0000 loveisstrange 418662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like it's her prerogative to feel that way. She did overreact and did take it a little far though.</p> <p>She does have a point though. I'm a mom and have an infant and I don't really want to talk about poop and breastfeeding either. I see where she's coming from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418660 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:49:00 +0000 PurplePumps 418660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's just being honest about how she feels about children and the whole experience. She doesn't care to hear about any of it it and makes that clear. Some people, even women just aren't baby people. It's unfortunate that she chooses to be so extreme that she is willing to lose friends though. I have a friend just like that, 30's, traveling the world, enjoying life. She doesn't want kids, doesn't coooo over them, doesn't want to hear about nap time, poop, was squeamish if someone talked about it, etc, she was even saying joking about never seeing mutual friend X after she has a baby. She does visit and see the kids, but it's very apparent still that she's not a kid person, and I could see someone more extreme being like your friend, but I wouldn't classify it as bitter and twisted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418657 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:48:39 +0000 yoursilverlining 418657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the rant was a little odd; but I also see her point. You know she isn’t interested in kids and intimate details like bf and she asked specifically how mom was doing. Starting with pregnancy it seems like the woman sort of stops existing – everyone asks about the pregnancy and then the LO. Hardly anyone actually stops to specifically ask how MOM is doing; outside of how her feelings might relate to baby. I’m still my own person with lots going on; and honestly, it’s really, really nice (and rare!) when anyone actually thinks to ask how *I’m* doing these days.</p> <p>She's wasn't very tactful about the whole thing though, but I don't think she sounds bitter or twisted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418640 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:43:33 +0000 mrbee 418640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: good one! Plus art is really expensive... just like a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418639 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:43:03 +0000 SugarplumsMom 418639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think she's bitter or twisted, inconsiderate maybe, but she just isn't a baby person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418637 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:41:47 +0000 Foodnerd81 418637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely seems like an overreaction, but yeah, I guess she probably had that all pent up inside for a while and THOUGHT you might be someone she could vent to, since you are probably one of the last child free friends (ha- not for long!). But she certainly took it a lot farther than the normal, I am not interestedin hearing about the gory details. To say she avoided a friend from the moment she got pregnant is really extreme. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418636 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:40:56 +0000 plaidpants 418636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like she could have been a bit more tactful, but I kind of get her point. I have a LO and it's nice when people ask how I am doing vs. just how the baby is doing. I love talking about my LO, but even I want to talk about non-baby stuff sometimes. I can imagine it must be frustrating for a person without kids who doesn't like/want kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418631 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:37:18 +0000 Maysprout 418631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Obnoxious. I've had people do that and whether girl or guy I just tease them. It's such a bizarre rant, it's one thing to not want kids it's another pretty immature thing to say if you say the word baby then I'm going to puke. </p> <p>One of my very good friends was not interested when I said I was pregnant, which was fine, but as a good friend it was a bit odd for one thing to be off limits. It was like that for most of my daughters first year. We lived in separate cities so mainly talked on the phone and I never brought her up. Once in awhile she'd ask about her and mostlyshe wouldn't. Then over the summer she said her and her husband and decided they'd like to have a kid (before they, well mainly he, had decided no kids) so now she's like the friend I always had. We mainly talk about other things but I don't hesitate to bring up LO if she did something cute or funny and we talk about everything again. I think most of the problem was her coming to terms with not having kids to have such a bizarre reaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418627 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:34:49 +0000 irene 418627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hahahahaha. I completely understand P. I used to be one of those people. HAHAHAHHA</p> <p>I used to hate babies and kids! Hate! I'd stand at the furthest corner when someone is playing with a baby/child. I also didn't understand back then when someone became pregnant / have a kid and when you ask them how she was, their life is basically consumed by the baby and that's who they are now. I got my very good friend upset at me because of that (that when I ask her how she was she started telling me about her baby and I said I am not interested in hearing about her baby!) But then I got my own and I became a different person.</p> <p>The other day i was thinking babies/kids are like art. You do not appreciate them if you do not have any contact with them. But once you do, you start liking and appreciating all kinds of babies and kids. it is very weird. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418624 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:33:38 +0000 everbee 418624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>wow..sort of an overreaction..though i can understand. even though i don't really mind, when i talk to mommy friends, ALL they talk about is their babies/kids/mommy related things. some of my friends make a point to scale back the mommy talk with friends with no kids (like me). though i don't mind all too much to hear about their kids, maybe she's just had it with hearing it from other people too and just blew up at you :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418593 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:00:25 +0000 blackbird 418593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cherrybee, lol, yes definitely! I only share stuff like that with my mom friends and I was really disturbed when my mom friends would share all the gross stories with me! Like no please don't! They'd laugh at me but it's just so traumatizing when you're not "there" yet :)</p> <p>like mrbee said, though, I think guys are better at separately "them" from "the baby" versus women, though. Well, maybe some women. I don't think guys who have kids get together and only talk about their kids in the way that women do :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418588 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:53:32 +0000 pastemoo 418588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I think it's actually kind of interesting to ask how mom is doing without asking about baby.<br /> Sounds like she is serious freaked out by babies--that's ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418587 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:53:21 +0000 heffalump 418587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand if someone isn't a baby person..... But when you have a newborn there really isn't a separation if you and the baby. If all is well with baby, all is well with mommy. If baby is fussy, mommy is upset too. You WERE just telling her how your friend was doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418584 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:50:06 +0000 Cherrybee 418584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Hahaha!!! No!! It didn't seem like quite the right moment, I've no idea why!!</p> <p>@blackbird: Yeah, I agree its not a huge issue. I will just have to remember to save my gory nipple details for different friends!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418580 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:48:31 +0000 mrbee 418580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I just focus on the other things we have in common. It didn't cause us to drift... my lack of time did though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418570 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:40:49 +0000 lawbee11 418570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow...I am guessing you didn't take that as an opportunity to announce your own pregnancy!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418564 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:38:41 +0000 Smurfette 418564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418563 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:38:40 +0000 blackbird 418563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's harsh but I don't think it's a *huge* deal. She doesn't like children and babies and was probably unloading a lot of pent up feelings. I don't want to hear about nipple sprays and breastfeeding, either, and I have had to stop people from giving me all the gory TMI details of their baby duties because I simply don't want to hear it. She definitely could've handled it in a more tactful manner, but maybe she was just overwhelmed by it all and blowing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418561 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:38:13 +0000 meredithNYC 418561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the way she expressed her feelings was harsh, but in general I don't have a problem with how she feels. I can understand how, if you're childless by choice, it can seem like your world is turning upside down when all your friends are having kids. That said, she really needs to consider the fact that he is seriously limiting her options for friendships if she does not want to be friends with any women with children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418556 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:32:37 +0000 SAHM0811 418556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>well she's child-free and loving it.... and her anti-baby feelings are probably heightened with a lot of her peers having babies the past few years? </p> <p>I have a friend who is similar in attitude. But for the sake of our friendship, we still talk/meet up occasionally... I don't bring up the kids unless I'm asked about them... And even then, I try to keep it at a minimum. Our friendship isn't the same as it was before, but I think we have a mutual understanding of why that is and we still make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418547 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:30:19 +0000 Sammyfab 418547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. Harsh words!! It definitely seems like there are some underlying issues if she willingly throws away friendships because she doesn't like babies.</p> <p>Would you want to/ be able to delve further into the issue...especially if you want to maintain her friendship (although it sounds like it doesn't matter either way?). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-asked-how-she-was-not-how-the-baby-was-gasp#post-418543 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:27:25 +0000 Arden 418543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I understand her not wanting to hear about the baby stuff, but she didn't have to go on a rant. She could have just said "I'm not really a baby person, I'm just wondering how my friend is doing." </p>