https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 11:11:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897958 Fri, 27 Sep 2019 04:45:14 +0000 Jennibenni 2897958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mommy Finger: It is not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897950 Thu, 26 Sep 2019 21:18:27 +0000 Mommy Finger 2897950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: WHAT??? Is this a home daycare? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897941 Thu, 26 Sep 2019 19:09:02 +0000 Jennibenni 2897941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just thought of this thread because I picked my kids up early from daycare for their flu shot appointment, which I mentioned to daycare, and this evening the office person from our daycare posted an article link on Facebook from some sketchy looking website saying the flu shot is propaganda and we all just need vitamin D lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897820 Wed, 25 Sep 2019 16:45:16 +0000 LCTBQE 2897820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this hostility and insensitivity from your own mother :heart: I hope she comes to her senses. </p> <p>@Tionn3: these fucking morons, they still aren’t bright enough to piece it together that during inevitable outbreaks, the only people ACTUALLY on fire besides the defenseless will be... their own children. My 12-month old just got her mmr and I was so relieved. I had a couple friends in Williamsburg whose infants got expedited shots at 9 months this year in light of that train wreck :meh:<br /> @jennlin821: for real, there are few topics as a parent that enrage me like this one. I’m relieved to see over the years that everyone on hb is correctly aligned on this issue, makes it feel less like a cesspool than other corners of the internet. Also FYI me bee doesn’t edit out swear words anymore since the site was abandoned :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897787 Wed, 25 Sep 2019 11:53:14 +0000 Tionn3 2897787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: I have seen this "Not going to set myself on fire to keep you warm" and " not going to set my child on fire to keep yours warm" comments several times and it makes me so mad! It's like a passive aggressive way of telling you to go f*ck yourself. You need to protect the health of yourself and your children. Seriously, if any of my friends said that to me, I wouldn't be friends with them anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897768 Wed, 25 Sep 2019 10:34:25 +0000 jennlin821 2897768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: It took me several attempts to put together those coherent neutral tone responses. I had to edit out the f*cking a**hole, ignorant sh*tface, arrogant motherf*cker to name a few. :wink: :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897717 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 20:12:44 +0000 Littlebit7 2897717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hypatia wow. Just wow. The comment from your mom floored me and the the comment from your (former) friend knocked me over. At least this made this easier for you to cut the wheat from the chaff so to speak. Well, except your mom. That’s a bit more messy. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. FWIW, we got our flu shots today, and will continue to do so, not so much for us, but more for people like you who depend on us. I can survive the flu. Others might not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897713 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 19:32:55 +0000 JennyPenny 2897713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, and that your friend and mother responded how they did. I have to say, it doesn’t surprise me though. I have had a few discussions with someone in my social circle who doesn’t believe in vaccines and it feels like we’re talking about 2 different things. And then yesterday I heard this TED radio hour segment that made it all make sense: <a href="https://www.npr.org/2017/10/17/560190751/robb-willer-how-do-we-bridge-the-political-divide" rel="nofollow">https://www.npr.org/2017/10/17/560190751/robb-willer-how-do-we-bridge-the-political-divide</a></p> <p>Basically the guy mentions that when we’re trying to persuade others we use the arguments that are why believe what we do. For example, I believe in the safety and efficacy of vaccines and that herd immunity is important to protect those who are unable to be vaccinated. But if a person is opposed to vaccines those arguments hold no sway, even if you point out that someone they know falls in the category of people relying on herd immunity. Instead we have to find a moral foundation that resonates with them and frame things in those terms. In my friend (and maybe your friend too from the sound of it) she cares a lot about “purity” I’ve been wondering how I can use that in the future, but honestly don’t have a solution yet. And I don’t believe it’s your responsibility to change their minds either. I guess after writing all this I’m not sure my response is helpful at all other than the fact that hearing that segment helped me understand why what I thought were really good arguments were falling on deaf ears. So hopefully it’s helpful to others too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897698 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 18:35:02 +0000 skiierchck99 2897698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: honestly eff that. I have no time for people who believe in pseudoscience and if I were you I would have no love lost for people being deliberately antagonistic and ignorant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897694 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 17:25:46 +0000 Kaohinani 2897694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: Love, I absolutely feel for you. I have 4 ADs so I am also immunocompromised. (* note, neither of my children are). I have reached out to a number of individuals who believe inoculations are toxic and "unneeded" and have met debate. I cannot fault them for their viewpoint; however, if it compromises my health and ability to parent and provide for my family, I have to "disagree." Some of the pushback is political and some is because their children have various disorders (* mind you that I taught students with exceptionalities for years and BOTH my DD and DS have ADHD, and I fervently research EVERYTHING ... I DO understand the concerns but cannot compromise. ). I have distanced myself from these individuals, since they are so closed-minded as to keep MY health and wellbeing out of their spectrum of fear. I can not be immunocompromised "just because" we are socially "friendly" and our children like each other. I do understand that I run into a plethora of unvaccinated individuals daily; however, it is my job, as someone who is immunocompromised, to limit my personal exposure. I empathize and sympathize with you and your decisions. My advice (although harsh) is to lose those who cannot empathize or sympathize with your health issues. It is hard and it is limiting but, you will find out who your "true" friends are.<br /> Sending hugs :heart: .</p> <p>P.S. I ALSO homeschool my DD (after a bully seriously harmed her at school ... my plate is full). I do understand the homeschooling community since I [recently] joined it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897693 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 17:16:38 +0000 Becky 2897693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: Holy cow, this is craziness. Where/what region do you live in? It sounds a little more amped up than the general US. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897692 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 16:54:56 +0000 Chuckles 2897692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: ugh. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, especially from your own mom. That is beyond frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897691 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 16:52:16 +0000 Hypatia 2897691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, in a rash move, I decided to make a general Facebook post that explained in the nicest way possible that my immune system isn’t working like it should and because of that I have to be extra careful about getting sick, etc. In hindsight this was probably unwise. </p> <p>I’ve had two people leave antagonistic replies so far. One was my own mother, who apparently is a recent convert (this is the first I have heard of it). She insists that it doesn’t help me for her to get the shot, she doesn’t “believe in it,” and if she does get sick, she will stay home and everything will be just fine. Mother of the year right there. </p> <p>The second is from a friend (about to become a former friend) who says, “Vaccines are causing all kinds of immune malfunction. As you would expect from messing with the immune system. Not going to set myself on fire to keep you warm.”</p> <p>See what she did there? She tried to imply that the only reason my immune system is messed up is because of vaccines (she doesn’t even know the reason, btw, which clearly has nothing to do with vaccines). And she acts like SHE is the one at risk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897690 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 16:47:34 +0000 LCTBQE 2897690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: @Chuckles: nicely put. And nicer than I’d be able to put it. I hardly know anyone in real life who has one iota of patience for this selfish garbage, I’m sorry you’re encountering it, @Hypatia: . I do agree with all the pp’s who think it’s important to say why you cannot see them instead of politely making white lie excuses, maybe putting a face to the name of the herd will help chip away at the insanity ?? One hopes.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897688 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 16:23:04 +0000 DesertDreams88 2897688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have a solution, but just saying yes, it's so hard. 3 families in my close circle don't vaccinate (and possibly/probably more). So I definitely didn't bring my newborns to gatherings with those people, and even then I tried to generally keep them tucked away / tucked close. I had winter babies and blamed it on that and wanting to "rest" - I never said anything directly to the families because I knew I wasn't going to change their minds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897685 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 15:34:04 +0000 Chuckles 2897685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm also so sorry that you are dealing with this nonsense. I would also ask if you feel comfortable. Definitely don't risk it. </p> <p>But I think there's something to be said for starting the conversation not about the family's anti-vaccination choices or the safety of them, but about herd immunity. I would say something along the lines of, "because I (or 'my family' if you are more comfortable with that) am not able to be vaccinated due to immune issues, and getting the flu/measles/etc is very dangerous for a person with immune issues, I need to make sure that I'm not around people who have not been vaccinated because I can't risk getting sick."</p> <p>I dealt with this with a former coworker. He wasn't a super strong anti-vaxxer, so it was a little different, but he didn't want to get the flu shot because he thought he would be fine if he got sick. And I said that my dad was currently going through cancer treatment, so he wasn't able to get the flu shot, and that it would be extremely dangerous for him to get the flu. So that if this coworker got sick, it was his own business, but the problem was that he can infect people who are immune compromised and don't have a choice about the vaccine. And that resonated with him and made sense, versus me just focusing on how silly it was to not get vaccinated for himself and how safe vaccines are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897667 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 12:27:45 +0000 jennlin821 2897667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First off, I'm very sorry you have to deal with such ignorance and arrogance. </p> <p>Second, yes I believe you need to deal with this directly. It will need to be a part of the conversation you have when planning get togethers. Just like asking the uncomfortable questions about gun ownership, it is a necessary part of modern parenting.<br /> Then have your standard answer ready, something along the lines of: "Because of immuno-deficiency in our family, we will not be able to be more than virtual friends."</p> <p>If you would like to respond to the posts on social media, I would do something similar: "As my family is immuno-compromised, the protection of vaccines is directly related to our survival."</p> <p>I would use the terms 'our' and 'family' so that you are not singling out yourself for further conversation. </p> <p>again I'm sorry you have to deal with such ignorant and arrogant idiots. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897664 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 12:14:36 +0000 nwm 2897664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mostly just sympathy to offer you since I don't find we encounter a lot of anti-vaxxers in the day to day, but was reading this article today and found it very interesting: <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/23/health/anti-vaccination-movement-us.html?nl=todaysheadlines&#038;emc=edit_th_190924?campaign_id=2&#038;instance_id=12570&#038;segment_id=17274&#038;user_id=075c3cece434066bee4e2a60d032e368&#038;regi_id=214826900924" rel="nofollow">https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/23/health/anti-vaccination-movement-us.html?nl=todaysheadlines&#038;emc=edit_th_190924?campaign_id=2&#038;instance_id=12570&#038;segment_id=17274&#038;user_id=075c3cece434066bee4e2a60d032e368&#038;regi_id=214826900924</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897660 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 11:51:08 +0000 foodiebee 2897660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and best friend are also immunocompromised, so we have *feelings* about people who don't vaccinate. If anyone you ask is offended by you being proactive about protecting your own health, then they aren't actually a nice person imo. It is perfectly possible for a person to respect you wanting to protect your health even when it differs from their views. To go a step further, they should understand that their choice not to vaccinate puts portions of the population at increased risk and should have thought that through when making their (ahem) educated decision.</p> <p>ETA It's crazy to me that we have to even have these convos. Sheesh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897657 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 11:25:37 +0000 Becky 2897657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be worried about participating in homeschool group activities, not just play dates, if you’re immunocompromised. </p> <p>I see no anti-vaccine sentiment on Facebook so I’m guessing you’re probably seeing it because more of your Facebook network includes homeschoolers, a subset of which unfortunately don’t vaccinate (or maybe it’s a regional thing?). I think you have started a really interesting conversation here, because in states where schools have eliminated the religious exemption, there is an influx of unvaccinated children in homeschooling circles. I would be really interested to hear more from you or others about how you/your homeschooling groups are addressing this.</p> <p>ETA: I feel like you should say something. Your health is put at risk by people you associate with. I’d have to take a long, hard look at a friendship with someone who doesn’t vaccinate based on personal preference/belief because we’d clearly not be operating on the same wavelength. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-cant-hang-out-with-other-moms-because-of-anti-vaccine-views#post-2897651 Tue, 24 Sep 2019 10:51:55 +0000 Hypatia 2897651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am immunocompromised, so I have to be careful about getting sick. It could potentially be dangerous if I were to get the flu. </p> <p>Flu season is coming up, and along with the posts about pumpkins and changing leaves, I’m seeing an alarming number of friends on Facebook posting memes about how awful vaccines are, particularly the flu vaccine. </p> <p>My pediatricians’ office recently stopped taking patients who refuse to be vaccinated, and a ton of moms are venting on the local parents’ group. </p> <p>I’m part of a homeschool group, and it came up there too. “I’m so glad we aren’t forced to get vaccines since we aren’t enrolling in school!”</p> <p>I feel like I should ask whoever I hang out with what their views on vaccines are before we schedule a play date. But if they don’t believe in vaccines, it’s not like they’d be understanding of my condition. I know some otherwise very nice people who would be offended if I made it an issue. So I’m just avoiding them for now with excuses about being busy. </p> <p>Is anybody else frustrated by this? </p>