https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Jul 2026 23:27:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-861248 Sun, 16 Jun 2013 09:55:17 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 861248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: you are still doing a great job! I just realized how itty bitty your sweetheart is!! It must feel like you've been at this forever &amp; it's still not working great, but your LC is right - adjusted age has a lot to do with it. He's got so much growing to do! </p> <p>I remember having nursing sessions where I had to tell myself "Just get through his feeding; that's all - just finish." because it was so frustrating. Keep trying new things, like how you did bottle first, until you find a combo that feeds him &amp; makes you both happy. That was and is my breast feeding goal: Feed the baby &amp; make us both happy. </p> <p>And know that the steps towards that goal will be in flux. Maybe in a few weeks, you'll try a new strategy. It sounds overwhelming (and don't discount your hormones - they are still roaring through your body!), but there is peace to be found there. Things will keep changing, but you'll find the thing that works for you two. And above all, like everyone said, he LOVES THE HECK OUT OF YOU. I felt so rejected (and did just last week during a teething nursing strike), but it's really not personal. </p> <p>You are doing so well. No matter how milk gets in his belly you are the best mama &amp; you are giving him all the love and caring he needs. He's a lucky lucky boy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-861213 Sun, 16 Jun 2013 09:22:50 +0000 lomom 861213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I took a break the past day or so, we just nursed a few times.. I took a different approach, giving him a bottle of 3oz, then trying to get him to transfer the last ounce or whatever would fill him up. It was so much better that way. No pressure of trying to keep him awake, no worrying about if he was getting enough, and he wasn't grumpy or fussy. He just latched, nursed, and drifted off to dreamland. The few times he did pop off, he just smiled and cooed. It was a lot more pleasant than before. </p> <p>I don't know what my goal is anymore. I wanted to nurse 100% of the time but I don't know if that's worth fighting for since I'm going back to work in a few weeks and he'll be getting bottles 2-3x a day then. </p> <p>I just want him to have breastmilk and to be happy and thriving. And I want that bonding. (I know nursing isn't the only way to bond, but when it goes well, it really helps me bond with him.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-860125 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 11:22:48 +0000 Mrs. Twine 860125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used the SNS with Ellie-- you can tape the tubing, so it's just like putting baby to breast the "regular" way. I also think that trying another bottle might help. Good to hear you're going with the slow-flow nipple (Ellie was still using those past a year when we stopped supplementing!), but there might be something else that he does well with that is a little closer to nursing so the transition is easier. I think that the transitioning back and forth easily can just take time. Using breast compression and massage can be a useful tool, also, as @Oliviaoblivia mentioned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859952 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 09:06:26 +0000 T-Mom 859952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: of course you know this, but he's not mad at you... He's just being a little baby animal, think of it that way. He just wants to eat and he's frustrated for whatever reason. Things will get better but it will take patience and preserverance on your end. You are doing great!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859853 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 07:02:29 +0000 oliviaoblivia 859853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Big hugs. BFing can be so hard. I really wish your husband was a better support. Have you talked with him about how he can help you and DS?</p> <p>You are remarkably strong and determined, I'm so impressed with your dedication. You are a wonderful mom and are doing such a great job seeing that he gets what he needs to grow.</p> <p>I think the missing piece is time. Time for him to learnt his nursing thing. Time for his mouth to grow bigger to get a better latch. Time for your nipples to adjust to constant abuse.</p> <p>I swear it gets better. I know how hard it can be to believe that, but I promise it does. I dealt with a lazy latch in the beginning and just had to be vigilant at all times that dd would stay in the right position. I'd recommend doing breast compressions while he's nursing to up the speed of the flow a bit and literally squeeze the hind milk out. I would do them as dd got lazy and with increased flow she'd get excited about eating again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859844 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 06:49:17 +0000 Anutka 859844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: big hugs to you! Remember, you are his mom - you are his world and in his eyes, you are perfection! You are the safest and warmest place! He is crying and screaming because he is frustrated that he hasn't figured out this nursing thing just yet. He is NOT mad at you, you guys are on the same team! He loves you with all his little heart!</p> <p>You are doing an amazing job and are so determined, you should be very proud! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859831 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 06:31:57 +0000 anbanan15 859831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: aw I hear what you are saying. My DH was the same way (breastmilk...along with everything else pregnancy/baby freaked him out). I haven't used an SNS personally, but I know peope who have and they all said once it is hooked up and you get the hang of it it becomes second nature. I also know people have luck with these bottles going from breast to bottle: <a href="http://reliabrand.com/products/adiri-nxgen-nurser/adiri-nxgen-newborn-nurser" rel="nofollow">http://reliabrand.com/products/adiri-nxgen-nurser/adiri-nxgen-newborn-nurser</a>. They are a little funky looking. We used a slightly similar all silicone bottle with DS that we loved (Nuby Natural Touch SoftFlex Silicone Nurser). I hope you find a solution and transitioning between the two becomes easier! Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859822 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 06:09:40 +0000 Cherrybee 859822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Hi Honey. Just wanted to pop in, give you a big e-hug, and remind you that this is about food, not about love and affection (I imagine it's so, so hard to separate when you're the one doing the feeding - I will need you to remind me in a few weeks!!!). To your baby, milk is milk is milk and every which way he gets it - bottles, breast - comes from you. You! You are the magical-giver-of-all-good-things-in-the-world! As a baby, his only way of communicating with you is crying - he's not screaming because "your boobs have failed me mother, bring me a bottle!", he's screaming because he's still hungry and the only person he trusts to meet his needs is you (and screaming at you always does the trick!). </p> <p>Of course you wont be producing quite enough milk to fill his tummy (which is used to getting 4oz) if you are fortifying or supplementing. It's simple supply and demand. It's not your fault!! Especially as nursing is so relaxing for him and he keeps going to sleep!!! From what I have read, you can either let him nurse and nurse and nurse for hours on end, which will increase your supply (you only have to look at this board to know that this is what other mums of 2-6 week olds are doing! You're doing nothing wrong!), or you can make peace with supplementing - both are great options!</p> <p>You will get this bottomed out. You are so determined - and that's half the battle I reckon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859802 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 04:51:34 +0000 aprk 859802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: hah! I know. Drives me nuts!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859798 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 04:28:51 +0000 autumnlove 859798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Yes, I nurse frequently in the evenings. I also give her 1 or 2 bottles of pumped milk at nights. She takes her time with bottles and drinks slow..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859787 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 02:34:30 +0000 lomom 859787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anbanan15: thanks, I'll check out the joovy bottles! I keep looking at the SNS but I don't think I'd be able to actually use it when push came to shove. I think it'd take more support than I've got :( I think I'd have to get totally ready, prep the SNS, then have someone bring LO to me and help me get LO latched and get the SNS tube into his mouth and then be on standby to help me relatch him when he pops off. I think it'd be the perfect solution, but I don't think I could implement it :( DH barely fills up my water bottle if I ask, he'd never go for something like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859786 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 02:27:57 +0000 lomom 859786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: I've told DS to stop yelling at me. Lol not that he understands, but I tell him all the time that he doesn't play fair! he likes to open his mouth nice and big, perfect for latching... Then he crams his fist in as I'm trying to get him to latch... Then HE screams at ME! I'm like really? I didn't put your fist in your mouth, you did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859784 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 02:24:55 +0000 lomom 859784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: how do you handle that? Do you nurse in short spans and nurse frequently? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859709 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 23:12:08 +0000 autumnlove 859709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO (7 weeks)doesn't have weight issues but she is an inefficient nurser right now so i know how that is! She falls asleep after a few minutes and then she wants to feed again 20 minutes later. I need to be patient because it takes time...feeding did not click for my older LO until around 10ish weeks. </p> <p>Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859669 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 22:10:37 +0000 Espion 859669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I just wanted to let you know that you and I are in nearly the same spot, but for different reasons. You're an inspiration for me to keep at it!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859630 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 21:30:47 +0000 anbanan15 859630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: You are doing such a great job! Take it one day at a time...if you can get past today, you can get through tomorrow too :). One day it will all come together! Hugs!! I would try the SNS. You would be able to give baby the amount he needs while still working on his latch. Have you seen the Joovy boob bottles? They are supposed to mimic the breast/nipple shape the closest and make transitioning between the two easier. They have them at BBB. <a href="http://www.joovy.com/c-108-boob.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://www.joovy.com/c-108-boob.aspx</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859615 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 21:08:22 +0000 aprk 859615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I know how hard it can be when those feelings creep in - like after all the stress and heartache, give me a break, dude! At least, that's how I felt. You're not alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859597 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:56:43 +0000 lomom 859597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I think the issue is him falling asleep but I just don't know. Something's interfering with his ability to transfer. He has some good and some bad nursing sessions and the LC's advice was to run with the good ones and give a bottle for the bad (if he's really tired or cranky or just not into it, to just not fight him) and then just build from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859593 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:53:16 +0000 lomom 859593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T-Mom: thanks for the encouragement. I try so hard to stay positive and optimistic but it's so hard not to take it personally. It really feels like he's rejecting me, that he's mad/upset with me, that I'm not good enough, that I'm failing him by not being able to nurse him. I know that isn't the case, but its so hard not to feel that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859592 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:51:33 +0000 Adira 859592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Boo... I'm sorry you're struggling! I wish I had some advice! Is the problem with him not getting enough while nursing because he falls asleep while nursing, so he's not eating enough? I hope you guys are able to figure it out - I know how much you want to be able to continue nursing him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859575 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:32:08 +0000 T-Mom 859575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: ah ok. I have friends whose babies would also nurse for 1hr.. It usually got better. I think as long as he is getting enough be will become more efficient. I'm glad you have an LC though. It sounds like he is really still learning. I know a month until going back to work sounds like a very short time, but so much can happen in 4 weeks. The first 6-8 weeks was so hard but after that it got infinitely better. You are doing so well, you should be proud! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859566 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:25:32 +0000 lomom 859566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T-Mom: he'll be 9 weeks tomorrow but he was 4.5 weeks early and was bottle fed fortified breastmilk from birth to 6.5 weeks old. So we've only been nursing for 2.5 weeks, which the LC uses to help troubleshoot. She said to think of him as a 2.5 week old because that's all the experience he has at this point. Right now, if he doesn't get full, the moment I move him from our nursing position to the rnp, he screams and wants more. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859547 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:16:54 +0000 T-Mom 859547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: hang in there! I can't remember how old your Lo is... Pretty young I assume? I used to feed my DS for 20 min on each side in the early days and then cut him off..<br /> Then if he got hungry again, whenever that was I would just feed again even if it was like 2 hr. also he will get more efficient as he learns.. Maybe just give it some time? I know it's hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859546 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:15:54 +0000 Anutka 859546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are doing so well! You should be proud of yourself and your little one!</p> <p>I'm sorry this advice kinda sucks, but try not to stress too much. Constant stress can really affect your supply and your baby. So try to take joy in the little great moment every day and enjoy your little one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859541 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:12:01 +0000 lomom 859541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Twine: I think an SNS looks scarily complicated :( we tried tommee tippee and he hated it. Gagged, choked, sputtered, spat, it just didn't go well. The only thing he does well with is dr brown and we use the slowest flow nipple. I'm meeting with the LC on Monday.</p> <p>ETA: I'm going back to work in a month, so ideally, he needs to be able to go back and forth between bottles and breast :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859532 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:08:07 +0000 lomom 859532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T-Mom: he doesn't seem to approve of shorter feeding a. He was okay at first, when we started nursing, but now he really wants his 4+oz or he's just a fussy mess :( I have pumped for a few feedings to be able to fortify and I'm still getting around 4oz so I think my supply is okay, maybe a slight dip. </p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: he seems to be able to handle a couple of those 1 hour nursing sessions but then really just doesn't get enough at the others, which is why she wanted to reintroduce bottles. </p> <p>I wonder how I can get him to be content with 2-3oz every 2-3 hours instead of 4+ every 4+ hours? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859528 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:04:53 +0000 Mrs. Twine 859528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really hear your frustration! You are working so hard at this. It does sound like he's maybe having a little bit of a rough time switching back and forth between the bottles and nursing. Have you tried many of the BF friendly bottles out there? What bottles are you using now? What size and type of nipple? Have you considered using the SNS? What about a cup feeder? You are doing a wonderful job. You two will get this sorted. Are you able to call the LC to just problem solve, or is there another professional you could call? I had my friend (who is an IBCLC) on speed dial when Lorelei was a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859519 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:59:35 +0000 T.H.O.U. 859519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>An hour seems like a really long time to be nursing and a long time for him to be active. That sounds great for one or two feedings but I wouldn't count on them all being that long. </p> <p>You are still doing great ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859518 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:59:20 +0000 T-Mom 859518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you try feeding him shorter times but more frequently? Do you know how your supply is doing? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-know-what-the-missing-piece-is#post-859509 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:53:47 +0000 lomom 859509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought things were going well, then we had a setback with weight gain and the LC wanted to reintroduce bottles and fortifying for a few days. Well, since reintroducing bottles, I feel like we're back where we started. </p> <p>He's being lazy about latching, causing me pain. He's being super sleepy, he's being fussy, and I feel like I just can't get him full. He's swallowing and when we get settled in and a good latch, he has solid 10 minute stretches of good swallowing and latching until I have to wake him back up. </p> <p>When he transferred 4.7oz at the LC appt, he'd taken both sides and had nursed for about an hour, so I'm trying to keep him nursing for an hour and really trying to make sure that when he finishes, he's awake and not just done by default. </p> <p>But he's just not getting full. </p>