https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 07:51:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2832460 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 10:10:18 +0000 afc061018 2832460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: We are truly living the same journey right now. I just had a beginning-cycle u/s that showed large cysts, so our IUI #4 is canceled. We're meeting with the dr on Monday to move forward with IVF. We talked all weekend about it and agreed to try a round of IVF and see how it goes. Depending on that, we'll either have embryos we can try with or, if we get nothing, we'll move on to adoption. I'm sooo curious what the price will be and just want to get to the apt already so I can stop wondering.</p> <p>I hate coming up with an excuse for my work too. I try to schedule everything as early as possible, and then I just tell my coworkers I forgot something at home and had to turn around or something like that. Lying feels awful, but my coworkers are gossipy so I don't want anyone to know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2832441 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 21:02:04 +0000 Umbreon 2832441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Miss Sarah: Thank you. I've read that to quote about three times now. Thank you. It is nice to have support and know that others know how we feel and what we're going through. </p> <p>@afc061018: I am so sorry to hear that. It's definitely not a cheap procedure, and you have to be sure. I wish you all the best and hope things turn out with whichever you decide. </p> <p>We talked it over and if this IUI fails for us, we will go one more round of IUI, but make some appointments to discuss IVF and get more information. DH knows it's important to me, so we will get all the facts first. But I don't want to waste a cycle so we will try to schedule some consultation appointments while doing the IUI if possible.</p> <p>Ugh I just don't want to go through the meds, ultrasound and IUI again. The worst part is missing work and coming up with a new excuse for each appointment. I don't want to tell them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831992 Tue, 03 Jul 2018 07:16:22 +0000 afc061018 2831992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: I'm so glad you got some relief from telling your parents. We're also in your same boat re: IVF (but reversed, with DH leaning to IVF and me torn between it and adoption). My temp hit rock bottom this morning, so AF is on her way, i.e. our final IUI failed. We spent the morning trying to figure out our emotions re: moving to IVF vs adoption. It's so complicated. My mind goes in circles, repeating the same thought process over and over. We haven't met with our RE yet (waiting on AF to officially show her face), so I don't know how much IVF would cost us, but it's not covered by insurance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831951 Mon, 02 Jul 2018 20:29:27 +0000 Miss Sarah 2831951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just have to chime in. I felt so much of what you are feeling during our infertility journey and I have always kept this quote from a blog I followed back then with me. It is so much truth: "You are not broken. You are not less-than. You are worthy of love. You are whole. Forgive yourself because you’ve done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are deserving of acceptance and belonging. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. Know that you are enough. You matter greatly. You are loved. You are not alone."</p> <p>Hugs! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831941 Mon, 02 Jul 2018 20:20:43 +0000 Umbreon 2831941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: @Mrs. Starfish: @bhbee: @periwinklebee: @cake2017: @Sams Mom: </p> <p>I want to thank you all for being so kind. I am hoping with all my might that we get good news this cycle. I am scheduled to go for a pregnancy blood test two days before my birthday... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831939 Mon, 02 Jul 2018 20:18:58 +0000 Umbreon 2831939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@afc061018: Are you me?? This is almost exactly what we have gone through, to the smallest details. Thank you for your words, and I wish you two the best of luck as well. We told my parents and will tell DH's parents soon. It is a bit of a relief, because now I know that they know that we really do want kids.</p> <p>@pachamama: Yes that is what we were told as well. Although she said she would want to do IVF sooner than later. But it wouldn't have been impacting our success rate.</p> <p>@crazydoglady: It went okay. They didn't ask many questions which was good. My mom made a few comments about over the weekend about grandkids in the future, which I guess is not out of the norm, and I didn't say anything (maybe I should have). We still have to tell my FIL, DH probably will himself over the phone because FIL lives out of town. But it is just a relief that they know now. MIL had some weird things to say.. she said she had come to terms with the fact she'd never have grandchildren. I think she meant it more like comfort that if it doesn't happen, she's okay with it? I don't know. I didn't know how to respond to that. But at least she knows we are trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831785 Mon, 02 Jul 2018 09:33:04 +0000 crazydoglady 2831785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: How did the talk with your parents go? I hope you got lots of support and understanding. Hugs. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831783 Mon, 02 Jul 2018 09:24:48 +0000 snowjewelz 2831783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just want to send you some hugs :heart: </p> <p>You are NOT a failure! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831648 Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:19:04 +0000 pachamama 2831648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: also, AMH they are finding is not a good predictorof anything. Some interesting research just came out this winter. Mine is basically catastrophically low (0.3 then 0.1!) and I have gotten pregnant 3 times with not so much as a Clomid. So don't put too much weight into AMH (in my very expert opinion) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831647 Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:14:47 +0000 pachamama 2831647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like everyone has said, you are absolutely not a failure. All the feelings you have are totally normal and I think a natural process of the infertility "journey". It is truly, TRULY unfair. The thing that gets me is how out if control we are when it comes down to making babies<br /> I hope when you tell your family you'll find so much support. To me, it was very important to get my personal turmoil out there and my family was wonderful (even thought they didn't "get it"!). I'm pretty open about my struggles and every story from other women with IF, while tugging at my heartstrings, makes me feel a little more comforted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831577 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 19:09:57 +0000 Mrs. Starfish 2831577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everything else that has been said here and I am sending you tons of support. I have definitely felt the way you are feeling right now. I really also agree 100% with others who have said that your stress level has nothing to do with this, so please don’t blame yourself for that. </p> <p>We told family nearly from the start of our infertility journey and parts of that were hard. I found that even those that REALLY meant well ended up saying the wrong thing. I had to do some coaching with them to get the support that I needed. I found this very helpful to send to my closest family and friends: <a href="https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/" rel="nofollow">https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/</a></p> <p>Again, I am sending you support and hope. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831567 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 17:06:12 +0000 bhbee 2831567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: you are not a failure. IF just sucks and is totally unfair and knocks you around like crazy. And fwiw I’m not a believer that stress causes IF. One of the REs I saw on our journey said that we just don’t make good embryos together, and I liked that better than feeling like one person was to blame (since we also had zero answers from testing, although he noted that’s probably because in reality only a few things can be tested and much of fertility is still a mystery). All the hugs because it’s just so hard. I hope telling your parents helps a bit, but it’s ok if it doesn’t. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831562 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 15:29:03 +0000 periwinklebee 2831562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry :heart: It's nothing you've done and you are not a failure, just horrible rotten luck. Thinking of you as you tell your family, I really hope that they will be supportive. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831550 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 13:30:58 +0000 afc061018 2831550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this post myself. Everything is exactly how I feel. We've been trying for 2.5 years. No children. Not a single positive pregnancy test. </p> <p>We have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility too; they believe my eggs may be the problem, though my blood work comes back within normal ranges. We just had our third and final IUI, and I had five follicles, the most ever, with three that were mature by the IUI—and yet, I cannot get myself to feel positive that it'll work. I cannot find any hope at all anymore. We finally told DH's parents a month ago in very vague terms that we were "getting help from doctors." It wasn't easy, but I found it a relief in a way. I hope you do too.</p> <p>I don't have words of advice to give, but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I am here, and I know how this feels. If you ever need someone to just sit in the awfulness with you, please wall me. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831544 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 12:16:59 +0000 Umbreon 2831544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: changing jobs isn't an option. We can afford it, its just a lot of money to spend. We would probably only try once and it would be so disheartening if it failed. </p> <p>@lunalove20: I am a pretty anxious person. I wonder if that is contributing. I try to de-stress when I get home from work. I try to take it easy. </p> <p>I hope this IUI will be successful. I think I'm okay adopting a second child. But it would be great to have our own biological child too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831537 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 10:36:11 +0000 lunalove20 2831537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a failure! Sometimes things in life are out of our control :( I can only imagine how frustrating &amp; sad it must feel I guess some advice I can give is trust the process &amp; timing -- when things are suppose to happen they will -- in the mean time try to create the most calming &amp; stress free environment you can for yourself &amp; your husband sometimes stress can effect your ability to get pregnant... In all honestly though I know it can be easier said than done but just know life will have a way of working out and providing you just exactly what you need when you need it - we are all on our own journey that looks differently for each person!! I am sending lots of love your way &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831493 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 03:00:27 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2831493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a failure. Life is unfair. Infertility is incredibly unfair. And it’s okay to want a biological child and to experience pregnancy. Are there other options, like changing jobs to get insurance that covers IVF? Or going abroad to do IVF? I had a friend who did it in the Czech Republic and I think it only cost them 8-10k total, including travel. </p> <p>I hope your family is supportive and that telling them helps you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831491 Fri, 29 Jun 2018 22:16:53 +0000 Umbreon 2831491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: we have been tested for everything and everything is normal. The only thing is I have a slightly low AMH for my age. She said that shouldn't be the reason we haven't been successful but they will want to try IVF sooner than later. </p> <p>@crazydoglady: I am thinking IVF but DH isn't sold on that idea. It will cost us about $17,000 and it isnt covered by insurance. He would rather look at adoption... I'm not opposed to adoption but I want to be pregnant. I want a biological child. We will talk about it this week. I think he will really consider my feelings but I also feel terrible about spending that money. Especially when we are both so young (under 30) and its unexplained. Bit the low AMH scares me. </p> <p>I had 5 follicles this cycle when they did an ultrasound at 9 dpo. They dont do an ultrasound at the IUI so not all follicles may have been good. DH had an excellent sample too. Maybe we will be lucky. </p> <p>I just feel so defeated though. It's so hard to stay positive. </p> <p>Thank you for the kind words. It helps. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831489 Fri, 29 Jun 2018 21:58:27 +0000 crazydoglady 2831489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are absolutely 100% NOT a failure. I've been wondering how you are and am so sorry that it hasn't happened yet, but you must give yourself more grace. You have done all you can up to this point. I'm glad you are telling your family so you will have their support. Are you thinking IVF next? I still have so much hope for you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831472 Fri, 29 Jun 2018 20:54:25 +0000 cake2017 2831472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You’re not a failure. It will all work out. I agree with the PP. Hang in there and maybe take a break and decide what you and your husband would like to do next. There are many options and I am sure your families will be supportive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831471 Fri, 29 Jun 2018 20:54:17 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2831471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: Are you seeing an RE? Have they tested both you and your husband for possible problems? They should be giving you blood tests and testing his semen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831465 Fri, 29 Jun 2018 20:14:18 +0000 Sams Mom 2831465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not a failure. I'm sure you've learned everything you can about the whole process, have executed everything to the best of your ability. That doesn't make you a failure, that just makes for some really shit luck and an anomaly you have no control over.</p> <p>So much :heart: </p> <p>Telling your parents can help you heal some. They'll understand what all has happened, the comments will stop, and they can support you in whatever you and your husband do from here on out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-a-failure-1#post-2831461 Fri, 29 Jun 2018 19:57:50 +0000 Umbreon 2831461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Been trying for almost 3 years. Just had our second IUI. We've been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. </p> <p>We are telling our parents this weekend. We didn't want to but we feel it's time. We are tired of the questions and remarks about its time we had kids already. </p> <p>I feel like I am such a failure. I think it must be my issue. My eggs must not be healthy or good quality. I have regular cycles, I ovulate on my own for the IUIs and they always remark and how good my CM looks, we've had great timing when trying on our own. It's just so unfair that they can't tell what's wrong and fix it.</p> <p>Every time I think of breaking the news to my parents I just want to cry. </p> <p>I feel like I've been very lucky in my life and things have worked out perfectly. I feel like I'm being punished now for having what I have. It's just sad because having a family has been the one thing I have dreamed of since I can remember. </p> <p>Ugh I am just so tired of this. </p>