https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Jul 2026 11:37:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919698 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 15:10:00 +0000 Maysprout 1919698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this a bit. What worked was just nipping it immediately. I don't mind kids working things out but when she was regularly lashing out I tried to stick close by I'd tell her no hitting and if she didn't freak out she got another chance - if she did it again or freaked out then we went home. We left a lot of places for about 2 weeks. If we were at home and she started hitting she went to her room. I didn't want to stand there and be hit and make her think it was ok so we just made it clear people aren't for hitting and if she starts then she needs to cool off in her room until she's not ready to not hit mommy. If it was a big storm I'd try to go in to talk to her but as soon as she hit I'd leave for a min or two. When she wasn't hitting we showered her with lots of love and good words and lots of stories to try and promote what kind of behavior we wanted. I also practiced with her what to do when she got angry. Hands on her hips and say 'don't take my toy ' since for her a kid taking something out of her hands was the most frequent cause of hitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919679 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 15:02:33 +0000 blackbird 1919679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes kids are jerks. Sorry :( E's been acting out this week and i just...ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919581 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 14:07:13 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 1919581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with so many things pp have said. Firstly that it's normal to act out when mom is pregnant. Secondly we try to limit things that exacerbate "bad" behavior: in my kids this is screen time and sweets. And then lots and lots of hugs and kisses all day long. Emphasizing the good behavior and using fast food rule when we have a melt down. And then some more hugs. I know it can be super frustrating but it will pass! :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919580 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 14:06:41 +0000 Raindrop 1919580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you are going through this!! Sounds like you are doing your best!</p> <p>I just wanted to say @jedeve: this!!</p> <p>LO started acting out when I got pregnant too. I'm 27 weeks now and it's just starting to get better. My LO is older he's 30 months now but a few months ago he started hitting when he got upset but now he's doing better. We didn't do anything different other than saying you don't hit and that's not nice. We were going to start doing time out but he has improved before we needed to take that step.</p> <p>Hopefully after a few months LO will stop acting out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919448 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 13:08:40 +0000 jedeve 1919448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How far along are you? When I worked at a daycare it was pretty common for toddlers to act out when their mothers were pregnant. </p> <p>Is it possible for you to spend a morning or an hour at daycare with him? It might be good for him to see the rules are the same there and at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919387 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 12:50:30 +0000 78h2o 1919387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry that you are dealing with this... my LO went through a (fortunately brief) period where she was doing a lot of pushing and a little biting. It made me feel terrible, and I felt like the one teacher was actually angry with my LO, which upset me. I knew my LO was just having a hard time.</p> <p>In our case, a lot of it had to do with teething, so giving her Ibuprofen at night helped, because her sleep improved and she was less irritable. During the day, I sent in teethers and even a pacifier (which she never really used, but she seemed to like to bite on it when teething). </p> <p>At home my husband and I told her hitting/biting were no okay, put her in time-out, and made her apologize. </p> <p>We used some of the Happiest Toddler on the Block strategies, such as talking in toddlereze, empathizing with what she was feeling, and mirroring her emotions with 1/3 of her emotional intensity (e.g., "Julia is mad! Mad, mad, mad! She wants the cup and mommy said no. She's mad!"...Sometimes that would stop her in her tracks and she would just say, "yes". ). I'd then say, "I'm sorry you are mad, but I don't want you to spill... let me give you a sippie instead." Sometimes that would work. We also tried to suggest alternate ways of responding (e.g., ask your friend if you can have a turn, use your words to tell Daddy you are mad). </p> <p>As @edelweiss: suggested, my LOs behavior improved a lot when she moved up to an older classroom. I think the older kids were less likely to get in her personal space and take her things, so that helped. They were also more verbal... that's a another thing, my LO was kind of slow with language and fast with physical development... once her language really took off, her behavior got a lot better. We haven't had any negative reports in the last 4-5 months. </p> <p>I hope things improve! It is so hard when you're not there to see what's happening and when you feel like caregivers are upset with your child. If you can go in an observe the classroom, maybe from a window or door, without your LO seeing you, that might be informative too. I usually did not catch my LO acting out when I was there, but once or twice I did see her push and was able to jump in and talk to her. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919374 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 12:46:29 +0000 Skadi 1919374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tomato stake him. <a href="http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ch07.php" rel="nofollow">http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ch07.php</a> (FYI, this site is religious, but I'm an atheist and I think the method is sound and can be applied whatever your beliefs.) When a toddler is out of control, we naturally want to mentally distance ourselves from them even if they are in the same room, and we also try to stave off a major meltdown by diverting their attention or giving into their demands. Doing those things actually just makes it worse, IMHO. The premise is that you stay close to your toddler whenever he is at home in a way that his daycare teachers just can't. Be within arm's reach of him at all times and <i>anticipate</i> his behavior so you can nip it in the bud. Casually present him with "triggers" that normally set him off and address the behavior directly, calmly, with a consistent consequence. Do not engage with him emotionally--do not think of yourself as trying to prevent the inevitable bad behavior--think of yourself as merely an officer of the law, to speak. There are certain rules, certain standards of behavior, that must be obeyed. If he does X, then you must do Y to show him the consequences of his behavior. It isn't passing judgment on him being "bad" or anything like that. Just keep him close, watch him closely (without him realizing that's what you're doing), and repeat the consequences again and again (he will NOT get it the first, third or eighth time...and that's okay, keep moving forward).</p> <p>The only other word of advice I would give is to cut out all screen time. In the same vein as above, I think a lot of parents use it as a tool to get some much needed down time and keep their kid calm, but I honestly believe it makes behavior worse. But I understand not everyone thinks that way, so if you feel it's not a problem, focus on other things first. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919323 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 12:31:26 +0000 edelweiss 1919323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hugs to you, that's really frustrating. one thing i've seen mentioned on other threads is whether he is about ready to transition to an older classroom in daycare? perhaps he needs a different kind of stimulation to help keep him occupied. also, are there certain times/circumstances in which he's more likely to bite, like transitioning from activity to activity?</p> <p>hope things get better soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919278 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 12:16:22 +0000 mrbee 1919278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Phillybaby2013: We struggled with behavior too!</p> <p>Have you tried reward charts or praise? One thing we realized is that a lot of our feedback was negative... once we started focusing on positive feedback, things really turned around! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919273 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 12:15:09 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1919273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, but wanted to comment to let you know you have been heard. &lt;Hugs&gt; </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-feel-like-im-failing-at-parenting-my-aggressive-toddler#post-1919237 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 11:54:22 +0000 Phillybaby2013 1919237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're going through a rough phase with B right now and I'm starting to feel depressed and lost. He's almost 21 months and has a bad temper. I've recently been getting almost daily reports from daycare about his behavior. He lashes out when corrected, biting friends, going after teachers. He also hits and tries to bite myself and my husband. Generally overall he's really a good kid but when he has a moment it's so upsetting to me because I feel like everything I'm trying isn't working. </p> <p>I find myself reading articles and scouring the internet for tips and help. I'm still working getting my husband on board with some things so that's an added frustration to the mix. It's just so disheartening to pick him up from school and hear about what a bad day he had. He can be so sweet and smart and helpful. I just can't figure out what is spawning this behavior and what I can do to stop it. </p> <p>I don't know if this is supposed to be vent or asking for help or just my pregnancy hormones taking over. If you've been here I'd love to hear your story or tips. Or just an internet hug and tell me that it will get better. </p>