https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 13:07:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563295 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 13:10:15 +0000 caterw 2563295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been there and it's TERRIBLE. I moved away from my family and friends for my husband's job and also quit my job to be a SAHM at the same time and it sucked for almost a year. I had one friend and she isn't the best at making plans. It did get easier after a while- I was persistent in stalking down new friends (for instance, my husband had a co-worker who had a baby and I basically forced him to set me up a playdate and she is now a good friend. I also gave my contact info to someone I had seen at the mall playground several times and met up with them for activities a few times). </p> <p>Some stuff we have done on nights/weekends to meet friends:<br /> -family friendly wineries and breweries! One of the local ones for us even has a playground and some of the others host food trucks.<br /> -afternoon and weekend classes at the rec center<br /> -library events- our local one does monthly movie nights and has some ice cream socials, etc in the evenings</p> <p>I've found mom groups aren't a great way to make friends, especially if you join after the group has already been established. It's hard to break into a circle. Moms who are out alone are often easier to talk to (and may be just as desperate for a friend as you!!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563268 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 12:46:39 +0000 rachiecakes 2563268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: you do :)<br /> I just found out today there's an amazing summer sports programs for Pre-K... Tues, Weds, Thurs 10am-11am .. ugh!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563257 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 12:40:05 +0000 gingerbebe 2563257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I'm in NorCal too, but nearer to Sac. It's sort of a weird place to live - I moved here for law school and we sorta stayed here even though we have no family around and DH commutes out to the Bay several times a week for work. But after 8 years here there's a lot to appreciate. Let me know if I can help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563224 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 12:04:37 +0000 psw27 2563224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know how you feel. We have no family here and a lot of our friends have moved away. It is very hard as a working mama especially. We have been trying to reach out more, and be a little more out there when we do meet other kids at the playground. It's so hard to put yourself out there! I'm so sorry, I know how isolating it can be. </p> <p>@rachiecakes @catlady we should have a boston meet up :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563206 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 11:40:20 +0000 Iced Tea 2563206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I completely understand what you are feeling right now. We've made several big moves, and a couple of them have been majorly disappointing (at least at first). </p> <p>With one of our moves I hated the place, had trouble meeting people, and had some distant relatives an hour away who we rarely saw. It took two years before we found an awesome circle of friends (mostly from church), and to this day, I still miss the great community we had there. </p> <p>We moved to our current state to be closer to family, and the family hopes have been a bust. Most of them we don't see more frequently. Plus the quality of the interaction is lower since everyone acts like we can get together anytime; whereas before everyone dropped what they were doing to spend quality time with us when we came into town, making a real effort to catch up. The surprising thing for me here is that I actually like the location a lot better than expected, so I've seriously considered staying put. My husband is kinda mad at my family though and wants to leave. He hates it that we are always the ones making the effort, and still they tend to cancel on us or not show up. </p> <p>After a year I've found some friends and neighbors. It is hard, though. I totally understand the frustration. I like the suggestion to find a meet up group; I think I will give that a try too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563177 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 10:52:57 +0000 SweetiePie 2563177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to share this with you. I moved to NYC 9 years ago to be with my now husband. My first year I felt SO lonely. Even though I was slowly making friends, there wasn't anyone I felt I could text and say "hey let's meet for a drink". My husband was from here so he had friends from high school, college, business school and work. I didn't want to tell him he had to just hang out with me all the time, so there were plenty of times he went on his merry way and I just sat alone.<br /> There was one day at work, it was a Friday, and I was hearing about other people's plans. I had made some work friends but they were also from here so they had plans with THEIR friends. I literally went into the bathroom at work and sobbed. SOBBED. Ugly crying for a good 15 mins and I felt so so so homesick for my friends at home. I called my mom and said that I was lonely and hated being here. I considered moving home even though I loved NYC in general and knew my husband was my soul mate.<br /> My point is, it took time. But after maybe 1-2 years I slowly made more and more of my own friends. I had to become more aggressive. Acquaintances became great friends because I was just kind of persistent (in as much of a non-annoying way as possible) about getting a glass of wine or dinner or brunch. I also just made me more confident about hanging out with someone I didn't know well, which has helped me continue to make more and more friends. Now I am always trying to make new mom friends. My circle keeps growing. </p> <p>No lie, I now have more of a social life and more REAL close friends than my husband who has been here his whole life. We always laugh about how he can't get anyone together monthly and I have weekly plans. </p> <p>All this to say that the first year or two is so so so hard and I've been there. If you continue to put in effort (and it sounds like you are) you'll get there. I still long for my college friends back at home, and get so jealous when they get together, especially now with kids. But I finally feel like I have a solid network and support system here and would be super super sad to leave it. </p> <p>Hugs and feel free to wall me if you need to talk some more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563173 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 10:38:49 +0000 brownie 2563173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnleaves: I miss my pediatrician. They are so impacted here that I couldn't get my daughter a pediatrician until she ended up in the hospital. And I hate her pediatrician but can't change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563141 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 09:59:28 +0000 brownie 2563141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: they text my husband and their friends just not me. I've given up on them completely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563138 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 09:57:49 +0000 brownie 2563138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnleaves: I didn't work full time so I wasn't always spent. It was a beautiful town with many activities and things for even working parents like an evening la leche. Here it's not as temperate and I hate going outside. I'm working a ton and love what I am doing but am not doing what I love. I started my son in gymnastics because they used to be amazing and it was an incredible disappointment. It was absolutely terrible. We had gymnastics in the old place. I worked for it and loved it. The preschool was incredible. Here it's good but closes in the summer and is mostly students. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563137 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 09:56:39 +0000 avivoca 2563137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I would try calling. I know with my family, texting is the best way to get ahold of them, but with my inlaws, I have to call them. They just don't text at all and I'd never hear from them if we didn't call. </p> <p>I understand where you are coming from. I work full-time and my mom friends either also work full-time or live 1.5 hours away from me, so I have no friends in this area in my stage of life. I can't participate in the mom groups because they are geared toward SAHMs and the few working mom groups that we do have available all meet on Sundays when I'm at church. Storytime at the libraries are all during the workday so we don't get to go to those. I don't know a lot of daycare parents either because we all work and I only see a few of them at drop-off or pick-up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563134 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 09:51:58 +0000 brownie 2563134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I just don't have the time for anything at all. I teach so it's not a 40 hr a week job during the semester and I still have work I have to do over the summer. When we are in the midst of a semester I have no time. I play cello but most things in the area are full of college kids who are not at the same stage in life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563132 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 09:48:23 +0000 brownie 2563132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I had high hopes but as far as expectations not much. I figured like anyone else if I asked for a play date they would work with me to find a date to get the kids together. They never even texted me back. The other day we went with his sister (no kids) to her bbq. She made a dairy free dessert for her friends kids but didn't even acknowledge my kids allergy. It was so rude. So the expectation was basic. I had high hopes that I dint get but that's my problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563124 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 09:38:47 +0000 Chuckles 2563124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For a summer I lived in a city by myself where I knew almost no one. I really like being on my own, but being alone that much was definitely hard. It helped to find things to do that I felt comfortable doing on my own, like farmers markets, museums, and outdoor music. Then at least I could get out and feel like I was exploring the area.<br /> When I was a SAHM mom, I didn't know any other stay at home moms in my city because all my friends with kids were working. I joined a moms group when my son was 4 months old, but didn't click with anyone. It was really hard to feel like I'd never have anyone to hang out with, but then I joined a neighborhood parents facebook group and met some people through that. Through that group, I helped start a storytime at a coffee shop in the neighborhood and met more people that way. Commiseration for sure, but also maybe think about taking the opportunity to get out and explore any fun things to do in the area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563091 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 08:48:21 +0000 looch 2563091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What did you expect in terms of moving closer to family? That they would do what? Did you all discuss it as a group or something?</p> <p>Also, you're experienced in teaching coding, right? What about starting a club at your kid's school? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563085 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 08:40:53 +0000 honeybear 2563085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it takes more than a year to really settle in someplace new. It's hard! </p> <p>In my experience, mom groups are not the most productive places to find friends. I tried a bunch of them when we moved to a new spot (and also kids' activities), and although LO and I met some nice people, we didn't really have enough in common to make a friendship last. The best strategy I've found to find friends is to go places and do things that *we* like to do, and to meet people there, because in those places we actually have something in common besides just having kids the same general age. Also, when we moved we put a huge amount of effort into meeting and being friendly with our neighbors. It's SO nice to have people to hang out with who are right next door or just a few doors down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563076 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 08:14:10 +0000 catlady 2563076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but just commiseration. I actually love where we live (close to where I grew up and went to college), but over the years, most of my closest friends have moved across country, and those remaining have moved out of the city and none of them have kids anyway, so we rarely find time to get together. I made the mistake of not joining a new moms group with my LO was a baby so I don't know anyone with kids her age except a few parents at daycare, and sadly, I just haven't clicked with them. We have family nearby, so we will probably never leave this state, but our family doesn't give us too much support (they babysit maybe 1-2x per month) so sometimes I wish we could just leave and go to a city where I have more friends (it would be on the other side of the country though).</p> <p>I joined a facebook group for local moms and they often have get-togethers (sadly, usually during the work week and on the other side of the city, but I'm hoping to finally join them one of these days). I've been forcing myself to be more active at least online in their group so at least I feel a little more connected even if I haven't met any of them yet.</p> <p>@rachiecakes: I think I live near you and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one frustrated with this for working moms. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563061 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 07:35:22 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2563061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im so sorry. Can you also maybe look into just starting a hobby for a while? Scrapbooking or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563055 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 07:14:21 +0000 Modern Daisy 2563055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are 1.5 years into a similar move and it started out similar to yours. We had no friends and didn't know the area. It takes time to build a network. It involves months of putting yourself out there and allowing friendships to form. My DH has only just recently made two local friends! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563054 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 07:02:32 +0000 KayKay 2563054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: it definitely is hard to meet outside-of-work friends while you are working full-time! </p> <p>a couple suggestions...</p> <p>1) join the SAHM club for the summer and go to as many things as you possibly can. i know it will be only for 8 weeks, but try to meet as many people as you can (and have repeat interactions!) so you find a couple people you hit it off with. You can then make plans with outside of working hours. Also, do they do MNO events? my moms club is definitely mostly for support during the day, but we still do MNO for the whole group once/month and for my specific playgroup about as often as well. </p> <p>2) check meet-up for working moms groups...or try to start one!</p> <p>3) if you attend church, check to see if they have a moms/parents group...and if not, think about starting one. someone just started one at my church. i'm not particularly church-y, but we moved to a new place about 9 months ago. it's good for repeat interactions (you see everyone each week!), a sense of community, and the moms group for my church is a good mix of working/non-working moms. the events tend to be more MNO and/or family events on the weekends.</p> <p>it's definitely hard, though! i'm more of an introvert, but i would say after a year i have one good friend (but still not one i would call if i was having a major breakdown...technology to talk to long-distance friends FTW there!), a handful of people i am happy to see &amp; chat with during the week that may eventually become good friends, and a couple friends that i like but we only manage to see very occasionally (schedules are a bitch). i find that it's very easy to meet people when you have kids, but awfully hard to "take it to the next level" so-to-speak! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563051 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 06:44:37 +0000 regberadaisy 2563051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnleaves: we have both been pretty disappointed in the lack of support we get from my inlaws. They help out in a pinch but they are just not as involved as we both thought they would be. It's sad because our girls love them so much. So I would caution against moving just with the expectation of grandparent involvement. Don't get me wrong, when the girls need to be picked up from daycare, it's great to have someone else to call on. But that's the extent of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563049 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 06:42:29 +0000 regberadaisy 2563049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I'm so sorry. I love where we live but I have no friends, mom or otherwise. And it's hard sometimes. I do have one mom friend who I met via HB. But we both work full time and have family obligations so it's hard to get together.</p> <p>Is your oldest starting K in the fall? I think that will be a good avenue to meet parents?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563041 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 05:32:52 +0000 rachiecakes 2563041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I'm on the other side of the country so I'm no help :( but I hear you on moms groups. I gave up before J turned 1 because there weren't any for working moms. Annoying.</p> <p>I've found that groups on Facebook can be helpful. Recently a friend had me join a LulaRoe group and I ended up meeting someone at a party with a kid same age as J. You never know where you'll find new friends but I've met people through various interests online. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563037 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 04:56:50 +0000 autumnleaves 2563037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: what do you miss the most about where you used to live?<br /> We talk about moving closer to DH's family but I am not sure if we will get the support he thinks we will if we move and the job market there is awful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563027 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 03:36:12 +0000 SLR 2563027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. We didn't move far at all, but I know the feeling of not being happy in a new area. Fortunately, we are getting out more with the nice weather, chatting with the neighbors, and my oldest is having a blast with her new neighborhood friends. So, I'm finally starting to like my new home...</p> <p>Have you looked into activities at the library or park district to do with your son and perhaps meet fellow moms in the area and playmates for your son? Or meetup.com for any local mom's groups or hobbies that interest you? Local volunteer activities to get involved in the community? I have a hard time putting myself out there so I know it's easier said than done though. :happy: Hopefully things turn around for you soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563024 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 01:07:39 +0000 MaisyMay 2563024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I am also in the bay area, and would welcome a meet up. It can be rough finding people to hang out with around here. @junebugsmama: if you guys want to do a meet up, I am game! I will be back at work off of leave soon, but Sunday afternoons will still be fairly open for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563014 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 00:02:30 +0000 brownie 2563014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@junebugsmama: I don't know what's up. But I've texted and tried to set up Play dates and they won't even text me back. So I have given up. If they do anything it's between my hubs and his brother. But I get to watch my poor son ask to see his cousins and I can't do anything about it. And it breaks my heart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563013 Tue, 07 Jun 2016 00:00:20 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2563013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: that is so so tough. What's up with the family deal? Can you seek them out more? </p> <p>This summer just pick one thing each week to look forward to. I don't have many friends after having a baby and I totally get that feeling of isolation. It's tough. That's all there is to it. Like I said, hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563012 Mon, 06 Jun 2016 23:55:16 +0000 brownie 2563012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@junebugsmama: I can be close. I'm about 3 hours from the bay but we have friends there so go a decent amount. I'll be in San Jose the second weekend in July for gymnastics.</p> <p>I think part of it is that I loved where we lived before. My husband hated it. I also had hopes for family help but I think we have seen them as much as when we lived hours away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563011 Mon, 06 Jun 2016 23:52:07 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2563011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry. Sounds so tough. Where in NorCal are you? We should do a hellobee Meet up! I am in the east bay by Oakland... Any chance you are close? Anyways, hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-hate-where-i-live#post-2563009 Mon, 06 Jun 2016 23:49:39 +0000 brownie 2563009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We moved here a year ago to be closer to his family. which has been a flop. I work full time August through May but have the summer off. I know it takes a year but I still hate it. I have no friends and I am just miserable. I signed up for a mothers club the other day and paid and I have yet to get into their Facebook page to actually be able to do anything. They don't support working moms to after 8 weeks I can't do anything. La leche only has two meeting between now and when I go back. </p> <p>I like my job for the most part. And we can't move again so I'm stuck her for a while. I just need to vent. I just need to put it out there because holding it in is harder. </p>