Hellobee Boards Topic: I have to ask: where do you draw the line?

Hellobee Boards Topic: I have to ask: where do you draw the line? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 20:10:57 +0000 luckypenny on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674676 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 17:25:49 +0000 luckypenny 674676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Also, being gay is definitely not a choice. ShootingStar on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674655 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 17:20:49 +0000 ShootingStar 674655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hellocupcake: have you ever talked to a gay or transgendered person to hear they feel about it being a choice or not? My best friend is gay and he struggled for years to come to terms with who he is. His dream has always been to live a normal life, to have a family. And being a gay man did not fit in with that dream. If you ask him if it's a choice, the first thing he would say is "why would I choose this?" I can't speak for all gay people, but I know that he would not choose a life where he's discriminated against, a life where having biological children is incredibly difficult and expensive, and a life of growing up feeling as if there's a huge part of yourself you're ashamed of and have to hide from everyone. crabbabs on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674526 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:47:36 +0000 crabbabs 674526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Lozza: I agree with you. I guess I disagree that a 5 year old boy wanting to act like a girl is a life-changing decision. Sure, that little boy might be transgender (and if he is, I would argue that it would be healthy to explore his gender at a young age) but if is just a phase and he just is curious or like traditionally "girly" things, I don't see how that is life changing. crabbabs on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674513 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:40:39 +0000 crabbabs 674513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: I think you brought up something really interesting. I really enjoy learning/discussing heavy or controversial subjects, and I try my hardest to be rational, understanding, and sympathetic. But sometimes - if someone has an opinion that I vehemently disagree with (e.g. against marriage equality), I find myself judging them harshly (if I am going to be honest with myself.) Now, I don't make a note of their username and ignore or disagree with anything they ever post - but I guess I could see how groups could of "us versus them" could happen unintentionally. Thanks for mentioning this. luckypenny on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674494 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:32:10 +0000 luckypenny 674494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: I agree! I hope it's not becoming devided. Although when I read others posts with opinions that differ from mine I'm not any more likely to reply less or more to their future posts so I hope others feel the same luckypenny on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674488 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:29:18 +0000 luckypenny 674488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think these two cases are comparable. And yes I would let my little boy dress however he wants. As for a 10 yr old girl wanting birth control no. We would be having a very serious conversation. Lozza on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674487 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:29:01 +0000 Lozza 674487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: Re: your question about how people are reacting to the heavy questions lately, I will admit that it impacts how I think about people. It doesn't make me discount their parenting advice, but I do find myself reading threads and thinking "man, we would so totally never be friends IRL." Lozza on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674480 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:24:53 +0000 Lozza 674480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We actually have friends dealing with this issue with their 4 year old daughter. She says she is a boy, only wants to wear "boy" underwear, insists on being called a different "boy" name every day, and has declared that she is going to grow a penis when she's five years old. Maybe she's trans, maybe not. I think plenty of transmen and transwomen knew at that age that their physique didn't match their identity, but I also think four year old kids engage in a lot of experimenting and role play and such. Her parents are totally supportive of whatever makes her happy and confident; they've talked to her school, they've talked to psychologists, her pediatrician, etc., and everyone right now basically tells them to just go with it- let her wear what she wants, call her by her chosen name, etc., and that when she is older and closer to the onset of puberty- and is also more developmentally able to have conversations about her gender identity and her body and how she feels about it- then they'll reassess and see if there's any reason to talk about delaying puberty or taking any other serious steps like that. DH and I would both be fine with it if LO wanted to wear dresses or nail polish or engage in any traditional "girly" activities. A 10 year old requesting birth control is an entirely different case- I don't think it's remotely comparable. A ten year old is not capable of giving consent for sexual activity- we would be in therapy if my 10 year old asked for BC and we would be seriously monitoring her social interactions and relationships. boiledpnut on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-674397 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 15:53:48 +0000 boiledpnut 674397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I want my son to be a good person and if he does that wearing a dress, then so be it. There are far more important things to worry about, like a ten year old wanting bc. loveisstrange on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-673774 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 13:12:12 +0000 loveisstrange 673774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would not let a 10 year old go on BC, I would definitely immediately send her to some sort of sex ed class though. But, I would let my 5 year old dress in girls clothes. I dont think that that necessarily means my son wants to be transgender, but I do think it's healthy to allow children to explore their gender identity. lisa1783 on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-673752 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 13:08:43 +0000 lisa1783 673752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think for a 5 year old, they're still grasping with gender identity. I hate the whole "my house, my rules" mentality - how else are you supposed to understand your children if you don't take the time to listen to them? It just seems like you're throwing around orders and edicts without getting to the cause of their decisions. What if the little boy wants to wear dresses because he sees his sister getting lots of attention when she wears pretty dresses and he wants attention too? Or maybe he wants to wear dresses because he likes to feel the breeze on his legs? Obviously it will take on a different meaning as he gets older but maybe we should listen and talk to our children before making all these assumptions. And even if my little boy decided that he wanted to be a little girl, he would still be my child and that's all the identifier I need for him/her. Maysprout on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-673070 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 10:26:15 +0000 Maysprout 673070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think a lot of it would be situation dependent for me. I think it's fine to draw boundaries with children but we also try to look at our child as an individual. 10 years is way too young for sexual activity so there would be some constant supervision going on to try and get her back on the right track. At some point though she's going to have some independence so I'd want to make sure she was safe and knew how to be safe. I don't like putting labels on young kids. I know plenty of kids who didn't fit into one 'traditional' gender box (well right now it seems people really like for their little girls to be described as boys (even if it's normal little girl behavior) but not the other way around) so I'd avoid making a big deal out of it while trying to also allow them to be an individual. I expect both sons and daughters to play outside and do physical activity, I really don't see that as something gendered - so dresses aren't practical all the time. anbanan15 on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-672938 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:59:02 +0000 anbanan15 672938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Definitely not to BC at that age. I'm not sure how we would handle the situation, but education would be first and foremost. I think that putting a young child or an irresponsible teenagers on BC is almost like giving them a free pass so to speak. I'm not sure how I would handle my son wanting to dress like a girl. I think at age 5 it is harmless. (edited) Mrs. Jacks on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-672916 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:55:41 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 672916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Here's one article to get you started on the idea of biological basis: <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091302211000227" rel="nofollow">http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091302211000227</a> immabeetoo on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-672813 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:36:03 +0000 immabeetoo 672813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mjane: that's a point I hadn't thought of. My instinct was to say 18 but I can see the definite drawback of that. Food for thought! immabeetoo on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line/page/2#post-672801 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:34:02 +0000 immabeetoo 672801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hellocupcake: I don't think You have anything to apologize for! Mrs. Jacks on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672797 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:33:25 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 672797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hellocupcake: don't regret. It helps to understand your perspective to help answer the question to address the underlying issue. I guess how I'd respond is that transgender and same sex attraction are not choices. All you need to do is live in my state and see all the LDS kids hating them selves for what their attraction is. I know a little less about transgender since its a little less common... But you can't pray the gay away (and I've seen lots of teens and young adults try). Trying to deny ones sexuality leads to risky behaviors (being on the down low) and depression/suicidality. I've seen so many people get married to the opposite sex trying to deny who they are and the suffering that befalls the whole family. Evidence is mounting that this is most certainly not a "lifestyle choice". I'll try to pull some data for you when I get to my office. JoJoGirl on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672756 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:26:09 +0000 JoJoGirl 672756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hellocupcake: Don't apologize! This is how we are exposed to opinions that are different from our own :) Bookish on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672649 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:01:09 +0000 Bookish 672649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hellocupcake: Aw don't apologize, I think it's great you started the conversation, and you even say you learned something about the puberty aspect of being transgender. Sure the consensus on this specific thread is that the two examples are different, but that's just a small sample of the HB population, and only some the people who chose to comment on here! I think it was a good way to get the thread started, and I'm glad you wrote it. :) PurpleUnicorn on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672632 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:57:20 +0000 PurpleUnicorn 672632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I haven't thought through the girl clothing thing yet, but even if i agree to that, i would not let him use the girl's bathroom because he is not female. And definite no to birth control at 10! 1 - she is way too young and 2 - unlikely to have even started menstruating, no? hellocupcake on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672631 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:57:19 +0000 hellocupcake 672631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: I really do wonder because I am in the mindset that homosexuality/transgender is a choice. (I'm not "against" it but I try to understand it from all perspectives, it's a work in progress). I know I would normally not say that IRL and I like that on hb I can ask and read and try to understand where other people get their perspective from. I actually find it more interesting to hear from people who don't agree with me rather than those who do. I'm in the if-all-my-friends-think-like-me-we-can't-grow-as-people mentality. @Mrs.Bee's explanation about how being a transgender going through puberty in the wrong body is harder makes sense and is something I completely over looked. I hope it would be okay for me to ask these type of questions and share my point of view just like other people start threads that share theirs. Sorry if I offended anyone. I guess maybe I'm the odd man out. I think I regret asking the question since it seems that the consensus is that the two are too different to be relatable. I really do apologize. mjane on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672609 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:53:14 +0000 mjane 672609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrbee: agreed. While it is so tempting to draw the line at hormone suppression and supplements, it's important to understand that puberty is a trauma for children who are truly transgendered. The oprah documentary I Am Jazz shows a family grappling with that issue. They are well past the stage described in the original post, but it also does a good job of showing their journey from the child's younger years. Highly recommended, and free on YouTube! <a href="http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=LYsvtLAlA48" rel="nofollow">http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=LYsvtLAlA48</a> Bookish on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672501 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:32:41 +0000 Bookish 672501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @illumina: @Mrs. Jacks: Same, I don't remember who said what after I closed the thread. If people think like that, it's their loss, but I know I don't work that way. It'd have to be something really horrendous for me to specifically remember someone's post and not like them because of it! And I don't think anyone on here is that evil! :) illumina on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672494 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:31:02 +0000 illumina 672494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: gosh I really hope no one would think that way. I see each persons response to a thread and then forget about who said it. I can't imagine making a mental note of @Mrs. Jacks: didn't agree with my opinion on transgender, abortion or the death penalty so from now on I'll view all her posts in a different light. :( Mrs. Jacks on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672471 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:27:08 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 672471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Bookworm: @illumina: I think if people are expanding their sphere, it's great... But I don't want anyone saying, "I don't like Jacks because she doesn't think like I do". My real life extends across the spectrum and I'd hate for people to discount my opinions on baby stuff just because of my moral and political beliefs. We are stronger as a community because of our differences, not despite them! SugarplumsMom on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672439 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:19:43 +0000 SugarplumsMom 672439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think a 5 year old wanting to wear dresses and go to the woman's bathroom means he's gay or transgender. I'd think he just wants to follow his older sister. At that age his older sibling is like a hero to him and he probably just wants to do things exactly like her, in this case she's a girl so goes to the girl's bathroom. If he had an older brother, perhaps he'd want to do more grown-up boy things. As for a 10 year old asking for birth control?! Is that even legal? I seriously doubt anyone would actually allow that! In other words, over my dead body. immabeetoo on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672433 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:18:51 +0000 immabeetoo 672433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I know this was shared a while back, but thought I'd share it again since it connects with this thread. I know DH would do this if our son wanted him to - which is important to me because it means we're on the same page. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/29/nils-pickert-german-dad_n_1840290.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/29/nils-pickert-german-dad_n_1840290.html</a> illumina on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672431 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:18:33 +0000 illumina 672431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: I wondered this too. There does seem to be an increase this week. I think it's a good thing, I enjoy reading others' opinions. I like that this is probably the only place ever that I have seen people share their conflicting views without it turning into an argument. Since joining HB I feel I have learnt more about respecting others' opinions, how to deal if they conflict with your own and how to respond positively. Basically the opposite of anything you could ever learn on Facebook! Mrs.B on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672414 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:12:30 +0000 Mrs.B 672414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ As a Mom of a 4 year old little boy it is completely normal for them to want to play with "girl" things. I DO let my son paint his nails if he wants, play dress up, play baby dolls, etc. It does not hurt him in any way and honestly he is all boy. I personally don't feel the need to push a gender role on him. Does he want to be a girl no but he does enjoy playing with "girl" things at times. In fact he is getting a LaLa Loopsy and a Unicorn glow pet for Easter. If he wanted to wear a dress then so be it. I would let him but no I don't think I would let him full on be transgendered until he was old enough to make the decision (once a teenager). I really don't see how birth control for a 10 year old can be compared to a little boy dressing as a girl. My answer to #2 is heck no! No way would I allow my 10 year old to make such a grown up decision. Now if she was 16 and wanted birth control then yes I would get it for her. Bookish on "I have to ask: where do you draw the line?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-have-to-ask-where-do-you-draw-the-line#post-672404 Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:08:21 +0000 Bookish 672404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: I was thinking this too. I personally enjoy reading the topics like this one because not everyone on here does or should think like me, and since we can all tend to be isolated within our social spheres, I think it's a great thing to step out of our boundaries and read other perspectives...