https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 00:12:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2784872 Tue, 07 Nov 2017 15:57:58 +0000 gingerbebe 2784872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CC Mommy: See what I wrote on this thread (its on the second page) to @Bubblegum RE: her MIL. Its basically how I live my life with regard to my parents, who I do not get along with. </p> <p><a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-big-meet</a></p> <p>For most of my life, a lot of the criticism towards me has been directed about my weight and appearance. Even things that had nothing to do with my weight and appearance were because of my weight and appearance. My brain tumor, my IF struggles, my career choices, my friends, who I dated - anything and everything could be related to the fact that I wasn't pretty enough, feminine enough, too fat, too bossy, too loud, not elegant enough, etc. I had horrific self-esteem, I struggled with eating disorders (that my parents encouraged) for years, I was enormously depressed, had anxiety - you name it.</p> <p>In addition to that, my parents have had a LOT of their own problems (money, victim mentality, mental/emotional instability, chronic illness, poverty, etc) that have adversely affected me - both as a child and now as an adult.</p> <p>Getting married and having children made me really have to set up some strong boundaries in order to live my best life, protect my kids, and prevent me from creating any kind of generational harm towards my sons because of the kind of upbringing I had.</p> <p>If your mom is crazy, let her be crazy. Its what's working for her. But it doesn't have to work for you. Letting her live her life her crazy way is respecting her autonomy. If she wont respect your's, you tell her so. If she sobs about how she can't do anything right, you tell her that she's trying to hold you responsible for her choices/actions/words and that guilt is misplaced. If she doesn't want that reaction from you, then don't talk about your weight. If she wants to talk however she talks, the consequences are you are going to do what helps you live your best life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2784868 Tue, 07 Nov 2017 15:41:41 +0000 CC Mommy 2784868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I clicked on this post, because it echoes my current state of being. Three months ago my mother made a hurtful comment, and it took me a while (along with a few conversations with HB moms) to get over it. She could never see anything wrong with what she said and I got over it on my own. Since then she has brought it up twice (hoping for me to laugh with her or justify her comment or something, I don't really know). I let her know that it was hurtful, not funny, but I was over it and happy to drop it....</p> <p>No Winning... </p> <p>The comment was about my weight, and she wants me to send her another picture--which is what triggered the comment in the first place. I was very clear that I do not want to send her pictures of myself, but I'm happy to send her pictures of the nursery and onsies, etcetera. </p> <p>She is currently in hysterics, uncontrollably sobbing, saying that she can't do anything right.... </p> <p>:confused: </p> <p>Essentially, I came to the same realization that you mentioned in your post--you cannot reason with irrational arguments. I'm glad at least part of our conversation was in text form because words are already being twisted and I can refer to the original.</p> <p>Honestly, I want to take care of her, but right now, I feel like I need to parent her--I ended up just telling my dad to have her call me when she's ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777437 Wed, 04 Oct 2017 09:29:26 +0000 bubblegum 2777437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Thanks love :heart: It never does. I want this to end before my kids can actually pick up on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777425 Wed, 04 Oct 2017 09:15:18 +0000 snowjewelz 2777425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I am so sorry again :( I have no words! I have been following around and the drama just never ends b/c she thrives on it. Vent here all you want!! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777398 Wed, 04 Oct 2017 08:35:45 +0000 bubblegum 2777398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: That's what everyone says! I know DH isn't thrilled about it because of course he loves his mother but he truly sees the way she is is effecting me. I'll legit sit there and cry and DS gets really upset by this and I think that was the final straw for DH and me too really. </p> <p>@Adira: EXACTLY! I honestly do feel guilty because I would never want to feel unwanted by my kids for children in law, but then again I would eat shit for my kids to be happy. She doesn't do that. It's all about her. You're so right!! DS is getting older and I don't want him thinking this type of behavior is okay, because it's not. </p> <p>@Littlebit7: A few articles came up but the one I read was pretty on point with a couple of things. It is the worst feeling to have to deal with someone like this and honestly I'm at the point where I just don't want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777381 Wed, 04 Oct 2017 07:15:40 +0000 Littlebit7 2777381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read a good article recently about having a narcissist as a parent (I know this isn't your parent but you are one step removed...so pretty close and you still have to deal with the parent in law crap)<br /> I'm running oh the door but google "why narcissist parents can't love their children". It's a harsh title but the takeaways are affirming for things you might be feeling/going through.<br /> So sorry you are living that nightmare </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777378 Wed, 04 Oct 2017 06:06:26 +0000 Adira 2777378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: Definitely agree - family issues are so hard! You can't just cut them out of your life without soooooo much guilt! Especially when kids are involved. But if she's horrible to you, it's a good example to your kids to show them that you don't let ANYONE treat you like crap, family or not! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777348 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 21:06:16 +0000 catomd00 2777348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like a total narcissist like my mom. Don't engage you'll never win. As long as your DH is cool with you not being around (my DH won't be around my mom and I barely can be either) than you're good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777296 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 16:34:15 +0000 bubblegum 2777296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: @Adira: thank you so much ladies! You both make me realize I’m not crazy for wanting nothing to do with her. I gave her he chance to talk and she’s too in love with the drama so her problem. @Adira: I hope things turn around with your SMIL. Having problems with family is the worst!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777241 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 14:00:25 +0000 Adira 2777241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Totally agree! </p> <p>Don't engage and don't let her bait you! The lady is crazy and doesn't deserve your time or attention. I know ignoring someone like that, especially family, is much easier said than done though. I'm still struggling with this myself with my SMIL. If she doesn't want to visit when you're not around because she knows you don't like her, GOOD! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2777235 Tue, 03 Oct 2017 13:46:17 +0000 gingerbebe 2777235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's just doing it to get attention. Its why people love watching Real Housewives or all those other reality shows - some people just LOVE having the drama and having their adrenaline and endorphins all jacked up with having someone to fight or attack. She's a narcissist and obviously has mental health issues. Like, if your MIL was a heroin addict, you wouldn't like try to engage her or reason with her because....she's a crazy addict. Logic ain't working here.</p> <p>Just cut your losses. I've said this before, but you cannot control this person's reactions or how they act at all. Don't let her rob you of the joy you have in your own life. And if you don't have as much joy in your life as you want, then focus the time and energy you would give this crazy person into things that make YOU happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-cant-win#post-2776966 Mon, 02 Oct 2017 15:42:05 +0000 bubblegum 2776966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You guys pretty much all know MIL is a crazy pants who hates me. Well a few weeks ago she asked DH if she could come see the kids ( a miracle honestly). Because we aren't on good terms and I know she went to SMIL and FIL house to trash me, I keep my distance. So to avoid an awkward visit I went out instead. DH spoke to her and told her that everything had to stop, etc. etc. </p> <p>Fast forward to a week later, DH texts her about something. NOTHING to do with me and she starts going on a rampage asking with I don't reach out anymore. Keep in mind the things she said about me were not very nice, any sane person would know this and not bother asking such a question. She starts saying how she'll never come over again since I wasn't there, proving I don't like her.</p> <p>I was so sick of it all that I was like let's meet and talk. Still waiting on her to tell me when she's free. It's been over a week. *Insert eyeroll here*</p> <p>I've already made it VERY clear to DH that I will not have her around me. PERIOD. He supports me and understands. </p> <p>I'm so annoyed! I have done so much for lady (in the past) and tried my very best to be civil. I highly doubt she's going to have this sit down with me but honestly...her loss!!! </p> <p>I just needed to vent! </p> <p>Please feel free to vent about anything you'd like as well! Have a good scream!! </p>