https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 02 Jun 2026 05:27:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940562 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:38:57 +0000 catomd00 1940562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for both of you. That must be so hard. My best advice is to give it time. She will come around. My mom went through somehing similar. Her good friend and her were pregnant with their first together and due around te same time. They both gave birth the same day but her friend lost her baby (stillborn or very shortly after birth I can't remember.) My mom felt awful and kind of stepped back because she didn't know how to act or what she should say or do other than she was incredibly sorry for her loss. As time passed things got easier and their friendship returned to normal. They are still the best of friends now 30+ years later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940554 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:31:18 +0000 snowjewelz 1940554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry! This is def very hard not to take it personally... But I do agree that she probably needs time and that it is harder for her to talk/be around you since you're pregnant. Maybe she feels like she doesn't want to be a debbie downer around you! I hope this is not permanent, keep doing what you're doing and hopefully she'll eventually get through that hurdle and resume her relationship with you! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940524 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:07:16 +0000 HappyBluebird 1940524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've gotten very good advice so far that I agree with. I would continue to check in periodically so she knows you are there when she needs it. It was hard for me after my loss, sometimes I wanted to talk and sometimes I wanted to be alone. She might find the beyond miscarriage board here comforting, the ladies there are a great support and understand all the feelings associated with a loss. I'm very sorry for your friend and I hope that with time your friendship will be back to how it was before :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940520 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:03:38 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1940520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I remember around that time enjoying a really goofy card my friend sent me. Something like: "we have the best things in common -- getting drunk and gossiping about people" ;) When people are all feeling so sorry/sad for you, it's nice to just have a chuckle ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940502 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 08:53:08 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1940502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I'm feeling much better knowing that as long as I try my best to be what she needs (even if that means staying away) that it probably won't permanently estrange us. I think I'm going to send some flowers &amp; a nice note this week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940316 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 00:40:44 +0000 macintosh 1940316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's great that you are so sensitive to her. I had a really hard time with finding out my friend got pregnant by accident when I was about to start IVF. I didn't feel like she was very supportive at the time. You sound like a very sweet and empathetic friend. My advice would be to make sure you don't complain about being pregnant, and let her know you're rooting for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940295 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 23:54:35 +0000 shopaholic 1940295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is just awful. I actually was in a similar situation. My BFF and I were about 2 weeks apart and she miscarried (her 2nd LO). I felt really terrible and wanted to be extra-sensitive. It seemed that what she really needed was just some time. I had another friend who miscarried around the time K was born and I didn't know till much later. She didn't come around for a long time (first-time). I think all you can do is try to be there for her, and try to be patient and understanding if she needs her distance for awhile. I don't think it'll cause a rift, unless you let it. So unfortunate for the timing to be with your first as well. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940275 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:44:58 +0000 78h2o 1940275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry...for both your friend's loss and for the loss of your dream about being pregnant together with such close due dates. Not only are you missing your friend, you are probably in your own way grieving the loss of things you hoped to share together. I'm really sorry... It just sucks. It's ok to feel sad...and to feel sad for both of you. I think continuing to reach out to her, in low key ways is perfect. I know it's hard to do...its not very reinforcing to keep contacting someone and not get much back, but I'm sure it's appreciated. Hopefully she will get pregnant again soon and be in a better place to resume your old friendship. I doubt it will be a permanent rift. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940264 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:26:20 +0000 erinpye 1940264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My very close cousin and I were due within 3 days of each other, and she lost her baby. It was excruciating for her, and she couldn't be around me or talk to me very much for a few months, I can assume it was because my belly was a constant reminder of exactly where she should have been. I didn't push her, and didn't talk about my pregnancy much unless she asked, and even then not a whole lot. I also listened to her, and cried with her, as she cried. She eventually came around and was so sweet and happy for me. I know you're at a loss and don't know what to do, and I know you're sad for her too, but just be there for her if she needs/ wants, and give it time. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940260 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:19:06 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1940260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One last thing-- this is by no means a definitive work on the subject...but in case you hadn't read this, I thought I'd share.</p> <p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seleni-institute/what-not-to-say-after-miscarriage-or-child-loss_b_5635438.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seleni-institute/what-not-to-say-after-miscarriage-or-child-loss_b_5635438.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940254 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:13:49 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1940254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: flowers are a GREAT idea! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940253 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:12:31 +0000 Jess1483 1940253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd try sending her another gift, if you're up for it. Even just flowers. Something that lets her know you're thinking of her, but without the pressure of seeing/talking to you. In the note, say something about understanding that she might need some space, but you're there if she wants to talk…or not! It was really important to me for my friends to continue to ask how I was doing afterwards. People do expect you to move past it a lot sooner than you are ready to (well, that was true for me), and I really valued people continuing to ask how I was doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940252 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:12:19 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1940252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I know that has to be really tough. Be patient, be kind, and be willing to listen (even if it's hard to focus on her loss while being pregnant :sad: ). I'm sure things will get better, hopefully soon, for both of your sake! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940246 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:03:01 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1940246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: it only makes feel worse knowing that I can't comfort her because I'm pregnant. But i understand totally why she doesn't want to be around me. It's just hard to know what to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940243 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:01:07 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1940243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: I agree that a month isn't very long, which is why I came here for advice &amp; support. She is obviously in no place for me to be putting this on her like it's some how her fault or something. I will continue reaching out. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940242 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:00:56 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1940242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I would suggest moving this to the Loss boards (you will probably get more --and more helpful-- input that way)!</p> <p>I'm so sorry that you're feeling down...but it sounds like your friend is probably struggling right now. FWIW-- especially IMMEDIATELY following a miscarriage, women can find it very hard to be around pregnant women (even their closest friends and family) and babies, because it can serve as a reminder of their loss.</p> <p>It may take weeks or even months for her to heal her body, mind, and spirit. You could encourage her to reach out on HB or join a support group and definitely continue to make yourself available. You've made it clear that you care and that you're thinking of her. She may just need some time and extra understanding before she's ready. :heart:</p> <p>ETA: Nevermind...you got lots of good feedback in the time that it took me to draft that. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940241 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:00:26 +0000 Raindrop 1940241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*big hugs* She probably just needs some time and space. Hopefully in a little while she can be as close as you guys use to be. Don't worry too much... good friends will always come back around. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940234 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:56:00 +0000 wonderstruck 1940234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went through something really similar to this with my cousin who I was super close to. Give her some more time. Call her, tell here you're here if she wants to talk about it or just needs an ear/shoulder, but then ask her about other stuff going on in her life in case she doesn't. She'll probably ask about your pregnancy to be a good friend even though it's painful - I'd give a short answer (that doesn't include any complaints that are pregnancy-related!) and change the subject. Not saying it should stay that way, but for right now this has to still be so raw and painful for her. It may feel like she is all you have...but you also have your baby. A month isn't that long to get over something like that. I'm sorry, Ihope it's not a permanent rift - I bet it's not, but right now she just needs some extra sensitivity and space. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940233 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:54:12 +0000 Jess1483 1940233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I agree with the others. Give her time. I lost a pregnancy when literally all 3 of my closest mommy friends were pregnant. It was hard to be around them (I had to leave a music class we're all in in tears one day). I'm pregnant again now, so it's obviously easier, but there are still moments where it's hard, or it reminds me that I should be further along than them, etc. But time does heal. She'll be back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940230 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:51:25 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1940230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: @Dandelion: thank you for that reassurance! I think that's the thing that's making me so upset, I just don't want to lose her but I really want to keep myself out of it &amp; just be the friend she needs me to be, even if that's from a distance. Thank you for letting me in on you ladies' personal experiences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940227 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:48:28 +0000 travelgirl1 1940227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry, what a sad situation for both of you.<br /> Firstly, I think you are being a great friend by continuing to text her and let her know you love her and are there for her. I'm sure this means the world to her, even if she isn't vocalizing it right now.<br /> I wonder if this is a situation that won't get too much better until she is pregnant again, when she might start to heal and be able to deal with other pregnancies around her again. Everyone handles a loss differently, it sucks for everyone. Big hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940226 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:46:50 +0000 Dandelion 1940226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just give her time. My bff had a baby just 5 months after I lost S and I stayed away from them for quite a while. I didn't meet her son until he was 6 months old. It was nothing she did and she thankfully understood when I rsvped no for her baby shower.</p> <p>Don't worry. She'll come back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940225 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:45:21 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1940225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think this is a permanent rift. When I was (very unsuccessfully) trying to get pregnant, a close friend got pregnant very quickly and easily. For a while, I had a really hard time talking and hanging out with her. I know I was being kind of a baby but it was just hard. If she had looked on my facebook, she would have seen me putting on a happy face as well.</p> <p>Just give a little time/space and this too shall pass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940221 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:42:37 +0000 JennyG 1940221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe ask her to go to dinner? You can talk about it if she wants or not, but at least it will be something. She might just not want to bring you down right now and might feel like she can't be around you and not get upset.</p> <p>I'm so sorry you're missing your friend. It's hard enough to have good adult women friends, but then to have some distance come between you, it's even harder. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-just-feel-so-sad#post-1940217 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:38:16 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1940217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is mostly just a vent. I have no one to tell this to (other than DH &amp;I just need to talk.)</p> <p>I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with my second. At the end of September I got the thrilling news that my best friend of 14 years was pregnant too! Based on calculations, she was about 6 weeks behind me. About 4 weeks ago she sadly (&amp; tragically) miscarried. Having never experienced this I didn't know what to do. I dropped off some yummy treats &amp; a funny movie at her house for she &amp; her husband. I am doing my best to be there for her without being over bearing or making her feel like she has to talk about it nor that she has to act like everything is okay. I sometimes (once a week tops) text her to say I love her &amp; hope she has a good day at work or that I miss her. She usually just says thanks or you too. </p> <p>I know social media is not a good gauge of how well someone is doing but I've seen on FB her inviting her BIL &amp; his girlfriend to go on vacation with them &amp; stuff so it's hurting me a little that she isn't talking to me. I understand completely why she wouldn't want to talk to me but other than DH, she's all I have. She's my other half &amp; I'm really missing her. The past week or so I just feel desperately sad because I miss her &amp; am scared this may be a rift we can never cross. Usually when a problem arises, I can generally just bring it up with her &amp; we discuss it &amp; vice versa but that doesn't really seem applicable here, especially because she isn't doing anything wrong. I'm just sad because I really love her and miss her and feel overwhelmingly sad for her.</p> <p>Thanks for listening. </p>