https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 14:30:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560498 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:28:01 +0000 Mrs. Pen 560498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup - we get this a lot too!!</p> <p>HOWEVER my family and DH's family expect him to be an active participant in our childs life simply because he is the father... SO from them at least it's not an issue because when people say he is a great day - it's because he REALLY is! It's not just about spending time with his son or changing his diaper but genuinely investing in his life, being that father figure, that playmate, but that disciplinarian when needed - the one who provides, who loves, who comforts, provides shelter, food and clothing - he does all I do and more! And quite honestly I would expect nothing less.</p> <p> It DOES bother me when moms say their husbands go out with they guys consistently but the mom has to ASK to go out maybe once a month with her friends..? that's not right</p> <p>And with PP's, we call it parenting around here - not babysitting! </p> <p>I also hate how society still expects moms to pull all the weight -even though such a large percentage of moms are working FT right there with their husbands so it creates even MORE of an equal partnership - or at least the need for an equal partnership. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560476 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:17:41 +0000 Pink Champagne 560476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love that my husband is such a good daddy- he does the lions share of taking care of things around the house too, thanks to his flexible work schedule. But as much as I know how awesome he is, I get annoyed when people remark about how fabulous of a father he is, because other than DH, and maybe my best friend, no one is knocking themselves out to tell ME how great of a mom I am. I know that by saying how great he is, they're not saying I'm BAD, but us moms could use a compliment now and again too!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560393 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 14:41:06 +0000 jennylynn 560393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like this a lot too. Not because DH isn't an awesome dad, because he most definitely is, but that he's constantly praised for it. Sometimes I'd like/need/want some reassurance that I'm doing a good job too. I've been told ONCE by my mom that I was doing a good job 1 week after M was born as I was sobbing my face off because I was totally overwhelmed. He on the other hand, is always being patted on the back for how good of dad he is. Just for doing things like holding her, or playing with her! I guess it just sort of annoys me that it's just automatically expected for mothering to come natural to a woman but when a man does his dadly duties, he deserves a medal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560246 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 13:39:21 +0000 apis 560246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BeachMama: While I agree with a lot of what you say, I (and a lot of other dads I've met) aren't expecting praise or medals for doing what we're supposed to do: we know that (short of breastfeeding) we can and will do everything that our LO needs done. I think, though, that society does have an expectation level for mothers that it doesn't have for fathers, and it annoys me when people instinctively look to my wife for decisions or comments about our son when I'm there too and take just as active a part in caring for him.</p> <p>@MrBee: I haven't experienced the downside yet, but there are the slightly funny looks in the grocery store when I'm with my son and my wife isn't around!</p> <p>@BKCaribBaby: That's a great article, thanks for posting. Especially the Chris Rock rule for expecting praise when you're doing the things you're *supposed* to be doing.</p> <p>@PrettyLizy and @Smurfette: I completely agree. When I'm taking care of our son, I'm not "babysitting", it's called "fatherhood". Babysitting makes me sound like some random chap that's been hired for an hour.</p> <p>@YourSilverLining: Funnily enough, it's my father who calls me a "modern dad" for sharing the work with my wife, whereas my mother (and MIL) completely expects me to share the work equally.</p> <p>@Beehive: Thanks, honey. (Weird comment about me being a mom, though!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560101 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:21:13 +0000 Beehive 560101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @LittleFox: I completely agree, and am also extremely lucky that my husband is truly an equal parent, to the point where he often does more than I do - many days I feel like I do the feeding, while he does literally everything else! So when our parents think he's a great dad, they're absolutely right. He'd be a great mom too, and we both hate that there is still a distinction between what is expected of each parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560091 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:13:08 +0000 yoursilverlining 560091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Jacks: “Hopefully, society continues to grow and hold dads accountable as equal co-parents so that our daughters' generation see their partners' equal participation as a non-negotiable!”</p> <p>TOTALLY agree with you on this, well said!!</p> <p>There is definitely this 1950’s left over assumption that dads who pull their weight around the house are amazing or outside the norm. I mean, they *are* amazing partners; but everyone should be an amazing partner; it shouldn’t be outside the norm ;-)</p> <p>My MIL/FIL both worked full time when my husband was growing up and because my FIL had the more lenient schedule, he did most of the cooking and cleaning so my husband was raised to be able to fend for himself and to think its normal for men to be able to fend for themselves.</p> <p>My mom was a SAHM but my dad got up with us in the night when we were babies, and he made us breakfast every single morning growing up. My mom expected my dad to co-parent 100%, and my dad expected it too; working outside the home wasn’t an excuse to not be totally accountable and totally involved in every aspect of parenting, including the non-fun parts like poopy diapers. </p> <p>I saw (and see) equal participation in marriage and parenting as 100% non-negotiable. Luckily, my parents and my in-laws agree. If my husband didn’t get up in the night with LO, change diapers, feed her, etc. my MIL would be all over him haha (as would I, and my mother and his bff). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560072 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:03:56 +0000 2PeasinaPod 560072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, I'm going to be the devil's advocate on this one. Mainly b/c I do have a very hands on DH as well. </p> <p>The thing is, when you run around while DH just stands there, he's not a mind reader. Asking him to help you is key. You don't have to be super mom just b/c society expects you to be. I think my DH is so hands on b/c I politely (not angrily...that will just form resentment) ask him to help. </p> <p>Asking him, "Hey...do you mind checking her diaper bag to make sure she has x, y and z?" will help you tremendously. My guess is that he won't be giving you attitude if he sees you running around trying to get you all out of the house. You guys are a team, and helping each other should be second nature. But he's also a guy...so try not to expect him to know when you need help if you don't ask... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560065 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:56:18 +0000 Lozza 560065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: One of DH's favorite things about going out alone with LO is that now he's allowed to talk to people in public.<br /> DH is really outgoing, and is the kind of guy who likes cracking a joke to the person behind him in the supermarket checkout line or making faces at babies on the metro, and he is very cognizant of the fact that it can come off as creepy if he's by himself, but it's almost always ok when he is with his 2 year old son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560063 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:55:41 +0000 Modern Daisy 560063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, this is a lot to think about! My Mom was a SAHM and I don't think my Dad even knew where she kept the diapers. He also didn't do any housework or run any household errands. But to be completely honest, I think that if I stayed home and DH was the sole breadwinner, we wouldn't be too different from them.</p> <p>Since both DH and I work full time, however, I will be very annoyed if anyone makes a comment like this to us. And I"m curious to see how my MIL will react to DH taking on 1/2 of the parenting because she has never been exposed to that before. Her Mom was a SAHM raising 5 kids, she was a single Mom herself and DH's only sibling is the sole breadwinner while his wife stays home with 2 kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560043 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:47:26 +0000 Smurfette 560043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@prettylizy: I 100% agree with this. A Dad isn't babysitting, he is doing his job as a parent. If he goes out with friends, no one is going to say I am babysitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560034 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:42:18 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 560034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LittleFox: You are a lucky person!</p> <p>I think part of what we're seeing is a post-feminist or new feminist cultural divide. So our parents' generation sees men doing what we would consider a minimum or a start and think that they are doing something outside the current cultural norm. Whereas we (having reaped the benefits of the feminist movement of the 1970s until now-- maybe sometimes without even recognizing it) fall more on the side of "the basics are expected"... which is fabulous and very different from when our parents raised us... BUT not enough. And I think that may be where a lot of the frustration comes in. Hopefully, society continues to grow and hold dads accountable as equal co-parents so that our daughters' generation see their partners' equal participation as a non-negotiable! I think we as parents (mostly moms) can be instrumental in moving the needle on this, both as ambassadors to our parents' generation and as examples to our childrens' generation.</p> <p>Is that making any sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-560025 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:36:18 +0000 LittleFox 560025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I feel the same way about my husband. He is an equal co parent in every way he can be. He can't breastfeed so there is no equality there, but he makes up for it by doing other things. </p> <p>I hate the attitude that dads are not supposed to be involved or to do as much. It's unfair to dads and moms alike. Why can't my husband be just as good of a parent as I am, and why is it a shock that he is? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559979 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:15:48 +0000 prettylizy 559979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My pet peeve is when people refer to a dad parenting as babysitting!! "Oh, that's nice your out without the baby. Is daddy babysittins?"<br /> "Nope. He's parenting."</p> <p>That said, DH is a superdad and I'm incredible lucky to have such an equal partner in raising our daughter. Now if I could only get him to pick up his laundry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559916 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:45:20 +0000 cascademom 559916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, thank you for writing this post. It says exactly what I feel on the subject. What's funny in my DH's family is that being a good dad is put higher than being a good husband. I mention this because we're going through counseling on some issues relating to his parents. I've heard time and time again about how great a dad one of his uncles is, not as a husband. I've heard more about marital discord than parenting. I think that both go hand in hand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559873 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:24:39 +0000 ShootingStar 559873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha, I hear how awesome DH is and how lucky I am to be with him all the time, and he's not even a father yet. It's kind of become a joke to us because it's happened so much. Mostly it was our co-workers and his family, but then one day my mom was like "oh M's so wonderful, you're so lucky" and I was like OMG Mom! I told her how everyone always tells us that, but no one says the same thing about me, so then she started telling him in a very over the top way how wonderful I was, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559870 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:23:18 +0000 autumnlove 559870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww, I'm sorry. My MIL always compliments DH for changing diapers while giving me the stink eye....but he is a good dad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559836 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:11:48 +0000 blackbird 559836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, i get the same responses as far as my husband doing things like cooking and cleaning and running errands, or even just going to the grocery store. Like...yeah, those don't deserve a gold star. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559727 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:15:59 +0000 Honeybee 559727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: ditto. I feel very lucky to have my husband. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559652 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 08:08:38 +0000 BKCaribBaby 559652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw a great post about this very issue recently from a father. It was really well written. I sent it to DH, and he actually liked it quite a bit. Let's hope he takes it heart when it's his turn. </p> <p><a href="http://daddydoinwork.com/low/" rel="nofollow">http://daddydoinwork.com/low/</a></p> <p>P.S. I find that this does not just apply to childcare duties. We often host Thanksgiving dinner and my godmother, who is like a grandmother to me, would remark at how great it was that DH was helping with cleaning and other duties. I told that her that's what he was supposed to. He lives here, and he co-hosts this gathering with me. Considering he doesn't do any of the cooking, he better help out in other ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559644 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 07:57:30 +0000 T.H.O.U. 559644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BeachMama: I agree, the standards for men were just so low before. </p> <p>My husband is great with interacting with DD but like you said, he doesn't refill the wipes containers, he doesn't put her clothes away and rotate out the old ones, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559579 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 00:56:00 +0000 Arden 559579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think these people beg the reply - "You're right. He is a great Dad. But not because he changes diapers and pays attention to her. That's just parenting." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559577 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 00:54:06 +0000 MaisyMay 559577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Superhero: DH doesn't babysit. When he's with her and I'm gone, he's on "Meely-duty." When he's taking over and I am home (also known as he's in charge of all the feeding and I'm sleeping!), he's the "lead parent." That works for us.</p> <p>@scg00387: I've had about 4 pics taken of me since coming home from the hospital. DH is in dozens. </p> <p>DH's mom sees him playing with LO and says "how cute" yet I get the majority of the diaper changes. His parents look surprised when DH volunteers to do feedings or change her, or when I remind him that it's his turn. I've explained to his mom a few times that we are equally involved, equally parenting. That being said, when there's a decision to be made, DH expects me to make it. What can you do? :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559557 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:41:13 +0000 LittleGBee 559557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Superhero: This! Exactly! My husband and I have both, (sometimes awkwardly), corrected people who refer to his parenting as "babysitting." It's demeaning for the role that he plays in our daughter's life and it totally begs the question...what do I do all day? I certainly don't babysit, I parent! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559552 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:30:41 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 559552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my husband is a great dad not for what he does (which is a fair bit, but no, not as much as me) as much as for the bond he has with out girls. I do hate that attitude though, it's the same as if people ask if your husband is "babysitting" the kids. Um, no, he's their parent! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559542 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:12:45 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 559542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: lol!<br /> My husband is a GREAT dad...but he is not doing anything out of his realm of duties. He's a dad; he does his duties well. But I don't like when people make it seem like DH is doing something above and beyond what he "should" be doing. He doesn't "help me"; he is just being a dad, as he should.<br /> @mrbee: this is true too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559541 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:10:49 +0000 immabeetoo 559541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BeachMama: haha the thing about the asking where the wipes are is totally something my husband would do. I get irritated bc my family always takes pictures of him playing with our LO and my nieces bc he's great with them and "it's so cute that he's such a good dad" but I have to ask to get any of me (which hurts the candid factor!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559538 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:04:49 +0000 HLK208 559538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ahh, I feel the same way! DH's grand parents especially make me feel bad if they are around and DH holds her or changes her diaper. On top of it, they keep on giving me recipe books like "100 meals to make in your microwave" ouch. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559532 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 22:59:22 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 559532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel very lucky that I have that equal co-parent. When people say my partner is a great dad, they are exactly right! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559525 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 22:52:16 +0000 mrbee 559525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're totally right - people's expectations of dads do tend to be lower, especially from older generations! Hopefully DH grows into his role as a father and embraces equal and fair parenting!!</p> <p>On a personal note, dunno if this helps or not but society is not kind to dads overall. Basically everyone assumes you're a potential child molester. It's the worst. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-know-this-sounds-bad-but-im-so-tired-of-hearing-about-how-great-of-a-dad-dh-is#post-559518 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 22:47:10 +0000 MrsStar 559518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with this! DH seems to get the "fun" stuff or gets acknowledged as a hands-on dad and I'm here in the background doing everything else. </p>