https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 14:15:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896233 Fri, 06 Sep 2019 12:48:39 +0000 agold 2896233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that the poor kid needs to go. You can't put this on your child. If you can help your friend out any other way, like finding a baby sitter or even helping to pay for the babysitter, all of that would be better than keeping the older kid at your house with your younger kid. You sound like such a good friend and I'm so sorry you are in this awkward situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896232 Fri, 06 Sep 2019 12:33:45 +0000 Autumnmama79 2896232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anon-a-bee: hearing that your son is crying at night about it and is being teased and called names on the daily, is so hard! That would be the sign for me to end the arrangement as soon as possible. I understand wanting to help, but I just couldn't do it at the expense of my own kid. The mama bear instinct is too strong. </p> <p>You've got some good ideas from others about suggesting she find a sitter on her own or that your sitter just can't do both any longer. Hopefully this goes well and that your friend can appreciate the support you have provided and will continue to provide, just no longer the childcare piece. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896230 Fri, 06 Sep 2019 11:53:33 +0000 periwinklebee 2896230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's awesome that you are helping a friend in a bad place, but this is a LOT to ask and you definitely shouldn't feel any obligation to do it indefinitely. </p> <p>The most important concerns to me would be 1) how disruptive is the other child's behavior and 2) how does the sitter feel about it? If your sitter is unhappy with the situation or it crosses the line of what you're willing to have your LO exposed to, I think it's definitely best to be upfront about these concerns with your friend and ask her to start looking for other arrangements, rather than feeling like you have to just suck it up and let it fester under the surface... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896224 Fri, 06 Sep 2019 11:35:00 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2896224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@poppygirl15: This is what I was going to say.<br /> My other suggestion was to completely cut sugar out of the kid's diet. I know from one of my own LOs and a few friends that had similar issues with ADHD type behaviors that sugar is a major, major trigger. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896208 Fri, 06 Sep 2019 09:56:55 +0000 poppygirl15 2896208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just throwing this out there, why can’t she get her own sitter? Maybe it’s too expensive, but getting into daycare can take months, even up to a year (or more!). So, I think that unless you want to nanny-share (in which case, great!), she needs to figure out different childcare arrangements. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896199 Fri, 06 Sep 2019 08:43:31 +0000 Twolittlemen 2896199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So... my opinion is different (and probably unpopular) but I don’t know that I agree with making him leave and I certainly don’t agree with blaming it on the sitter. :shocked: </p> <p>But (especially as someone who had a child “fired” from daycare) I’d ask her what her plan is and agree that you need to set a date on when he will leave because YOU don’t want to inconvenience your sitter when it was suppose to be temporary? </p> <p>But also I think it’s unrealistic to think your kid is going to be overjoyed about having to adjust to a new child that quickly. Is your son in ACTUAL danger or is he just annoyed and uncomfortable? I’d sit down with the mom and sitter and all agree what behaviors are “unacceptable” and what the consequences are. </p> <p>I have two kids about this close in age and they fight all the time and the older one will ask if we can get rid of his brother but CLEARLY THATS A NO. </p> <p>So I don’t think just because your child is upset, after only three weeks, it’s ok to “fire” another struggling child (assuming he’s not maliciously trying to injure your child) before you try more things and at least let her know a firm future end date. </p> <p>Try to imagine if this was your child and you were in this situation and struggling this hard. If she’s been looking for a special center and even taking him to be tested than she is DOING HER BEST and if you force this you will probably lose her friendship. </p> <p>Try to imagine yourself in her shoes... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896191 Thu, 05 Sep 2019 22:33:35 +0000 Milk Tea 2896191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I had your circumstances I would probably use the sitter no longer wanting to watch two as an excuse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896190 Thu, 05 Sep 2019 22:25:38 +0000 LCTBQE 2896190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like she is in a terrible spot and you are very empathetic, but you cannot save her situation because the only way to do it is at the expense of your own kid. I think you have to pull the plug and I'm sure you will do it with kindness. Don't let your child feel terrorized in his own home (or outside of it) because your friend is in a bind. In the future I'd put a time limit on that kind of thing going in ("let's try for two weeks and see how it goes"). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-advice#post-2896185 Thu, 05 Sep 2019 21:25:21 +0000 Anon-a-bee 2896185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, so I'm a regular on HB, just need anonymity for the sake of my friend.</p> <p>So my friend's son (A) is about 18 months older than my son (H). A has been fired from 2 daycares in about a 4 month span. It is all behavior related, she was constantly being called at work to come get him because he had hit, thrown, spit, screamed incessantly, etc. she was still fairly new at work and was worried about being fired (also missing some work getting arrangements made for a new place due to divorce.)</p> <p>So while they were looking for new child care arrangements I talked to my sitter and she agreed to watch him along with H at my house. Our sons had played together before and got along well. A is a very very very smart child, and I thought maybe (along with some potential issues) was getting bored or needed more one on one than centers could provide.</p> <p>In the meantime she has taken him for evaluation for any kind of disorders. The psychiatrist (I think? It was at a behavioral health center), said he believes H is ADHD, but they can't? or won't? diagnose or medicate until he's 5 (few months away). They recommended therapy and a center geared towards children with higher needs. </p> <p>She has applied to get him in a couple places, but haven't really heard anything back yet in the 3 1/2 weeks A has been at our house. </p> <p>Well my son is not having it anymore. He doesn't want A to come over anymore, cries at night about it. Says A is mean to him and teases him, calls him names, etc. I know some of it is H hasn't ever really had to share with others longer than a long weekend with his cousins, but the baby sitter does say she has to split them up frequently over squabbles and A is relentless with H sometimes. Also my son is picking up on some of A's mannerisms, and I am not having it.</p> <p>So here is my predicament. I do NOT want to "fire" him from my house. She's already struggling, thinking she's a bad mom because they've had so many issues, they're divorcing (even thought that is not the sole issue like her ex likes to make them think), and I can't bring myself to cause her more pain and grief. </p> <p>BUT I can't stand that my son is being teased so much, and isn't happy in his own home. I know my son comes first. I just feel so terrible. </p>