https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 12:34:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-903012 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 08:51:38 +0000 hilary 903012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm also late to the game, but I understand him not wanting you to tell your mother everything. He probably doesn't want your mother to think poorly of him. DH and I have guardrails on what is acceptable to share with others, everything else stays internal. A therapist would be a good unbiased 3rd party. </p> <p>Also sometimes when I'm really emotional about something I write it down. So then I can calmly go through what I wanted to talk about. Otherwise I'm just a hot mess and then feel like I never got to communicate what I was feeling. </p> <p>And the last thing that someone told me once was to apply 2 filters....is it true? Is it helpful? Because I always thought well if it's true then I can say it. But sometimes the truth is just hurtful without being helpful. </p> <p>Hope you guys can talk things out and your stress level decreases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-902852 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 07:58:56 +0000 babycanuck 902852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U. I definitely brought that up last night. He kept saying "what's the rush?" and my response was that I want to be a newlywed, and that for me there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm hoping through the last few weeks he has a better understanding of how I feel. </p> <p>His biggest beef, which makes no sense to me, is that when I'm upset I call my mother to talk. He doesn't want to hear it, and I need to get it off my chest, so what's wrong with talking to her? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-902799 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 07:22:34 +0000 T.H.O.U. 902799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: Im glad you guys got past it, but I think you should find a way to have a calm conversation (maybe in public like at a restaurant) and explain that you still feel like you need her to move out so you both can work on issue you have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-902792 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 07:12:34 +0000 babycanuck 902792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Latest update: So it was almost a full 4 weeks of him not talking to me or acknowledging me. I tried again last night to talk to him, explaining to him several issues (including his mother) I had and doing my best not to get emotional. He came up to bed and apologized, as did I for mistakes I have made as well and we're both putting the last month of our lives behind us. </p> <p>I still am going to find a therapist just so I have someone unbiased to talk to on my own.</p> <p>All I know is I'm happy this BS is over with!!! We both have a lot of things we need to work on, as individuals and as a couple, so I will take it one day at a time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-875040 Fri, 21 Jun 2013 16:20:47 +0000 tequiero21 875040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! Sorry you are going through this. Am I reading correctly that your mil has lived with u your entire marriage? That is NOT healthy! Glad you told him she needs to go. I agree with the other ladies. He is disrespecting you and needs to put u in front of his mother. You are his other half. He needs to cut his chains (his mother). And he needs to grow up. He calls u a child? He's the one not talking to u for 2 weeks and then this morning. Hugs! I hope he snaps out of it soon and I hope it helps to talk to a therapist. But really, I think the main problem is on his end, not yours, so I really don't know how much a therapist can help, except to help lift off the weight off your shoulders.</p> <p>Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-873866 Fri, 21 Jun 2013 08:33:15 +0000 Crisark 873866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so glad you were able to finally vent your feelings. It's so important to release the negativity for your own mental and emotional well being. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-873803 Fri, 21 Jun 2013 07:58:43 +0000 lamariniere 873803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's definitely important that you have told him how you feel and how important these issues are to you. He can't continue pretending that everything is fine and ignore the situation. The problems won't be resolved over night, but at least you have started moving in the right direction to find solutions. Again, big hugs to you, it takes a lot of courage to stand up to your loved ones and tell them when something is wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice/page/2#post-873788 Fri, 21 Jun 2013 07:48:52 +0000 Lindsay05 873788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww i wish you nothing but the best. You are so right in everything you said. I know if it were me i would tell it like it is but thats ME. The main thing is is that he needed to know how you feel and if it is making you unhappy, then he needs to help you feel better. Thats pretty immature of your MIL to be taking advantage of you guys like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-873735 Fri, 21 Jun 2013 07:08:54 +0000 babycanuck 873735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another update: he didn't speak to me this morning but I feel like a huge weight is off my chest now that I've told him his mom needs to move out. Doesn't mean it'll happen, but i've been holding it in for like...2 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-873098 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 20:40:55 +0000 MsLipGloss 873098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: I am glad he is calmer, and I hope you get the support that you need. Big hugs, doll! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-872836 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 19:48:23 +0000 LovelyPlum 872836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: thinking of you, friend. This sounds a lot like some of the fighting I saw growing up, and it was really tough on all of us. I'm glad that you got some things out in the open, even if it was not under the most ideal circumstances. It is good that he is calmer now.</p> <p>It is also really good that you are going to go see a therapist. I think it is really important that you remember to take care of yourself through all of this. You should not have to be belittled, or yelled at, or made to feel inferior in any way. You are not worthless. You are beautiful, and worthwhile, and you need to make sure that you take care of yourself. Hang in there, lady. Reach out whenever you need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-872781 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 19:27:30 +0000 babycanuck 872781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update: I confronted him this evening about not speaking to me. I was pretty upset, he was yelling but I yelled back. I told if he wanted me to leave just tell me right now and I'll pack up. I told him yes, I have made mistakes, but so have you, and pointed out a few times in the last month or so where he has berated me in front of people. He said he can't imagine me wanting a child because I'm acting like one (being upset) and I said well you got your way, you wanted to wait another year and it for sure isn't happening now so you got what you wanted. He also is pissed at my mom making some snarky remarks on Sunday when we were at her place, and I said did you notice that she did it to her other son-in-law too? do you want her to apologize because she will! He didn't have anything to say to that.</p> <p>I also asked him if he felt there was anything out straining our marriage - he didn't answer and I said well I'm going to be 100% honest with you - your mother needs to move out. Initially it was two years, and now three years, she's paid off her bankruptcy and I don't even feel like we've been married. He didn't have anything to say to that. </p> <p>I got a lot of things out in the open. I'm still going to try and go see a therapist for my own sake. Oddly enough, he seems a bit calmer now. Life has to be one day at a time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-872497 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 18:31:32 +0000 Boogs 872497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: I personally would have a hard time with living with anyone else, especially for that long. I think some sort of timeline needs to be discussed and agreed upon. I would understand if she was sick and needed help, but it sounds like she's just staying because she can at this point. </p> <p>Would you be willing to speak to a professional about your feelings? Maybe they would be able to give you ideas for how you could better approach the needed conversation with your husband? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-872206 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 17:19:59 +0000 prettylizy 872206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: I feel a little late to the ballgame here but did want to send my sympathy to you. You are a saing for putting yourself out to help your MIL for so long.<br /> I see what your saying about your DH not wanting to see a counsellor, but you should go anyway. There is a problem that needs to be addressed and the best way for you to become equipped to deal with it is through professional help. After seeing you put forth the effort, your DH might be more inclined to come with yout when he feels ready. </p> <p>I wouldn't say to him "I'm going with or without you because I'm unhappy and you won't help me", I'd take a more passive route, something line, "I'm really struggling, and I think you know that. At this point I don't know how to get past what I think is an issue and you don't, so I'm going to seek professional help. I'm looking to find some tools to help me get past my resentment and live a happier marriage". This is about you making your life better, and hopefully your counsellor can help you get there, wherever it may be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-872154 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 17:08:03 +0000 MrsH 872154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: big hugs, therapy might help you with some of the issues you reference but It won't fix him not talking to you for two weeks, that just doesn't sound right. It sounds like he really needs help with communicating properly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-872000 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 16:33:55 +0000 LindsayInNY 872000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To add a 2nd comment - I would seriously reconsider TTC or NTNP right now. A baby will not fix whatever underlying issues there are. You have to ask yourself if you want to bring a baby into the picture with all of this unsettled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871904 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 16:07:36 +0000 BlueWolverine 871904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"he treats me like garbage sometimes"</p> <p>This made me really sad. Your partner, best friend, cheerleader, and lover should never do that. Yes, people fight, but treating you like garbage is unacceptable. Of course, I agree with everyone that counseling is the answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871902 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 16:07:03 +0000 .twist. 871902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: That is my honest thoughts on the situation as well. I just couldn't write it as nicely. So + 1 to your comment. </p> <p>Girl, you deserve better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871883 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 16:02:07 +0000 wheres_c 871883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lived with MIL for a year, and while it helped us save money, it definitely puts a strain on the relationship when you lose that privacy.<br /> I feel for ya!<br /> Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871368 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:33:07 +0000 MsMamaBear 871368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: I feel the same way but didn't want to say it. My Ex did the same thing, I asked several times when we had problems, if he wanted out, he never took it til the incident months later.</p> <p>I hope things work out OP. (((hugs))) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871337 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:27:53 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 871337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: I'm glad you're open to seeing a counselor, even if your husband isn't. Do you have your own insurance? If you call them, they will give you a number to schedule an appointment with a therapist that is covered for free sessions. When I used my insurance for this I had an appointment that same week. Waiting for a dr appointment and then a referral could take a while.<br /> I agree with some other posters. He is treating you very poorly and it's not just because his mother lives with you. Sucking it up shouldn't be the main plan, a fundamental shift needs to be in the future of your relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871316 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:24:21 +0000 googly-eyes 871316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no advice, just hugs. Hope it gets better. I will say that having a baby is stressful and I wouldn't want to go into it with someone who shuts down that way when conflict arises. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871310 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:21:44 +0000 ShootingStar 871310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that talking to each other calmly, with or without a therapist is a good start. If you're really that miserable, he should be willing to at least hear your concerns.</p> <p>If it turns out there's no getting around living with her, would you consider moving? Maybe a place with an in-law suite, or a 2-family home would be a good compromise? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871285 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:17:06 +0000 T.H.O.U. 871285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a new timeline needs to be discussed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871267 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:13:27 +0000 lamariniere 871267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally relate to living with th MIL. we lived with my inlaws for 9 months last year. They are lovely people but it definitely put a huge strain on our marriage for a few months, and I was definitely becoming depressed the last few months. You have less intimacy, privacy and you are always dealing with a 3rd wheel, so to speak. Prolonged living with your MIL, especially when it is not something you are doing willingly, is a huge obstacle to general well being. To me, that should be one of the priorities to work on...I know what you mean by not feeling married, and it's not healthy. </p> <p>Also, something else you mentioned in a comment to another Bee, that he treats you like garbage sometimes. This worries me a lot. I've never been in any sort of violent relationship, but I have been in one where I was treated very badly, but didn't recognize it or want to admit it at the time. Couples have fights and can be mean to one another, but I don't think it is something that should happen to such a degree that you feel so bad. </p> <p>Ask yourself what you really want, and if DH is able to provide it. I'm not suggesting anything rash, but you deserve to be treated well, live independently of MIL and start a familly with a respectful partner. </p> <p>I definitely agree with the others that you should look into counseling, either alone or with DH. Grown-up style communication needs to be happening and it sounds like your husband is not participating. </p> <p>Big hugs, and all the best to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871266 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:13:27 +0000 MsLipGloss 871266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: First of all, your situation sucks and I am really sorry you are in it, and that you don't have *a soft place to land* . . . because if you can't go home (and feel safe), where can you go?! </p> <p>I also think you should seek counseling. I know it has certainly helped me work through not only my PPD, but also other issues as well. </p> <p>That being said, here is my honest opinion . . . He wants out. But he is too chicken shit to admit it. So he is going to continue to push you away and keep his mother between you so that you will leave. Not talking to you is childish. Belittling you is cruel. He has, in so many words, *told* you where he stands. You deserve to be happy! In case you didn't read that last bit . . . YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.</p> <p>@ModernDaisy: I agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871225 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:04:28 +0000 katsupgirl 871225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How is your relationship with your MIL? Can you talk to her woman to woman. Not in a mean confrontational way but in a rational way. Is she rational? I definitely also agree with therapy. I totally understand why you wouldn't want to walk away from 11 years but how many more years are you willing to live like this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-871128 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 13:40:36 +0000 Raindrop 871128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think living with another adult is hard on any relationship. One being that you feel like they are always watching and judging every move you make. Sometimes you just need time to work out your own issues without having to worry that someone is there that can butt in or judge you.</p> <p>My mother lived with us for a while when LO was born, I was very thankful for that but at the same time it was very stressful because needless to say... she didn't give us space to grow as a couple or as new parents.</p> <p>It was hard to talk to her about how long she planned to stay with us and those types of things.</p> <p>As bad as this sound the reason she did finally leave was not on good terms... But it was the best thing ever! After a while... she was actually a lot happier not living with us and we were also very happy not having her there too. It really worked out for the better and I feel our relationship with her is really great now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-870307 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 11:02:57 +0000 babycanuck 870307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was not happy with her moving in in the first place - the whole situation started off badly, but I thought about it like "what if it was my parents?". The plan was for her to be with us initially a year, then he said realistically two years, and now we're at 3.5 Her bankruptcy is paid off so there's nothing holding her back, unless she's not telling us something.</p> <p>I ask him every once in a while if she says anything about moving and he just shrugs. Def a cultural thing. My mom keeps me sane and does say "you're doing the right thing, pull through" because she's been there with a crazy MIL herself.</p> <p>I really appreciate all of the different ways of approaching him and I'm going to read through them all again and try to figure out the best one to use when he starts to talk to me again. I've been trying to get through to my family dr so I can go see her anyway, and she can give me a referral to a therapist. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-need-some-honest-relationship-advice#post-870306 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 11:02:35 +0000 Modern Daisy 870306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: The fact is, it really sounds like something has to give. If his MIL won't move out and your DH won't talk to you then what are your choices? I'm not saying file for divorce, but ask yourself how much longer you want to be in this situation. You always have options in front of you - no matter how trapped you feel in the scenario. If he's going as far as disrepecting you in front of other people in addition to ignoring your concerns about the living situation, I would take that as a big red flag. I know it might be easier to not make any changes and make subtle comments to MIL about moving out, but the fact is you need your DH's support and he is not providing it. </p>