https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 01:44:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846980 Mon, 24 Sep 2018 08:32:15 +0000 snowjewelz 2846980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: Hope you're feeling slightly better with a new week :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846883 Sat, 22 Sep 2018 15:42:02 +0000 LCTBQE 2846883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: no advice about your situation (looks like you've already gotten a ton of great advice) but just wanted to tell you that the work you do is angelic, I'm so glad caring people like you are doing it, and keep your chin up :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846832 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 21:26:21 +0000 Amorini 2846832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: Sorry your in this mess. I’m truly sympathetic, even if it’s a mess that originated from your missteps.. I agree with others about not apologizing but you may need to practice looking the individuals in the eye and not flinching. (I know I would). I also agree about just letting it fade and keeping your head high, knowing you spoke your truth. If what you said was in no way contrary to what you are trying to get done in the negotiations, then just move on.</p> <p>I have had something vaguely similar happen with someone on social media who I thought was a friend. I ended up just ghosting her. I don’t want anything to do with people like that. It REALLY (and I mean REALLY!) got under my skin that someone could be so two-faced and intentionally destructive. We were opposing the same very complex and heated neighborhood issue and she changed her mind because terms with a developer had been negotiated in her favor, though not mine. Our common neighborhood FB group was meant to represent neither for or against, though most were on my side. When she flipped sides, she just got really awful to me. I even received screenshots from others of emails from her to them, where she was saying even worse things about me one-on-one to neighbors. Many people addressed her in my defense but I just never came up with words whether publically or privately to ever address her horribleness. I considered a cease and desist but, when the whole thing ended (my side lost; her side won), I just needed to move on with my life. If I learned that she was continuing to smear me, I would issue a cease and desist without a second thought, but the issue is now over. I am not sure what I will do if I ever randomly see her around the city, but the only way that I could find peace was to put absolutely zero energy toward her. Period.</p> <p>About HR. IMHO they are really there to look out for the company, not for me. If something comes to their attention that could put the company at risk, you can depend on them to do damage control on behalf of the company. At best they will appear neutral and just diseminate info to upper management or key individuals. Sounds like that’s not what’s happening. Even without negotiations underway, their overzealousness to smear you doesn’t look good on them. Would they dare to brazenly try to push you out the door? It might be time for you to do your own screenshots... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846803 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 15:14:34 +0000 Jennibenni 2846803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: In that case I absolutely wouldn’t apologize to anyone any further and I would just move forward. No need to dwell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846802 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 15:11:06 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: Nope --social media policy prohibts public (not privacy controlled) posting of material that is intended hurt the image of the org or that discloses confidential material. </p> <p>I think if I had made a truly public post there would be at least some justification to suggest that I violated the policy. OTOH, the org wasn't named, none of the people were named, and my employers aren't listed in my public profile. </p> <p>There's no confidentiality policy regarding the negotiations. There's actually case precedent protecting union representatives right to discuss negotiations (including in blunt and unflattering terms) publicly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846796 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 14:55:19 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2846796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: You make a great point. Would the same thing have occurred had @lilyofthewest been male? I immediately said to apologize, because I'm always apologizing for things that go wrong whether they're my fault or not. Something I certainly need to work on. </p> <p>@lilyofthewest: I've thought about it more and I also don't think you should step down from the negotiations. Sometimes, people need to be called out on the obvious. They're not wholeheartedly coming to the table with their best offer, and you're trying to do what's best for the people in your union. Plain and simple. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846793 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 14:48:30 +0000 PurplePeony 2846793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I gree with @kiddosc. Out of curiosity, though, did you share anything that was covered by a confidentiality agreement in your post? You didn’t say whether one is in place re this negotiation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846772 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 14:08:56 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2846772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: venting/complaining/being annoyed is normal and part of every workplace but I’ve always been very conscious that anything written down anywhere can be used against me. It’s permanent, unlike a casual conversation which becomes more a he said she said situation that’s harder to prove if repeated to others. My coworkers regularly complain to each other about stuff at work verbally but I would never write anything down anywhere via email, text or certainly not social media. I’m in a small industry as well and definitely give thought to what would happen if I pressed send on a negative email or whatnot and it ended up in the wrong hands.</p> <p>I would just consider that anything in the future you decide to post or write could be seen by the wrong people and question whether that’s the best way to share your opinions/vent. You can stand by your opinions and post wherever but then you have to face the consequences if you get caught. I’m sure you will think twice given what’s happened of course! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846771 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 13:52:28 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: Yeah, no plans to confront the person that I think contacted HR. I'm confident about who it was, but, I know I can't be totally certain. And while I think it was a shitty thing from a friendship perspective, I don't necessarily think it was a wrong action in and of itself. </p> <p>I guess I don't really view the risk of privacy-controlled social media to be that different from being overheard in a restaurant, listened in on via a smart home device, having a phone conversation recorded, or having private correspondence (electronic or paper) purposefully or inadvertently shared with other people. There are absolutely no situations where I think there's a true guarantee of privacy. </p> <p>This experience will certainly make me much more wary of social media...but I'm not sure that (appropriate!) use of privacy controls is inherently any riskier or less appropriate than other means of communication. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846767 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 13:32:58 +0000 Mrsbells 2846767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: this is a tough situation. However I honestly don't think you can blame that person for the screenshot just based on the time stamp. I also think that being angry at anyone for sending to HR is natural but even if you feel sure it is this person, there is nothing to be gained from confronting them.<br /> One thing you seem to be missing is the fact that it doesn't matter what privacy settings you have on a post, as long as someone other than yourself will see it there is always a risk that someone will screenshot it and share it. I have seen many posts that were originally from a private/closed group that ended up public because one person decided to share it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846766 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 13:29:11 +0000 dc yoga bee 2846766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: +2 I agree with @kiddosc: word for word. You’ve been handling the negotiations for 9 months, and while you went about it the wrong way posting those comments, you can still handle the negotiations. I think HR was right to share with senior management but not beyond that to keep sharing it and would file a complaint. It seems as if HR is going after you personally. You’ve already apologized, you’ve learned from it, and now need to move on.<br /> I also think it goes without saying I wouldn’t post anything at all about work on social media again. So sorry this happened to you, but use it to learn from and grow, which I think you will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846761 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 13:14:00 +0000 Ajsmommy 2846761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should continue in the neg's.... so you messed up but it was your truth. I pretty much agree word for word with @kiddosc: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846760 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 13:06:17 +0000 gotkimchi 2846760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: I agree with the hr thing! I’m not sure on the specifics but that seems shady and almost like retaliation or something </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846759 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 13:00:05 +0000 kiddosc 2846759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: I think that you should continue to participate in negotiations. I think that if you were a man, this likely wouldn't have been made into as much of an issue. I think that apologizing and saying it was written in a moment of frustration only plays into the female "over emotional" stereotype. I agree with @gotkimchi: that you should just let it die since the union has already addressed the incident with management. </p> <p>I also would not confront the person that sent the post to HR. There is no good to come from that. I would however, discuss with your union whether or not you should pursue a complaint against the HR person who distributed the email to the management team. This seems like a blatant breach of privacy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846758 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:58:55 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: I think I ought to apologize to the people I specifically commented on; I would want that if places were reversed. But perhaps you're right about just letting it lie with however many other people have now been shown. </p> <p>Re do I stand by what I said...it was truthful, but, I certainly wouldn't have said it the same way if I had imagined who would be reading it! Which maybe is the lesson -- there are some sorts of frustrations that may only be approriate to share with a spouse or therapist. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846757 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:51:35 +0000 gotkimchi 2846757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: sometimes I think saying less is the best way to go in these situations. Just try to let it die. Apologizing more won’t help. Also do you stand by what you said? If so I would just ignore this and continue on </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846756 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:34:07 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gestalt: @muffinsmuffins: The union has made clear to management that they plan to have me remain on the bargaining team, and to me that I need to suck up my mortification and continue negotiations. I'm not convinced this is a good plan, and I think it ought to be up to the people potentially affected by these negotiations. I don't know where the line lies between damage due to this situation vs the damage of trying to get someone else abpruptly up to speed on negotiations that I've been handling for the last 9 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846755 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:29:20 +0000 gestalt 2846755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your continued participation in the bargaining group can only hurt the negotiation process. I think it was a bad idea to vent on social media, even if it was private. I always thought participants in the negotiation process had to keep things confidential. If things are already acrimonious, i would trust you even less with this recent public posting (even if it was by accident).</p> <p>I would apologize and admit there was a lapse in judgment when posting this information. I would leave it to the union to decide if they believe you should stay on.</p> <p>And as for your "friend" - wow, wow, wow. I would be pretty furious. I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846752 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:19:59 +0000 pinkb 2846752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how you would go about fixing it, and I am sorry you are in the position. It sounds awful. Yes what a dick move for your "friend" but at the end of the day you are to blame. You posted it, doesn't matter that it went to the wrong group of people.<br /> I work for a large corporation and there are always people looking for ways to turn others into HR. Social Media is a huge problem. I know you apologized and said the post wasn't meant for the larger group it was seen by but even saying that I can see how an employer is going to look at that negatively. Putting your employer on social media in any way, private or public, will come back to haunt you. They don't want people saying negative things. In you apology you make it sound like a common occurrence that you would post about the issues you have at work on facebook and that you see no issue with posting on social media. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846751 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:06:50 +0000 snowjewelz 2846751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Totally agree with you here. </p> <p>We all make mistakes and some mishaps are worse than others. What a total jerk move for that person, not even in the same company/organization, to send it to your HR! Like, seriously?! And I feel like HR is totally out of line as well for sending it to everyone that you talked about/mentioned in your post. BUT, since I'm noy familiar with what you do and with unions/bargaining and stuff like that, I really can't comment on their strategy here.</p> <p>I am really sorry a bad situation is getting infinitely worse. I totally do not have thick skin and feel like I'd have to step away and lay low (not sure if this is catastrophic enough to look for another job tho). </p> <p>Hugs :heart: I am 100% sympathetic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846749 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:04:27 +0000 sooz 2846749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I may be the dissenting one on this...</p> <p>Yes, I think it was wrong of your friend to have sent the post to HR. Obviously, she's not a very good friend. That being said, I think confronting her really won't help your situation other than maybe make you feel better?</p> <p>As for what HR did, I wouldn't say that was the best thing for them to have done, but I also can see maybe why they did it. If they are currently in bargaining and you are one of the main players in the sessions and you posted publicly about your feelings and things that happened during a private bargaining session, I could see how HR would be concerned and would share it with Sr Management. Your posting could have easily been shared with a media outlet or even other public blogs/sites and caused a lot of issues that management would have had to deal with. I think that HR had every right to make Sr. Management aware of what was happening. </p> <p>I agree with the prior posting that as a Union employee, you should talk to the Union about next steps since this could impact negotiations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846747 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:00:31 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2846747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that’s a really annoying situation to be in. It was a mistake and we all make mistakes. Your colleague is a total dick and really should have notified you first as a warning before sending it to everyone...I mean, what’s the motive there?! Are they trying to make you look bad for some reason? I would probably message them privately and ask why they felt the need to take it further when obviously you didn’t mean to share it. I would keep that professional but to the point to make it known that you have been called out and you know they outed you.</p> <p>All that being said, you do need to own up and apologize to everyone which it seems like you are totally aware of and are doing that. Personally, I think I would step down as a gesture of good faith as I think it attracts unwanted negativity and drama with you involved closely in the bargaining from here on out.. You don’t want this to keep being brought up in the future and having to relive it all again. While that sucks, it’s your mistake to make good on and I think it would be a good thing to just take yourself away from it. Lesson learned loud and clear I’m sure.</p> <p>ETA: when trying to decide who is in the wrong and who needs to take blame or whatever, I think regardless of the unions behaviour, it was your post that began it all so I think the solutions need to come from you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846745 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 11:52:18 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2846745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: wow what a situation. First of all it sounds like HR is blatantly trying to sabotage you and or the union’s bargaining efforts. Totally inappropriate for them to show the post to all the people. If your post had been about general staff, like say specific environmental services people and a receptionist, would they Have shown it to them? Obviously not. It’s totally inappropriate. Yes you made a mistake in posting on social media but it wasn’t about patients or anything. What BS! </p> <p>And your so callled friend... wow. It’s one of those situations where you have to be greatful they showed their true colors and now you know at least.</p> <p>Before you apologize to anyone, immediately talk to the union both in terms of protecting you and seeing what they think about protecting bargaining. Good luck and I am so sorry this all happened, everyone makes mistakes and it is clear someone is trying to jump on your mistake and use it to their advantage, so unfair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846744 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 11:50:59 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2846744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you think that you could message the former co-worker to help understand from him why he thought it was a good idea to tarnish your name and send to HR? You absolutely have a right to be angry about that piece of it. It wasn't a public post, and he shouldn't have forwarded it to your HR. He sounds like a weasel. </p> <p>Regardless, it was done, so I think the best you can do is apologize to each member of Sr. Management. Own up to it and apologize. Indicate that it was done out of frustration and it certainly won't occur again. I think you've learned your lesson to keep things like that to more of an anonymous nature rather than posting on a public forum like Facebook. People make mistakes and it's when they try to dodge it that makes it worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846742 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 11:31:29 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: I've been at that workplace for over 10 years -- sometimes FT, sometimes working on-call close to FT, sometimes working on-call only very intermittently. Right now, I'm on-call and haven't actually worked a shift in about a month. That said, I work in a pretty small industry. I can't afford to burn bridges any more than has already happened. Unless I move, at some point in the future I will either need to work there or with staff (very plausibly including some from that management group) who also move on to similar agencies in the area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846739 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 11:00:45 +0000 MrsSCB 2846739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, you made a mistake, but I just wanted to say that I understand your anger. You're human, humans make mistakes, it happens. But it would be hard not to feel a real betrayal from someone taking a post from your social media and sharing it with your company. Sometimes people just need to vent. I also am a bit shocked that HR shared it with so many people. I'm not very well-versed in unions and their relationships with employers, but that's just...surprising to me. It seems like it would have been much more appropriate for HR to have a private meeting with you to discuss the post and what was brought up in it rather than just spam anyone mentioned in it. I don't really see what they expected to achieve by disseminating it so widely. I do think apologies would help, but other than that, I honestly don't even know...do you feel comfortable still working there, or would you be interested in looking around for something else?</p> <p>(As a side note, if you're active on Facebook, I'm in a Facebook group for working moms that I love. They're always great with advice). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it#post-2846738 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 10:48:06 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The problem begins with me oversharing on social media, so I realize it might be stupid to look for guidance on social media, but I haven't found much useful feedback in real life. I don't use my name, the name of any of my employers, or my exact location on this site, and I don't believe I know any of you in person. Just the same, if you think you know me, please know that I'm trying to figure out how to improve matters, not make them worse. </p> <p>TLDR: I messed up my Fb privacy settings, posted something to my entire friends list that was critical of management, someone screenshotted it and sent it to HR, HR shared it with the entire senior management.</p> <p>The long version:<br /> I'm active in the union at one of my workplaces and I've been working on bargaining an issue that's been dragging on since January. </p> <p>There was a recent meeting that was particularly acrimonious. It is a long reach to imagine that management was truly bargaining in good faith toward a resolution. </p> <p>I posted a whiny brain dump about the meeting and some scathing opinions about the people on management's bargaining group to Facebook. It was meant to be on a custom privacy setting for whining about work that includes a few close friends, some folks who are on our side of the bargaining process. </p> <p>I screwed up; I posted it to my whole friends list. I am not Facebook friends with any current coworkers, but I am friends with a few former coworkers and some people who work for competitor agencies. </p> <p>I didn't realize until the next day when a former coworker (someone who had been in management in another department) messaged me chiding me for posting such critical things publicly. I had a mini panic attack that I might have actually posted publicly, was relieved but still mortified that I posted to my whole friends list. I made the post private. I messaged back with thanks for alerting me, and saying that while it wasn't public, it was shared with more people than intended or appropriate, I had fixed it, I really appreciated the message. </p> <p>A few days later, HR emailed me with a screenshot of the post and remonstration that this was not helpful to the bargaining process. Based on the time zone difference of the timestamps in the screenshot...it was the same former colleague who reached out to me who sent the screenshot to HR. I don't know anyone else in that time zone. </p> <p>I responded with an apology (cc'd to the union office) for my words and actions, a brief explanation that the post was shared as broadly as it was by accident, that it had been taken down as soon as I was aware, regret that my error might have a negative impact on bargaining. </p> <p>Another few days later, there was another email from HR to the union office that cc'd me and the entirety of senior management. They requested I step down from the bargaining process due to my post. </p> <p>The union office responded that it wasn't appropriate to make this more and more public and that management does not have the authority to remove me from bargaining. </p> <p>Apparently, HR shared the screenhot with everyone that I said anything critical about and everyone else in a management role. </p> <p>So, obviously, I need to apologize to everyone who has seen my post. And I need to let everyone that the current bargaining affects know what's going on so they can make an informed decision about whether someone else ought to take over the remainder of the bargaining.</p> <p>But then what? </p> <p>I realize I made a huge mistake. </p> <p>But, I'm really hung up on feeling angry that someone who I counted as a friend sent my post to HR despite my response to their message. I also can't see why HR then shared it with so many people...that seems like intentional undermining of our personal and bargaining relationships. But also like I don't get to be angry since my carelessness got me in this mess to begin with. </p> <p>Any advice? Or any commiseration from someone who's been in a similarly painful situation? </p>