https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 23:43:41 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1303012 Fri, 27 Dec 2013 12:36:57 +0000 turkeylurkey 1303012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: Seriously you didn't take the dog! What were you thinking! Ha! Sounds like something in our family too!<br /> @Dandelion: I agree with you being around people without a filter at this time of year is hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1303007 Fri, 27 Dec 2013 12:33:44 +0000 turkeylurkey 1303007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: It was horrible! I talked to my mom today to ask if next year we could do one of the gatherings either early in December or maybe New Year's Eve since we are always looking for something to do then. She basically told me it's once a year suck it up. So I guess next year I just won't go to all of them. find a reason why I can't.<br /> Oh well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301701 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 16:54:32 +0000 Greentea 1301701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@turkeylurkey: that sounds terrible! It is so impossible to meet everyone's needs especially if they haven't been in your shoes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301697 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 16:51:13 +0000 Greentea 1301697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I have literally almost died from my mom throwing me out of the house at Christmas. Once she threw me out at 9 pm unexpectedly and I had to drive in a winter whiteout storm in a sports car. It could be for any reason like if she doesn't like your expression or your pants. Even when we were 7 she would threaten to take our presents away because we weren't perfect children holding hands around the Christmas tree singing hymns.</p> <p>@lokki: I asked my mom to go to family therapy with me and she said in the meanest way that she "wouldn't waste the money." I hope you have better luck with yours. Mine has no idea how healthy relationships work. I think mine has immaturity, an externalization issue (she externalizes everything), love of power, I will stop there! She would say the same kinds of things to me though... "how are you going to handle xyz if there are dishes in your kitchen!" (Like... how are you going to handle xyz in life if you have dishes in your kitchen... from roommates by the way.) My mom is so similar and you just can't win when someone is irrational. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301657 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 16:26:56 +0000 turkeylurkey 1301657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally get how you feel! My parents are divorced and have since re-married. Thus we have 2 families on just my side to accomodate. They both think that we should also partake in their spouses' family gatherings. So in total I had 7... Yes 7 Christmas family celebrations. Because both of my parents think that we should also continue to do the extend aunts/uncles/cousins/great-grandkids etc family gathering. Did I mention 7 gatherings! Last night I hit my low as I was on the 3rd round for the day. My DH is gone working so I'm lugging presents, food, baby and baby gear all by myself! I actually threw out my back getting out of the car at the last stop. Then I walk in to only get told how awful of a person I am for not sending out a stupid Christmas Card to my cousins! I only sent to grandparents and aunts/uncles. I just wanted to take the plate of food I was carrying and chunk it at my cousin (who by the way has no spouse or kids or divorced parents... who thus doesn't get anything about my life)!!!<br /> My husband told me that we were going on vacation next year instead! LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301503 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 15:02:19 +0000 Cole 1301503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lokki: Big hugs to you. Therapy might be a great idea, perhaps it would be good if you could find someone who could see each of you one on one and then as a group. My fear with my mom would be that we would get worked up and then say something nasty and hard to take back because normally she just avoids all conflict.</p> <p>My mom sounds very similar and it is really hard to deal with. It makes me sad that we don't have a good relationship but we are in such a bad place right now I don't even know what I would want that relationship to look like. I am glad you and your sister are able to work things out, I appreciate having my sisters to help me deal with all of this nonsense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301439 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 14:33:26 +0000 lokki 1301439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband pointed out that this seems to go much deeper than Christmas, and that I might want to meet with a therapist and my mom so we can have a brokered conversation. I don't know that she will go for that since she normally just shuts down and pretends everything is fine, but I think I will offer when we have had some time to cool down. </p> <p>The fact is my mom is a little nuts, and deeply unhappy. The good thing to come out of this incident was that previously she has blamed my sister for things which introduced a lot of turmoil into our relationship, and it became quite clear this year that it was not in fact my sister but my mom driving things. My mom liked to claim in the past that it was actually my sister who was upset about X,Y, Z, and now I know that it is in fact my mom who is upset about it and using my sister as the excuse. </p> <p>Ultimately, I am not going to be someone I am not. But I also want my mom to be happy. I just wish she could figure out what she wants in her own life so she wouldn't have to let these things take on such significance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301188 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 11:54:37 +0000 Lindsay05 1301188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im sorry this happened :( i would avoid next year. But instead of just avoiding and ignoring, I would lay it all out before hand and make sure she knows how you are feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301177 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 11:38:53 +0000 Cole 1301177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lokki: I get it, I "ruined" Christmas this year too and it is just a nightmare every year. In fact next year we are either staying home if we have a baby by then or we are going somewhere warm. I am over the power trips and my mom wishing we are all still 7 and wanting us to declare it the most magical, perfect Christmas ever.<br /> @Greentea: I might be a long lost part of the family too. I was asked to leave when I showed up without my dog (there is a little more to the story but not much...) and my mom then canceled Christmas so we crashed Christmas with my in-laws but otherwise would have been driving the nine hours home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1301040 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 10:13:03 +0000 Dandelion 1301040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I understand! My mom likes her Christmas "just so" and if anything goes awry, she makes a big deal out of it. She just texted me the "schedule" for Christmas at her house on Sunday. I had to veto one thing, but I called my dad about it, so that I didn't have to listen to her give me reasons why I should go (it's church...the people at her church have a tendency to ask me too many questions about my baby loss and current pregnancy). My dad is reasonable, so I let him push it past her, lol. Hopefully she doesn't give me too much grief later on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300997 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 09:47:51 +0000 edelweiss 1300997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>really sorry about that. if i were in your shoes i would probably do the same thing--plan to stay away next year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300907 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 07:32:06 +0000 BananaPancakes 1300907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lokki: I'm so sorry you had a bad day. I think planning a trip somewhere tropical next year sounds like perfection for you two. We try to take vacation over thanksgiving, just to avoid the family drama/stress of at least one holiday. And our holidays aren't nearly as drama-filled as yours sounded, so you deserve it! So sorry again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300904 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 07:09:30 +0000 chrispygal 1300904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. Families can be tough. I've ruined Christmas myself so consider yourself in good company. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300880 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 01:58:58 +0000 owlteach 1300880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you had a rough christmas :( I hate to say it, but Christmas with my fam is great, as long as my one brother and his wife arent there. Theyre not even bad, or mean, its just so much harder and I cant even really say why :/ It took a decent amount of booze to get through our weekend I the mtn cabin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300876 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 01:41:38 +0000 lokki 1300876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: Totally. The holidays are not always everything they are cracked up to be. But no one sends the holiday letter when it turns out not so great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300716 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 21:28:05 +0000 Greentea 1300716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for posting this. We had a failed Christmas attempt. :) We ended up driving back in the middle of the night. I just hate holidays and the stress they bring, the expectation. The family I grew up with is just not functional.</p> <p>@lokki: Are you my sister?! :) this sounds sooo much like my relatives. I can so relate to everything you said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300672 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:22:03 +0000 lokki 1300672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks ladies. Merry Christmas everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300671 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:21:40 +0000 ScarletBegonia 1300671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sucks so bad. I recommend planning a long trip next year that will keep you away before, during and after Christmas. My husband and I have spent a couple of Christmases on our own travelling and they are some of our happiest memories! I'm so sorry you leave the holiday feeling so low. Family can be so so so tough :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300670 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:21:35 +0000 avivoca 1300670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300668 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:19:44 +0000 BabyMats 1300668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300666 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:17:32 +0000 swedishfish 1300666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry that your Christmas wasn't enjoyable. Hopefully next year is better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300664 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:14:48 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1300664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww I'm sorry but totally understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300663 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:13:12 +0000 cmomma17 1300663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>(((hugs))) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-think-i-hate-christmas-at-my-parents-house#post-1300660 Wed, 25 Dec 2013 20:10:47 +0000 lokki 1300660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every year my DH and I dread coming to my parents house for Christmas. I love the lead up to the holiday, and my mom LOVES Christmas, but so much pressure gets put on the holiday that I just wish the actual day would never come. My parents are super generous, but the entire day becomes a power trip and a carefully orchestrated performance art, and I think I have finally gave myself permission to admit that I absolutely HATE it. </p> <p>This year we had a horrendous family meltdown with screaming and crying because we didn't start Christmas at 9 am. We were ready at 9:30 am instead which was a huge sign of disrespect and brought Christmas to a screeching meltdown crying halt. All the "kids" are now in our 30s, and we will do nothing but sit around doing nothing for the rest of the day, so it is not like we kept youngsters waiting, or threatened other plans. My sister thinks it is because my mom spends so much time and energy on Christmas that if we don't start at a set time it means we don't appreciate the effort she put into it. My mom also had a very crappy childhood, and Christmas was her only happy time of the year. Still, the fact that we weren't ready on time became a huge referendum on all the ways in which my parents just can't accept me (didn't finish my Ph.D. program, don't like my career, don't fundamentally like who I am and think I need to be more serious in life). My mom literally told my sister that I should not have children because of this (since I obviously can't or won't keep a schedule, even though I obviously do this for work). </p> <p>I now have the distinction of having ruined Christmas. It feels surreal and insane. I think next year we may very well just skip it all. I don't even want presents. I just want to spend the day in an enjoyable way where we aren't bored and miserable and feeling like we are trapped in a living Ibsen play. </p> <p>We used to talk about the fact that we couldn't wait to have kids so we could choose to do things our way, but given how unsuccessful we have been at getting pregnant so far, I think we are just going to make sure we will be out of town next year. </p>