https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 06:24:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192711 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 16:20:19 +0000 RubyCali 1192711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So he's unapologetically putting his child's safety and life at risk? Yeah, it's okay to be judgmental about that. I would have a hard time interacting with this person too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192680 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 15:32:29 +0000 Dandelion 1192680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Besides the obvious safety issue, I think that it sets a bad precedent to the kid (obviously not now, but if stuff like that continues) that they indulge her without regard to safety. They give into a scary safety violation to make her happy. Kids need to learn that sometimes you gotta ride in a carseat cause its the law and most safe and deal with it whether or not you agree with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192659 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 15:13:18 +0000 LulaBee 1192659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This particular person and I have more of a jokey/argumentative relationship- he and I come from very different backgrounds and our opinions vary widely. It wasn't a heated argument, but more of a "wow, we parent really differently" argument. I made my opinion known to him, and I don't think he will change the way he parents regardless of how I came across. I don't doubt he loves his kid and thinks he is doing what's best. So I'm just going to let him do his own thing. </p> <p>As far as being sanctimonious about the food issue- I stand by what I said to him. A 4 month old does not need solid food, especially processed snacks and chocolate. But it's his kid and his life. However, if he tells me stuff like that or brings it up- I'm<br /> Going to state my opinion. Just like he does when I tell<br /> Him I'm vegetarian or not religious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192270 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 10:25:39 +0000 Silva 1192270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: legally, not putting a child in proper restraints is a form of neglect. A mandated reporter would be obligated to report this. Obviously the OP is not required to report unless she is a mandated reporter. Child services would likely meet with the family and develop a safety plan. That kind of intervention might help this family rwpealize the risk they are placing their child in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192266 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 10:20:43 +0000 Glitter 1192266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mjane: @honeybear: thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192191 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 09:25:52 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1192191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I didn't know that fact. Do you think it's because of safety laws that we have now that weren't in place back then? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192158 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 08:55:57 +0000 Suzimo 1192158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find that sometimes people will respond as if they are not listening to you or don't care in the moment they are being called out to save face. I'm a teacher and have to confront parents on a pretty regular basis on poor parenting choices and in the beginning many will act very defensive and seem dismissive of my suggestions, but later on I find out that they did take some of what I had to say to heart, but at the time could not admit they may have been making the wrong choice. I don't feel like you are waisting your breath expressing your concerns to this coworker. Just hope that next time he decides to take his child out of the car seat some of what you have said rings true and he decides to make a different choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192147 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 08:36:56 +0000 honeybear 1192147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not think reporting this incident helps this family. It seems to me that they are genuinely concerned for their child, even if they are not always making the safest or wisest choices. Getting the parents embroiled in the child welfare system is guaranteed to be a major source of stress for them, and is not a move that seems to me to be well-calculated to helping this family. I wouldn't hesitate to report if I felt there was abuse or neglect, but based on what you've described, their actions are neither of those things, they're just unwise. I would also consider that he may already have decided to change his approach based on the information you gave him, even though he was defensive about it initially. </p> <p>I think the best approach might be to talk to the baby's mom. Anyone is likely to be defensive when challenged on how they parent, and the dad may not respond very well following an argument with you on the subject. Maybe refer the mom to The Car Seat Lady's website in as non-confrontational a way as you can? </p> <p>@Glitter: Here's a partial answer: <a href="http://www.thecarseatlady.com/buses_and_trains/buses_and_trains.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.thecarseatlady.com/buses_and_trains/buses_and_trains.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but/page/2#post-1192118 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 08:09:23 +0000 meredithNYC 1192118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am also thinking that maybe it's about the delivery? I think we can all be sensitive about our parenting choices and if someone were to question them, he/she would probably need to approach the subject really sensitively. Maybe you did that, in which case, disregard. Just something to think about! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1192116 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 08:03:06 +0000 MamaMoose 1192116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: motor vehicle related deaths have actually gone waaaaaay down from where they were in the 70s and 80s when most of us were kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1192090 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 07:45:10 +0000 Ra 1192090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that the car seat incident is dangerous but am having a hard time understanding why you would argue with him over his feeding choices. I get that it isn't best for baby, but it seems a little sanctimonious (and most likely unappreciated) to attack his parenting choices with an unsolicited parenting lesson.</p> <p>Every baby is different. Every family is different. While I wouldn't do it myself, there are worse things in life than a hot dog bun and chocolate covered strawberry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1192086 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 07:42:17 +0000 mjane 1192086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Glitter: trains and city buses are okay. The idea is that they don't move as fast as cars and they are larger and heavier so withstand impact better in the unlikely event of an accident. Also, there are no seat belts, and a car seat that isn't secured by seat belts is no use. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191992 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 02:25:24 +0000 Boogs 1191992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: While those are some scary choices, maybe your delivery is what made him appear closed off? Not saying you were wrong for speaking up, but you said it was an argument. Sometimes it's easier for people to be more open minded (and have open ears!) if you change up your delivery a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191917 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 21:36:22 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1191917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've wanted to take out F during long drives, but I know that's about my own needs - not his best interests. </p> <p>Regarding how car seats weren't considered necessary safety equipment back in the day: I feel like roads, number of cars &amp; driving were different back then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191677 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 19:00:05 +0000 Glitter 1191677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Potentially dumb question but where I'm from it is not illegal to not use a car seat. Many mothers ride in the backseat with their babies in their arms. Third world.<br /> However I was wondering... what happens if you need to take a public bus or train or taxi? Are you legally required to also use a carseat then? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191671 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 18:53:37 +0000 autumn865 1191671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not justifying the car seat thing because laws are it into place for a reason, but my parents talk about how they drove home from the hospital (30 years ago) with infant me on their laps. It's just funny how what is considered. "Safe" and "best" for babies is always changing. In 30 years our children will look at us and say "OMG" we slept on our backs!? In the situation of your coworker I think you should just try your hardest to not talk about baby care lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191653 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 18:40:48 +0000 bpcmarj 1191653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can remember taking a 15 hour drive when my baby sister was 6 weeks old to see my dying Grandmother. My Mom was driving with 4 kids, by herself. I can remember taking her out of her seat and holding her while she slept to get her to stop crying so that my Mom could safely drive the car without worrying about the baby. Was it very safe, no. Would I do it with my DD, no (and I took a similar length drive and did lots of middle of the night leaning over the carseat nursing). But, sometimes, you do what you have to do in that moment. I don't think you can ever be totally safe 100% of the time, but you always have to do your best. </p> <p>Do I think this person should be arguing with you about why this is OK, hell no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191650 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 18:36:51 +0000 Ree723 1191650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The food thing I wouldn't say anything about - I wouldn't make that choice but to each their own with how they choose to feed their baby.</p> <p>Regarding the car seat, that is a whole different issue that I find quite scary! I guess you really can't do much though other than point out how dangerous it is and offer suggestions on how to soothe the baby whilst keeping her in her car seat. If something does happen, god forbid, it is not your fault as there's really not much you could have done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191602 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 17:54:44 +0000 pinkcupcake 1191602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They're not choices I would make, but to each their own...</p> <p>@Vegmama: Never heard that babies are supposed to avoid strawberries for a year. I gave my daughter strawberries (pureed or cut into tiny pieces) way before she turned a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191567 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 17:29:52 +0000 junebugmama 1191567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that we all make what we think are the best choices for our children and in certain situations we may do things we never thought we would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191546 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 17:23:22 +0000 Vegmama 1191546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd judge, too ... but I wouldn't say anything. </p> <p>Obviously, they are pretty idiotic. I think babies are to avoid strawberries for a year, right? And the carseat thing? WHOA! </p> <p>I really don't like unsolicited advice, so I would hesitate to give it (unless the child was in immediate danger). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1191290 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 15:18:04 +0000 googly-eyes 1191290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The car seat thing is scary, but I've held dd in the car at 4 am after she screamed for hours and she was 4 days old and I was tired and I had just bf'd in a gas station parking lot and she finally fell asleep (slept for five or so hours!) and I was terrified of her waking back up. So..never say never, I guess. </p> <p>If I'm being totally honest though, I'd think he was an idiot and I'd have a hard time not being a smart ass to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190591 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 12:00:34 +0000 sunshineandsushi 1190591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that the car seat thing is pretty scary. </p> <p>We were out shopping a few weeks ago and this elderly couple stopped us to admire the boys. They were talking about how when they were raising their kids, car seats didn't even exist. </p> <p>It does make you wonder what our kids or grandkids will think about what we do now that in the future will be considered unthinkable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190590 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 12:00:28 +0000 banana 1190590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The car seat one is scary. The food stuff isn't the best thing for the baby but it's not a life or death situation (as long he's careful about choking or potential allergies). But yeah....I'm scared for that baby. =\ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190586 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 12:00:01 +0000 jedeve 1190586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Geez. The God's will part seems pretty callous. You can't completely disregard her safety. I guess just keep trying to model good parenting. Maybe get her some nice gigs or books for Christmaa? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190584 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 11:59:35 +0000 ALV91711 1190584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They don't believe in that law! Laws aren't there to be believed in, they are for a reason. I feel sad for this baby. I would consider reporting them, if something happened and I didn't I would feel very bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190564 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 11:53:19 +0000 DillonLion 1190564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merriment: nicely put. That is the only way to find peace in situations like that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190563 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 11:52:21 +0000 BSB 1190563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merriment: :heart: I know I'm not perfect, so I would hope others don't think I'm perfect and can't make bad/poor decisions. He's a father, too. There's already judgement on being a mother and now, a father? </p> <p>Now, how to nicely tell him he shouldn't do that without showing your judgement. I have no idea how to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190561 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 11:51:24 +0000 birdofafeather 1190561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes, the car seat thing is scary. I've wished I could do that a bunch of times (we drive 2+ hours bimonthly) but I never would! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-usually-try-not-to-judge-other-parents-but#post-1190558 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 11:50:10 +0000 Grace 1190558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd judge but I wouldn't waste my breath. I sincerely doubt that they'd change their mind. </p>