https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 08:24:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962358 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:57:51 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 962358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chillybear: I had preferences too (vs a "plan" of x, y, then z). Our hospital had a packet when we pre-registered with a form parents could fill out detailing their preferences and info we wanted our nurses to know. We filled that out and I gave a copy to my midwife around week 36. I took a copy to the hospital and gave it to my nurse, too. They did not discuss it on the tour.<br /> So, I'd ask your Dr if they are familiar with the hospital's standard practices and what their standard practices are. You could also call the information desk at the hospitals labor &amp; delivery wing to see if they have any info for you. I'd talk to your Dr at your next visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962354 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:56:37 +0000 mediagirl 962354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Woah. My birth plan was just like yours and when I got to the hospital? The nurses practically applauded me for being so easy going. I'm sorry you experienced that. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962332 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:51:02 +0000 Mrs D 962332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chillybear: From my understanding at my hospital these are all normal preferences that are covered in triage when you are admitted. I'm just like you - I have some preferences...but no formal "plan" per se... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962320 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:47:53 +0000 littlek 962320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the record, we did not have a birth plan because LO came early and the plan was "healthy baby no matter what." Whatever the doctor suggested, I did. And I have a healthy baby. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962309 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:45:40 +0000 littlek 962309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow.. just wow.... I see NOTHING wrong with your birth plan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962308 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:45:35 +0000 DillonLion 962308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's annoying! My birth plan never left my bag :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-962297 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:42:46 +0000 Chillybear 962297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This might be a dumb question but is there a difference in a birth plan vs birth preferences? I consider my plan to have a baby and for both baby and I to be healthy. </p> <p>But i have strong preferences... For example: I would prefer to be able to wear my contacts (i'm blind otherwise and hate wearing glasses), I would prefer to be able to move around while laboring, I want them to delay clamping and to do skin to skin. If baby has to go to nicu or nursery i want hubs to go with the baby. If its a tear vs episiotomy i'd prefer they cut me and use a local. </p> <p>I'm not taking a birthing class and i'm 29 weeks. I feel like a lot of these preferences might be cleared up by me just asking what is and is not standard practice by my care group or the hospital. Should these be discussed at the hospital tour? or at what point do i present these preferences to my doctor? or do i wait until I go in to the hospital and tell the nurses? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960955 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:54:17 +0000 SugarplumsMom 960955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think our birthplan is perfect :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960938 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:50:04 +0000 Mrs D 960938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: The crazy thing is she is a L&amp;D nurse at the one of the hospitals in town. Thankfully it is not the hospital I am delivering at. The hospital she works at is definitely a more "flexible" hospital and more current with new trends and ideas.</p> <p>I totally agree that some doctors have way too much of a tendency to railroad patients and use scare tactics. I think thats why people should be much more cautious when choosing a Dr. My doctor shares a very similar mindset to me. She actually told me she generally is the one questioning her patients when they ask for an epi late in labor. She delivered my nephew and talked my sister out of getting one towards the end because she told my sister that after 3 days of back labor, and 3 hours active labor getting to 8cm she was confident that 1) she could do it just fine with a mild narcotic that would not be as restrictive to her recovery and 2) she didnt think it would be in fast enough to provide benefit! I like the idea of a doctor questioning a patient and a patient questioning a doctor - it should be a two way street.</p> <p>Unfortunately - I am on the flip side of the table from you. I have seen two close friends become two demanding during labor both resulting in terrible labors (because they refused to listen to the professionals - who knows why, maybe stubbornness or maybe lack of trust) and one which resulted in some long term issues for the baby. So I have probably been scared a little more in the other direction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960901 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:39:32 +0000 runsyellowlites 960901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs D: Sounds like it! I definitely have no problem voicing my opinion or needs BUT I did 100% experience getting railroaded by the obgyn that delivered G. It was horrible &amp; even when I wasn't fighting her she threw down the dead baby card. UGH! I've talked with more moms that had my kind of experience (when things didn't go as planned) than not so I'm sure I'm a bit partial. lol</p> <p>I do agree that unless there is imminent danger (not being able to wait) that EVERYthing should be questioned, but I don't think asking for info (so you can make an informed choice) is challenging your provider &amp; she shouldn't come from the perspective of such... birth is a really really vulnerable time &amp; it's easy to feel like we were taken advantage of. </p> <p>Is she with the hospital or is she part of another birth course? I'd report her to a higher up... being a birth teacher is about being supportive, not shaming moms! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960891 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:32:47 +0000 Mrs D 960891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the support ladies. Luckily I am confident enough in myself that she didn't really get to me, other than just annoying the crap out of me. Its just not fair to try to make someone feel guilty for how they think!</p> <p>@runsyellowlites: she actually mentioned this (though the slide showed BRAIN and included and I for "follow your intuition") however she was definitely approaching it from a "be strong and challenge your doctor" angle. I definitely think some women need to feel a sense of empowerment to give them the courage to ask questions (I'm pretty bossy and open so I have no issues with it) but this woman just has terrible delivery.</p> <p>@MamaMoose: Seriously...who would refer to anything about labor as "easy"? Moron! (and for the record she has had 5 kids - so she does have experience) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960872 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:27:37 +0000 rachiecakes 960872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: I love that! And it's exactly what the doctor that delivered DS did - I seriously think she was an angel from heaven just for me, she was amazing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960816 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:10:36 +0000 turkeylurkey 960816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't let it bother you too much. I remember being on weddingbee and reading birthplans and felt overwhelmed etc. I too had about the same type of plan and I didn't take a paper copy of one into L&amp;D. I remember going over the different type of tools they could use during delivery ie. forceps... the DH and I talked about all the options after class and decided what we did or didn't want. Since he was the one in L&amp;D with me I told him it would be up to him to help me remember what we prefered to use. I also remember that the nurse and doctors came in and asked me a few basic questions of what I'd like to do... but honestly once things got rocking and rolling I was like whatever you need to do to get the baby out healthy for him and me that was all I cared about! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960805 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:06:01 +0000 MamaMoose 960805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone who got an epidural and was really pleased with my delivery I'm actually a bit offended that she referred to getting pain medication as "the easy way out". Who says that in order for a birth to be a success I have to endure pain that I view as unnecessary? And PS there is nothing "easy" about pushing a human out of your vagina, with or without an epidural. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960802 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:04:49 +0000 blackbird 960802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I'm angry for you. A laid back approach is not a bad thing at all!!!</p> <p>I also would consider reporting her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960789 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:57:37 +0000 sarac 960789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally uncool. I had a very detailed birth plan. Some people say 'healthy baby and I trust my doctor to get me there'. Both valid. Some people need to step off with their judgement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night/page/2#post-960771 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:52:29 +0000 runsyellowlites 960771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's stinky she'd be so rude about it! I think as long as your "going with the flow" lines up with what your provider considers "going with the flow" then you have a great plan! I think she probably just realizes that alot of times that doesn't necessarily happen &amp; then moms feel guilty, ashamed, out of control, or sometimes even forced into things they weren't prepared for. Sounds like she did a horrible job of conveying that or being a supportive birth teacher like she should be though! (maybe you could report her to someone so they're aware of how she's making moms feel).</p> <p>I came across an article the other day specifically on the "going with the flow" that was pretty decent (I posted a thread about it)... best part of the article &amp; I think what would work for any kind of birth plan was this:</p> <p>Always ask yourself &amp; your provider <b>BRAN :</b><br /> <b>Benefits</b> What are the Benefits of this intervention?<br /> <b>Risks</b> What are the Risks of this intervention?<br /> <b>Alternatives</b> Are there any Alternatives to this procedure?<br /> <b>Nothing</b> What would happen if we did nothing? (or do we have to act Now?)</p> <p>The best birth plan is just to ensure that you get a healthy baby &amp; healthy mom AND that mom feels empowered in her birth decisions despite the delivery route! (even has a pro-natural birth mom I'm learning this more &amp; more everyday) :wink: </p> <p>I'd seriously consider reporting her though.. if she's making you feel like this I'm sure there are other moms she's made feel the same, or possibly even worse! boo that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960730 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:33:36 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 960730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's horrible! My plan sounds pretty much like yours, and my doula thinks its great! I'm so sorry that she made you feel bad about it - ultimately, isn't a healthy baby THE goal of any delivery? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960727 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:30:27 +0000 .twist. 960727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My plan was exactly like yours. I did expect to make it full term though... So even my "non plan" didn't go as planned. You just cannot prepare yourself for what may happen in your labour. </p> <p>What a beotch! I would have been fuming too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960715 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:25:39 +0000 lomom 960715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine was healthy baby and pain meds ASAP. I knew in the back if my mind that I could wind up with a c section and did (iugr baby, I had an unplanned c section that was not preceded by labor) and I was fine with it. I got a beautiful, wonderful baby boy in the end and the rest just didn't matter to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960706 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:21:36 +0000 googly-eyes 960706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's obnoxious!!!!! I was pretty laid back with the birth plan too I guess. Nobody judged me though! Sorry you had to deal with that. People have been giving birth successfully without a concrete plan and list of demands...so I think as long as you're able to connect with your OB/MW, it'll be just fine. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960677 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:12:02 +0000 immabeetoo 960677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs D: that is obnoxious!! I had the same birth plan as you - we just had an index card that said "1. no circumcision 2. skin to skin 3. delayed cord clamping". That was it. I went with an epidural, had a great labor &amp; delivery, no stress and no fuss :) I think you're spot on with focusing on the baby instead of the process! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960649 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:54:23 +0000 wonderstruck 960649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, she does NOT sound like someone who should be teaching those classes! Your plan is realistic, and the other girl is a lot more likely to end up unhappy with her birthing experience if she feels like it's not a successful delivery just because every bullet point on her plan couldn't be accommodated! My midwife hates childbirth instructors like that - basically nothing on my plan worked out despite my and the nurse and midwife's best efforts, and afterwards I know she was very worried and kept checking in with me to see how I was doing emotionally/mentally because so many women do beat them self up about it and feel like they were unsuccessful if their plan doesn't work out - it's really damaging, and is basically what your instructor is encouraging. And that sucks =/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960644 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:51:37 +0000 tororojo 960644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How rude! I think your birth plan sounds perfect. And since you can't plan out every detail of how things will go, I think you'll be a lot happier if you don't have a long and super stringent list that you expect to be followed letter by letter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960641 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:49:04 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 960641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow that's so rude! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960607 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:37:51 +0000 Grace 960607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wowzers! My plan is the same as yours and our instructor would have backed you up. For every opinion there's a contrasting one. I know what you mean about fuming all the way home - I did that a few times with our instructor too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960559 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:24:24 +0000 Smurfette 960559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That was awful!! My plan was your plan. The nurses told me that is the best plan to have! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960558 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:24:10 +0000 ninja 960558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How awful for you. I see nothing wrong with your plan! In fact, it sounds a whole lot like mine did! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960540 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:18:25 +0000 ALV91711 960540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never wrote out a birth plan. My plan was just like yours and DH knew what I wanted. I ended up deciding on an epi and don't regret that choice at all. </p> <p>Stick with what you want and you won't be disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-was-birth-plan-shamed-last-night#post-960536 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:17:43 +0000 MapleMoose 960536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. I have the same birth plan as you. The childbirth instructor told us birth plans should definitely not be viewed as concrete or set in stone, and while it's a good idea to be informed of the many possible outcomes, no one can predict what will actually occur. </p>