https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 02:53:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2639353 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 20:13:07 +0000 Tanjowen 2639353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: I"m so glad you said that last part. My sister and I are 4 years apart, and of all my siblings, we are now closest as we get older. </p> <p>I wanted 2.5 year age gap. At best, we are looking at an almost 4 year age gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2639351 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 20:08:55 +0000 delight 2639351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: yes I think I will really enjoy this age gap. I'm so glad everything is going well with you. I bet G loves being a big sis!! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2639323 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 18:26:55 +0000 jaguar 2639323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@delight: I hear you (&amp; I totally get it) - but so far, 3.5 years between the girls is amazing xx </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2639022 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 10:16:31 +0000 MissKabers 2639022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: haha about the napping - I just said this the other night! DS is on the verge of giving them up at home (but boy am I holding on tight!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2639004 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 10:01:04 +0000 mamabolt 2639004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got my IUD out right after DD's second birthday hoping for around a 3 year age gap. It took a year and one MC to get pregnant with DS, who is now 6 m, and the age gap between him and DD is 3y9m. I definitely had some sadness over the size of the gap and worrying about if they would be close. But I realized that I couldn't make them closer in age, so I focused on the positive. Only one in diapers! DD was able to understand the pregnancy and be excited for DS and could entertain herself for a short time while I met DS's needs. Now that he's more interactive they are starting to play together a little and I think it will only increase as he starts sitting more and crawling. She's adjusted pretty well. My only real regret is that I missed the chance to have two children napping at the same time since DD gave them up! :wink: Wishing you a healthy pregnancy soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638993 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 09:48:56 +0000 MissKabers 2638993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@delight: what a road you have been on - those losses must have been (and must continue to be) so tough. your perspective on being thankful for being on a mom to two is exactly where i need to get to (and I am sure I will once we are at that point) and stop focusing on "how big of an age gap" and what that will mean - at this point, there is nothing I can do about it. Though, it sure is easier said than done to put those worries aside </p> <p>@NorthStar: Thank you so much for your thoughts! And how sweet it must be to watch her love on the baby already. I am hopeful that is how it ends up </p> <p>@Shantuck: oh i am so sorry that you are going through that with DS - I definitely worry a lot about that. That being said, like you, I am closest to my youngest sibling who is over 8 years younger than me! </p> <p>@Revel: I am so sorry it is taking longer than you expected/want - it is incredible how long a few months can feel when you are in this process. I'll be thinking of you and hoping it happens soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638989 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 09:46:27 +0000 Alivoo01 2638989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We wanted a 2 year gap and got a 2.5 year gap. Not bad, and now that I look back on it, I'm really happy with it. DS didn't understand much at the beginning. Now, he's head over heels in love with her and started getting attached/understanding towards the end of my pregnancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638969 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 09:31:24 +0000 Ajsmommy 2638969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted a 2 yr gap and will have a 3y3m gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638945 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 09:16:47 +0000 Revel 2638945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not dx with infertility at this point, but currently struggling with this, so I can relate. We waited until LO was almost 3 to try and are now 6 months in to TTC with no pregnancy so far. I didn't have a set age gap in mind, but while I understand it can take time to get pregnant, actually being here and experiencing it feels different. I feel like the stress is both that of feeling myself getting older and of feeling the age gap getting larger. I know once the second child comes along we will be fine, but I struggle not knowing if/when it will happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638933 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 09:07:24 +0000 catlady 2638933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted somewhere between 2.3 and 2.8 years apart (not only for age gap reasons, but to have maternity leave during warm weather). We lost our first two pregnancies (would have been 2.5, then 2.9 year gaps), then finally the third one stuck. They will be 3.2 years apart, so not too much more than I wanted, but my maternity leave will be during the dead of winter, which I was originally hoping to avoid. Honestly, I think this larger gap will work out better for our family. My DD has grown so much over the past 6 months and is so much more mature and independent now. I think the transition will be much easier on all of us.</p> <p>For those facing even larger gaps, I have heard from many people that a 4+ year age gap is actually really nice. My brother and I are 4.5 years apart and my parents loved that gap. I think personality, more than age, is what ends up being most important in terms of sibling relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638909 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 08:50:07 +0000 Shantuck 2638909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had hoped for a 3 year age gap but we're now looking at about 4.5 years. I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy with LO2 and DS constantly tells me he doesn't want a baby sister in our family and that he's worried we won't love him when his baby sister arrives. I cringe every time I hear that because I really wish we'd had LO2 before he really had a grasp of what was going on. </p> <p>I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm so fortunate to be coming out of this struggle on the other side and that siblings will be close or distant based on factors unrelated to age. I'm 1 of 4 girls and my youngest sister is 4 years younger than me and we are definitely close as adults (ironically, I'm least close to my sibling who is slightly over a year older than me). I suppose I should focus on my own personal experience rather what I think might happen. </p> <p>Best of luck to you. I'd say try to let go of the ideal age gap but I still struggle with it myself so I know the loss of control isn't easy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638901 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 08:36:00 +0000 NorthStar 2638901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We wanted 2 years between our first and second. We started trying when DD was a year old. We tried on our own for a year, with my OB for about 9 months and then an RE for about a year before we finally got pregnant (after 3 rounds of IVF). So, the whole process was 3 years of trying, which I'm not happy about. There will be 4 years 8 months in between DD and this baby. I struggle with this and how DD will adjust (sharing our time and attention). But, I can say that she is very interested in this baby and gets it. She will sing to the baby, give my belly lots of kisses and I do think that she will be a big helper. </p> <p>I hope that this next round works out better for you guys, but keep advocating for yourself and your partner, if you need to. You will eventually get there. :heart: </p> <p>Also, I'm so sorry for your negative :crying: I didn't get a chance to post on the other board, but was thinking of you guys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638900 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 08:34:36 +0000 delight 2638900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This has been one of my biggest struggles through all our troubles since LO#1. We had a surprise pregnancy when she had just turned one, and we were both super excited at having our children close in age. We lost that pregnancy at 23 weeks and things went downhill from there. I felt the months creeping by and after having another miscarriage 9 months later, I started mourning the loss of children with a close age gap. We did get pregnant again, 14 months after losing our little girl, with the help of some medications and I'm due next week. Our children will be close to 3.5 years apart. I'm just thankful now that I get to be a mom to two children because for awhile I wasn't sure I would be. I'm also excited to see my DD with the new baby. She's at a great age and understands what's going on and I know she'll be a big help. Best wishes to you. It always seemed like all my friends got to "plan" out their family and timelines but that doesn't work for us all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-age-gap-vs-actual-age-gap#post-2638892 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 08:21:58 +0000 MissKabers 2638892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For any of you that dealt with infertility with your 2nd child (or ones after #2) - how did that affect your ideal vs actual age gap? </p> <p>I feel like this is one thing that I am currently really struggling with. We had wanted to have #2 when DS was 2 1/2 - maybe a little over 3. Well, he turned 3 in early Sept and we just got our latest negative soooooo, that timeline is a bit out the window. </p> <p>Maybe it is silly to worry about, but I've been thinking a lot about it lately (will they be able to be close? is it going to be harder for DS to adjust since he'll have been our only for so long, etc) </p>